Of course, Todd took their love seriously, but even with him she had never really completely shaken the earlier high school image, which she knew sometimes made him nervous. Some of it was still true, but not when it came to her work. There she was anything but shallow.
And Michael Wilson, the vice president, knew that and valued her. If Jessica could create the perfect man, Michael would come pretty close. He was not pretty-boy handsome, not nearly as handsome as Todd. He was about five-ten, sandy-haired, and boyishly slim. Boyish was the charm of his appearance. Quick to smile and warm and without pretention, Michael was the sort of person everyone liked. Additionally, it was obvious to anyone with any perception that he was more than a little interested in Jessica.
The few times that Lila showed up at the office, she filled Michael in on her best friend’s background, especially the Todd part. So, he held his interest in check, never overstepping.
And he never mentioned knowing anything to Jessica, keeping a very clean, professional distance from her. Their relationship was friendly but all about work.
This last week he had been involved in a project for promoting a new face bronzer made entirely of organic flower stamens. Once applied it lasted for days, a terrific advantage until you wanted to take it off. Then it was more like a stain than a surface coloring. How to get around that? How to make that seem like a plus? Only one person could possibly do that.
“Have you seen Flower Pure yet?” Michael caught Jessica just before six as she was leaving the office.
“Actually, no. I heard about it, though. Sounds pretty good.”
“It is, until you want to take it off.”
“Why would you want to take it off?”
“A question I never asked. You’re brilliant.”
Jessica had to smile. She was scoring all the time just being natural. Not trying too hard or pretending to know something she didn’t know. The truth was, she always seemed to really know.
She could see that Michael was delighted. She’d done it again.
“I’ve been struggling with the thing for days. And just like that you solve it. You’re incredible. Thank you,” he said, and he hugged her.
It was a warm hug of gratitude.
It was nice for Jessica to be so appreciated.
For Michael it was a little too nice, but he controlled himself.
“Let me buy you a glass of champagne,” he said. “We can go right next door.” Controlled, but not completely. “You don’t know, but you made my day. Now I can go home and do nothing without guilt. The first time in a week.”
Jessica couldn’t help smiling back. He was so cute. Michael was a very different kind of guy for Jessica, who always seemed to have the jocks and the bad boys. Todd was a nice combination of jock and real person. She was lucky.
Jessica was feeling very good and didn’t want it to end too quickly. A glass of champagne and more talk about how fabulous she was was appealing. Except Todd was expecting her home by six thirty to have a bite and maybe catch a movie.
But having a glass of champagne with an appreciative vice president was tempting, a great ending to the day.
“Maybe a quick glass would be all right. Let me text my friend and see what’s up.”
She could have said boyfriend, but she didn’t. Jessica took out her iPhone and tapped in her text to Todd.
HEY, STUCK AT MEETING. C U AROUND 7.
That seemed like the easier way. Not going into a big thing about Michael’s project and the champagne. TMI. She’d tell him when she got home.
Who was she kidding? This was not full disclosure. And what was she really going to tell Todd when she got home? This kind of thinking was pure, familiar Jessica Wakefield, but now it came with a tinge of discomfort.
Michael was stunned at his good fortune, so rather than chance a mind change, he grabbed his attaché case from the chair and put out an after-you arm as Jessica took her purse and stepped through the doorway of her office.
The place next door was a popular bar, its few outside tables jammed with after-work young people catching the late afternoon sun. All of them seemed to be BBMing on their BlackBerrys and texting on their iPhones, even the ones sitting together at the same table. That’s where all the action was. Jessica moved toward the one empty table, but Michael took her arm and gently directed her into the darker bar area, toward a table in the back.
“It’s quieter here,” he said, pulling out a chair for her.
She sat down. This was way weird, Jessica thought, like being on a date. It had been more than a while since anything like this had happened.
Michael was cute. Better than cute. He was smart, nice, successful, and they had so much in common. Best of all, their friendship was totally uncomplicated.
As far as she knew he didn’t belong to anyone else. He had never been married, had no children. According to Cecilia Brown, who worked in marketing, Michael had a nice house, some family money, and a law degree. Plus, he drove a silver BMW. Definitely Jessica Wakefield material.
There must be something pushing her, she thought. Why would she have lied to Todd? Should she trust her instincts? Instincts know in a flash what takes the mind so much longer to figure out.
Listening to this instinct, pure and simple, could change her life completely. No one would despise her for this choice. It wouldn’t even be much gossip; it would be so old Jessica that hardly anyone would notice.
So many things in her life would be different. Jessica knew she was saving the best for last. And she savored it.
Then she had to admit it: Without Todd she could have Elizabeth back. She could be rejoined with her other half, complete again. She and her twin could be sisters who could talk and laugh and hold each other. She wanted Elizabeth so desperately.
It wouldn’t be immediate; it would take some time, but not that much. She could go to Elizabeth and beg her forgiveness and there would be no Todd to forever keep her crime alive. And Elizabeth wouldn’t want him back, either.
All she had to do was give up Todd.
“Brut?”
