by Marilyn Lee
"As long as what?"
I shrugged and tried to keep my voice level. "As long as you don't ruin things between us."
"Ruin things between us? After how long I…How the hell could I or would I do that, Sherlyn?"
"What were you going to say?"
"Nothing important."
I didn't believe that for a second. "Why won't you open up and be honest with me, about your feelings, Thomas?"
"Given the circumstances, you know as much about my feelings as you need to."
"What circumstances?"
"Your never ending ball busting attempts."
"My…what? What the hell are you talking about, Darkwater?"
He narrowed his gaze. "I'm talking about your constant harping on your lack of real feelings for me. If you tell me once more how this is strictly about sex, I'll…"
"You'll what?"
He shook his head. "Never mind."
"No. Go on. How else am I going to know what you're talking about if you won't say what you mean?"
"I'll be tempted to fuck you raw and change your mind."
"That's not going to happen."
"Don't delude yourself into thinking I couldn't change your mind if I really tried, Sherlyn. I think we both know that I could, but because of my…But I'll respect your wishes and not try."
His refusal to finish a damned sentence and his implication that I was so weak-willed that he could change my mind with a little effort angered me. Even though I knew he was right, it hurt that he felt the need to say it aloud.
"Despite your convictions and belief in your sexual prowess, Darkwater, your desire to lie inside me raw has to stop."
"It's Thomas and what if it doesn't stop?"
"It has to stop."
"Or what?"
"Or it's over."
He shook his head. "No it doesn't have to stop and it's not going to stop."
I stared at him. He'd called my bluff. What now?
"I've given you my word I won't fuck you raw unless I have your permission to. If we're going to continue what we started last night, you're not going to be the only one laying down rules. While we're sleeping together, you'll have my undivided attention and sexual interest. I won't see or sleep with anyone else. But I am not giving up lying inside you raw after I come."
"Why not?"
"For me that's the ultimate…"
"The ultimate what?"
He shook his head. "It doesn't matter."
"And what if it matters to me?" I asked.
He shrugged. "Fine. It's just something I really enjoy."
Damn it. Yet another unexpressed feeling or sentiment. "It's a wonder your recklessness hasn't gotten you into trouble."
"I've never done it with anyone but you."
I believed him and was touched. Nevertheless…"It's crazy behavior, Darkwater! You have cum all over your cock—"
"That's part of what makes it so satisfying for me…lying inside you with the remnants of cum from my cock also inside you."
Listening to the emotion and passion in his voice made my pussy pulse and my heart race. He almost sounded as if he would welcome complications in the form of an unplanned pregnancy.
He paused. "Are you telling me you don't enjoy it too?"
Of course, I enjoyed having the first man I'd ever loved inside me raw. I blushed but didn't look away. "It doesn't matter if I enjoy it or not."
"Do you enjoy it?"
"Yes," I admitted. "I do."
"Then why are we having this discussion?"
"Because we're both old enough to know how dangerous such irresponsible behavior can be."
"That's probably part of what makes it so gratifying."
"How gratifying would it be if I ended up pregnant?"
"You're using birth control."
"Yes, I am, but accidents happen."
"So I hear."
"Then why—"
"But that's my one condition, Sherlyn. I'm not budging on it."
"I'm not going to wind up a single mother, Darkwater."
"If that happens, we'll deal with it."
I stiffened. "What do you mean by deal with it?"
He narrowed his gaze. "I'll tell you what I don't mean and that's abortion," he said.
I relaxed. "Now I know what you don't mean. Let's try for what you do mean."
He stared at me and laughed. "Honestly, I don't know what the hell I mean."
So he hadn't just promised to marry me if I ended up pregnant. I sighed.
He touched my cheek. "If you can't accept it, I understand. I don't intend to try to coerce you into agreeing with that stance. However, if we see and sleep with each other again, I'm going to be inside you after I come. Period. End of discussion and story. That's my condition. What's yours?"
His refusal to see reason or to verbally assure me he'd marry me if I got pregnant pissed me off. As much as he disliked John, when push came to shove, Darkwater wasn't much different. He also wanted raw sex without any damn commitment. He just prettied up his demand by pretending it wasn't sex.
And John at least had finally proposed to Amber. Darkwater just wanted raw sex. Period. Recalling the few times when he'd actually stroked his bare cock in my pussy sent a jolt of need through me. It was sex all right.
"Birth control sometimes fails," I said, giving him another opportunity to assure me that I wouldn't have to worry about being a single mom.
He nodded. "So I've heard but believe it or not, it's never failed me."
"That doesn't mean it won't."
"It's a risk I'm willing to take. If you aren't, I won't try to pressure you. We can just go our separate ways."
So either he got his way or he ended our sexual relationship? Charming. "You're a selfish bastard."
He nodded. "So I've been told more than once. What's your condition or conditions, Sherlyn?"
I narrowed my gaze. "That you don't ruin things between us by falling for me."
He stiffened and then clutched me so tight I felt sure I'd have a bruise in the morning. "Why the hell would you think there's any danger of that happening?"
