One night, he went out with the lads and saw some gorgeous, ‘seriously hot’ – in his words – woman, sitting at a table towards the back of the bar. He kept watching her sitting alone, and after a short time decided to try his luck. He started talking to her, giving her a few of his best chat-up lines. He thought she was interested.
She explained to him that she was on a date, but handed him a card with her number on and said he should give her a call as she had a business opportunity for him.
‘Well, I go back to the guys, who rip it out of me that I got nowhere. But there was me with a number, so as far as I was concerned, I was on a winner. Anyway, this mega-old guy walks in and goes straight over to my woman. As he gets there, she jumps up, cradles his face in her hands, and plants one straight on his lips. I mean, he was like could-be-her-grandad old.
‘I thought something was fishy. So, I got a bit pissed off, like angry, why give me her number when she’s dating a grave-dodger? Maybe she was just trying to line someone new for when the old guy snuffed it. I decided to ring the number then and there and have a go at her while she was sitting with the bloke. To ask her if I should tell him she’s handing her number out to anyone who asks.
‘I dig out my mobile and type the number in. The whole time, she’s all over this guy, and I wait for her to jump up and answer. She doesn’t. Some woman answers the phone. Lovely Ladies, she says in this really seductive tone. I stutter for a minute, not really registering what is happening. I get more angry. She’s not even given me her number! Then I look at the card and see a name. So, I say, “Crystal gave me this card, about a business opportunity. I’m sorry, I think it was a wind up.”
‘The woman on the phone says, “Ahhh Crystal, she is one of my best girls. If she thinks you are good for the job, I trust her judgement.” I was like: What job?’
‘So, Crystal was an escort?’ I queried.
‘Well yeah, it was obvious once they’d told me. Explains the old guy. Basically, they were trying to sort out a male escort company to run alongside their ladies’ one, and before I knew it I was first on their books. The rest is what they call history. I quit the garage and saved anybody having to be fired.’
‘How long have you been doing it?’
‘Eight years.’
‘So, I’m guessing you aren’t married?’
‘Pfft. Nah. I’m not the marrying kind. Don’t see the point. Every relationship I’ve ever had has ended, not to mention my mum and dad and everyone else around me. Why would you want to be tied to someone you don’t even like any more?’
I found that really sad. Was it true? Did true love always have to lead to heartache? I had to agree that, so far, I hadn’t had much luck, but it didn’t stop me from wanting to keep trying. Ok, I may have been finding things hard at the moment, but it didn’t mean I was giving up.
We drank, we talked, we drank some more, then I got the text to say my taxi was just about to pull up.
‘Well, it was really nice to see you again. I’ve enjoyed tonight, just chatting about the old days and stuff,’ he said.
‘Yeah, it’s been great,’ I agreed. ‘God, if someone had bet me money we would be sitting in a bar together one day, having a heart-to-heart, I would have lost!’ I got up to leave and Steve hugged me, placing a kiss on my cheek as he did so.
‘I hope we can do this again some day,’ he said, as I walked away.
As I reached the door, Kat and Katherine’s words rang in my ear. ‘Steve?’ I called back. ‘We don’t have to wait for another day. We could, erm, have a nightcap. Maybe?’
Without saying a word, Steve grabbed his bag, swung it over his shoulder, and followed me out of the pub and into my taxi.
I had realised that Katherine was right when she said I had made it into a thing. I could never just randomly shag somebody I didn’t fancy or have any connection with, but one-night stands were not something I hadn’t experienced before. Was I ashamed about that? Well, no. I never used to be. I wasn’t proud of it either.
You may ask why that was, and the answer is simple. It didn’t really matter all that much. When I was applying for jobs, there wasn’t a section on the paperwork that asked how many sexual partners I’d had, or what the average length of my relationships had been. Steve was just going to be a number in a line of numbers. He was not the first guy I’d planned to fuck without feeling, and I very much doubted he would be the last.