“That’s not fair.” Her guilty thoughts interrupted, she was momentarily offended, until she realized it was not an accusation. Then, doubling back, she smiled as if she knew all along it was a joke. “Brut, yes, that’s me.”
“No way.” Now Michael took up the joke and was smiling.
Good teeth. Beautiful teeth. Very white, but not that artificial paint white they do in those storefront shops. His teeth were slightly transparent, just right, and perfectly even. Also, there were no show-off dimples or chin clefts. His was a look for the long term.
The waiter brought two glasses of icy champagne.
Michael toasted her. “Thanks for your help.”
“You’re very welcome.”
They drank.
Michael took a deep breath and then said, “Actually, I’ve been waiting a long time for this.”
But Jessica’s mind was far away from Michael’s words. Yes, she thought, Elizabeth would be hers again, loving and joined together the way they were meant to be. All she would have to do is give up Todd.
Instincts could be good and, often, useful; they could even save your life. And clear thinking could be wise, but nothing can stand up to the power of that uncontrollable tornado that sweeps out everything in its path. Nothing matched the power of love.
That’s what was in Jessica’s heart and head. If she hadn’t known it before, she knew it now beyond any doubt, and all she was capable of doing was taking another sip of her champagne, standing up, thanking Michael, and telling him that anytime he needed her ideas, they were his.
But, she thought, that was all. The rest belonged to Todd.
They said good-bye and Michael thanked her again for her help. Knowing he had lost, he just sat there and finished his champagne and what was left in Jessica’s glass.
Jessica almost fled to her car, as if speed could erase the misstep. Even calling it a misstep was a kindness she knew sh
e didn’t deserve.
By the time she got into her car, the enormity of what had just happened and the decision she’d made brought tears to her eyes.
She was losing Elizabeth again, this time consciously giving her away, and it was very different from what had happened eight months earlier. Then, she had no control. This time, in total control, she had chosen Todd.
Now she fully understood what she had done that horrendous time eight months ago when she came back to Sweet Valley and destroyed her sister’s life. Never in a million years did she intend to do such a thing to her beloved Elizabeth, but that’s what she had done.
Now she knew why.
God knows she didn’t mean to do it, she didn’t want to, but that’s what happened.
When Elizabeth picked her up at the airport Jessica should have known that it was a mistake coming to Sweet Valley. Even though she so desperately needed to see her sister, it was selfish and cruel.
But she felt she had no choice. Her parents were away on a cruise and, not wanting to spoil their vacation, she couldn’t tell them yet about the breakup. They wouldn’t be back for two more weeks. And besides, she needed Elizabeth desperately, needed her love, her warmth, and her total understanding. When Elizabeth cared about someone, especially her little sister, she’d step in and take care of everything. You could put yourself completely in her hands and not give it another worry. Well, at least Jessica could.
Additionally, and perhaps most important, Jessica was in the habit of being Jessica Wakefield. Especially when it came to her sister.
The drive home is filled with Elizabeth’s excited news about all the wonderful things that are happening. Her work at the paper is finally paying off. No longer is she covering garden parties and unimportant social events. Now she’s getting political assignments and last week, even a bold midday robbery of a jewelry store at the mall. That was a front-page story with her byline. They still haven’t caught the thieves, so she’s still on the story and filled with a million theories.
By the time we pull into the driveway, I’m feeling so guilty, it’s like choking me, and I can hardly speak. Elizabeth has taken over the entire conversation, spilling out the happy bombshell about her plans with Todd. Yes, they’re finally ready to set a date.
Elizabeth stops the car and with the joy of sharing her thrilling secret lighting her smile, turns to me, waiting for my response. I manage a camera smile in return.
“Maybe even as soon as this fall,” says Elizabeth. “What do you think, maid of honor?”
And with only a nanosecond’s hesitation, only the time it takes for me to swallow the news, I like lean over and hug my sister.
“I think it’s wonderful, and I so love you and I’m really happy for you. For Todd, too. I guess it always had to be, didn’t it?”
“For a while I wasn’t sure. There was something … I don’t know what it was, some shadow of something that stopped me. Maybe I was just scared, but whatever it was, it’s past and now I know it’s right.”
“Have you told Mom and Dad?”
Elizabeth takes my hand. “Of course not. No one could know before you.”
There is nothing left for us to do but cry. Which we do. Hers the happy tears, and mine? Who knows? All tears look the same.
With no luggage beyond my overstuffed purse, I have nothing to delay my entrance, so arm in arm we walk to the front door. It’s not locked, and Elizabeth throws it open wide with a proud “Ta-da!”
And there it is, the big WELCOME HOME, JESSICA sign. It actually gives me the first true smile of the day.
“I love it! But your art talent is definitely failing. Actually, it sucks.”
“I didn’t do it. Todd did.”
Before I can comment on that surprising news, Todd himself appears.
I just stand there, hot, flushed, and empty of words, stunned at the intensity of my own response.
Then, pushing my Jessica the Adorable button, I smile and shriek, “I love it!” and rush in to hug my soon to be brother-in-law.
