by Erin Trejo
Tears slide down my cheeks. Just like that, Link knows what I need. He knows that I need this as much as him. He knows that I need to feel something that’s real. He may not know what the hell happened to me or what my future holds but he knows me in this moment. His hips rock slowly, touching me just the way I needed him to. It feels like heaven right here on earth.
“I’m scared to be alone,” I admit the faster he moves. His lips stay near my neck, kissing and sucking at my skin.
“You’re never alone. I can’t leave you alone.” There’s pain behind those words.
A pain that is ultimately going to be mine.
Chapter 25
Link
I’ve never had a place outside of the club. I have to thank Micah for letting me use his place. His apartment isn’t much but for whatever reason, Aubrie has been wanting to stay at the clubhouse. I think she feels closer to everyone when she’s there. Closer to Benny. I set up my laptops while Jordyn takes a shower. You didn’t think I’d leave without at least some sort of electronics, did you? That shit is my life. I didn’t fill Jordyn in on the security I have set up here either. I think for the time being, it’s better she knows the minimum. I get why everyone felt she was a threat. It just hurts me to think about it though. She knows how much those guy’s mean to me. If she did set that shit up, there has to be a reason behind it. I want that goddamn reason, too. I don’t want to push her away but I need to know the truth.
It’s more than just the guys, though. The time that I’ve had with her has been amazing. It isn’t just the sex like Bash thinks either. I feel like I could tell her anything and she’d understand. Except for the little fact that I don’t trust her to tell her anything.
I feel like I’m running in circles all the time with her. I’ve ran checks. I’ve ran backgrounds but she hasn’t given up her last name, which makes it that much harder for me to get information. I want to ask her. Fuck, God knows I do, but there’s a part of me that has a feeling I’m not going to like what I find and I’m not sure I’m ready to take that leap just yet.
“I ordered pizza,” I say when she walks out of the bathroom with one of my t-shirts on. Jesus Christ, she has to know what that does to me.
“I’m not hungry,” she says before sitting on the small couch, pulling her legs up under her body. I watch her out of the corner of my eye for a few minutes.
“You have to eat. I’m not him.” Her green eyes shoot to mine and there’s a fear in them. She’s afraid of him. I watch her a second longer before I ask, “What did he say to you?”
“What do you mean?” she asks acting clueless.
“We’re gonna be here for a while, darlin’. It’s better we talk this shit out,” I growl. I’m not in the mood to play these hidden message games with her. I want answers.
“You were there. He threatened us.” Yeah, he did, but that holds no merit in my book. I suppose it’s different for an outsider like her. She has no protection other than what we give her.
“He won’t touch you,” I remind her of that. He won’t as long as I’m around.
“You don’t know that,” she replies.
I shove out of my chair and stand. She watches me. What the hell does she do to me? How does she affect me like this with only words?
“You know this doubt shit is really startin’ to piss me off, Jordyn. If I say he won’t fuckin’ touch you while I’m around—he won’t!” I roar. Her eyes never leave me. The silent challenge is there. I can see it.
“You can’t fucking promise me that! He did get his hands on you once, didn’t he?” Oh, that girl. Her mouth is going to get her ass in some trouble.
“Yeah, you’re right. He did. Maybe you are right about that. Here...” I pull some cash from my pocket and toss it at her. She looks at the money then back up at me. “You think I’m that fuckin’ weak? Fend for yourself, sweetheart.” I grab my cut and slide it on before heading toward the door. I can’t handle this shit. I don’t want to.
“There’s always an ending,” she mumbles. I turn with my hand on the doorknob and look at her. Her eyes are sad but I don’t let that stop me.
“You made this one.... Just remember that.”
Chapter 26
Jordyn
Stupid.
Stupid, stupid, stupid! Fucking stupid, Jordyn. I remind myself over and over again just how dumb I really am. I let him walk away.
Is it for the best? I don’t fucking know anymore. I feel like I’m numb. The pizza man came and I nearly lost my shit. I thought it was Bone coming back for me. I know he’s out there. He has to know that I’m not at the clubhouse anymore. If he doesn’t, he will come Saturday, unless I figure out a way to get back to meet him. I walk through the small apartment checking doors and windows. They’re all locked thankfully.
I’m a nervous fucking wreck. I look at the burner phone that Link gave me and debate calling him but what the hell am I going to say? Oh, I’m sorry I’m a fucking liar. I’m sorry that I used you and your club to stay alive. Why the hell do I need to stay alive anyway? If Bone doesn’t kill me, my dad will.I look at Link’s laptops. I could try to track my dad and find out where he is. What if he got out already? That past wasn’t a complete lie. He wasn’t doing life but I heard that he did catch a six-month stretch. That was my only reprieve. If he hasn’t gotten out yet, I could run. Maybe Bone would get tired of hunting me. Maybe he’d just give up once he saw I wasn’t around anymore, but my dad? He won’t give up. He will find me. I sit at the table and open the first laptop.
