“That’s it.” Her gentle voice cocooned him, igniting an ember of possibility that someone cared. “Let’s get away from here.”
Ben abruptly withdrew his hand from hers and shoved it into his jacket pocket. Who was he kidding? He didn’t deserve sympathy or compassion. He was a failure. He should’ve jumped when he had the chance.
They walked in silence, slowly retracing the steps he had taken in his bid to escape his demons. Natalie pulled her phone from her pocket.
“Graham? I’m with Ben. How’s Smiley?” She nodded as they kept walking, her shoulders hunched forward shielding her from the wind. “I’ll be fine. Talk to you later.” Ending the call, she tucked the phone away. “They’ve admitted Smiley to the medical ward. Graham said he has pneumonia, so it’s good that you came and got us when you did.”
Ben averted his gaze from the small smile touching her lips and focused on the path ahead of them.
Voices floated across from a nearby hotel as bar staff finished their shifts and closed for the night. Other than a few stragglers wandering through South Bank, the riverside parkland appeared deserted. Natalie folded her arms across her chest and rubbed her hands up and down her arms.
“You should go home. You’re freezing.”
“I’m good.” A slight tremor in her voice told him otherwise.
“No, really. Go home.”
They slowed near the lagoon where several people splashed in the shallows despite the frigid temperature. A beach in the middle of the city had been a brilliant concept by the town planners years before. It was the perfect place for families in summer, and Ben imagined the joy on his children’s faces as they splashed and swam in the water. If only he could make it happen.
Natalie stepped onto the white sand and sat down. Ben remained unmoved, transfixed by her elegant movements and the way her hair fell in waves over her slender back. The way her shoulders pulled tight as she drew her knees to her chest and entwined her fingers. Blinking away his unrealistic admiration, he sat down beside her, keeping enough distance between them so he wouldn’t be tempted to acknowledge just how much she affected him.
“It’s so pretty here at night. I love the way the lights sparkle on the water.” Natalie sighed, gazing around the swimming area where underwater lights illuminated the lagoon with a mesmerising shade of blue. The lifeguard station had been closed for hours, and a few beach toys – a bucket, spade and some sort of sieve – lay abandoned next to a half-constructed sand castle.
“Yeah, it is,” Ben murmured. He’d never taken the time to really notice. All those years of viewing the city from his office, and he’d never taken the time to appreciate the smaller details. The picnic shelters spaced around the lagoon, providing a sanctuary for friends and families to enjoy time outdoors together. The manicured green lawns, providing a peaceful setting to unwind in the midst of a busy city. The panoramic view of the city from where they sat, stretching from the William Jolly Bridge to the Kangaroo Point Cliffs. All things he’d never enjoyed when he was trying to climb the ladder of success.
“Where will you stay tonight?” Natalie’s question caught him by surprise. One minute, they were admiring the view and he was lost in another world. One that offered a life where he didn’t have to wear a label and hide from society. One where he could freely enjoy the beautiful city without the murmurs of judgement floating around his ears.
Ben shrugged. “Dunno. I’ll probably go back to the park.”
“No, you can’t. We’ll find somewhere for you.” Natalie pulled at a loose thread on her jeans. Shifting on the sand, she lowered her legs and turned to face him. “I’ll talk to Graham, and the pastor at church. We’ll be able to find you accommodation. And you can talk to them about a job. They’ve got contacts who can help you get back on your feet.”
Why was she being so nice? Why was she offering to help? Him, of all people? She wouldn’t gain anything from helping him. And he certainly had nothing to offer in return.
“What makes you think I want that?” Ben cringed as the words spewed from his mouth. Hurt flashed in Natalie’s eyes at his acerbic tone. He hadn’t meant to snap, and he wanted to wrap her in his arms, smooth back her hair and apologise. Instead, he dug his hands into the sand, curling his fingers in the damp cold grains until he could feel them embedded underneath his nails.
