I’d never been one to form attachments. My father was a background player in my life and I’d seen my share of stepfathers and stepsiblings come and go. But the people surrounding me at that moment would never leave me. I looked back at Cole and he sent me a sly wink. I grinned back, knowing for sure that the strong sense of belonging I had wasn’t mine alone.
Chapter Eighteen
Stealthily, Cole pulled me into a quiet crevice of the cave as we exited the tram car. He pushed back a lock of my hair, cupped my cheeks and tilted his head as his eyes stayed trained on my lips.
“Have I told you in the last hour how gorgeous you look today?”
I pushed him playfully on the chest. “No. But feel free to pet my ego as often as you like.”
He bent in close and brushed his lips against mine. His stubble scratched my cheeks slightly and I loved the coarse texture against my skin. I had assumed Cole had left his razor at home since his scruff had grown out. The rough-around-the-edges rocker look had my panties melting.
“Any chance of getting some time with you tonight?”
“I could probably sneak out late night after we go to the bars. Autumn wants to go to the martini night at the piano bar,” I explained.
“Sneak out? Are we in a clandestine relationship?”
I gave him a helpless look. “Yes and no. I don’t want to steal Autumn’s thunder. I’m not keeping it a secret, but I don’t want to make a big deal out of it. Causing a scene would be like how my cousin Antonia got engaged at her sister’s wedding.”
“But it’s a big deal?”
“Yes,” I breathed. “I am so crazy happy right now. You have no idea.”
I nuzzled into his chest as his arms tightened around my back. The night before had left me spent. I had cried and hit an emotional low. But I realized I needed to revisit the Atlantic City night. I needed to talk about it and not let the wounds fester. I still had to sort out my feelings about Justin, but the night had also given me clarity. I needed Cole. I wanted him and I wasn’t going to let him go ever again.
“I’m happy too,” he said and kissed the top of my head gently. “We just have to be honest with each other, Casey. Always. If you’re feeling trapped or freaked out. Whatever. Just tell me and we can work through it.”
My smile faltered as a portion of my happiness evaporated. He had every reason to say the words he did, but they still stung. They still pierced my heart. His words were also a reminder I still needed to tell him everything.
“Of course,” I said roughly into his chest. My secrets banged against their cages, demanding to be set free. But I couldn’t yet. I had to tell Cole when the time was right. Not trying to clumsily explain something within minutes that I couldn’t even wrap my head around.
“Have fun today,” I said with a slight quiver in my voice.
“You too,” he said. “Blake’s friend Darien has a list of local bars he wants to check out. Blake is supposed to do a shot and beer at each, so we may be dragging his six foot, two-hundred pound-ass back to the boat.”
“Yikes. I’ll keep that tidbit from Autumn.”
“I guess the other football dudes that were supposed to come to Barbados bailed last minute,” Cole said.
I involuntarily shuddered at his words. I tried to read his inflection. Was he fishing? Or was Cole innocently noting that Justin and company suddenly decided not to come on the trip?
“Not that I have much to talk with these guys about. Every time I call their sport American football, they look at me like I’m a freak of nature,” he scoffed.
“Well, since we don’t live in Italia, I’m not surprised by their reaction,” I said.
“Just think about how the games work. Doesn’t football make a hell of a lot more sense than soccer?”
I slugged his arm. “Okay, champ. You better relax before you go drinking with a group of football players. Stick to safe subjects. Talk about the weather. Or tell them about your music. Maybe they could open doors for you. Maybe they could tweet a link to the Trojan Jedi website.”
He shuddered with revulsion. “Shit, what are you going to suggest next? I show them some clips of the band on my phone. I’m not like those sellouts who carry around their portfolios to show everyone their crappy work.”
I pursed my lips at him. “First of all, the difference is your music isn’t crappy. Secondly, I’m fine with you staying poor and undiscovered. From what I hear, it builds character.” I kissed him on the lips. “Catch up with you later.”
“You’ve been my girlfriend again for less than twenty-four hours and now I have the pressure to get famous,” he mumbled. “Fuck. I’m a legend in so many other ways, baby.”