"For all I know, it's already happened."
"What are you smoking?"
"What else could explain your insistence on lying inside me with a cum-covered cock? It's so crazy; it makes me wonder why you insist on doing it."
"Wonder whatever you like, but don't waste any of your time worrying about me, Sherlyn. I can take care of myself. Hell will freeze over before you have to worry about me falling for you."
That stung but not as much as it once would have. Besides, I was beginning to think he was protesting too damned much. "And what if I don't believe you?"
"That's your damn problem," he said.
"Guess what? I don't believe you."
"As I said, that's your damned problem," he said again and bent to kiss me roughly and stop any response I might have made.
But what was there to say? The sexual madness we felt would probably soon burn itself out but while it raged between us, I intended to love the one I was with and fully enjoy it. At that point in my life that was all I wanted from him. I knew that's all he had to give.
When the fire between us flickered out and died, we'd both move onto other lovers. I suppressed a slight shiver at the thought and assured myself I'd have fond memories of what turned out to be the first of many weekends with him locked in my arms while buried deep in my satisfied pussy.
I'd miss him but I would not be heartbroken because I was no longer in love with him. And despite his implications to the contrary, I knew he'd never been interested in me. That was okay because this experience with him was all about living for the moment. While it was the sweetest moment imaginable, it was still just a moment. It would end. When it did, it would be time to move on until the next moment. Hopefully, that moment would be with the right man and turn into a lifetime of love and happiness.
If I felt a tinge of regret that our moment had to end, I quickly dismissed it.
That way lay trouble and I could not make the mistake of falling for him again.
Confident he'd gotten his way, he pulled his mouth from mine and put the tray on the nightstand. Then he sat on the side of the bed, just staring at me.
I stared back.
"Why do you want to put stumbling blocks between us, Sherlyn, when I just want to lose myself in you?"
I stroked his cheek. "I don't but one of us has to behave like a sexually responsible adult."
"Why when this is so much more rewarding?" he asked, slipping a hand under the sheet to find and stroke my slit.
I bit my lip and trembled. "I already told you I don't want to be a single mom."
"You won't be," he said, leaning close to kiss my neck as he stroked his fingers along my pussy.
"You'd marry me?"
He slipped his fingers inside me and gently pumped them. "If that's what you want...yes."
The words offered no comfort. While I believed that he'd keep his word and marry me if I ended up pregnant, I had no desire for such a marriage. How could I possibly be happy married to him knowing he didn't love me and had only married me because he had to?
I pushed against his shoulders.
He responded by pulling the sheet away from my body and quickly pinning me to the bed.
I stared up at him, hoping none of my hurt or dismay was apparent.
He pressed a long, slow kiss against my lips before rising to his feet. Capturing my gaze, he quickly undressed and slipped back into bed with me.
Despite my reservations, I warily welcomed him into my arms when he kissed me. I wasn't sure how much effort I'd have to exert to keep him from trying to fuck me completely raw. However, he surprised me and kept his word. He didn't have another condom so we just cuddled.
Lying in his embrace with his lips brushing my forehead and his hands gently touching and caressing me, I struggled to keep our relationship in prospective. It would have been so easy for me to imagine something warm and wonderful was happening between us. My mind knew better—even if my treacherous heart didn't.
* * *
Sherlyn
The following weeks were so magical for me I felt almost as if I were living in a fairytale come true again. And I was scared because I didn't have a good track record when it came to having my fairytales end happily. Still, I decided to work through my fears and enjoy every second of it. Just having the freedom to touch him as often as I liked or to lean down and kiss him as I walked pass was thrilling.
He invariably responded to such overtures by pulling me down into his arms and kissing me breathless. When we came up for air, he'd fill my ears and heart with delight by telling me how sweet and sensual I was. Such good times almost atoned for the years when I'd been in love with him alone. While I knew he was still not in love with me, the nights I spent in his arms filled me with wonder. They also made me ache for what I knew we would never have together—a true fairytale happy ever after ending.
But I could not deny I was having the time of my life with him. He was a skillful, passionate lover and an attentive suitor. Whenever we showered together, he sang to me. Nearly everything he sang was always off-key, but I loved hearing him sing love songs in his tuneless baritone.
I teared up every time he sang that old Marveletts song, You're My Remedy to me. I had fond memories of my father singing it to my mom just before he told her he loved her. The first time Darkwater sang it to me while we showered, I had to struggle not to view it as a sign that he would love me always—as my dad had loved my mom until they both died.
I knew he didn't love me, but on the nights we spent together, I pretended he did. Oh, yeah those hot nights. He made me burn for him night after night and then deliciously put out the fire. With him I felt every bit as sexually desired as I'd felt with Don.
When we dined out, we encountered many beautiful blondes, but there was never a moment when I felt as if I didn't have his full attention. I never worried that I'd return from refreshing my makeup to find him staring at another woman. While together, he made me feel as if I were the only woman in the world worth being with or looking at.
Darkwater was as generous with his money as he was with his sexual attentions. He showered me with gifts and praises that made me feel desirable and almost irresistible. He even showed me a few programming tricks to use when I was stuck and helped me debug a number of projects.