He heard the sharp intake of her breath before her soft voice floated on the air, bridging the gaping chasm between them.
“I’m guessing you don’t really enjoy being on the street. I’m thinking that life threw you a curve ball, and you felt this was your only option.”
How could she read him so well? Ben cast a sideways glance her way. Strands of hair floated around her face. Lights from the city danced in her eyes. She was simply beautiful. Ethereal. A mirage taunting him with the lure of something he couldn’t have.
“But I want you to know, it’s not.”
Something tightened in his chest. Ben scooped up a handful of sand, eyeing the tiny grains as they fell through his fingers.
“I saw the anguish on your face at the hospital. My heart breaks for you, not being able to see your children. I can’t even begin to imagine your pain.”
“It’s probably for the best. They don’t deserve a father like me. But hey, it’s just history repeating itself, so I shouldn’t be surprised.”
“Don’t say that. I know you love your children. I could see it all over your face.”
“But I’ve got nothing to offer. Look at me.” Ben gave a derisive laugh. His brand-name jeans were now tattered and faded. His once clean-shaven jaw sported more hair than it had ever seen.
“You have everything to offer. In here.” Natalie reached over, breaking through his self-imposed bubble of isolation, and placed a hand on his chest. It was the briefest of touches. But enough to sear through his shirt and warm the place where his heart lay.
“Why do you care? Why would you work alongside an older couple every day, helping homeless people, when you’ve got your whole life to live? I mean, what’s in it for you?”
Flicking her hair over her shoulders, Natalie stretched her legs out in front of her and leaned back on her hands. “I want to help people. It’s as simple as that. It gives me so much joy to know that somehow I can make a difference in someone’s life, by pointing them to the One who made them and has a unique purpose and plan for their lives.”
“So, I’m a charity case?” As much as he tried, he couldn’t keep the mocking tone from his voice. Again, he cringed at the brief frown that flickered across her face. He was doing well deflecting his insecurities and hurts onto her. He was cementing the walls around his heart to spare her the pain of having someone like him fall hard for someone like her.
“No. You’re not a charity case. I just …” Natalie sat up, brushing her hands. Ben noted her fingers were almost as pale as the sand. He wanted to wrap them in his own and hold them against his chest to keep them warm. If only there wasn’t such a definitive, impenetrable line separating her life and his.
“Life can be really unfair at times,” she said. “For whatever reason, some people’s lives are more difficult than others. But regardless of what anyone goes through, there’s still hope. What they’ve been through, what they’re going through now, doesn’t have to be the end of their story. Including yours.”
Ben mulled over her words as a blanket of silence enveloped them. Hope. Oh, how he hoped for a better day. A better life. One where he would be able to see his children again. One where he could get off the streets and make a fresh start.
“I made some really stupid mistakes,” he began, scooping up another handful of sand. “I lied to Krista numerous times about our financial situation because I was afraid of losing her. We were drowning in so much debt, thanks to her expensive tastes, and my desire to please.” He lowered his head, trailing a figure eight through the fine grains. “It’s so stupid now. I didn’t want to lose her because I loved her, or so I thought. But she was so sh
allow, I can see that now. I never measured up - to her or her parents. It was all about appearances and status with them. I guess the fear of rejection has always followed me around, so the choices I made came from a place of deep insecurity. And here I am.”
His body shuddered as the burden he’d carried for so long escaped in a gush of air from deep in his chest. He’d never admitted his fear before. The angst and dread of not being good enough, of not measuring up. Not once in his life had he measured up. Not with his parents, not with Krista’s parents, and certainly not with Krista. He braced himself, waiting for Natalie to get up and walk away. He awaited her rejection too.
“Ben, I’m so sorry.” Her cold hands closed over his. Without another thought, he wrapped them in his own. Glancing down, his heart clenched at the sight of his large hands cocooning her petite ones.
“I tried not to let it get to this point, but when you’re so low – with no job, no family, and bankrupt – you can’t think of how life can possibly get better. I gave up. It’s as simple as that.”
