“And you still do. Accept the gift from Cody, the sacrifice he made for you. That is true love, to let go.”
Marc couldn’t help himself anymore. “I think it’s selfish of Cody, not a sacrifice. He’s running away, wallowing in self-pity.” And to Jonathan he said, “Don’t you ever dare to pull such a stunt on me, Jonathan.”
“Or what?” Jonathan was in a really foul mood now.
“Or I’ll tie myself to you…” To defuse the tense atmosphere, Marc added, “and I’ll spank you into submission…”
“Please,” Paul said laughingly, “that is a picture I do not need in my head right now. Get a room, you two.”
“Sorry, son, my plane, my rules.” Jonathan chuckled and kissed Marc. “I’m glad you’re here, and I don’t think I could let you go, even if I wanted to.”
That was the end of that discussion, but Marc gave Jonathan a look that made it clear he thought Jonathan was hiding something, and he knew that it had to do with the mysterious phone calls he’d made after they’d returned from the hospital that day. He’d get to the bottom of it.
***
After their return to Chicago, Jonathan, Marc and Parker went home to Jonathan’s house. It was strange to be back like this, unplanned, with Cody gone. And it felt strange bringing a new person into the house—a house that Marc had never seen before. Most of all, it felt strange taking Marc into the bedroom Jonathan had shared with Dan for all those years. I wonder how Dan felt, having me in his and Sean’s bed?
The first few days back in Chicago were awkward. They had no plans and nothing to do. Parker wasn’t due back in school, as their trip had been cut short, and the semester was well underway. Instead, he moped about, feeling miserable.
Time passed, and days turned to weeks. Finally, one morning, Marc woke up to hear Parker downstairs and decided to corner Jonathan. “Hey, sleepyhead, wake up.”
“What? No, let me sleep. What time is it?”
“That’s irrelevant. Parker’s downstairs making coffee.”
“So what?”
“Jonathan Jackson, we need to talk!” Marc’s voice was determined, and it woke Jonathan from his half sleep:
“What’s the matter?”
“What really happened in Honolulu? That night when we got back from the hospital? I know you talked to Cody. I was there, remember? Waiting for you outside? And then all those phone calls?”
“Please, let’s not discuss that. It’s better if you don’t know.”
“Oh, is that the sort of relationship we have?”
“No, of course not.” Jonathan knew he was trapped. He knew Marc had an inkling, ever since the day when Parker had discovered Cody missing. He had no choice but to come clean. He didn’t want any secrets between him and Marc.
“Yes, I made Cody go away. No, that sounds all wrong. I helped him disappear. The kid was begging me, and I saw his point. I still do.”
“Which is?”
“Cody is setting Parker free. He’s letting him start anew. It would’ve been selfish of him to keep him tied up in a relationship that has no future.”
“You mean like you and me?”
“No! This is nothing like you and me. Why would you even suggest it is?”
“Well, we know our relationship has an expiration date that isn’t decades into the future.”
“Why, thank you, Marc! Who says I can’t live another twenty years? I’m as healthy as a horse, I’ll have you know.”
“Yeah, except for your heart condition, your arthritis, and whatnot. Please, Jonathan, I love you, and you know as well as I do that you don’t have many years left. Don’t fool me. I know it, and even though I would’ve liked things to be different, it is what it is. I’m just glad to be here, with you, for as long as we have. What I don’t understand is why you would deny Parker that same privilege…”
“Parker is young…”
“So am I…”
“But—”
“No buts, Jonathan. Cody is young, too, and his physical health is good. He’ll fully recover from his injuries. I know you’ll make sure he gets the best treatment available, and I know that in time, given proper care, he’ll be able to live a full life. Jesus, Jonathan, prosthetics today are so advanced that Cody will be able to walk about and no one will be the wiser. Why won’t you allow Parker to share that life with him? Who are you to decide that Parker isn’t capable of making that decision?”
“But Cody—”
“Do you really think that Cody is better off alone? Don’t you think his recovery would come about faster with Parker by his side?”
