Materfamilias

by Wendie Nordgren

  The web above Sue’s tank was empty. “Where is Thunderdrop?”

  Yukihyo smiled, and a deep chuckle rumbled through his chest. “I consider him to be one of the children. Please, don’t tell him.”

  My stomach grumbled angrily. “What did you get?”

  Moving me from his lap and over to the couch, he went to the kitchen and returned with a plate of appetizers to appease me until Chef finished cooking. “Oh, Yukihyo.” I gazed adoringly at the cheeses and fig-filled pastries before demolishing them. Fitz sat on the floor beside me and offered me a sip from a straw. Sweet fruit juice slid down my throat. Bliss. Eli and Drex strode into the room looking dangerously annoyed. “Is something wrong?” I asked.

  “No, not at all,” Eli said reassuringly as he sat across from me.

  I leaned over to suck some more juice up the straw Fitz held for me.

  “How are you feeling, dearest one?” Drex asked.

  My face lit up with joy. Looking from Dario to Fitz, I asked, “Should we tell them?”

  “You should do the honors,” Dario said. He leaned over and kissed the top of my head.

  I squealed happily and announced, “We’re having two little girls! Oh, they are going to be so cute! I want everything to match! Just think. Tiny little girl fingers and toes, pink dresses and bows! I’m so excited!”

  Manly words of congratulations were exchanged among the males in the room. Then, Chef announced that dinner was prepared. Yukihyo took my empty snack plate away, and Drex helped me to my feet. At the table, I sat in front of my fantasy. Closing my eyes in appreciation, I sighed as the potatoes and gravy hit my tongue. I started thinking about Clark. Then, I bit into chicken and frowned. I pushed the meat around, examining it. The gravy had hidden the fact that it was chicken.

  Eli asked, “Is something wrong?”

  I offered him a smile and said, “No, it’s fine.” My Inquisitor didn’t believe me.

  “What is it?” He wasn’t going to let it go.

  “Chicken,” I shrugged my shoulders. “It’s not a big deal.”

  The men around the table exchanged looks. I continued to eat, but my excitement had vanished. Why make brown gravy to go with chicken? Avoiding the poor bird, I ate the potatoes and gravy.

  “Teagan?” Nico tried to get my attention. “Female, what’s the matter?”

  I put my finger to my lips and made sure Chef wasn’t listening. I didn’t want to hurt his feelings. “Are we out of meat? Don’t we have any steak? Didn’t they have any available for purchase in the markets?”

  Yukihyo said, “Finish up, and we’ll go for a drive.” Reaching over with his fork, he jabbed a few pieces of my chicken and ate them.

  Nico followed his lead and made a few more pieces disappear. We all cared about Chef. Then, he went to the bedroom and came back with the white sweater Papa had given me and pair of shoes.

  Dario said, “Let’s go get some fresh air.”

  “Drex, please work your technological magic and don’t allow Momma to find out that I left the ship like this.”

  He acknowledged me with a tip of his head. With his particular skillset, he could prevent us from being recorded. Then, Yukihyo, Nico, Drex, Dario, Fitz, Eli, and I loaded into a sleek black transport. Yukihyo drove us from the ship and out into the land port which was illuminated against the darkness. I started to worry about the children. Zared entered my thoughts and showed me images of the children as they got to pet small, tame bats while Thunderdrop eyed the creatures hungrily.

  Into my thoughts, Zared said, “Drex and Eli will need a stronger push before agreeing to placate you with a trip to Chione. They are conducting their own secret investigation, but the Militia is watching us closely for acts of aggression. It is preventing them from making much progress. You may need to shed a few tears. Can you do it on your own, or should I assist you?”

  I sent him my feelings of disbelief. How could he possibly ask his overly emotional, hormonal wife such a thing?

  Yukihyo parked the transport in front of a diner. The single-story restaurant had a theme, fig leaves. The plasti-glass door had a large, green, decorative fig leaf welded to the front of it. When Yukihyo held the door open for me, the delicious scent of spiced meat wafted to my nose and pulled me forward with invisible fingers. Seated at tables around the establishment, patrons stuffed themselves with large meat pastries. My mouth watered in anticipation. Fitz gave me his arm and walked me to the hostess whose solid black eyes had widened in immediate recognition.

