Are you awake?
I checked the time it was sent, cursing myself for having set my phone to silent last night. I hadn’t even considered the possibility of her calling or texting. I just didn’t want to be bothered with calls from Mia or anyone else.
To my relief, she’d sent the text just twenty minutes earlier. So I responded not, bothering to explain my delay in response. Just sent the one word. Yes. Her name lit up my screen again with an incoming call and that alarmed me. Why would she be calling this early? I nearly dropped the phone, trying to answer so fast.
“Hello?”
“Edi’s upset with me,” she said; then I heard the sniffle.
“Why?”
My heart was already racing. Had she done it? Had she actually proposed what I’d suggested even before getting back?
“The text I got in your room last night. It was from her. She wanted to talk. I had a feeling something was up because she was texting so late, but I was afraid she might notice I’d been drinking, so I didn’t respond. I figured I could say I was asleep and didn’t see the text until this morning. She called this morning before I could even respond.” She paused to sniffle again, and I could picture her wiping her sweet little nose and dabbing her eyes as she had last night. “After Bea left the night she came over and asked if you and I were having an affair, all Edi asked was if she had anything to worry about. Of course, I told her she didn’t, and she seemed satisfied with that, but she said after we got off the phone last night she was left with an ugly feeling in her gut. It’s why she texted me. Her text last night was a single sentence. Please tell me again I have nothing to worry about and that you love me. It’s why I left so suddenly. The guilt was overwhelming, especially given that I’d just been discussing breaking things off with her with the person she’s worrying about.”
She quieted, and I waited, but when she didn’t go on, I had to ask,“What did you tell her?”
“That I do love her and that she doesn’t have anything to worry about, but then she asked what I’d done last night after I got off the phone with her. I couldn’t lie, Aaron, especially not to her. It’s not even that I’m such a noble and sincere person. I just suck at it, and Edi especially would know I was lying.”
She took a deep breath, and while she still sounded upset, at least she wasn’t crying anymore.
“So you told her you spent the evening with me in my room? Is that what she’s upset about?”
“It’s what started it,” she said, her tone going a little hesitant—cautious. “She was mostly quiet when I told her we’d split a pizza and ate it in your room. I was completely honest and even told her about the wine, but I assured her all we did is what we always do. Just talk. And again I assured her she had absolutely nothing to worry about. She’d hardly said anything the whole time until I finished explaining, and then she asked one thing. Are you attracted to him?”
She stopped again, and I knew now why she’d hesitated. I stood up, my heart rate picking up tempo, and I began pacing slowly, not sure if I should ask, but there was no fucking way I was going to let her leave it at that.
“I was honest about that too,” she finally said, and I froze in place, holding my breath. “She hung up on me.”
That still wasn’t an answer, but it was all I needed. Henrietta proceeded with how she’d tried to call Edi back several times and sent a few texts, repeating once again what was getting annoying as shit to hear. That she’d assured Edi again in her texts that she had nothing to worry about.
“Physical attraction is completely different from actually feeling something for someone.”
“I agree,” I said immediately as my insides heated, but we were getting something straight right now. “And if you’re not feeling for me what I’m feeling for you, then Edi doesn’t have anything to worry about. Like I said last night, Henri, what I’m feeling didn’t just happen overnight, and I think I’ve managed to remain as professional as possible.”
“You have.” Her words were a near whisper.
“If you need me to tell her myself that she has nothing to worry about, I can do that too.” My tone was much harsher than I’d planned it to be, but I struggled to tone it down. “I’m sorry it’s turned into an issue for you two.”
“I think we can both agree the real issue between Edi and me runs much deeper than this. I’d just hate to think she’s hurting because I never wanna do that to her again.”
She sounded so sad I felt like an asshole. Here I’d told her she could talk to me anytime about anything, and the first call she makes to vent, I nearly blow up on her. I pulled the phone away, covering the mouthpiece with my finger so I could exhale as hard as I needed to. Then I took a deep breath and tried again.
“Listen, admitting to your girlfriend that you’re attracted to someone else, even if it is just a physical attraction,” I added, doing my best to not sound as irritated as that made me, “is never gonna over well. Hell, I’m breaking things off with Mia and don’t think I’ll be as honest as you were with Edi. But I don’t think it’s an end-all. I’m sure she’s been attracted to other people. It’s natural. She’s gotta give you credit for being honest. I say you give her some time to cool off and she’ll be okay.”
“Ugh!” she said loudly. “I hate this. I really had planned on sleeping in today. I would’ve if she hadn’t woken me. It’s not even eight yet, and there’s no way I’m going back to sleep now.”
“I couldn’t sleep either,” I admitted. “I’ve been tossing and turning for over an hour now. I was just thinking about going down and grabbing some coffee when I saw your text. You wanna go get breakfast?”
“Yes, actually.” The sudden change in her voice had me smiling again. “Food always cheers me up. Waffles with lots of strawberries and whipped cream would sure hit the spot right now.”
Why did even that have my crotch coming alive? Despite my annoyance with her just minutes ago, the visual of watching Henrietta licking whipped cream off her lips had me rock hard and groaning the moment I was off the phone.
