by Seth Eden
That sentiment broke my heart. To care about someone so much even though the relationship was dead must be hard. “Well, you know my place is open. I have a loft only, but we could divide it, or you know, I don’t give a rat’s ass about sharing a bed with you.”
Mira smiled but was shaking her head and waving her hand through the air. “No. I couldn’t disrupt your life like that.”
“You’re never a disruption to my life.” I rubbed her hand. “I just wished you’d told me sooner.”
“I was going to. I think maybe I just didn’t want it to be real.” She quickly replaced a frown with a grin in her natural, avoidant Mira way. “I’ll be okay. I don’t want to interfere with you. Besides, a stock on the rise like you, you’ve got to have guys flooding out your windows.”
Gabriel slipped into my mind—his glistening abs beneath me, his hands, at the same time rough and gentle, on my hips—and my stomach churned.
Mira gasped. “There is someone! Who is it?”
“Was,” I corrected her. “Gabriel. Beautiful, like…beautiful. Like makes Pete look like a cabbage patch kid beautiful. He’s sweet and caring and kind.” I played our night together in my head. “Amazing in bed. He… I don’t know. He felt like what I’ve been missing, you know?”
Mira let out a hollow whistle. “Well, if you love him so much, why aren’t you together?”
I looked at her confusedly. “What?”
Mira looked back at me, equally as confused. “What?”
“Love?” I asked.
“Yeah. It’s obvious you love him.” Mira sipped on her soda. “I gotta say, I’m shocked. You’re not a fall-in-love type, you know. I mean, I knew you would one day probably, but I also thought you may end up being that really gorgeous spinster lady with lots of suitors.”
“I’m not in love with him, Mira,” I replied.
“Bullshit,” Mira spat back. “You’ve never looked like that before, and your voice got all airy. More than normal, even. Please.”
“I barely know him.”
“What? Just a few weeks or something? Sometimes it happens fast. Love at first sight and all that. I know you don’t believe in it, but that’s all the more reason why it would happen to you.”
“One day.”
Mira grumbled. “Hm?”
“I’ve known him one day.”
Mira’s jaw dropped. “Wait. What! You’re like this after one day!” She started laughing in shock. “For sure you’re in love, then. You wouldn’t be like this for any other reason.”
I shook my head. “People can’t fall in love in just one day, right?”
“Who’re you asking?” Mira questioned with an amused smirk and hiked an eyebrow. “Me or you?”
I sat staring at her in total silence.
I honestly didn’t know.
10
Gabriel
I was relapsing from Stacy in a way that was likely to kill me and everyone around me. It had been such a short period of time, but that didn’t really make any difference. Right was just right, and when it came to me, Stacy was just right. I knew that I was coming on too strong, calling her over and over, but I couldn’t think of anything else to do. I wanted a chance to show her that I was a man she could trust, that I wasn’t that monster the documentary made me out to be.
Somewhere in the back of my mind, though, I knew that I couldn’t fully do that. Intentions aside, my family still was who they were, and our world still was what it was. I could tell her the truth about me, that I hadn’t ever killed anyone. They didn’t typically involve me in the rougher parts of the business because they didn’t think that I was tough enough. All opportunities I’d been presented with to prove I had the Varasso mean streak had been met with my belly in the air. I could tell her that I wasn’t a monster, but is a non-monster who is a willing participant in the actions of monsters not, himself, a monster?
I picked up my phone to call Stacy again and stopped. It didn’t matter what I wanted her to believe. She’d asked me exactly the question she needed to before she asked me to leave. When it came right down to it, would I do monstrous things for my family? Without question. It was my lot in life, but it was also an honor I was proud to have. My brothers and father were men who all had some pool of evil seated deeply inside of them. I’d seen Luca and Marco’s for years as I was growing up, and they still hated me. I saw Alessandro’s when he snapped; his was the deepest and darkest of any of them. Did that pool exist inside of me, too, or had I gotten the anti-void chromosome from my unknown mother?
Stacy was probably right to avoid me, so I couldn’t keep calling her. I had to let her go, and it was probably better for both of us that it was quick and painless instead of the slow torture that might have happened if we’d gotten into a real relationship. I might have snapped like Alessandro did, and that was my number one fear. Some people feared heights or darkness or death. Me? I feared ending up exactly like my old man.
I hid my phone in my pocket to resist the temptation to call again and settled for staring over Luca’s desk and out the window. It was a gloomy, rainy day. Perfect to match the way I felt. It was raining more often than not at the Varasso estate, or at least, that was my memory. Our home wasn’t a happy place, and it never had been. We found pockets of love here and there. My dad and I were always close, and before my brothers’ mom died, there were almost always smiles on their faces. We had Molly and the kids around now. That injected joy by force, but even that seemed to be waning lately. Maybe that’s why it was raining; our gloomy existence brought it.
The slamming of the office door started me to attention. I looked over, and Luca was storming inside, wearing rage like a thick raincoat.
“Hey,” I dared to say.
Luca glared over at me. “What the fuck are you doing in here?”
Not good. We were already off to a rough start. If I had to make a guess, it was that Luca and Molly were fighting again. When Luca didn’t have the brightness that Molly brought his life, he was back to being the same foul person he was when we were growing up.
