‘Like, he likes me.’
‘Go, Casey! Whoop, whoop, whoop!’ cheered Christina. ‘Casey’s gonna get cock.’
I slowly turned my head and looked at her with a worried look on my face.
The drive-through blurted out: Good afternoon, what is your order?
‘Oh my God! Casey’s had cock,’ Christina shouted out. All eyes turned to me, wide and waiting for some more information.
‘No, we sell chicken.’ The drive-through attendant must have heard the last part.
We all burst out laughing, ordered a family bucket, and sped off with our food. Parking up, I explained what had happened. The wedding, the hotel room. ‘I haven’t heard from him since. He’s regretting it, isn’t he? He feels guilty, which he should obviously, but I really like him.’
‘He’s a fuckboy!’ Christina blurted out. ‘They all are.’
‘I shouldn’t have gone there. He has a girlfriend.’
‘Oh, that doesn’t matter.’ Grace had a pretty loose view on monogamy. She had very publicly dated her married boss a few years back, before dumping his arse and swapping jobs. ‘Babe, he was going to fuck somebody behind her back. Hey, at least you got yours. At the end of the day, you are single. You haven’t actually done anything wrong.’
‘You won’t believe how good it feels actually saying this out loud. It’s been this big secret I’ve been carrying around like a chain,’ I admitted.
‘At least he isn’t actually married yet. I’m still getting messages from that douche that I met when he was out for his wife’s birthday! I can’t believe he told me she was his sister, and I believed him.’ Larissa picked at the smallest portion of chips.
‘How did you find out?’ I asked her. This was a story I hadn’t heard before.
‘He admitted it about a week later. I knew something was wrong when she grabbed him and snogged his face off at the end of the night.’
‘Yeah, that would be a sign.’ Grace rolled her eyes.
‘Well, they could have just been really close.’
We looked at each other and chorused, ‘Eewwwwww!’
Grace cleaned off her greasy fingers, got out her phone and said, ‘Lunch time selfie.’ We all leant in, best pouts on show. ‘Now for a smiley one,’ I said. ‘Say Fuckboys.’
‘Fuckboys,’ we chorused again.
Grace instantly started using her online editor to make us look amazing; she didn’t really do au naturel. ‘I will bash it up when I’ve done. We better get back.’
Lunch break was over, and I had finally shared my secret. Somehow, I felt less guilty.
Chapter Twenty-Six
It was almost a week before I heard from Danny. I had really thought I was never going to hear from him again. I had given up on him. But there it was, a message on my laptop screen.
Danny - Hey, babe. How you doing? I keep thinking about that night. Wanna join me and the gang for my birthday drinks?
I wanted to play it cool. I wanted to ignore the message for as long as I could, but Danny was actually inviting me out for his birthday. Birthdays are a big deal. Ok, he was probably just inviting me as a friend, as technically that is still what we were, but it meant things hadn’t been ruined. He still wanted me involved.
Me - I think you might be forgetting I wouldn’t be very welcome. I’m not exactly Erica’s favourite person.
He was typing. Three little dots moving in a sequence showed that he was. They stopped a few times, and then restarted. He was probably thinking how to word it. Yes, you’re right, she hates you and now we’ve slept together I’m not that keen either, so don’t bother. The reply I received knocked me sideways.
Danny - What’s it got to do with her?
What’s it got to do with her? It’s her boyfriend’s birthday! It has everything to do with her.
Me - Erm… she’s your girlfriend!
Danny - I don’t have a girlfriend.
I thought I was imagining what I was reading. Danny was single! I remembered the fact they weren’t friends on Facebook any more. It could have been a lie, but then they would still be an item on Facebook. He could easily lie to me, but would have a hard time explaining that to her.
Me - Since when?