  “Please, treat us as you would anyone else,” Yukihyo said as he pressed a credit chip to her palm.

  “Yes, my lord. Right this way,” she curtsied before leading us over to a long table in front of a picture window, so much for our anonymity.

  Drex activated the virtual menu in the center of the table, and we each made our selections. Luckily, I had gotten over the troubled feelings that consuming goat meat had once aroused within me, because it was what filled the meat pies. I ordered stuffed mushrooms and fried potatoes to go with them. I wanted to be sure I got full.

  Zared entered my thoughts. “Teagan, can the children have a pet bat?”

  I spat my juice all over myself. Grabbing a napkin, I hurried to blot myself dry. Out loud, I asked, “Excuse me? A pet what?”

  “A pet bat. It’s tame, gentle, and a popular pet on Aurilius. It’s been neutered and has its travel documents in order.” Zared showed me Neema with a bat hanging from her finger.

  To the men at the table, I said, “Zared has lost his mind.”

  Eli asked, “What happened?” His expression was serious, and he was ready to hunt him down.

  Quaid laughed and explained.

  Yukihyo said, “It would be good for the children to have a little pet. It teaches compassion.”

  Catching sight of my expression in the picture window’s reflection, I forced my features to relax. I didn’t want the restaurant’s employees and patrons to get the wrong idea. “Bat poop.” I shivered and thought about guano droppings all over my black, white, and grey marbled carpeting. Shaking my head, I said, “No. Absolutely not. She will not have a pet bat.”

  Zared said, “She will be heartbroken.”

  “Then, put her thoughts toward something else. I will not share living quarters with a bat or a monkey. They belong outside.” I shivered again.

  Zared laughed in my mind.

  Jazon entered our telepathic discussion. He said, “Tracy agrees. She says that bats are afraid and unhappy in space. Without access to a colony of its own kind, it would not live long. The dim light of this world or the bright suns of Epopeus make them unsuitable places to purchase a pet to take off world. Perhaps, when we reach Chione, Lord Ponidi’s daughter might find a pet to love.”

  I gave a nod of my head, “I agree with Jazon and Tracy.”

  “Alright,” Zared said as he conceded.

  “Yukihyo, did you find any ice bear in the markets?”

  He shook his head. “No, Lady Wife. The threat of war caused panic among the populations in this sector. While ample supplies of items they produce on this world remain, imported items are sparse. Don’t worry. The Sidero Clan is smoking some for us. We will hunt once we arrive. The ice bear populations on our lands are in desperate need of a culling.”

  It was time for my performance. A few sad thoughts were all it would take. Placing my hands over my unborn twin daughters, I thought of Momma and of what we had been cheated. My tears never got the chance to fall. Feeling my emotions through our bond, Drex came to my side and kneeled by my chair. He laid his head on my lap and wrapped his arms around my back.

  “My dearest one, tell me how to banish this sadness from your heart.”

  “Drex, it’s nothing. I promise.” Feelings of guilt replaced all of the other feelings within me.

  Quaid said, “Her cravings are leading to feelings of frustration. She doesn’t want to be rude and cause political upset but wants to leave, so she is attempting to hide her needs.” />
  Dario asked, “Is this true?”

  I shoved my meat pie into my mouth and chewed to avoid answering. It was kind of the truth, but I really didn’t want to lie to the father of one of my unborn daughters.

  “If you need this, we will leave immediately. I will not allow the mother of my child to suffer,” Dario said with a fanatical conviction.

  “Nor will I,” Fitz declared. He stared into the eyes of each of the males around the table.

  Eli said, “Very well. We are in agreement. Once everyone has boarded the Empress, I will order Captain Ricimer to set our course for Chione.”

  I asked, “Can we place an order to go for the cold storage?”

  Drex’s eyes were full of good humor and love as he gazed up at me. It made my feelings of guilt multiply.