Chapter Six
Sherlyn
Although I suspected he didn't want Amber to know we were sleeping together, Darkwater made no effort to hide our relationship from his brothers. We had dinner out with them twice and he and I attended a party at Michael's apartment.
During those weeks when we spent all but three nights together old feelings and emotions that were better left undisturbed threatened to return. Although I knew it was unwise, I found myself falling for him again.
Those feelings betrayed me one night after we'd spent the evening out slow dancing under the stars. We returned to his house and swam naked in his pool. When he pressed me against the side of the pool and rubbed his erect cock against my clit, I had a weak moment when I wanted to part my legs and invite him to take me without protection.
Staring down into my gaze, he slipped an arm around my waist and slowly pressed the head of his shaft against my pussy.
I caught my breath as a wave of longing seized me. It was difficult, but I pushed him away and climbed out of the water, trembling.
He followed me and we dried each other off.
When I reached for the towel to wrap around my naked body, he tossed it away and knelt in front of me.
I stared down at him, my heart pounding.
Slipping his hands over my ass, he extended his tongue and bent his head to kiss and lap at my slit slowly before thrusting his tongue inside my pussy.
My legs shaking, I gripped his shoulders and pushed my hips forward.
Sliding his hand around my body, he ate me. Lord, it felt good. No one had ever eaten me with as much gusto as he did. His skillful fingers, tongue, and lips drove me to a quick, sizzling climax. When I cried out and came, he gripped my hip tightly and thrust his tongue up into me in search of pussy cream.
With my fingers curled in his hair, I humped his face until the last shudder of release left my body.
Pressing a final kiss against my pussy, he rose to his feet and took me in his arms.
I trembled in his embrace, feeling overwhelmed with emotions I knew I shouldn't be feeling.
He held me until I stopped trembling and then he took my hand in his and led me to his bedroom. On the rare occasions we didn't have sex when we spent the night together, we still slept in the nude. We got into bed together with the moonlight shining into the room and cuddled.
However, after a while that wasn't enough for either of us. I felt guilty because I knew he hadn't come and I wanted his cock in me.
Clearly, he wanted more as well. Nibbling at the back of my neck, he slipped a hand between my legs and eased his fingers into my pussy.
Feeling his big dick laying hard against my ass, I trembled, pushing myself onto his fingers.
He bit my ear lobe and pinched my nipples, making me wet and hungry for him. I mindlessly reached between our bodies until I felt his cock pulsing against my fingers. I lost it and I wanted it and him inside me raw, consequences be damned.
Almost as if he knew of my hunger and weakness, he suddenly removed his fingers from my slit, turned me onto my back, rose over me, and with one powerful thrust buried his gloriously bare and erect cock deep inside me.
Oh, fuck. I'd never felt anything so good in my entire life. I couldn't say no. I gasped and stared up at him with my eyes wide and my lips parted...ready and eager to be fucked raw.
He stared down at me, not moving.
After several moments, I realized he was waiting for me to protest and insist he pull out. I should have, but I couldn't. Just once, I wanted to experience raw sex with him. What little commonsense I had left
insisted on a token protest.
I placed my hands on his shoulders. "You promised you wouldn't do this, Thomas."
"Tell me to pull out and I will," he responded in a brusque voice.
"So you're putting the onus on me?"
"It's your pussy."
"I thought it was yours," I countered.
He sighed. "I'd like it to be, but I'm sure you have other ideas."
"Not at the moment," I admitted.
"So what shall I do, sweet girl? Fuck you raw? Or pull out? I'm yours to command. Tell me what you want me to do and I'll do it. What do you want?"
"Raw," I whispered. "I want you raw."
"Are you sure?"
"Aren't you, Thomas?"
"I've never wanted anything more, but I want you to be sure, sweet."
"I'll probably regret it later, but for now...Yes. I'm sure. I don't want you to pull out. I want it raw with you just this once."
"I don't want you to regret it."
"I will regret it because it's irresponsible and I've always been responsible. But when I'm with you, I lose my ability to reason. I just feel and everything with you feels so damned good and right, Thomas. So, yes. I want you gloriously raw inside me."
He hesitated for which I think I loved him a little more. "All the regret in the world won't undo it once it's done."
"I know that but I just don't care now. I just know I want this so much I…"
"You want it so much…what?"
"I want it," I said. He didn't need to know that even with regret, I'd still savor and enjoy the memory of raw sex with him probably until I fell in love again. Maybe even afterwards. After all, there was something unforgettable about a woman's first love. "I want you and I want you raw inside me. How many ways do you want me to say it?" I stroked my fingers through his hair. "Fuck me long, hard and deep and raw," I invited.
He kept his weight on his extended arms and slowly moved his cock in and out of me.
God it felt so good. I shuddered, closed my eyes, and dug my nails into his arms. "Thomas..." I whispered, overcome with emotion.
He paused with his shaft buried inside me to lean down to brush his lips against my ear. "It's good beyond words for me too, my sweet girl."
