“I um….. I sell dope Zeke.” I said nervously.
“Why? Couldn’t you have…?”
“Couldn’t I have what?”
“I was gonna say do something else but I guess you figured your options were limited.”
“That’s not why. It’s just… Look don’t fucking judge me! You don’t know shit about my life! Everything is not that easy, I could do a bunch of other stuff!”
“Jazz, if you want to do something else, DO SOMETHNG ELSE!”
“It’s not that easy. I’m out Zeke. I’ll holla at you later.”
“NO!” He shouted as he stood in front of me.
“The hell you mean no? Nigga you better move.”
“Every time something comes up that’s hard to deal with, you get mad and run. Stop running! I’m not judging you. I lov…….uhh, never mind. You have talent and potential. I am challenging you to realize that potential.” Zeke said as tears came to his eyes.
I knew he was right.
“Zeke.”
“What?”
“You’re right. Please don’t cry man. I ain’t mean to snap at you like that. I’m sorry.” I said softly as I gave him a firm hug.
“Zeke, if I give up my hustle, what I’mma do for money?”
“If you are really serious you will find a way to do it. Don’t be afraid to step out on your talent. You will never know if you can make it, if you never try. You have to be your own biggest fan first and believe in what you are doing. You have to invest your heart and all of your passion in yourself and own it.”
“I do believe in myself Zeke, but if I give it up how will I pay my bills? My rent?”
“I live in a three-bedroom house. I am sure I can find somewhere for you.”
“You’d do that for me?”
“Jazz I got your back you until you realize your dream, man.”
“I thank God for you Zeke.”
I made the decision right then to get out of the game for good. Sure, my pop was gonna be mad but he’d just have to deal with it.”
Alton
Nadiah and I found out she was expecting and we shared equal happiness for about a week before she reverted to her old ways, but it was 10 times worse. She turned on me with the temperament of a mad cobra and turned a blessed event into a nightmare. Nothing I did was right and I have many additional scars as a result.
One evening, I came home from work in a peaceful mood. I’d even stopped by the store to get ice cream and pickles, which Nadiah went through like crazy. When I put the key in the door, a chill went through me and I just felt it was going to be one of those nights. I only had one foot in the door when I detected an airborne object coming at me in my peripheral vision. The object hit me in my right temple as I tried to duck in vain.
“Where have you been?” Nadiah shouted.
“I stopped by the store to get you some ice cream and pickles.”
“Oh.”
“Oh? You just threw these damn keys at me and all you have to say is oh? What about I’m sorry?”
“Well, you should have called.”
“Whatever Nadiah. I’m not doing this with you tonight.”
“Wait a minute, don’t you whatever me!”
Nadiah followed me into the kitchen, raising hell as usual. In the middle of her ranting, her cell phone rang. She picked the phone up and pressed the end key to silence the ring. She continued to rant at me about absolutely nothing. Her voice message alert went off. Almost instantly her phone rang again. A little voice told me “Answer that phone”. When I picked it up she went ballistic.
“Hello?”
“Hello? Oh it’s you. What are you doing answering Nadiah’s phone? I know she’s there.”
“I can answer any phone I pay the bill for.”
“Well I’ll get her a phone and I’ll pay the bill.”
“You don’t have to buy shit for my wife. I take care of her needs quite well.”
“I beg to differ.”
“You’re just jealous because I got the dick you wish you had, you dyke. Don’t call her again, if you know what’s good for you.”
“Are you threatening me?”
I pressed the end key and let the subsequent silence answer her question. I turned to Nadiah who by then was eerily quiet. Even though I was seething with anger, I tried to keep my cool.
“Why is Ingrid calling you?”
“She can call me. That’s my friend you can’t tell me who to be friends with.”
I was partly listening to Nadiah’s bullshit answer as I scrolled through the call log. My heart ached with each call I counted. 1-2-3…6 calls while I was at work. There was a 4 hour block where there were no calls. I figured she was with her during that time. My anger erupted and to keep from grabbing her, I threw her cell phone within inches of her head, hitting the wall behind her. It shattered into pieces and bounced off the wall in different directions. I composed myself then spoke.
“I don’t want you talking to her at all. I mean that.”
“You don’t tell me who to talk to. I don’t know who you….”
“Fine.” I responded and walked off.
I’ll be damned if she was going to mistreat me, walk all over me, and then disrespect me with Ingrid to boot. I went into the bedroom and grabbed a suitcase. As I got my socks from the dresser drawer, I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror and saw the cut and dried blood that ran down my face caused by the keys she threw at me. Nadiah came into the room as I was closing the suitcase.
“Where do you think you are going?”
“Away from you!”
“Fine, I’ll just make a little trip to the clinic in the morning.”
“Go.”
“Okay Alton, I won’t talk to her anymore.”
“Nadiah I need to get my head together. I can’t be in the same house with you tonight. Loving you is hurting me and I can’t take it. My heart is tired!”
“Fine! I can’t guarantee I’ll still be carrying your child.”
“If you abort our innocent child out of spite then I definitely don’t want to be married to such an evil heartless woman.