“I have something I want to talk to you about. I asked if you had anything scheduled for the afternoon, and you didn’t so…” My voice faded off under the weight of Luca leering at me as if he was contemplating whether or not to take my head off.
“Why wouldn’t you call me first? I’m really not in the mood to look at your sorry face today.” Luca threw himself down into his office chair.
I was debating whether or not telling Luca I had tried to call him or just apologizing, not knowing which gave me a better chance of making it out of the room alive. He was sick of me apologizing, so I took a risk on the former. “I did.”
Luca’s hand crawled into his suit pocket and returned with his cell phone. He looked at the screen and then closed his eyes. He set his phone down on the desk, and I expected a slam, but it was softer.
He looked up at me, and the anger had evaporated from his face. “I’m sorry. I’m being a dick.”
I sat stone still. That was so unexpected that I was suddenly considering the likelihood that I was actually looking at a body snatcher. “Oh, um.”
“I know. That didn’t sound like me, right?” A soft, possibly forced chuckle puffed out of his nose. “Shit, I don’t feel like myself most days these days.”
“I know what you mean.” I crossed my arms, trying not to let my normally nervous behavior add to Luca’s stress.
“Oh.” Luca’s face gained a little light. “How did it go?”
“What?”
“Did you ask that girl out?”
That was even more unexpected. Luca never asked about my personal life. Never. “I did, yeah.”
“How was it?” He leaned over his desk with curious eyes like we were high school besties. “Was she hot?”
Stacy’s lithe form and magnificent smile shot to my brain. “Yeah. She’s…”
I couldn’t clock my own expression, but a smile developed on Luca’s face. He shook his he
ad. “Nope. No. You can’t.”
“What?”
Luca started laughing. “Goddammit, Gabe. I feel like I can already hear you asking me if you can run off with her.”
I sputtered out an awkward laugh. “What?”
“I get it, man. I remember when I looked at Molly. She hadn’t been sitting there five minutes, and I thought, ‘Ah, shit. She’s mine.’” He laughed a little more, but then his eyes glazed over and his smile slowly faded.
“That bad, huh?” I asked.
Luca didn’t respond. He sat there, staring at an unspecified spot on his desk. As if he’d been struck by an invisible smack, he popped back up and smiled at me. “So, when are you taking her out again?”
He completely avoided the subject, and I didn’t go back to it. “Yeah, so that’s the thing. I am not going to get to go out with her again because we have a big problem.”
Luca’s expression of faux-amusement twisted into one of confusion. “What’s that?”
“I ended up spending the night with her and—”
“Little Gabe!” Luca’s amusement was back. “There you go, buddy!”
It was hard not to get sucked into his excitement, not just because sleeping with Stacy felt like winning the lottery, but because I couldn’t remember a time when I actually enjoyed a conversation with my eldest brother. Things were serious, though, and needed dealing with. I had to stay focused.
“Yeah, well, it was nice while it lasted,” I said, and Luca’s expression faded again. “We were just about to have breakfast, and she has me flick through Netflix, and I scroll across this documentary series about mobsters, and guess who’s this week’s starring family?”
Luca’s eyes grew wide with fear. “No.”
“You’re famous, brother.”
Luca’s head dropped. “Are you fucking serious?” His head shot up. “What did they say? Was there any solid information?”
“We only got through the trailer before she kicked me out, but they mentioned the fire, Mol being kidnapped, and the shit from California.”
Luca’s jaw dropped. “None of that shit is supposed to be public information.”
“Worse,” I said. “They’re completely twisting it. They made it seem like Marco started the fire, you kidnapped Molly, and that the California shootout was Alessandro targeting innocents.” I scoffed again, remembering the account of me. “And I’m the most dangerous of all of you. Mysterious and always in the shadows, getting away with more than anyone.”
Luca cracked his neck. “Fuck.”
“I know that you’re the boss, but—”
Luca held up a hand. “Whatever you can do to help, please do it.”
“We can’t pour all of our energy into trying to find how this info got out. We’ve been tapped for a while now, probably by multiple people. We need to just button up. Nothing outside the seven of us.”
Luca tilted his head. “Seven?”
“Yeah, us and the girls,” I replied and then remembered one other person. “Sorry, eight, Ricky.” I thought about Stacy and wished desperately that she could be one of them. “Listen, um. This chick I met. You and I have been talking about getting out, and—”
Luca shook his head. “I’m sorry, Gabe. I know, it might help to say it to her, but our reputation is probably the only thing keeping the Binachis from lighting us up again. We’ve gotten soft, and that’s how this information got out. We have to let people continue to think that we’re the same, ruthless people we’ve always been. That documentary actually helps us.” Luca must have noticed my disappointment because his voice softened when he spoke again. “I’m sorry. I know we all have someone and, it feels like you don’t, but trust me, sometimes, it’s not all it’s cracked up to be. You have three brothers who will tell you that.”