Even talking to Danny had started making me terrified. I had to have every faith in his faithfulness, because I needed to know that I didn’t have to worry he would suddenly turn up at my door one day asking me to get naked with him. And if he did, would it be his relationship with Erica that stopped me, or this hang-up I had? Steve was going to be my cure. My ripped-off plaster. My practice run. I just hoped I could prove to myself I was still up for the job.
When we got back to mine, my confidence was shot. We had kissed in the cab. I kissed him first; I kissed him to stop him talking. I had to stop him talking. Not because I didn’t like what he was saying, not because his conversation was boring. I kissed him, because the more he talked the more I worried about what was about to happen.
Kissing him didn’t stop me thinking, but it was a welcome distraction. It was so nice to feel someone’s lips on mine again. We stopped for long enough to pay the cab driver – Steve left him a sizeable tip – then continued kissing going up the stairs. Tripping over each other, knocking against the handrail. I was in the motion. We were going to burst through the door straight into my room. That’s how I planned it. That isn’t what happened, though.
First of all, I couldn’t find the key. It wasn’t in my handbag or coat pockets; not the first five times I checked. But it happened to be in my bag the first time that he looked. As I finally swung the door open, I pushed Steve in ahead of me and pressed him up against the wall, going for a passionate kiss. I failed. Instead, I slammed his head against the wall.
‘Shit. Shit, I’m sorry.’
He was laughing it off. ‘It’s ok, it’s ok.’
‘Shit, bollocks, shit. Oh fuck, I’m so sorry. I’m soooo sorry.’
The moment was over.
I decided I wanted another drink. I know I didn’t need one, but I wanted one. Grabbing two glasses, four ice cubes, my emergency vodka bottle out of the freezer and rooting around in the fridge for some sort of mixer, I made us both a drink. They didn’t make it to both of us, though. I stood in the kitchen and downed them both, before pouring two more and heading through to the living room and setting Steve’s drink down in front of him.
‘Hey, are you ok?’
‘Ok? Yeah, course. Why wouldn’t I be ok?’ I necked my drink and slammed it back down. Steve had only taken a sip of his.
‘You seem nervous.’
‘Nervous? Me?’ The most ridiculous nervous giggle escaped my lips. I picked up my glass and swiftly brought it up to my lips before remembering it was empty. Steve nudged his glass towards me.
‘Relax.’ He smiled and, as I picked up his glass, I breathed deeply and started to loosen up. I took a drink. A long, slow sip this time.
‘Ok. Maybe I am a bit nervous. It’s been a long time since I had a guy back here.’ He knew all about Max; somehow, it had come up in conversation earlier.
‘I’m not scary, you know. I don’t bite. Well, not unless you want me to.’ I must have looked horrified, because he continued, ‘Hey, come on, what’s wrong? It’s only me.’
‘We’re gonna have sex.’
I had blurted that out without any warning. I didn’t know I was going to say it, and Steve certainly didn’t. He looked stunned. I stared at his face, waiting for it to change, but he didn’t move. I started to doubt myself. ‘That is why you’re here, isn’t it?’
He laughed, still in shock, I think. ‘Well, yes. I did think maybe, perhaps, it may be on the table when you invited me here, but I never thought it was guaranteed. We don’t have to—’
I jumped in, ‘No, we do have to
. I do. I mean, I want to. I really want to.’ I downed the last of his drink. ‘I’m ready.’
I launched at him for another passionate kiss, but my knee slipped off the sofa and our teeth clashed hard. Once the pain had gone, Steve looked me seriously in the face. ‘What do you really want?’
I took a deep breath. ‘Fuck me.’
Chapter Twenty-One
Having sex with someone new, for the first time after a long time, felt like dancing a dance you don’t know the steps to. Like you sort-of know what you are doing, the moves which you know fit to the music you’re listening to, but it all feels a little bit… weird. I found I kept apologising.
We would clash teeth or bump heads. I couldn’t quite get my footing. I used to be good at sex; I could take control. Max had quite liked to take the lead, though, and I liked it so I let him. After almost ten years of doing things his way, I had forgotten my own. The lovely haze of vodka had disappeared somewhere between the living room and the bedroom, leaving me far too aware of my surroundings.