“You have your mind in the gutter way too much. Now go pimp your music,” I said and gave him an overly cheerful wave. As I hurried to catch up with my friends, I felt a bounce in my step. My relationship with Cole could be likened to a boat trip. After hitting rough seas, it was smooth sailing from here on out. My world hadn’t crumbled by admitting the truth to my friends. They’d been supportive while also making me question if I had misconstrued everything that had happened that night. Cole was a good man and he would be decent when I finally let him in.
***
“Do we have to leave? Because I think I could stay here forever,” Delia moaned from her beach chair.
I had to agree. The Barbados beach was gorgeous with perfect white sandy beaches and the waves lapping lazily against the shores. After separating from the guys, we had grabbed a quick bite before locating an ideal beach spot. A few beach bars were nearby, so we’d been steadily sipping on drinks heavily laced with rum.
“I’ll be at the restaurant again in less than seventy-two hours working,” I complained.
“I’ll be moving next week,” Lexi said, giving me sad eyes. “And Autumn will be married before the summer’s over.”
I mirrored her expression and stuck out my lower lip. “The gang is breaking up.”
“Stop,” Autumn admonished. “You’re going to make me cry.”
“Honestly, the three of you are ridiculous. My brother is just marrying Autumn, not chaining her in the basement. And Lexi is moving to Philly, not to North Korea. You hop on the highway and you’re there in twenty minutes tops.”
“You’re taking away the emotional punch of our Gilmore Girls moment, Delia,” I said.
She stuck out her tongue at me. “I was only trying to say we’re all incestuous enough that we will probably be stuck with one another for the long haul. Autumn is about to marry my brother. I’m dating Levi and you’re in lurve with his brother.”
“Hey, but where’s that leave me?” Lexi said, adjusting the top of her black swimsuit.
“Sorry, Lex. But there is one more Caldwell brother left…” Delia said, lowering her sunglasses before giving Lexi a lecherous wink.
“Oh hell no. I’m very happy with Finn, thank you very much. I become worried I’ll catch something from Evan if I even brush by him,” Lexi said, twisting her lips together in disgust.
I started to laugh, but stopped suddenly as I glanced toward the bar. For a second, I had thought I saw a recognizable coiffed blond head floating through the crowd. Sitting up straighter, I tried to scan the bar thoroughly from my vantage point. My pulse started to race and I hoped my eyes were just playing tricks on me.
“I think I’ll get another drink,” I said although I had only taken a couple of small sips. As I pulled on the blue sundress I brought as a cover up, I cast a few more uneasy glances at the bar.
My friends didn’t seem to notice my sudden mood change. Delia had picked up a magazine and was casually thumbing through the pages. She held up an empty plastic cup at her side. “Get me another vodka and cranberry. And tell that bartender if he puts cheap vodka in my drink again, I’ll personally go over there and throw it back at him.”
Autumn gave me an apologetic look, but I brushed her off. Delia was like a mini-me. I remember being the same not too long ago. She wasn’t
as difficult as she came across. She was good at pretending like I was. Being hard helped all the pain bounce off.
After slipping on my sandals, I walked through the sand toward the bar. Scoping out the entire bar area for a possible figment of my imagination wasn’t ideal, but I had to do it. I wouldn’t be able to relax for the rest of the day if I didn’t confirm whether or not I had indeed spotted Justin.
Silently, I argued with the pessimist inside of me. He wasn’t on the island. Blake had called him and he had cancelled his flight and hotel. He wouldn’t just show up uninvited and risk the wrath of his quarterback. The blond man I spotted was probably only sporting a passing resemblance. I was obviously projecting since Justin had been a phantom for most of the vacation.
I placed the empty drinks on the counter while dragging my eyes from one end of the bar to another. After several passes, I felt my shoulders relax. Why had I for one second thought Justin was there? I didn’t suddenly have my own stalker. Even if Justin had the balls to show up in Barbados, he wouldn’t come seeking me out. He’d find whatever bar the men had ended up at and confront Blake. I wasn’t anything more to Justin than another entry in his playbook.