Danny - Saturday
Me - But Kat’s wedding was Saturday
Danny - I know
When did they split up? Was it after? No, because he left me on Sunday. Maybe it was before. I thought about when Kat had asked him about Erica. The way he looked away, the fact he said a big ‘erm’ before it. He had been planning his answer. I had assumed he felt awkward talking about her in front of me, but maybe she wasn’t in Milan. Perhaps Danny just didn’t want to tell Kat they had split so she didn’t feel sorry for him on her wedding day. But he could have told me.
Me - Does that mean when we slept together you weren’t with her?
Danny - Correct
He did a wink smiley face. I had been feeling guilty all this time and we hadn’t actually done anything wrong. I spouted that out in a message. I could picture Danny laughing the other side of his screen.
Danny - Well, you said I wouldn’t be able to cheat on her, but you would probably cave in. I was testing the theory. You’re a bad girl, Casey Turner. Very bad. I like it.
What was it about him that made me want to break the rules? Why did I crave him so much? Were Danny and I destined to be together? Two broken halves could make a whole. We messaged for an hour about life in general, spoke about our pasts. In my head, I was planning our future. Erica was out of the picture. Danny could finally be mine.
Danny and I were great together in bed. That first time had been amazing, but every time after that it had got better, and better, and better.
We started to see each other at least once a week. I never thought I liked the term Friends with Benefits, but I was definitely benefiting from that arrangement. We wanted each other anywhere and everywhere. At mine, at his, down alleyways, club toilets. Whenever we got the chance, we were at it. I had got to the point where I thought, Max who?
Living so far apart, though, we didn’t see each other enough to become an actual couple. Anyway, he had only just split up from a long-term relationship, so he deserved some breathing space. We spent every other weekend together, sometimes every weekend, and he tended to pop over on Wednesdays as he always had cover at the bar.
I sometimes bunked off and spent the day over there. It was like I was a teenager who had had sex for the first time and just discovered how amazing it was.
Kat got back from a late honeymoon in Barbados, and I couldn’t wait to fill her in about it all. Obviously, I missed out the part where I had thought I was a cheating whore.
‘Are you two getting together then?’ She had a huge smile on her face.
‘Not yet. Poor guy has just been released into the single world. If we got together straight away, it wouldn’t be fair. He needs his space. I’m trying to stay away from him as much as I can. I don’t want to just be his rebound.’
‘No way could you be a rebound. You guys have history.’
I had finally told her about him admitting that he had liked me a long time ago, without managing to get myself into trouble.
‘I know, Kat, but I just don’t want our relationship to start with all the ugliness of a break-up attached. I really want to start fresh when he’s over it. He needs to spend nights out with the boys. He probably needs to screw a couple of slappers. If we rush straight into it, then a couple months down the line he will feel he’s had no chance for any fun. I need to step back and let him have that.’
‘God! You’re so much better than me. I would be locking him in before he found someone else.’
‘You said it yourself, hun, we have history. If you love somebody, let them go and all that.’
My phone started ringing. It was Danny. He invited me to London for the weekend; fancy hotel, a show. He had to check out an old friend’s new bar. I didn’t hesitate to say yes.
‘See?’ I p
laced my phone back in my bag. ‘He’s already taking me away for the weekend. Another month or two and he’s mine.’
Chapter Twenty-Seven
For almost nine months, Danny and I were friends with extras, or seeing each other, or whatever it was you would call it. He had slept with a few other women in that time; I’d had a couple of casual flings with other guys. We always practised safe sex. I’d met his friends; he’d spent time with mine. Everybody commented about how good we were together. It was time to start bringing up the idea of going steady. He had told me he was done with sleeping around. Maybe this was time for us to actually get together.
It was my cousin Becky’s birthday, and I was travelling up north to visit her. As I packed my bag into the boot of my car, Danny rang me. ‘Fancy some company?’
‘What do you mean?’ I struggled to put my bag in the boot with the phone clamped between my shoulder and my ear.
‘I’ve cleared my weekend. What do you think about me coming up to your cousin’s with you?’ I could hear the sound of the bar in the background.
‘Oh Danny, you want to meet the family. Do you think we are ready for that?’ I joked.