Steve had carried me through and thrown me on the bed. We ignored the clothes strewn around the room. If I’d known this was going to happen, I probably would have taken a few minutes to put them back into the wardrobe.
I couldn’t help but compare the now to the then. How Max had gentle hands, and Steve was quite rough and grabby. How Max had soft lips, and Steve had a larger tongue. It intruded my mouth like an uninvited guest.
I had to remind myself he was actually invited. I wanted this. I needed this. I kept telling myself to stop thinking about Max, which only made me think of him more. When I closed my eyes, I pictured his face. But having them open felt strange, and then I couldn’t help but notice things. Steve’s chest was hairier. His stomach was flatter, more toned. His neck, his torso. Everything.
‘Hey, baby, relax,’ he said, kissing down my breast then my stomach. ‘I want to taste you.’
I suddenly wanted to hurl. My mind wouldn’t shut down and I didn’t really know what to do.
‘Doggy-style!’ I shouted out, jumping up and moving onto my front. Maybe if I couldn’t see him, I would stop comparing.
It kind-of worked. I managed to get through the next thirty minutes without picturing Max. This was nothing like him. Steve was like a machine. I don’t think I’d ever wished a guy to finish quicker in my life. When he finally did, and flopped over onto his side, I smiled awkwardly, said I needed the loo, and ran and locked myself in my bathroom.
Maybe he would leave. I really didn’t want to walk out there and have a conversation. What if he asked for feedback? This was kind-of his job, after all. Any hints or tips for the future? He could have comment cards printed off for his clients. It hadn’t been bad, not even a little bit. Just awkward and different, and if I had relaxed I’m pretty certain it could have been great.
I had just had sex with Steve Easton and I’d thought about my ex the whole time. I wished I had grabbed my phone before I’d come into the bathroom. I could have phoned Kat, and asked what I should do now. I realised if he wasn’t quickly getting dressed and running out the door, he would probably start worrying how long I had been on the toilet. And as embarrassing as going out there would be, I thought that would be worse.
I was so happy to find I had left my dressing gown in there earlier that evening, because it saved me having to walk back in stark naked. As I entered the bedroom, Steve had just finished dressing, and he stood and turned towards me.
‘Hey, are you ok?’
I gingerly moved in a few steps and leant on the doorframe, nodding. Some of my awkwardness subsided. He sat on the edge of my bed and started putting on his shoes. ‘I’ll get out of your hair.’
I walked further into the room, moving to my dressing table. ‘I’m so sorry,’ I said quietly, feeling embarrassed.
‘Babe, you have absolutely nothing to be sorry about. It’s my fault. You told me you felt weird about the whole situation.’
‘Just so you know, I’m normally better than that.’
He laughed. ‘Wow. I thought you were pretty good as it was, so hopefully some time I will get you on a good day.’
I looked down. ‘Don’t worry, babe,’ he continued, ‘I won’t be expecting a call.’ He pulled on his jacket. ‘You know he’s a fool, don’t you?’
‘Who?’
‘Max. If you were mine, I would have never have let you go.’ He walked over, kissed me on the head, and started to leave. ‘I’ll see myself out. You get some sleep.’
‘Thank you. I’m exhausted. Do you need a cab?’
‘No, I can walk from here.’ He turned at the door. ‘Oh, Case? Keep my number, just in case you change your mind.’
As I heard the front door close, I crawled onto my bed, hugged my pillow, and fell asleep on top of the covers.
Chapter Twenty-Two
Months passed. and the night with Steve became just a distant memory. I saw him a few times out and about. and we always shared a warm smile and greeted each other like old friends, with a friendly hug and a kiss on the cheek. I had become really grateful for him. Since that night, I’d managed to relax around men. I had started casually seeing a guy, and we had even managed to have good sex. Great sex, even. I had even started to stop thinking about Max.
My life was finally moving forward. I had a new job, a purpose to get up every day – well, five days a week. I, Casey Turner, now worked nine-til-five, just like my favourite Dolly Parton song. I felt like I was suddenly a grown-up. I didn’t have anybody doing anything for me. As well as updating my sweatpants for work clothes, I had increased my friend circle.