Okay, maybe the physical attraction I felt to her had reached a new level as well, but what I felt for her wasn’t purely physical. Of that I was certain.
Chapter 15
Henri
Less than an hour after I got off the phone with Aaron that morning, I was showered and packed so that we could just come back to pick up our suitcases after breakfast. I’d done enough blubbering about Edi for the weekend, so I was determined to stay off the subject. I also wanted to steer clear of any more talk about his feelings for me. It terrified me as much as it thrilled me. For as much as he said that our relationship would remain as professional as always, I could already feel things changing. Though in his defense, I’d felt them changing weeks ago.
I still hadn’t decided or known what was going to happen between Edi and me. I wasn’t sure I could go through with it. What if she really didn’t want anything more to do with me anymore? I didn’t want to risk Aaron finding out the truth about what I was feeling for him. Though I was pretty sure, just as I sucked at lying, I was pathetically transparent when it came to hiding what he did to me. The more I heard him say he had feelings for me, the harder it would be for me to not admit the truth. I was crazy about him. I just wasn’t sure if taking a chance on a relationship with him was worth losing Edi. But I’d learned my lesson with Edi. I also didn’t want to ruin my friendship with him by admitting anything in case I couldn’t go through breaking things off with her. I hated to admit it even to myself because, as much as I loved Edi, it felt so wrong but . . . I was officially completely torn.
So I was determined to stick to a safer subject. I was curious to hear more about Aaron’s relationship with Mia anyway. I wondered how it was possible that they could be together so long and he felt so little for her that he was letting her go. I’d known Edi under four years, and the thought of losing her was a suffocating one. But then I knew my situation with her and Aaron’s with Mia were significantly
different.
My plan worked. We spent the entire morning and a better part of the afternoon talking about his relationship with Mia. He seemed hesitant at first, as if it weren’t a subject he wanted to think about, but he eventually gave in. He told me about how he’d met Mia and how they were friends first before they’d fallen for each other. In hindsight, he said he knew his utter excitement in the beginning was purely a sexual thing. “Crazed teenage hormones” is what he’d called it. She’d been his first but wasn’t his only sexual experience since they did break up for a while. It’s how he knew it wasn’t just boredom. Nor was it the selfish need to experience that high you feel in the beginning of a relationship. Because he’d never felt that magic with any of the other girls he dated either. He told me about what his father had said to him once. How even if you couldn’t explain it, you’d somehow just know when you met the one.
Aaron said he’d just never felt it with Mia. “More than anything, I just think whoever you’re with is supposed to make you really happy. You’re supposed to look forward to seeing them, talking to them, just being around them. And I haven’t felt that with Mia in a long time. Even back in our happier times, I don’t recall ever feeling that magic you’re supposed to feel when you’re truly in love with someone. Like no matter how much time you spend with them,” he paused, staring at me, “it’s never enough.”
For a moment, neither of us said a word, and I knew the exact feeling he was talking about. Already, I wasn’t looking forward to this trip ending. He’d explained on the flight here that he’d had to switch shifts to be able to get the three days off in a row from the station this weekend, so he’d ended up with what he called a dreaded four-dayer. Meaning he’d be working four twenty-four-hour shifts in a row, starting tomorrow.
After he dropped me off at home tonight, I wouldn’t see him for six days. Friday, the day he did finally get home from his four-dayer, Edi and I were going to a party. I had an appointment to get my hair cut that day and planned on going shopping the rest of the day, so I’d already told him I wouldn’t be able to come in on Friday. He’d be back in the station for a one-day shift on Saturday. Though I’d felt it before when I’d go three or four days straight without seeing him, I had a feeling this time it would feel like an eternity. Especially after the weekend we’d just had.
I had one more reason for the guilt grenades to continue to detonate. Here I was actually dreading not being around him for six days and he hadn’t even left my side. Yet I was grateful that Edi wouldn’t be home after not seeing her for going on three days now.
“There’s definitely something missing in my relationship”—he glanced back down at the bottled water the flight attendant had just brought him—“and it’s about time Mia and I just admit it.”
Saying goodbye that evening when he dropped me off was bittersweet. As tempted as I was to hug him and thank him for the amazing opportunity this had been, I couldn’t. I feared he might take it the wrong way. So I settled for a handshake and genuine smile.
“I’ll see you Sunday,” I said.
“Sunday?” he asked with a touch of alarm.
“Yeah,” I said, inadvertently giving way to my disappointment. “You work all week, and Friday I can’t come in. You said you work Saturday too, right?”
Unlike me, he didn’t even attempt to hide his disappointment, warming my heart in the process. “Shit! I forgot about that,” he said then to my surprise added, “It’s gonna be long week.”
“Yeah, it’s exactly what I was thinking,” I said, knowing I shouldn’t, but I just couldn’t help it.
“Call me if you need to talk.”
“I will.”
As usual, he waited until I was inside and waved from the door window before he drove away. My heart felt ready to come apart with everything it was feeling. But I knew I was in trouble. While it should be feeling heavy like the last and only time I hadn’t heard back from Edi all day and knew she was hurt, it was bursting with excitement instead.