I can feel his slight withdrawal, but it doesn’t stop me from squeezing my arms around him. Within an instant, he responds and returns the embrace. For a moment, the feel of our bodies touching hits both of us. Like an electric shock, it spins us back so we’re almost jumping away from each other.
I’m sure no one watching would know anything unusual happened. Certainly no one who didn’t want to see anything unusual happening. Like Elizabeth. So the welcoming goes well.
That night and the next day, Elizabeth is like clucking around the two of us, making sure her chicks are comfortable, encouraging us to talk and working hard to squeeze some smiles out of us with old-time high school stories. The awfulness of Winston is her best subject and one that Todd is most likely to join her in. She’s so busy arranging things that she doesn’t notice the thinly disguised wariness and unease with which we treat each other. Nor does she notice—not consciously, anyway—the fact that he and I are rarely in the same room together. And when we are, we barely look at each other.
That’s the way it had continued for that entire week: Jessica Wakefield, living in the same house as Todd Wilkins, who just happened to be writing at home, all day, every day, for the next ten days. They had given him an extension on his deadline for the second and third piece. Of course, Jessica wasn’t working, so she was right there, too. Elizabeth kept talking about what a perfect trio they would make, what fun they could have, the three of them together, if only she could have been there, but she wasn’t. She had to work. All day, every day.
That’s how Jessica destroyed her sister’s life.
* * *
Perhaps, if Elizabeth had looked more closely or been less Elizabeth … But of course, that was impossible. Though she was always very observant, when it came to her sister, her acute observation was blinded by an unconditional love that no one should have after the age of five.
Besides, on the surface the Jessica-Todd relationship didn’t look any different than it had for years.
It’s not that I don’t know that there’s tension between Todd and Jessica, but they’ve always had their little problems, even in high school. Though on the surface this last week, they seem like old friends. Sometimes, anyway. And, after a couple of glasses of wine and a nice dinner, pretty comfortable with each other. But there’s an undercurrent that keeps me a little uneasy.
Neither of them thinks I know what it’s about, but I do. Though it makes me unhappy, there’s nothing I can do about it.
It’s possessiveness. On both sides. They each feel they own a piece of the same person—me.
No matter how they feel about each other, there’s no choice. Jessica needs me, and that’s it. Todd will have to accept that he’s involved in an unusual situation. We’re twins and always will be, with all the unique baggage that carries.
If only I could talk to a friend about it. But there’s no way. It would be a betrayal. I have never betrayed my sister and, no matter what her faults, she would never betray me.
I wish I could be home with Jessica, that all three of us could be together. Maybe then they would get over whatever animosity they have for each other. After all, they’re going to be related soon enough. Very soon. Probably this fall.
9
Sweet Valley
Todd was awake and out of bed before seven the next morning. Even though the sky was overcast and the report was for rain, he grabbed his sneakers, shorts, and a T-shirt, dressed in the hallway outside the bedroom, and slipped quietly out of the house, careful not to wake Jessica. Not that she would have wanted to run on this kind of a morning—it was hard enough to get her out on a sunny day—but he didn’t want to take the chance. He needed to be by himself.
As it turned out, though, he wasn’t going to be. Just as he got to the end of the driveway, he saw Ken Matthews turning the corner onto his street and waving. There was no way Todd could pretend he hadn’t seen him.
There was nothing to do but wait up for h
im.
Todd had kept up a fairly good friendship with Ken; they had the sports stuff in common—Todd the writer and Ken the player. But Todd and Jessica hadn’t seen much of the Matthews in these last eight months, not only because of their impending divorce, but because neither he nor Jessica was feeling very social in these last months. But Todd still maintained a separate relationship with Ken. Not close enough for him to talk about his elephant in the room, but better than just bullshit guy talk. Besides, Ken had his own elephant.
Ken caught up with Todd, and they started running. Silently, through the soft, early-morning haze, past the neat lawns and newly planted trees that would need another forty years before they looked as if they belonged.
After about half a mile they left their development and hit empty space, vacant farmland that would probably be more houses in another year or so. Ken started talking.
“What’s happening, man?” he asked, not even breathing hard.
Todd was. “Not much,” he huffed. “How about you?”
They were moving at a medium-fast jog, and Todd felt it. He hadn’t been doing much running lately since much of his time was spent with Jessica, who wasn’t terribly interested in sports, either watching or playing. And he certainly wasn’t playing basketball. The team from Napkin, the local restaurant, hadn’t asked him, so he was a little out of shape. It was better when he let Ken do the talking.
“Status quo,” Ken said. “Not too exciting. A little weird, I guess, you saw the other night. Not your usual separation, but I’m doing what I want until Lila tells me different.”
“You two look pretty good together. Are you going to work it out?”
Thanks to Caroline Pearce, everyone knew they were seeing lawyers and working on a divorce, but also that Ken was still hanging around the house more than often. That was also a Caroline tidbit.
Obviously, Ken was conflicted, and Lila must have had some of the same hesitancies because she let him stay. And Lila wasn’t one to do favors, so maybe it wasn’t quite over.
Sweet Valley Confidential: Ten Years Later Page 11