“Fuck. Passcode locked.” I sigh and open the next. It’s the same. The last one I try opens right up. I sigh in relief that at least one isn’t locked. I start a search for Daniel Goldmen. I shiver when I see the results. His mug shot. His face. All the memories rush back to me. It’s a sad feeling. Your own father hated you so much that he’d want you dead. What kind of parents wouldn’t want their own children? That’s easy, mine. I scroll through the feed until I find the local inmate search. I pull it up and type his name once more.
“Three weeks.... Shit!” I squeal to myself. He’s getting out early. Three weeks. That’s all he has left in there. I have three weeks to figure out a way to make all this shit go away or to find some money to run. Where am I going to find that now that I’m here?
“There has to be something hidden around here,” I mumble to myself. What kind of person doesn’t hide money for an emergency?
I close the laptop and start checking everywhere that could be used as a hiding spot. There has to be something here. Noises outside shake me from my goal. I jump. I slink low to the floor and crawl toward the window. I’m scared shitless of what I might find out there. What if he found me? This can’t be happening. I lean up and peer out the window before I see it. I let out a breath before I drop against the wall.
“Fucking cats. Why do they climb on everything?” I mumble to myself. I lean my head against the wall and close my eyes.
I just want this all to be over. I want my life back. I don’t want to live in fear all the time. I don’t want to be used by Bone and his guys. I just want to live a normal life for a change. Why is that too much to ask for? I pull myself off the floor and make my way back to the living room. I grab a slice of pizza and sit on the couch.
“I have to figure out a way out of here.”
Chapter 27
Link
The clubhouse wasn’t an option when I stormed out of the apartment. There would be too many questions that I don’t want to answer right now. Instead, I head to the local bar. It isn’t club related but that doesn’t mean shit. A lot of clubs tend to frequent it at times.
“What can I get you?” The tall blonde pushes her tits out in front of me while leaning on the counter. Those aren’t bad looking tits either. I wonder what a round with her would feel like. Now that I’ve gotten my dick wet, that’s all it seems to want.
“Vodka. Whiskey. Beer. Jack.” She smiles when I say them.
“Which one?” she
asks with a smile. I lean closer to her when I say, “All of them.”
She giggles a little before moving back and getting my order. I sit back on the stool and glance around the bar. It looks mostly like neighborhood patrons and I silently thank God there’s no other clubs in here at the moment.
“That’s a lot to drink alone.” She smiles as she sets the glasses in front of me. I grin at her and say, “Maybe you should join me.”
Her blue eyes sparkle in the light. She’s actually not bad looking either. She nods once before pouring herself a drink. I lift my glass and we toast, although I don’t know what the fuck it is I’m toasting. Life? Jordyn? The club? Fuck, it all mingles together in my head.
“I’m a good listener,” she says pulling my attention back to hers.
“You ever had somethin’ right in the palm of your hands but you know you can’t keep it?” I ask her. She raises her eyebrows as though she’s thinking on that one.
“Women troubles?”
I laugh before I shake my head, “Life troubles. It seems I’ve picked up somethin’ that wasn’t mine to have. Thing is, I don’t trust her. Not in the least. I can see the goddamn lies right there in her eyes...” I toss back my drink before grabbing the next and continue, “...but the more I look at her—the more I see somethin’ I want. Somethin’ I almost need.” Tossing back another she does the same.
“I don’t think there’s a problem there,” she states. I drag my eyes up to meet hers.
“Why not?” I ask intrigued by what she might have to say. It’s not my style to talk to random people but she seems to be truthful.
“You want it. You need it. Take it. The rest will follow. Trust isn’t something everyone can give up easily. If it’s been tainted before, why couldn’t it be tainted again? Maybe she has a past that torched all her trust in people.” I watch her as she pours me another round. I toss back a few more as I let that dance around my mind. I can only imagine what the hell happened to her before Bone had her. I know what happened when he did have her.
“What about the lies? I don’t do lies,” I say with a wink before taking another drink.
“Self-protection. That’s an easy one.” She smiles like she’s done it herself.
“I’ve been up front and honest with her. She has been the opposite. I think she might have put my family in danger.” Now she starts to see my reality. Her eyebrows raise before she downs her other drink and says, “There’s a line that one crosses with family. That doesn’t mean she wasn’t looking out for herself. You never know what might haunt her. If you really care, you get her to talk. If you don’t, you walk away before she can hurt you or your family anymore.” I lean my elbows on the bar before I say the one thing that I’ve been thinking this whole time, “You seem to know a lot about that.” She nods her head, her blonde hair falling over her shoulder.
“Let’s just say that he walked away.”
Chapter 28
Jordyn
The dreams. It’s always the dreams that get me.
“Miss Goldmen, like I said, he’s getting six months but that’s the best we can hold him on right now,” the lawyer tells me. I let out gasp before shaking my head.
“How can that be? I gave you all the information I could get on him!” I cry. The man in the suit that sits in front of me doesn’t look fazed at all.
“It wasn’t enough to get any more than six months,” he says crossing his arms over his chest.
“He beat me!” I yell louder.
“He said that your boyfriend did that,” he counters. That asshole!
“He’s going to kill me. He will,” I mumble more to myself than to that asshat of a lawyer.
