by Alice Shaw
“It won’t always feel like that,” I said. “I can be your friend. I know this isn’t your home, but it’s not mine either. In fact, there’s something I should probably admit.”
Holden gazed into my eyes silently. He nodded. “Like what?” he asked.
“I’m not getting a loan to open a restaurant. I’m definitely not normal around these parts,” he said. “The truth is that I don’t have jack shit. I’m most likely not getting approved for that loan. And I’ll never own the restaurant of my dreams. I’m a nobody, and so are you.”
Holden wiped his face clean, remaining strong. “You didn’t have to lie to me,” he said. “There’s no point in lying to a stranger, let alone someone like me.”
I knew he was right, but there was so much I had been running away from. I was depressed. I wasn’t healthy, mentally. Back where I grew up, that wasn’t something you could address. You were supposed to tough it out.
“And I’m not a nobody,” I said. Then, a smile broke onto my lips. “It’s not exactly easy to tell people that,” I admitted.
As hard as it was, I could smile again and finally ease up. I felt like a weight had been lifted, and it was all because I could finally talk to someone real.
“I live in a piece-of-shit trailer, about twenty miles south of here,” I added. “I didn’t think you’d find it all that cozy. That’s why I told you to go ahead and get the motel. Even those beds are nicer than what I have.”
Holden smiled, revealing a certain cute and pure heart. “I wasn’t walking toward the motel,” he confessed. “I was walking toward you.... to, uh, get some food. I heard you were the best cook in town. Is the truck still open?”
I let go of his hand and gave a sigh of relief. “For you? I think I can whip up something mighty tasty.”
“Thanks.” Holden chuckled. “Friend.”
Friend. As cheesy as it was, hearing that word meant the world to me.
Chapter Three
Holden
“This is absolutely delicious!” I said, savagely cutting the flapjacks into massive pieces. I shoveled the food into my mouth and grinned as maple syrup eased down my chin. I scooped it up with my index finger and closed my eyes, savoring every last sugary drop.
“You mean it?” Riley asked.
I glanced around the area. There weren’t any customers around, which didn’t make much sense. I actually enjoyed his food. In fact, I was relishing in it.
“I haven’t eaten breakfast like this in a long time,” I said, mouth full of food. I swallowed and leaned back in my chair, feeling pretty damn satisfied.
“Gosh. I don’t think I’ve even had breakfast in over two months. Just dinner, these days. Yup. Lots of bread. Some meat. Other times, I can afford some higher end cheese. Maybe you can understand?” I asked.
In a way, I knew that he could, even if I was coming off a little… weird. Little by little, I was finding out more about this man. He was charming, charitable, and I couldn’t deny that he was pretty damn hot. There was that.
“Well, this is on the house,” Riley said. I quickly reached into my pocket to pull out the little money that I had, but Riley was adamant about his offer. “Seriously. I can tell you’re going through something rough. Don’t worry about it.”
I sighed, but I was obviously grateful. “I’ll find a way to return the favor,” I said.
Riley shut off the grill and stepped out of the food truck. He locked it up and wiped his hands clean. Placing his hand on the top of my shoulder, Riley said, “You already have. It’s been nice to have someone to talk to finally.”
The sun was starting to set. It cast a beautiful shade of purple over the bay. Small rays of yellow and orange pierced through its royal gown.
Below, small boats floated by, full of people looking upward. Even if it was for a brief moment, I felt like life was going finally floating rather than sinking.
“Yeah. It’s been pretty nice,” I said, awkwardly leaning into him.
“So, should I show you the palace?” Riley asked.
“Anywhere is good with me,” I said with a smile.
We walked toward his truck in silence. I wasn’t sure what to say. Lately, there had been so much on my mind. There were the issues with my family, and their conversations left me shaking for so long. I didn’t want to keep thinking about them, so I tried to endure in my brief happiness.
We stepped into the truck and began the short drive to his place. The landscape quickly turned dark and flat, but there was no sense of any danger. Riley was merely unsure of himself. Maybe I was the first person he ever picked up. I had no idea, but I was grateful for him.
“There it is,” Riley said, pointing ahead.
There was a small patch of land with a single well for water planted in the center. Fifty feet away was his trailer. Riley swallowed, mouth dry. He tried clearing his throat.
“It’s not much of a palace, I guess,” he muttered.
Thank God.
It was weird, but it made me sort of glad to sere that he wasn’t some billionaire. I didn’t come from much either, and when he said the word ‘palace,’ I felt nervous.