My statement resonated because the look on her face was priceless.
“Alton, I’m warning you. Get back here right now. I’m serious.
I didn’t stop walking. Nadiah ran up behind me and grabbed my arm.
“Take your fucking evil, tainted ass hand off of me!” I said slowly as scalding hot tears streamed down my face. I walked out, slammed the front door, and left. I went straight to Zeke’s house.
“Zeke!” I greeted him.
“What’s Nadiah done now?”
“That Ingrid called and I answered the phone. I found out Nadiah has been talking to her. She called her 6 times today alone.”
“I thought all that was over. What happened to your head?”
“She threw some keys at me as soon as I walked in the door.”
“Alton you’re a better man than I am.”
“What would you do?”
“Beat her. Ha Ha.”
“That didn’t work too well for Harpo, remember? Man, when I left, she threatened to go have an abortion.”
“She won’t do that. That child will be her attachment to your money.”
“I’m holding on to hope. Zeke that’s all I got.” I said sadly.
“Well I HOPE your ass gets some sense, Lord!”
“Where is your boy Jazz?”
“He is in class. He should be here in a minute.”
“Zeke how is it going with him living here? You ain’t fooling me. I know you’re in love with that boy.”
“It’s been fine. It’s not like I can’t control myself. I accept that he is straight. It’s not a big deal.”
“He does know you’re gay right?”
“No. The only people who need to know my sexual orientation are people that are going to be in my bed. Since he isn’t, it’s not his business, just like his sex life and sexuality is not my business.�
�
“Alright, you better watch it though. You know the first words out of his mouth are always ‘no homo’, or ‘I ain’t gay’.”
“I will be okay.”
Zeke wasn’t fooling me at all. He was in love with Jazz. I really hoped for his sake he could check his feelings before he fell any deeper. A one-way romance is a guaranteed way to get hurt. I ought to know my marriage was one.
Four
Rachel Richards
Elias was always a bit quirky but he totally lost any semblance of sanity he had. He started grabbing me or pushing me a lot more often. I moved into one of our spare bedrooms. My attraction to him had cooled considerably and we began an existence more like roommates than husband and wife. I wasn’t missing much. I remember our wedding night. When he took his shirt off and I was looking at all of his muscles in anticipation of what else I was going to see. He pulled off his pants and jumped in the bed in his boxers. I thought he was just nervous. So when I got in beside him, I managed to ease his mind a bit and convinced him to pull back the covers. Honey, let’s just say that what he was working with didn’t justify his huge ego at all!
It’s just frustrating when a man has an average package, a huge ego, and minimal skills. You want to just slap the hell out of him and tell him get real! Elias prides himself on being a stallion in the bedroom. I just never had the heart to tell him he was more like a rabbit. I let him think he was the bomb, but actually he was more like a thump. I didn’t have the patience anymore to lie under him saying things like “Ooh baby it’s so good.” or “Oh Elias you’re wonderful tonight.”
After more stress with Elias, I decided I needed a day off. I took a spa day and got a manicure, pedicure, mud bath, massage, seaweed wrap, and a detoxifying facial. After getting myself all prettied up, I went shopping and stopped off at P.F. Chang’s China Bistro for a Bikini Shrimp Salad while at the Cumberland Mall. When I got home I could tell Elias was in his bitch mode. I tried to lighten the mood by giving him a kiss on the cheek when I walked in.
“Elias I have some bags in the car. Would you mind helping me get them please?”
“Get them yourself. You bought it, you pack it.”
“Okay.”
I knew not even entertain him when he was in that kind of mood. The bags could stay in the car for the time being, including the clothes I’d also purchased for him. I changed into some jogging pants and my sports bra to go to the gym. As I gathered my hair into a ponytail, I heard Elias yell my name from the living room.
“Just a minute Elias.”
“Bring your ass here right now!”
“What’s the matter with you?”
“Look at these magazines? This magazine is out of place, it’s not at a 45 degree angle like it’s supposed to be.”
It was easier to just put it like he wanted than to argue, but I had grown tired of being complacent and frankly, I’d grown tired of him. I patiently gathered all of the magazines, stacked them neatly, picked them all up, opened the front door, and threw them in the front yard.
“Now, that problem is fixed.” I responded.
When Elias ran outside to pick them up, I closed the front door and grabbed my keys. I decided not to wait to go to the gym because I needed release right then. When I was walking into the garage, Elias came back through the front door. As I stood in the garage waiting for the automatic door to come up, Elias ran into the garage puffing and blowing like a steam engine.
“You are not going anywhere!”
“I’m going to the gym Elias.”
“You’re gonna get your ass in that house.”
“Or what?” I said as he blocked my car door.
“Get in the house Rachel; I’m not playing with you.”
“Move Elias.” I said as I tried to maneuver past him and get in my car.
“Bitch I told you to get your ass in the house.” Before I knew anything, Elias had shoved me about 3 feet backwards and as if
in slow motion, his open hand was coming toward my face. He slapped me hard across my left cheek.