“It’s not the end though. It doesn’t have to be this way,” Natalie replied.
Turning his head, his eyes locked onto hers. He stared at the intricate blend of blues, greys and gold dancing as one in the reflection of the city lights. Warmth. Compassion. Kindness. His heart felt it was being pulled by an invisible thread. He was drowning. Weightless. Powerless to stop the undercurrent of her compassion pulling his heart with an invisible thread.
It would be so easy to lower his head and press his lips against her delicate ones. He imagined they’d be soft. Supple. There was nothing hard about Natalie at all. Swallowing the lump in his throat, he lowered his gaze to their hands, tracing the contrasting colours of their skin where her pale, unblemished hands disappeared beneath his tanned ones.
“You’ve got a good heart, Ben. And I know God has an amazing future for you. This is only part of your story.”
Clearing his throat, he willed himself to hold back the tears burning his eyes.
“I should let you go home. It’s late, and you’ve probably got work tomorrow.” He reluctantly released her hands and stood up, helping Natalie to her feet before stepping back and brushing the sand off his jeans, putting as much space between them as he could.
“Let me call Graham. I’m sure he has a spare room you can use for tonight. I’m not letting you go back to the park.”
Natalie held up a finger at Ben’s protestations as she pulled out her phone and made a call.
13
Bleary-eyed, Natalie gathered her satchel and stepped off the bus before making her way to the main entrance of Mercy General Hospital. It only seemed a few hours ago since she’d been there with Graham, Ben and Smiley. She glanced at her watch with a groan. It had been.
After Graham dropped her home in the early hours of the morning, she’d only managed a few hours’ sleep before her alarm pierced through the darkness, reminding her she had an early start at work.
Ben spent the night at Graham and Sue’s, and she was grateful for their generosity in opening their home to him at such short notice. She couldn’t bear the thought of him, or anyone else for that matter, on the streets alone.
After stopping by the café at the main entrance of the hospital, Natalie deposited her satchel in the staffroom before walking over to the fish bowl clutching a double-shot espresso in her hand. Covering a yawn, she leaned against the desk and eyed the journey board displaying the names of patients currently in the emergency department. Junior doctors strode between cubicles as they assessed patients and issued orders. While the night shift nurses hurried about finishing their tasks before the change of shift.
“The guy they brought in last night really stank. What is it with the homeless around here?”
“Yeah, I agree. We seem to have so many. It’s such a shame. I wish they’d just find jobs and stop making the city an eyesore.”
Natalie glanced over to where two of her colleagues stood at the end of the desk. Her face grew warm as the women continued to gossip. Oh, Lord. What do I say? Help me to respond with love and not anger. Help me to show that these people are loved by You as much as the next person.
Rolling her shoulders back, she walked to the end of the desk and placed her cup on the counter. “They’re not that different from us.” Grabbing a patient list, she scanned the names and glanced at the whiteboard for her allocation. She wanted to shrink away as the other nurses turned to face her, their eyes burning into her with scorn. Confrontation was not her thing. She avoided it whenever she could. But not when injustice took place.
“Really? They’re so lazy. We’re the ones who work hard so they can live off the benefits that come from our taxes,” the older of the pair scoffed.
“Some of them, perhaps. But not all of them.” Ben’s face flashed in her mind. He didn’t strike her as being lazy. Discouraged, yes. He’d made some poor choices and wanted desperately to get off the streets. The two women cast a disgusted look her way before walking away, muttering under their breath about lazy people and freeloaders.
Disheartened, Natalie read through the doctor’s orders for her patient. Stat analgesia. Bloods. A CT scan. All to be done within the hour. Pushing aside the women’s harsh words, she set to work.
Was she being naïve in thinking she could make a difference in the lives of the homeless? God had called her to work alongside Graham and Sue, she was certain of that. It certainly wasn’t pride or worldly recognition driving her; there were more glamorous past-times to pursue if that’s what she was after. All she wanted was to serve God and shine His light into the darkest corners of people’s lives. So why did she feel so despondent?