  Chapter Fifteen

  During the ride back to the ship, my thoughts plagued me. Papa had learned about Sparrow’s probes. Keeping secrets from the Emperor was difficult unless you were an evil snake of a treasonous bastard like the traitor had been. My expulsion had been a ruse. I was just a cover for Sparrow, Zared, and my Ponidi brothers to complete their mission to uncover the identity of whomever had planted the probe which had almost torn our worlds apart and devastated our newfound peace. Rovek and Cormac knew all of this. Why exclude Eli and Drex? They were not weak-minded. They were fiercely intelligent, loyal to the Parvac Empire, and had minds strong enough to block any unscrupulous telepathic assaults on their privacy. Hadn’t Cory kept his secrets from Quaid? Why could we not trust our Inquisitors? Eli had command of a few of my Omnes Videntes in times of need. Kaoti commanded the others, who served as my Imperial Guards. Kaoti had been in the lab with us. He was always with me, and he knew the details of our mission. Was the mission supposed to be kept secret from them because it was too difficult for my hybrid warriors to shield so many minds, or was there another reason?

  “Are you alright?” Fitz asked. He took my hand and held it.

  “I’m fine. I’m just tired.” I was tired. I was tired of secrets and lies. Each time I was dishonest with one of the people who I loved, I felt dirty. An important realization resurfaced in my mind but with more certainty. It was important for me to prove to myself that I was smart and capable, but I wasn’t an Inquisitor. The things they thrived on made me miserable. Secrets and subterfuge troubled my heart. I did enjoy blending in and being sneaky. That was fun, and there were times when fighting was necessary. However, recently Clark and Quaid had each made it clear to me that I wasn’t much of a fighter. Even should I draw upon the knowledge of my Laconian hybrid warriors to fight or do anything else, I would be using them. It wouldn’t be me accomplishing anything.

  We had returned to my ship, and I had excused myself to my bedroom under the pretense of resting. I really just wanted some time to think. No matter how much I had tried to rationalize my assignment and obeying my Papa’s wishes, I couldn’t banish my guilt. Being dishonest with my husbands would eat at my soul for the duration of the trip, but if I were to say or do anything to put Zared, Quaid, and the others at risk with our respective governments, I would never forgive myself. Easing my guilt at risk to their lives would be unforgivably selfish.

  Once our mission was complete and we were home, I would tell Rovek to leave my expulsion as it stood. There was no reason to confuse anyone with the truth of it all having been a ruse. I wanted to prove myself, but I needed to find another way to do it. With Yukihyo, I had enjoyed learning to buy, sell, and trade. My family on Arachne had taught me how to harvest and produce luxurious silk. Papa had been training me in diplomacy. While attempting to prove myself to Drex, I had become involved with the Inquisitors Academy. People I loved continued to teach me about the things which defined them, but what truly defined me? Being so involved with my children and husbands, I was beginning to lose my grasp on who I was. Had I ever truly known? Most of my life had involved survival. Then, it had been a swirl of new people, places, experiences, luxury, loss, and fulfillment. Now, life had calmed, and I could catch my balance, but the peacefulness of my personal life clarified my own personal desires, and it seemed the goals for which I worked were no longer ones I wanted to obtain.

  Things of which I was certain were my children, husbands, family, and friends. The Parvac Empire had my loyalty, something I never would have believed a few years ago. Clark had asked me why I didn’t fly when it was what gave me the most pleasure. He was right to ask the question. I needed to start asking myself a lot of questions, and I needed to search my heart for the answers.

  The door opened to my dark bedroom. Zared was illuminated by the light spilling in around him as he entered and closed the door. He took a moment to remove his boots before joining me in bed and waiting while I moved to rest in his arms.

  “I can’t help but hear your troubled thoughts and feel the guilt which eats at you. Since it is your goal to question your own desires, might I pose to you some additional ones?”

  “I guess, but it doesn’t matter. I would never do anything to endanger you, Quaid, or my clan brothers.”

  Zared kissed the top of my head. “We all know that. What happened when you visited the estate Drex gave to you?”

  “Tracy looked for fish….” I became annoyed thinking of what Cormac and Rovek had forced Jezzie to do. “I passed my loyalty test.”