I didn’t believe him. I wasn’t sure what he had or hadn’t heard about Marco and Kelly, but the brothers I knew loved their partners down to the marrow in their bones. Relationships in our world are hard, but not impossible. If I didn’t believe in that, then I was going to slip right into the same, dark hole that had swallowed Alessandro up and spit out his worst self. Maybe it wouldn’t be Stacy, and god that hurt more than anything, but I had to believe that one day, I could find happiness; we all could.
“I won’t say anything,” I assured.
“Thanks.” He looked straight into my eyes, and it sent a wave of chills over me. “I know what it’s like to want to do anything for her and not be able to.”
The sadness that hovered around Luca was further proof that I needed to expedite getting him and Molly out for a vacation. I also had to sort out how that would work. If I invited Alessandro back into this world, he might never leave again, but if I called on Marco only, and not him, I could lose the only brother who’d ever tried his hardest to love me the way my father asked him to. I could start with a phone call to Marco, at least, and if nothing else, maybe he’d be able to glean some insight.
Luca cleared the silence between us by leaning back in his chair and folding his hands on top of his desk—business Luca. It was time to get down to brass tacks. “All right, look. You’re right. We can’t sink a bunch of energy into trying to find moles. Information stays in the inner family, no exception. We also need to put some energy into building up our defenses. Without Alessandro and Marco, we need some additional manpower.”
My eyes cast quickly to a manilla folder on his desk and then back up to Luca. He said, “I’ll take care of this.”
I shook my head. “What is it?”
“It’s okay. It’s not for you.”
“Let me do it,” I demanded.
Luca smiled at me, and it was oddly warm. “It’s okay, Gabe. You focus on—”
“Last year, you handed me a gun and told me it was time to prove I was a Varasso.” Luca opened his mouth to respond, but I kept talking before he could get anything out. “I didn’t do it then, but I want to do it now. I want to prove that I’m a Varasso. I want to prove you can trust me with this shit. You’re…” I sighed, trying my best not to get too emotional. “You’re not on your own. Let me help.”
“It’s a biggie,” Luca replied. “Anthony Carducci.”
I tried not to show the way my world tilted around me. Anthony Carducci was the nation’s most notorious crime boss. He hailed out of Chicago, but he had operations in every state and even a few overseas. I’d heard his name mentioned a couple of times by my dad before he died, but never again after that. Luca had been careful not to pull on any of the strings my dad left dangling—there was no telling which ones had balloons at the top and which ones had anvils—but if we needed backup and Carducci was willing to honor what my dad had started, it could be a game-changer.
“I can do it.” Even though I was at least half certain I might get my hand chopped off, I reached onto Luca’s desk and helped myself to the folder. He watched me with piqued curiosity but ultimately left the clever commentary out of it. “When’s the meeting?”
Luca still looked unsure, but still took a breath and said, “At two. A place downtown called Surento’s.”
I peeked at the watch on my wrist. I’d inherited it from my dad, and this was probably the first time I was looking at it practically and not just to try and remember the man who’d left it to me. It was a quarter after one, just enough time to finish up with Luca and get to the meeting. Though I’d volunteered, it did make me wonder if it was better suited to the family. I’d already opened my mouth, so too late to take it back now.
“You sure you got it?” Luca asked.
I was reviewing the notes in the folder. Doesn’t like being challenged. A stickler for time. A control freak. “What do I offer him?” I asked.
“Whatever he wants,” Luca said. “There’s no price too high.”
I nodded. “I got it.”
“Then go. Time is a huge deal for him.”
I did exactly as I was told. I was still cutting it close when I was pulling up in front of the restaurant, but I
had five minutes to spare. I could go in, get a table, and start focusing on breathing, preparing myself for the most important task I’d been given by my brother, ever. I scurried from my car, and as I rushed towards the restaurant door, I barely caught a glimpse of a couple of bodies leaving. I pulled the door open and held it, and the next thing that happened screeched my world to a halt. A familiar scent filled my nose, followed by the flick of golden blond hair in my face.
“Stacy,” I murmured, not even having told my brain to say the word.
Stacy looked back at me and the woman at her side, a slightly shorter woman with a bob haircut, raised an eyebrow and said, “He is beautiful.”
Stacy continued down the sidewalk, and I damn near tripped over myself trying to get to her. I grabbed her arm, but she yanked it from me. I hated that she looked at me like some demon now.
“You haven’t answered my calls.”
“I don’t have anything to say to you,” she replied.
“Please, just give me a chance to prove myself to you,” I begged. “I don’t want you to be mad at me anymore.”
Stacy shook her head. “I have nothing to be mad at, Gabriel.”
The woman at Stacy’s side squeezed her arm and continued off down the sidewalk. Stacy waited until the woman was climbing into her car to continue. She looked back at me, her expression telling me that she felt as strained as I did to be apart.
“I’m just disappointed in you,” she said, at last. “I thought you were a better person than that.”
“I am.”
Stacy shook her head. “No good person could ever do that stuff, or even think about it.”
That time, when I reached out for Stacy, she relented. I took her hand in mine and kissed the back of it gently. “Family is—”
“Family would never ask that of you.” She stared at her hand in mine. It went slack, at first, and I could tell she didn’t want to pull it away, but she finally did. She looked up at me with pain in her eyes. “Goodbye, Gabriel.”