‘Family love me. I’m just about to go upstairs and pack my overnight bag, a tee-shirt, boxers, pair of jeans. and about a million condoms. Pick me up on the way.’
Becky was a wonderful woman. I loved her to bits. but she was rather loud. I have always liked to drink, but Becky has wine running through her body like the rest of us have blood. Her house was a madhouse; always people popping in, kids running wild. Every night was a party. This night was extra special because not only was it her birthday, but she hadn’t seen me in months. She also had somebody new in her house and she liked to show off a little.
It was all good. I had warned Danny what she was like, but I didn’t apologise for it. Becky and I had been close since we were tiny, but her mum moved her up north when she was eleven. We tried to see each other every few months, but it had been almost a year this time.
The music was blaring in her kitchen; we had settled her and her friend’s kids in the living room with a million chicken nuggets, a field of chips, and a Disney film on the TV. They couldn’t hear the words over the music, but I knew for a fact they had watched this film so many times they probably didn’t need to listen to it any more.
Becky’s husband Andy sat on the worktop next to a slightly opened window, smoking, beer in hand. He liked to sit back and watch. When he did speak, he normally just told people who he didn’t like very much that he really liked them. Danny didn’t know this. When Andy was shaking his hand saying, ‘I really like you mate’, Danny took it as a compliment. I knew that what Andy was really thinking was, ‘What is this idiot doing in my house?’
‘This is my jam!’ Becky suddenly squealed, as a Spice Girls song blared through the speakers. The two of us automatically jumped up and started singing and dancing away, wine glasses in hand. Empty shot glasses and half drunken bottles decorated her usually pristine worktop. There were six of us squashed into their tiny kitchen – we four, plus Andy’s friend, Billy and his on-again off-again girlfriend, Kerry. As soon as I’d told Becks that Danny owned a bar, she was all pally with him, inviting herself down for a visit soon.
Becky had her niece Emma over for the evening, paying her for babysitting duties, so we could pop out if we wanted to – or mainly so that somebody sensible was there to watch the kids. Kerry’s three children were sleeping over with Becky’s four, and Emma had brought a friend with her to help and to keep her company.
We didn’t end up going out, and after the children went up to bed the real party started. Danny and the guys popped out to the local shop to get some more wine, as we were running out. We knew they would end up in the pub on the way back, so we didn’t expect them home until closing time. We sat on the floor, wine glasses between our legs, doing what girls do best – talking. Hours felt like minutes as we covered all bases of conversation, but it soon turned to Danny and me.
‘So, spill the beans, cuz.’ Becky lit yet another cigarette. ‘What’s going on with you guys?’
‘We’re just friends.’
‘Oh hunny, I saw the way he looks at you. You’re way more than friends,’ Kerry slurred. ‘You’ve either done it, are doing it, or are about to.’
Becky passed her the cigarette. I fiddled with the rim of my glass.
‘We’ve been kind-of seeing each other for a little while now,’ I admitted. ‘Just, neither of us is ready for anything serious yet.’
I lied again. I wanted serious. This lying in limbo was killing me.
Shouting from outside distracted us. Men’s voices sounded loud and angry. I recognised the commotion. It had happened here many times before when I had visited.
Becky ran to the front door. The voices got louder. Billy and Andy were having a showdown in the street. Every time they had too much to drink, they turned on each other. Becky was trying to calm Andy down; once he had reached top gear, there was no bringing him back, but she gave twice as much as he did. Poor Danny had stepped in, pushing Billy back. He was used to sorting out drunks fighting, but normally he hadn’t had a skinful himself.
Becky pushed Andy hard. ‘Fucking pack it in, you dick. Stop acting the big’un.’
Kerry crossed her arms and rolled her eyes. ‘They do this every time. Like dealing with children.’
I had to agree. Poor Becky looked after their four kids basically on her own full time, while he spent his time down the pub or round at his overbearing parents. Evenings were meant to be hers, and you would think Andy would step up a little. This was her birthday, after all. I really did feel for the girl. She never seemed to get a break. No wonder she drank pretty much every day. She just wanted a little escape.