  “Correct. Ensigns are often tested. It is to be expected. Now, let me ask you this. What events surrounded your first meeting of Cedrenus, Binder, and Ross?”

  I thought back to the training mission on which Sparrow, Tracy, Dario, and I had gone. “They blew up something on their ship, and Rovek was injured.”

  “Then, what happened?”

  “They asked for help.” Since Rovek had been incapacitated, they had been forced to request outside assistance. Drawing in a sharp breath, I sat up and stared into Zared’s black eyes. “Are you saying this is a training mission? I can tell Eli and Drex, superior officers, and ask for help? We won’t really be in trouble if I tell?”

  “Teagan, how many times have all of us known things which we have all managed to keep secret from those whom we do not trust?” He moved his hands soothingly along my back. “I agree with your thoughts. Now is not the time for you to worry about such things. The little princesses in your womb need all of your concentration. Worry isn’t good for them or for their mother. My advice to you is to fear nothing and to do what you think is best. Don’t ever fear that any of us would allow ourselves to be executed. We won’t give cause for it ever to be considered. Our home is with you in the Empire.”

  “Thank you, Zared.” Leaving the bed, I went in search of Eli and Drex.

  They were in a conference room on the Command Deck. Both of them looked up at me as I entered. Looking into their eyes made me feel guilty. Did they really know about our mission, or had it been kept a secret from them? I wrapped my arms around myself. Being duplicitous with men who I loved went against my nature. I couldn’t take it anymore. I had tried. Would Papa want me to make myself sick?

  I made the sign cadets were taught at the Academy for privacy and watched as Drex activated the shielding which would prevent our words from being overheard. “Aside from loving both of you, I trust you with my life and those who are more precious to me than my own life, my children. I know neither of you would ever hurt me, and endangering any of my family members would devastate me. What I need to tell you hasn’t been spoken aloud, only thoughts have been shared since leaving home.”

  “What is troubling you?” Eli asked. His words were calm and quiet, but I could only imagine what he would do to anyone who threatened me.

  Drex watched me without even seeming to blink.

  Closing my eyes, I covered my mouth with my fingers and tried to grapple with my thoughts. “Papa ordered this to remain a secret. I can’t call him and ask him what to do. Someone might learn of it.” I looked from Drex to Eli. “I just can’t. My emotions are all over the place, and my thoughts don’t seem to be much better.
I need your help.”

  Eli pulled out a chair. “Come sit and tell us everything.”

  After I had told them everything, starting with Sparrow’s lab, I asked, “What about Papa? Will he punish us? Did I just get everyone into trouble?”

  Studying me, Eli asked, “With your Omnes Videntes, Sparrow, and Quaid, you have an impressive team. Why confide in us?”

  “Oh, Eli. Keeping things from you is making me sick. We should be working together to uncover this threat. If anyone can uncover the truth, as I’m sure you have been attempting to do anyway, it is the two of you. Secretly nudging you, in what Quaid believes is the right direction, seems detrimental to our mission. So, tell me. How do I protect Quaid and everyone else from censure from their superiors?”

  Eli said, “Teagan, had the Militia not wanted us unofficially to know, they would have made it impossible for Quaid to visit you.” He held his hand out to me, and when I took it, he drew me onto his lap. I sat and rested my head on his shoulder. Unfastening his jacket, I slipped my cold hand inside of it and enjoyed his warmth while inhaling his clean, masculine scent. Feeling comforted, I closed my eyes. “I will take care of everything. You don’t need to worry.”

  A faint sound was all of the warning I received before Drex lifted my feet to his lap and warmed my bare toes with his hands.

  “I will prove to you with this mission that you were right to trust me,” Eli said quietly.

  “Didn’t the two of you know about it?”

  “No, we did not,” Eli said. “However, we have been looking into the matter on our own.”

  Remnants of his previous mission still hung down like tattered battle pennants between us, fluttering in a dry wind of old pain. Both of us wanted to make it right and put it all behind us.

  Drex said, “Don’t be in such a hurry to leave the Academy behind. You may feel more like yourself in a few weeks. What you have accomplished isn’t only for you. Little girls across the Empire are watching you. Lean on me, and I will help you.”