“Get in the fucking house!”
I managed to get past him and to my car door. Just as I was getting into the car he grabbed my hair. When I turned he balled up his fist and drew back. Suddenly I heard someone yell “Hey!” The sound kept getting closer and closer.
“Hey! Hey! What’s your problem?” a man asked as he walked into the garage.
It was our next-door neighbor, who happened to be a police officer.
“I am trying to leave, but he won’t let me.”
“Oh everything is fine, just a little tiff.” Elias lied.
“Looks like more than a tiff. As big as you are you should be ashamed of yourself.”
“I haven’t done anything to her.”
“I saw you slap her. Mrs. Richards get in your car and go ahead where you were going ma’am.”
“Thank you.”
I had been driving about ten minutes when I reminded myself that Elias had hit me. I forgot all about the gym and went straight to Zeke’s house. Feeling the hot tears come to my eyes, I tried to straighten my face before I rang the bell. It was no use. When he opened the door he knew something was wrong and my tears burst forth.
“Oh my God, baby what happened?” Zeke asked.
“That son of a bitch slapped me!”
“That bastard has gone too far!”
I told Zeke everything that happened and he grew more frustrated by the minute. Hearing our conversation, Alton came from the back to see what was going on.
“What’s goin…..? Rachel what the hell happened to your face?”
“Elias slapped me. He was trying to keep me from leaving.”
“What happened to your head?” I asked as I saw the bandage Alton wore.
“Nadiah threw some keys at me when I walked in the door last night.”
We looked at each other and shook our heads.
“Oh uh, hey everybody. Sup Alton, Rach--- Whoa what happened Ma?” Jazz said as he walked into the room.
I updated Jazz on the evening’s happenings.
“That ain’t right. You know, if you want, I can handle him real quick for that bullshit. Let’s see how quick he is to hit a man.”
“Thanks, but I think I’ll be okay.”
“Alright. If that punk ever does anything else to you, call me or Zeke.” Jazz said and he reached for my cell phone to save his number in my phone book.
“Thanks Jazz.”
“No Problem.”
Once Zeke was sure I was ok, he went to work on a project for school. Jazz went to his room and left Alton and I alone in the living room.
“What are we gonna do?”
“I don’t know Alton. I can’t believe he hit me.”
“That pisses me off Rachel. I’ve prayed about our situations but nothing changes.”
“I’ve prayed too. Same thing here.”
“I think when we pray God hears us; he automatically does his part, and then just waits for us to do our part. I just wish I could figure out what that is.”
Alton made me feel comfortable. Maybe it was the fact that he spoke about spiritual things. It could have been his calm, soothing way of speaking. I felt a feeling that I hadn’t felt in a long time. I felt that I didn’t have to hide anything from him. I didn’t have to try to be brave for him. I could let my vulnerability show without worrying that he would use it against me. The feeling has a name, its known as trust.
“Rachel, it’s still early, would you like to go have some dinner?”
“I don’t have much of an appetite.”
“Okay, how about coffee?”
“Sure, I’d like that.”
Nadiah
I don’t know what made me throw those keys at Alton. I guess I just felt like it. I did mean things to him out of habit I think. It was such a normal thing for me to treat him any kind of way that I just did it. The fact that he never did anything is probably why.
I threatened to abort the
baby. It’s the one thing that gave me power over him. What he said to me really struck a chord in me though. It would have been pretty trifling to get rid of my baby just to spite him. I thought it would make him stay but he left anyway.
I called Alton and did everything short of begging him, to get him to come home. I couldn’t let him get used to being without me. The longer he was, the more he would realize he could make it without me. I couldn’t let that happen. That’s how I was able to control him for so long. He usually couldn’t resist me when I tried hard enough but nothing worked that time. Three and a half months was long enough. I knew he was at Zeke’s so I went over there to demand he come home.
Alton was just pulling up when I got there. I sat in my car and watched him as he got out of his truck, walked around to the other side, and opened the passenger door. Out stepped that same bitch I caught over there the last time! I waited until they both got out of the truck and jumped out of my car.
“So this is why you haven’t come home yet.”
“Nadiah it’s not even what you think.”
“Why is it that every time he comes over here, your happy ass seems to pop up? What the fuck is going on here? I am pregnant with his child you know?”
“Alton talk to your wife. I’m going inside.”
“Yeah go inside bitch. So I can talk to my husband alone.”
“Why are you here?” Alton asked.
“You didn’t plan on getting caught did you?”
“Nadiah you haven’t caught me doing anything. You know damn well why I left!”
“Alton you are coming home now.”
“I am not.”
“You are crazy if you think I am leaving you here with that bitch!”
“Nadiah we just came back from church, remember that place? I went to church to pray for our marriage. That’s what we did tonight. The bible in my hand should be a clue.”
“Yeah tell me anything that could be a souvenir from the motel. I know one thing Alton, if you don’t come home tonight, you will be sorry.”
“I’m sorry right now! You can’t manipulate me anymore. I need time away from you if there is any chance I’m gonna stay with you.”
Get Somebody New Page 5