“He’s not alone. His mother and his grandmother are with him.”
“That’s not the same, and you know it. Look at us. You said it yourself. Having me around has made you feel younger, stronger, yearn for life. Do you think your son or your daughter could provide you with the same?”
“No, of course not. And thank you for that mental image…” Jonathan laughed and kissed Marc. “Speaking of which, what are we going to do about this?” He pulled Marc’s free arm down toward his crotch, sporting morning wood.
“Nothing!” Marc responded jokingly, “not until you promise me to make this right.”
Annoyed, Jonathan turned away. “And what will you have me do?”
“The truth, Jonathan. Tell Parker the truth…” Marc turned into Jonathan’s back and spooned his lover, holding him tightly. “I know you’ll do the right thing, because Jonathan Jackson is that kind of man. Promise me!”
Jonathan sighed and acquiesced. “What is it with the men in my life making me promise them things under duress?” He grabbed Marc’s arm and held it tightly, enjoying the moment of intimacy. Almost instantly, he felt Marc grow behind him, and he turned around to kiss his man and let himself go with the flow…
* * * * *
Chapter 19 - You What?
Much later that morning, when Jonathan and Marc walked into the kitchen, holding hands, Parker was sitting at the kitchen table, with his pad.
“Good morning, Parker, what are you up to?”
“Morning, Grandpa. Oh, nothing important, just some research.”
“Research? Into?”
“Nothing…” Parker was avoiding the question.
“Kid, how are you holding up?”
“Guess! I miss him. I miss my Cody. I miss him with every fiber of my being. I keep waking up in the middle of the night, wondering where he is, what he’s doing, if he’s alone, if he’s happy, in pain, you know…”
“I’m sorry, Parker. I wish I could help you.” Jonathan’s head drooped and suddenly he felt Marc’s elbow in his side. “Ouch! That was uncalled for.”
Parker looked up and noticed the look that Marc was giving Jonathan. “What are you two up to?”
“Son, I need to talk to you…”
***
“You what?” Parker was furious. “How could you, Grandpa? And you lied to me? All this time?”
“Listen, Parker, I promised Cody I wouldn’t tell you, and I’m breaking that promise, but I had to promise Marc, and I guess, that felt more important. I don’t know. I’m sorry, okay? Now you know.”
Parker rushed from the chair and stormed out of the room. “I hate you. I never want to talk to you again!” Minutes later, Marc and Jonathan heard the outer door open and close. Parker was gone.
Jonathan called Jeanette.
“You did what? Are you out of your mind? Why would you do that to Parker?”
“I thought you were on my side?”
“I am. I mean, I think Cody made a wise decision, but still. Parker is your flesh and blood, your own grandson, and you betrayed him. Where is he now? Is he okay?”
“I don’t know, he left the house. He might be on his way to you. At least I was hoping he might—”
“I never thought I’d be disappointed in you, Dad, but I really am. How could you? I need to go. I need to find my son.” Jeanette hung up before Jonathan could say anything else.
; Marc put his arms around him. “You did the right thing, in the end. They’ll come around. Don’t worry. Even Parker. You have a loving family. They’ll understand you only did this to protect Parker.”
“I’m not so sure.”
“I am. Give them some time.”
“I wish there was something else I could do…” Jonathan felt miserable and hopeless. He hated the feeling of having let his family down.
“Right now, it’s out of your hands. All you can do is wait, let Parker take it from here.”
“I know, I know…”
***
Parker was furious, and he was utterly confused when he left the house. He took his car and drove aimlessly around town. His mother tried to call a few times and left messages, but he didn’t feel like responding.
How could his grandpa have betrayed him like that? They’d been so close. He loved his grandpa, would’ve done anything for him. He was the first to stand up for him, telling him to go for his relationship with Marc, to be happy, and to not care what others said. Why didn’t he feel the same about him and Cody?
He tried to remember the conversation they’d had in Cartagena. It was painful remembering it, particularly the last part of it, sending cold shivers down Parker’s
“…the thought of you having to be at my side if I were sick? I wouldn’t want that, simply because I love you too much.”