“He will be in custody for six months once we pick him up.” Once we pick him up. That’s what I’m worried about.
I get up from the chair and leave the lawyers office in a panic. My heart thuds in my chest and my mind works overtime. What if he finds me before then? What then?
I walk in a daze to the local bar. Dropping on the stool I order as many drinks as they will give me.
After a while, all things related to my dad have vanished from my mind. I feel fuzzy and warm. I dance around to the music until I get a chill. I look over my shoulder and see him standing there with a grimace on his face.
“Dad.” Leaves my lips before I take a step back. He walks toward me and I bolt.
I move through the crowd when I stumble into the back room of the bar and right into someone’s lap. Large hands clamp onto my shoulders.
“Didn’t realize I was gettin’ a lap dance.” His voice was deep and scary. I look up and the man himself is scary.
“I’ll kill you for what you did! I will fucking rip your heart out!” My dad’s words ring through the air. I look into the eyes of the man that has a hold on me.
“He after you?” I nod quickly before the man flips his hands through the air. The man pulls me up beside him before he says, “He won’t touch you.” That promise means nothing.
“Your deadbeat mama gave me your ass. You are mine to do with what I please, girl!” my dad roars as he gets a little closer. The man’s arm wraps around me tighter, pulling me into his side.
“I don’t think you’ll be comin’ any closer than that,” the man says. His arm is wrapped around me so tightly. I feel a sense of peace when my dad stops and takes him in.
“She’s my kid! I’ll do with her what I want!” my dad roars.
“They have a warrant for him,” I whisper to the guy that’s holding me. He studies me for a second before nodding.
“Hey, Dirk. Why don’t you call the good sheriff and let him know that he has a wanted man here.” My dad’s eyes flick to mine. Hate and rage simmer in them.
“You didn’t.” He grinds his teeth.
I nod my head once before he starts toward me again. The guy holding me tightens his grip.
The man I know now as Dirk, steps up and grabs ahold of him.
“That’s the last time you’ll see her,” the man growls in my ear before Dirk yanks my dad out of the room.
“He won’t get near you again as long as you follow my rules. Looks like you stepped into the right bar, darlin’.”
I startle myself awake when I hear the doorknob jiggle. The door cracks open and Link stumbles in, clearly drunk off his ass.
“Hey, you’re still here.” He smiles as he stumbles toward me. His face is bruised and his lip is bloody.
“What the hell happened to you?” I jump off the couch and grab his face in my hands. I slowly wipe the blood from his lip before his eyes narrow in on mine.
“Had a little disagreement with some guy at the bar.” His hands wrap around my waist, pulling me closely. His breath reeks of alcohol but when his lips touch mine, I’m lost in him again.
Chapter 29
Link
Hangovers are a bitch. I would know, this is the tenth one I’ve had in a row. Night after night, I find myself back at the goddamn bar. I don’t know what the hell I’m doing anymore. I go to the clubhouse like I’m supposed to and work during the day, but nights? I just want to be fucked out of my mind. I don’t want the reality of what this is coming to. I rub my hand over my face before I pull up all my laptops. That’s when I see it.
“What the fuck? You messed up, darlin’,” I mumble as I check my search history. This right here was exactly what I wanted. I purposely left this one unprotected to let her get on it. I wanted her to use it. I wanted her to leave me a fucking trail. I found her scent and now I’m like a fucking hound dog. I pull everything up that she searched.
“Who the fuck is he?” I mumble when I see the man’s picture pop up on the screen.
“Daniel Goodmen. Six months for assault. Who did you assault you fucker?” I talk to myself as I click the screen.
“Jordyn Goodmen. Your daughter.” I’m shocked when I see her name. I’m not shocked that she lied to me, though. A life sentence? Yeah, fucking right. The motherfucker had six months but now has less than
a few weeks left now. I dive into the information I have. I pull every goddamn thing I can get on her and her dad. It all starts popping up on my screen.
“Beaten until she had a collapsed lung. Who are you workin’ with you son of a bitch?” I grumble as I read through hospital reports. Yeah, I fucking hacked into that, too. Why she was returned to him is what I want to know.
I click over and start to pull up the Division of Family and Children Services. I don’t know where Jordyn is right now. I assume she went for a jog since I didn’t see her yoga pants in the room this morning. I don’t have to worry about her creeping over my shoulder. I hack into the DFCS system and pull her name.
“Child returned to father with the agreement he takes anger management.” Fucking bullshit! I click through more. My stomach rolls at the sight of her. Her bruised and bloody body. They have to take photos by law as evidence. So why the hell did they keep giving her back?
The files end when she turned eighteen. There is nothing else on her with them. That doesn’t stop me. I run another search as I look at that broken little girl. The picture will haunt my fucking mind for the rest of my life. Her eyes are faded out to nothing. She has no feeling left in her. The bruises that mark her face will have faded over time but the real mark it left on her heart will always be there. A part of her soul will always be tarnished. I run her name through every system that I can find until I go back to the court records. I search names. Any name affiliated with that asshole of a father of hers and that’s when I find it. The reason she got returned. The reason that no one batted an eye to help her.