I signaled to the bartender and she took my drink order. I groaned as I realized I hadn’t the foresight to bring my wallet when marching over to the bar. “I’m really sorry, but I’ll be back in a sec. I left my wallet over by my beach chair.”
The bartender opened her mouth to reply, but before she could, a fifty-dollar bill was tossed on the counter in front of me. I recognized the deep bass voice immediately. “I got this. Keep the change.”
My body started to tremble at his nearness and I tried to force my features into an alarmed expression to clue in the bartender at the horror I was feeling from Justin’s sudden appearance at the bar. But instead of female solidarity, she shoved the fifty into her bra and gave Justin a wink. His laughter sounded hollow as he leaned his elbows on the bar counter next to me. “I thought that was you, Casey. Where’s Preston? Cupcake texted me that they were heading here soon.”
I ground my teeth and promised to pummel Blake’s friend when I saw him. Cupcake was the linebacker, who was also the size of a semi that was on the cruise with us. “Blake’s not here and you better leave before he sees you.”
I finally forced myself to look Justin in the face. Instead of appreciating his handsomeness, I zeroed in on his flaws: the smattering of pimples on his forehead, his ears too big for his face. He wore a tight gray t-shirt that was far from ideal for the tropical weather. Sweat stains had already started to gather under his armpits.
“What’s up with him? Called me out of the blue and started rambling on about me being a dick. My ticket was non-refundable so he can suck my ass. I wasn’t being out a grand because he was in a pissy mood about his dad trash-talking him on TV.” Justin brushed an imaginary crumb off his shoulder.
Justin was mind-fucking me by the minute. Was he that self-involved he didn’t recognize I was the reason he’d been uninvited? I didn’t buy it. He was talking to me like we were friends. Like I should commiserate with him over Blake. I had walked on stage without my lines. I had no idea how to respond to him.
“Stay the hell away from me, Justin,” I finally managed and slammed my shoulder against him in order to move him out of the way. Before I could get far, he was circling my wrist with an iron grip.
“What crawled up your ass, Casey?”
I pulled my arm back and glared at him. “What do you think, Justin?” I demanded with biting sarcasm. “Has too many concussions wiped away the memory of the last time I saw you?”
“Oh shit,” he said and laughed uncomfortably. “Don’t hate me, but I completely forgot we hooked up. No hard feelings though. I can’t be girlfriended up. That’s not my thing.”
“You think I wanted to be your girlfriend. Are you insane? I can’t even remember what happened that night.”
My body started to tremble and I fought the instinct to run far away. I needed closure. I had to know what exactly happened while I blacked out. The time had come for me to put on my big girl pants and no longer pretend like the night never happened.
“Do you think I remember?” he scoffed. “No offense, but I’ve had a lot of ass between then and now. Less than an hour ago, the hotel maid was giving me a blow job.”
“Did I pass out before we had sex? Did I say yes to you?” I stood on my toes, getting in his face.
He grabbed me roughly by the shoulders and pushed me back down. Through gritted teeth, he hissed, “Will you keep your goddamn voice down? Are you fucking kidding me right now with this shit? You trying to make up some rape scenario so you can get your face plastered on Us Weekly?”
“Am I so far off-base? Because I blacked out and don’t even remember going to the hotel with you,” I said fiercely. “And how did I get so trashed? I only remember having four drinks.”
“You’re crazy,” he said scowling. “I’ve heard about girls like you. Girls who feel guilty for cheating on their boyfriends and make up some bullshit story about being forced into sex. Your legs were spread on my bed, that’s the only yes I needed.”
“You—" I started to yell.
“What’s going on?”
I didn’t want to turn around. Because my worst nightmare was happening. Justin and Cole were in the same place, sharing the same air. Cole was supposed to be far away, a safe distance where he couldn’t be polluted by Justin’s lies.
I noticed the bachelor party had arrived at the bar. The music had quieted as all eyes had zeroed in on the drama being stirred up between Justin and me. Blake moved past Cole and shoved Justin hard enough for him to drop his hands off of me.