The creak of the stairs gave away that two of the older children had snuck down, hearing what was happening downstairs. Sadly, they were used to their dad’s behaviour.
The guys started to calm down after Becky slapped Andy square around the face and threatened Billy she was going to give him the exact same treatment if he didn’t wind his neck in. As we walked back into the house, Becky screamed out to a neighbour’s house, ‘What the fuck are you looking at?’
Mrs. Dobbs from next door shuffled her curtains shut.
Danny breathed a sigh of relief as he passed me in the doorway. I don’t think he had packed his bouncer head for the journey. I mouthed sorry at him and he leant forward and kissed me. ‘Don’t worry.’
The arguing was continuing in the kitchen. Billy was out of the firing line now. Becky was tearing Andy a new one. Danny spotted the kids sitting on the stairs.
‘Come on, girls, let’s go and find a DVD to watch.’ He looked back at me as they climbed the stairs; they looked anxious about what was going on with their mum and dad. ‘They shouldn’t be seeing this,’ Danny muttered to me. ‘You go play referee!’
By the time I got into the kitchen, Andy and Becky had gone from arguing to messing about. He had her in a loose headlock, and she was too busy laughing to get out of it. ‘I’m going to wet my knickers,’ she giggled.
He loosened his grip and hugged her really hard. ‘I fucking love you.’
She rolled her eyes at me. We all knew he did. I always felt she was just waiting to see if anyone better came along. They’d been together so long, and unfortunately their mental age had grown worlds apart. She had chucked him out a few times in the past, but the loneliness always got to her. She would rather be in a crappy relationship than on her own. I sighed at how sad that was.
Billy was slouched on top of one of the worktops, when suddenly he turned his attention to me. ‘Oi, where’s that guy? Who the fuck is he, anyway?’
I explained that Danny had taken the kids upstairs. With that, he appeared in the doorway.
‘You, come here, brother.’ Billy was a scary guy on the outside. Anybody who didn’t know him would run away if he confronted them. Danny had no choice but to stand there. Billy jumped down f
rom the counter and was in his face before anybody could do anything, ‘You better be treating her right, boy. I’m telling you that for nothing.’
‘Shut up, Billy.’ I moved to stand in between them. ‘Danny and I are just friends. He doesn’t need to treat me any way.’
I remembered Billy doing the same thing to Ben when Kat and I had come to visit. I had really hoped he wouldn’t be around this time. No such luck.
He pushed me aside. ‘Nothing to do with you, girl. I’m talking to him.’ He was back in Danny’s face.
‘I do, I do. Come on, Bill, she’s a really good friend to me.’
Billy stared at him, probably waiting to see a reaction.
‘Chill your passion, Billy mate. Calm down.’ Andy came over and put his hand on Danny’s shoulder, ‘See, I like you, mate. I really like you. The first thing I thought when I saw you was, I really like that guy.’
I saw this as a sign it was time to leave. Getting Auntie Denise’s spare key and saying our goodbyes, we left the mad house and went two roads down to the quiet empty house. I was relieved my aunt had offered it to us because she was going to be away for her daughter’s birthday. Sometimes it was nice to be able to leave Becky’s house when things got tense, but it was also quite nice to have Danny to myself for a while.
Chapter Twenty-Eight
After an eventful, but amazing weekend at Becky’s, I didn’t see Danny for quite a while. We were both really busy. We didn’t even talk that often. In fact, thinking about it, we hadn’t talked at all. We had had a lovely couple of days there, after that night. Everything had been ok when the drink wasn’t flowing. We had laughed about the events, and he told me it was so nice I had people that cared about me that much.
I got on with my life. I had already agreed to give Danny space, so I was cool with this arrangement. Well… I was for the first week and a half. Then I got a bit confused. Why wasn’t he getting in touch? I had heard from him, but I had always been the one who messaged first. My ‘hey, u ok?’ was always answered by ‘yeah, you?’
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