I was really going to have to practice my speech and my continued reassurance to Edi that she had nothing to worry about. That nothing had changed and wouldn’t be changing as Aaron promised, but in my heart I knew things were already changing. And both Edi and I had a ton to be worried about.
~*~
Aaron
“Are you in love with her?”
I stared at Mia, amazed at the difference in what I felt watching her tear-streaked face and what I’d felt last night seeing Henrietta’s. While my heart sympathized with Mia, it really did, this was just added confirmation that my feelings for Henrietta were off the charts like nothing I’d ever felt for Mia.
“Just be honest,” she pressed on. “It’s the least you can do after everything we’ve been through. Are you and her—?”
“No,” I said with conviction.
I may be guilty of having fallen for someone else, but I wouldn’t allow Mia to imply that either Henrietta or I would disrespect her that way.
“Nothing has ever happened between Henrietta and me. She’s a nice, respectable girl—”
“Are. You. In. Love. With. Her?” she asked even louder. “Just answer the damn question!”
“Yes!” I said, stunning us both. “But it’s not why I’m breaking things off with you.”
“Bullshit! I knew it!” she cried out. “I knew I’d felt a change once you brought that little girl in to work for you, but I didn’t think you’d actually be that into her. She’s a child! What is she eighteen, nineteen, Aaron? Do you really think you and her are—?”
“It’s nothing like that, Mia! She doesn’t even know I’m in love with her. She’s in her own relationship. And you know as well as I do, that damn change we both felt happening started long before she came to work for me. Things between you and me haven’t been right for a long time.”
“So why this?” she yelled, pulling off her engagement ring and throwing at me. “Why the big phony proposal in front of all our friends and family?”
“Doing it that way wasn’t my idea,” I said, feeling like the biggest douche on the planet. “If I’d been up to me, I would’ve done it privately. You know what my crazy family is like. But doing it at all was stupid, okay? I admit it and I’m sorry. As long as you and I have been together, I thought maybe it’s what was missing. Taking the next step. I was wrong.”
“So that’s it,” she said, her face scrunching up. “Ten years down the drain.”
“It doesn’t have to be.” She looked at me, confused, the tears still pouring down her cheeks, and the thought of Henrietta’s words last night nearly made me smirk at such an inopportune moment. But I said it anyway because I really meant it. “We could still be friends, Mia. Your friendship means the world to me.”
“Get out,” she said through her teeth. “And take that fucking ring with you.”
I could’ve tried to argue, but it was pointless. In all the years I’d been with Mia, she’d never once cussed at me, not seriously anyway. I knew this was the maddest she’d ever been at me and rightfully so maybe, but I’d started this discussion with zero intention of admitting even being attracted to Henrietta. I should’ve known Mia already knew. She probably knew even before I did. As bad as this breakup had gone, it was as painless as possible given the fact that Mia had been intent that I admit I was in love with Henrietta. There was nothing else I could say that would lessen the pain, so I picked up the ring and left without saying another word.
~~~
It hadn’t even been two full days since I’d last seen or heard from Henrietta. Not two full days! And here I’d been fighting the urge to at least text her for that long. Monday afternoon I’d done the next best thing. I texted Eileen, who I knew was working with Henrietta that day to ask for an update on the queues. It was a valid inquiry. The week after a show we were usually flooded with new orders. I could easily check for myself on my phone app, but I used the excuse that the app wasn’t on real time like checking directly on the actual the
website.
She updated me with the numbers, which were higher than they’d ever been the first work day after a show. I smiled, certain Henrietta giving the presentations had everything to do with that. I asked a few more generic questions before asking if she was giving Henrietta a ride home. Thankfully, she responded not just with a yes but that she was also picking her up and dropping her off the next day and what hours they’d be putting in.
The next day we got a call for a run not too far from my place, so I gave into the temptation and did something that wasn’t entirely unheard of. I asked the guys to stop by my place so I could pick up something I’d forgotten. It wouldn’t be the first time one of us had stopped by while on duty in the fire truck at our home, kid’s school, or little league games, etc.
I knew it was pathetic, but I couldn’t help it. I was suddenly going nuts not having heard from her and dying to see her again. I knew this was bad—really bad—but I was helpless to fight what I felt. Even as I jumped off the truck and hurried into my house, I could feel the adrenaline rush and my heart racing just knowing I’d be near her soon.
I didn’t realize I was practically sprinting when I skidded into the back room and both Henrietta and Eileen looked up from where they were standing wrapping packages. I made such a clumsy loud entrance they both stared at me wide-eyed and speechless.
“P-paperwork,” I stammered without thinking, hitching my thumb up and pointed at my office. “I, uh, had to stop for some paperwork I needed.”
Eileen nodded with a look of amused confusion, but Henrietta smiled. I smiled also, too big I’m sure, but she was absolutely beautiful. I was so far gone I should’ve been terrified, but I wasn’t. Instead, I felt ridiculously elated just to see here. “Henrietta?” I said as casually as I could. “Can I, uh, see you in my office for a moment?”
Defining Love: Volume 3 (Defining Love #3) Page 5