The twelve-hour shift passed by in a blur of faces, administering treatment, attending to discharge needs, and liaising with allied health for patient referrals. Fortunately, there were no multi-traumas presenting to the department, which meant the shift finished on time and she had a spare moment to check the current admissions list on the computer.
After grabbing her satchel, Natalie made her way to the lifts and rode to the third level. Call bells sounded, and nurses bustled about attending to their tasks as she stepped onto the busy medical ward. Meal trolleys loaded with dinner trays rattled past as she walked along the corridor until she reached the four-bed bay at the end of the ward.
With hair slicked back, and a smooth face, she almost missed the man lying in the bed by the window. Gone was the scraggly beard she’d become familiar with. Gone were the tattered clothes.
“Look at you, Smiley! How are you feeling?” Natalie nodded a greeting at the other patients as she walked across the room and pulled a chair over to Smiley’s bed.
Saline dripped from a bag into a vein in his hand. Oxygen tubing was positioned in his nose. Smiley sat upright in the bed with his meal tray pulled across his legs. His cheeks were definitely brighter than when she’d seen him the previous night.
“Like a king!” He grinned, revealing the smile that had given him his nickname on the streets. He definitely was a good-looking man underneath all the dirt and scruff.
“I’ve got a comfy bed, hot food, and a roof over my head. Plus I’ve had the hottest shower I’ve had in years. I’m in heaven!”
Natalie returned his infectious smile. Such simple necessities, and yet so often people complained and took the most basic of things for granted, herself included.
“And are you feeling better after the antibiotics?” She eyed the empty bag of medication hanging next to the bag of saline.
“So much better, love. I feel a million dollars, all thanks to you.”
She held her hands up. “It wasn’t me. Ben was the one who came and got Graham and I. He was really worried about you.”
A cough wracked Smiley’s thin frame. “He’s a good bloke, that Ben. Don’t know what I’d do without him. At least he’s still young. He’ll be able to make somethin’ of his life.”
Natalie smiled softly. She hoped so. For Ben’s sake, of co
urse. It broke her heart to see him torn apart after seeing his children. She’d known heartbreak in her own life. But she couldn’t imagine being a parent and not being able to interact with her children.
“I’ll have a word with the nurses and make sure they give you the five-star treatment. Take care, Smiley.” Natalie stood, leaned down, and placed a kiss on his smooth cheek.
“You too, angel.” His deep blue eyes crinkled with his warm smile as he squeezed her hand one last time.
Clutching her bag to her chest, Natalie walked out of the room, pausing at the nurses’ station to thank the staff for shaving Smiley and giving him a fresh look. It probably hadn’t seemed like a big deal to them, but she knew just how much it meant to him.
Standing in front of the hospital after her shift was over, Natalie’s mind raced with chaotic thoughts as she waited for a taxi to take her home. If something as simple as a shave could make a world of difference in Smiley’s life, what else could she do to help those in need?
James had been vocal about her heart for the impoverished, always questioning her dream to work alongside them. He claimed that type of witness wasn’t his calling and that he would rather serve elsewhere. But wasn’t that what they were called to do as Christ-followers? To help the poor and oppressed? To not withhold good when they could do something about it?
As Natalie slid onto the passenger seat of the taxi and gave the driver directions to her apartment, she realised with startling clarity, that it no longer bothered her what her ex thought. As much as the pain of rejection had hurt, James would have held her back from pursuing God’s call on her life. And no relationship was worth sacrificing one’s faith.
14
After a brisk walk through the deserted streets around her neighbourhood, Natalie met Sue for brunch at Sarina’s, a café at the edge of South Bank overlooking the river. By mid-morning, the parklands were alive with people walking to the city, cyclists riding along the scenic river route, and tourists making the most of the sunshine.
River's Edge (Hope Rising Book 1) Page 8