“What would you do? Go back to your mom’s? Wreck her life? At least I have a choice, and I make it with my eyes open. Your mom wouldn’t.”
“There are other options, you know?”
“What are you talking about?”
What had Cody been referring to? Parker didn’t even want to imagine the ultimate meaning of Cody’s words. Suicide! The idea was just too frightening. It had been three weeks since their return from Hawaii, plenty of time for Cody to do something really stupid. He needed to find him, and he needed to find him quickly.
Parker decided to return home, to confront his grandpa and get the information he needed, and to go find Cody. On the way he returned his mother’s call and made sure she knew he was fine.
“Hey, Mom, it’s me.”
“Oh, Parker, thank God you’re okay. I’ve been worried sick. I would’ve called the police if you hadn’t called back.”
Parker smiled at the thought. “Knowing you, I’m not surprised. Don’t worry, Mom. I’m okay. I’m on my way back to Grandpa’s, get some answers. I’ll call you later, okay?”
“Okay. Oh, Parker, please go easy on the old man, okay? He made a miserable choice, but he made it because he loves you, very much.”
“I know, Mom. I know. Gotta go.” He hung up. He was approaching the freeway exit and needed to focus on his driving. The last thing he needed right now was an accident to stop him.
Marc and Jonathan were in the living room, reading when Parker came home. Seeing his grandpa resting with his head in Marc’s lap made him smile, yet at the same time he yearned for being able to do the same thing with Cody. That love, that intimacy, he missed it so badly.
“I’m back. I needed some time to clear my head. I just couldn’t think straight before. Sorry if I scared you.”
Marc was the first to respond. “Don’t worry about it. How are you feeling?”
“Rattled? Confused? Hurt? And hopeful?”
“Hopeful? I like that.” Jonathan sat up. “Come, let’s talk.”
Parker sat down in one of the comfortable armchairs opposite the couch where Marc and Jonathan were sitting. Marc offered to get them something to drink and left for the kitchen to prepare their drinks.
Jonathan took the opportunity to talk. “Listen, Parker, son, I’m sorry. I really am. I thought I was doing the right thing, but Marc convinced me that I was wrong. You should have the chance to decide for yourself if you want to see Cody again or not. Now, I think Cody has a point, but that isn’t everything. I know he loves you, and I know you love him. Maybe you can figure it out together, maybe not. If he sends you away, at least you’ll get to say your goodbyes…”
“I won’t let him, Grandpa. I know Cody. He’s all about self-sacrifice, but I also know that deep down, he misses me. He misses having me to fall back on. I’ve known him so long, and I think I know him better than anyone else, probably better than he knows himself. He thinks no one wants to be with him because of his blindness, or his legs, but that is not the man I fell in love with. That isn’t the Cody I know. He has such a big heart, and such a beautiful personality. Imagine, he’s willing to sacrifice his own happiness, his own love for me, just to give me my freedom back. Now he may be wrong, because I’d rather spend my life with him, but can you imagine how much he loves me to send me away?”
“Hmmm, from what I saw, I think you’re right.”
“Grandpa, you have to tell me where he is. And I need to know; did he ever mention anything to you about suicide?”
Jonathan was surprised by the question. “No, he never said a thing. And my lawyers tell me that he’s already had the liver transplant. He wouldn’t have gone through with that if he didn’t want to live.”
“Really?” Parker was happy, and relieved. “It’s just something he’d said a long time ago it seems. Maybe I don’t remember correctly or maybe he was just rambling. Where is he?”
Meanwhile, Marc had joined them again with their drinks and some snacks.
“Thanks Marc.” Jonathan kissed his lover, relieved that Parker was back, and glad he had this secret off his conscience. “He’s in a private hospital in New Mexico, in Albuquerque. They’re specialized in trauma cases like Cody’s. He’d researched it himself and asked me to help. Apparently his family has relatives in the area. So I arranged for everything to be moved there. Here—I’ve written down the address, and I’ve called the airport. There’s a plane on standby for you. I figured you’d want to get there as quickly as possible.”