Me and two girls at work had become good mates. We were like the three musketeers. Kat and Ben were coming out less and less, because it was so close to the wedding and money was tight. And as much as I loved being at theirs, I did sometimes feel like I was in the way.
On the other hand, Larissa and Christina were always game for a night out. Larissa’s boyfriend sometimes joined us, and Christina’s parents were always available to babysit. Everything was fresh and new, except for Danny. Danny had become the only constant. I still talked to him every morning through ‘til night.
With Kat’s wedding fast approaching, she had welcomed my new friends in the same way as I always had hers. They even received invites to the evening of the wedding. And so did Danny. Two weeks before the big day, Kat and I were busy writing out place cards when I saw Danny’s name on the list.
‘Oh yeah, my uncle’s new wife is having a boob job the day before my wedding, so now she can’t come. I figured as her meal was already paid for, it made sense to invite someone in her place, so I hope you don’t mind that I asked Danny. I moved stuff around so he can be your makeshift date for the day, unless you want to ask Paul? I can uninvite Danny.’
Paul was the guy I had been seeing, but that had fizzled out. ‘No, don’t worry, it’s cool. It would be rude to withdraw the invite now.’
Kat still didn’t know about us. She knew we still talked, and sometimes commented how nice it was that we had stayed friends. I felt really guilty, because I had never kept anything from her before. Really, though, what could I have told her? How could I tell her about us when there wasn’t even an us? Technically, we were just friends. The whole time I am seeing somebody, that is all we are. It’s when I’m not that Danny ups the chat. I keep it clean, he likes to taint it. I could never sleep with one guy and sext with another. I’m not a cyber-whore.
Two days before the event, Danny text me saying he was gutted but he couldn’t be my fake date for the evening.
Me - Does Kat know?
Danny - Yeah sure, she understands
Me - What’s so important?
Danny - Some work’s come up. A friend needs my help.
I was really disappointed. With Paul officially off the scene, I had been looking forward to the chance to spend the whole day and night with the man of my dreams without his girlfriend being in the way. Now, who knew what cousin or distant rel
ative of Kat’s I would be stuck with?
‘It’s a shame about Danny, isn’t it?’ I casually brought it up when we were getting ready for our night-before-the-wedding girly sleepover.
‘Oh, he told you? I know it would have been lovely to have him as a guest for the day but, well, I think it’s sweet of him.’
‘Yeah, I suppose you’re right.’ I tried not to look disappointed. ‘So, who’s taking his seat?’
‘Nobody,’ she said, whipping off her top and putting on her pjs.
‘Oh, but what about the meal? If you’ve already paid for it.’
‘I said he could still eat it. The least I could do was still feed him.’
That wasn’t like Kat. Chips off her wedding, but she lets him stop by and scoff his dinner? It didn’t make any sense, but I knew better than to question her the night before her big day.
We settled down for an evening of hot chocolate, face masks, classic films, manicures, pedicures, and lots and lots of wine. As we settled down to bed, I checked my Facebook and saw that Kat had updated her status 34 minutes earlier.
Tomorrow, I’m going to be Mrs Ben Chapman!
Eeek, can’t wait. Perfect last evening as Miss Clark with my sister-from-another-mister! I love you, Casey. Next, we will find your Mr Right xxxx
‘I love you, too, Miss Clark,’ I said aloud to her, whilst replying to a goodnight text from Danny. Maybe I already had.
Chapter Twenty-Three
Kat’s wedding day was magical from the moment we opened our eyes. The sun was shining. A large bouquet of flowers was delivered from Ben, a bottle of champagne was dropped off from the groomsmen, and the other bridesmaids arrived just in time for the champagne breakfast Kat had wanted. Her mum surprised us with hairdressers and make-up artists, and her younger cousin Charlie was on hand with his camera to capture every moment of the day, as he was just getting into the last term of his photography course at college. Everybody was happy. Everybody was smiling. Especially Kat.
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