A roaring sounded in my ears and muted everything around me. Someone had yanked on the string and my carefully constructed world was rapidly unraveling before my eyes.
“Get out of here, man. I told you not to come,” Blake seethed.
Justin’s face turned an unnatural shade of purple as he glared at me. He took a step in my direction. “I don’t know what this lying bitch has said—”
“Excuse me, motherfucker, but that’s my bro’s girl you’re talking about,” Evan came up, standing on the other side of Cole.
Cole’s expression filled with rage. “Who the hell do you think you are? Casey is—”Justin didn’t let him finish. He said in a bored voice, “Casey is your girlfriend who I fucked… repeatedly in Atlantic City. What are you going to do about it, little boy?”
“Hey cocksucker, you think you can talk all big because you’re some steroid freak?" Evan sneered. "We learned a long-ass time ago how to deal with pricks like you: mob-style. You’re so damn lucky I don’t have a power drill handy.”
“Oh god, Casey, are you okay?” Autumn came out of nowhere and latched onto my arm. I looked down at her hand and tried to focus. The world had suddenly started spinning and I welcomed the disorienting feeling. Maybe I could drop in a dead faint and wake up in an alternate reality.
“What is going on, Casey?” Cole whispered harshly into my ear. Evan and Justin were still exchanging threats while Blake was trying to push Justin back. I was waiting for bouncers to break up the fight, but there were none to be seen in the small beach bar.
“I can’t do this,” I stuttered. “I can’t talk about this right now.”
“I did nothing wrong!” I heard Justin shout. My head shot up at the sound.
“Did nothing wrong? How about being a born loser? You dumbass, cough syrup addict. Last time I saw you, you were out back, downing bottle after bottle of Robitussin,” Evan spat at him. He was furious and I was surprised at his chivalry. As twisted as Evan could be, it was good to know he was at the very least loyal.
Justin noticed me looking his way. “Casey, call off your dogs. I’m sorry I was a dick about us sleeping together, but you wanted me that night just as much as I wanted you.”
Cole had reached his limit. He broke into a run and before anyone could grab him, pulled back his f
ist and slammed it violently into the center of Justin’s face. Instantly, I heard a loud crack over the clamor of the brawl and I was sure Justin’s nose was broken.
“Boom!” Evan yelled, moving around Cole and getting within inches of Justin’s face. Evan shoved Justin hard enough to make the football player stumble backwards and almost fall to the ground. “You’re fucking done, son.”
Justin began to charge at the brothers, but he had Blake and two other football players who had jumped in the fray to contend with. They held him back while Cole turned and began to stomp angrily away.
“I have to follow him,” I told Autumn in a panicked voice. Blake seemed to have the situation under control and I trusted him to keep Justin as far away from Cole and me as possible.
I broke through the crowd surrounding me and I saw Cole storming his way down the beach. His stride was fast and I had to run clumsily through the sand to catch up. I tripped over my own two feet as I dodged beach-goers. A few tourists watched us suspiciously, likely worrying how we could possibly ruin their time in paradise. Finally, I caught up to Cole at the edge of the beach.
“Cole! Wait!” I cried as he stepped out onto the sidewalk. A few taxis were driving his way and he lifted up his hand to hail one.
His breathing was labored as I neared him. I grabbed his forearm and tried to pull down his arm in order to stop him from disappearing into a cab. I couldn’t let him leave with the assumption I had wanted to sleep with Justin.
“Go away, Casey,” he said coldly.
“No. I thought we had gotten through the past. You told me we were moving on,” I said, trying to get out what I needed to say quickly. My chest heaved as my emotions started to choke my voice. “I admitted I made a terrible mistake and we were going to start over.”
“Well, I didn’t know that fucking mistake was coming on vacation with us,” he said, his nostrils flaring. “What, were you having a cozy drink together at the bar?” I opened up my mouth to protest, but he cut me short. “Don’t answer that. Honestly, I don’t give a shit anymore.”
The Ex Trials (Falling for Autumn Book 3) Page 16