Parker was moved. “Thank you, Grandpa. I do. I’ll just go pack, and I’ll be on my way.” He downed his coffee and got up. Rushing out the door, he turned around and added, “Oh, and Grandpa? I’m sorry for what I said earlier. I love you.”
“Don’t worry, Parker. I wish you luck, and if there’s anything else I can do, let me know…”
Parker didn’t hear. He was virtually flying up the stairs to get packed and get to Albuquerque.
* * * * *
Chapter 20 - Albuquerque
It was dusk in New Mexico when Parker drove the rental car out of the airport, heading north to the address his grandpa had given to him. Twenty minutes later, he was standing at the entrance, nervously entertaining second thoughts, but only for a moment or two.
He entered the hospital and approached the front desk. “Excuse me, I’m looking for Cody Thomas. Can you tell me where I can find him?”
“And you are?” The receptionist was used to vetting people, knowing who to let in and who not to let in.
“I’m his fiancé.”
Without looking at Parker, the receptionist started to type on her computer, searching for something. After a few seconds, she answered, still without looking up, “I’m afraid Mr. Thomas hasn’t listed any fiancé on his visitors’ list. I can’t let you come in. Our guests value their privacy.”
“My grandfather is paying for Cody’s treatment. I have a right to see him.”
“I don’t care if Santa Claus himself is paying his medical bills, or the president, for that matter. You’re not on the list, ergo you’re not coming beyond this point. Do I make myself clear, or do I have to alert security?”
Parker felt momentarily defeated. “No, that won’t be necessary. Thank you for your time.” He walked back to his car and called Jonathan. “Grandpa? Hi, did I wake you?”
“No, Parker, it’s what, barely eight p.m. Marc and I are in the living room, reading. Are you in Albuquerque? Did everything go okay?”
“Yeah, I’m here, but they won’t let me in. Do you know what room Cody’s in?”
“No, I’m afraid I don’t. I
get to see his medical invoices, but they don’t specify which room he’s in. Listen, Parker, do you want me to get my lawyers to call ahead?”
“No, Grandpa. I’ll try another way. And if Cody really doesn’t want to see me, then at least I’ll know we’re over…” Parker hung up. His heart ached. The possibility that Cody really didn’t want to see him was palpable, and it hurt.
He watched the last daylight disappear in the west, behind the mountains framing the Rio Grande valley. He was about to drive off, when he saw Cody’s mother emerge from the hospital. Hope! He rushed out to meet her.
“Momma, wait up, it’s me!”
On hearing Parker’s voice and seeing him running toward her, she froze, as if she’d seen a ghost. Her mouth fell open, and she gasped.
Parker on the other hand was like a gushing waterfall of questions. “Tell me, how is he? Is he okay? Does he ever talk about me? Where is he? Can I see him?” Parker was so excited, and he hugged Cody’s mom as if she were a rescue ring thrown to a drowning man.
“Parker, please, you’re crushing me,” she pleaded, laughing, after having found her wits. “What are you doing here? How did you find us?”
“Grandpa! Marc overheard the conversation and convinced him to come clean with me…”
“I see. I’m glad he did, because quite honestly, I don’t like what Cody did to you, or me or my momma. But he’s my son, and I obey him, because that’s what a mother does.”
“Can I see him?”
“Not tonight. He’s just returned from physical therapy, and he’s grumpy and exhausted, which is why I’m leaving. No sense in being in the same room when he’s in that foul mood of his. Why don’t you come with me to the house, have some supper? You can see him in the morning.”
“I don’t want to intrude.”
Parker didn’t see the slap coming, but it burned across his cheek like fire. “Ouch, what did you do that for?”
“Now I’ve just about had it with you two. You are my son, as much as Cody is, I love you as much as I love him. For two years I’ve watched you two as you’ve grown up, as friends first, and then when you learned to love each other. And if I invite you to dinner, I expect you to say ‘thank you, Momma, I’d love to,’ not try to wiggle your way out of it. Is that understood?”
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