“Remember. Everything is temporary,” I said, trying to make him feel better about his tight situation. “With cooking skills like yours, you’re bound to get that loan money. And within five years, you’ll be opening the doors to your mansion.”
Riley laughed as he parked the car. “If you knew my credit score, you’d know that I’m a liability to the banks. Plus, I wouldn’t get a mansion,” he said.
“Oh yeah?” I laughed. Bullshit. Everybody wants a mansion.
“Nah. I’d rather get a regular suburban home. You know, take care of a family with just enough to feel comfortable,” he said. As an afterthought, he said, “If you get too comfortable, you find yourself sitting down too much. I can’t sit. Too many plans.”
I shrugged. “Yeah. I guess so,” I said.
As crappy as the situation was, Riley seemed to make the best out of it. There was a large walkway up to the front of his trailer, all hand designed. Succulents and odd-looking plants lined the side of his home. It was actually pretty cool looking.
“You did this yourself?” I asked him.
Riley nodded and knelt down to examine one of the plants that looked a little worn down. “Yep. Took me ages, and the heat of the summer doesn’t help. But it’s something. This place needed a little life,” he said. “Follow me.”
When he opened the trailer door, he pointed at the couch. “I’ll sleep here on the couch tonight,” he said. “You’ll take the bed in my room.”
I glanced at the open door of his room, kept clean and proper, despite the circumstances. His bed was huge and nicer than I expected, but I couldn’t accept the generosity. Tomorrow, I would leave the bay. I’d take the bus back to my hometown. It was the best option I had.
“I can’t. But thank you for the offer, man. Seriously, it means a lot,” I said, swinging my bag onto the couch. “The sofa is good enough for me.”
“You sure? I don’t mind sleeping out here,” Riley said, walking into the kitchen. I watched him pull out a bottle of bourbon and a bag of chips. He tossed me the chips, catching me off guard.
“I’m sure,” I said, scratching at a non-existent itch on my shoulder. The bed would have been nice to sleep on, but I was keen on disappearing early. I had been traveling for a while now, and nothing was going my way.
Unfortunately, I was going to have to face my family again. I was going to have to tell them the truth about where I’d been. Maybe that was a good thing. Perhaps, I’d walk back into the family business. I could really make something of myself this time. Who knows? Maybe I’d feel satisfied.
“Alright, then. Suit yourself,” Riley said. He sat down next to me, getting comfortable on the couch. “It’s been a hard day for both of us, but you took the brunt of the attacks today, soldier. You look wounded. I’ve got the solution for that pain. Two glasses of bourbon before we hit the hay.”
I chuckled and leaned back. “Okay, fine. Why not?” I asked.
“Exactly,” Riley said, eyeing the cups as he poured the dark-orange contents into each glass. The shots were much bigger than I expected, but it’s not like I hadn’t been drinking on this trip. On lonely nights, it was better to drink than to think about what could have been.
I grabbed the glass and held it into the air. “Cheers,” I said.
“Cheers.”
I took a bigger sip than expected, feeling the warm and burning sensation hit the back of my throat. It flowed down to the center of my stomach. I grimaced before smiling. “There we go,” I said. “Some relief.”
Riley nodded, but the room turned silent, hanging in the stained light. A realization hit us. We didn’t really know each other, and that meant there wasn’t much to say. I glanced at his chest and gulped, quickly turning my head toward the ground.
Nope. Tonight, I wasn’t going to make any stupid choices. Tomorrow, I had to vamanos out of there. I couldn’t fall into his chest, throw my arms around him, and slowly roll his shirt upward. I couldn’t run my hands across his strong abdomen, breathing way too fast. I couldn’t reach down toward the center of his jeans and—
“So, your parents… they cut you off?” Riley interrupted my thoughts.
I squinted and leaned forward, avoiding eye contact as much as possible. “They didn’t really cut me off,” I said. “In a way, I cut myself off.”
Riley nodded, acknowledging my pain. “What did you tell them?” he asked. “I’m omega, hear me roar?”
Basically.
I quickly lunged toward my bag, pretending to dig something invisible. Riley put his hand on my leg, but not in a threatening way. Still, I didn’t know how to talk about this to anyone. This was all still so new to me.
“I’m sorry. Just forget I said anything,” Riley said. His face turned red with embarrassment.
Riley glanced down at his hand and quickly pulled away, realizing that he might give off the wrong intention if he kept it there. “I should probably be in bed. Big day tomorrow,” he added.
I wanted to say something, but the awkward air lingered. Riley stood up and began walking toward his room. He looked back, and his face seemed solemn and full of melancholy. Suddenly, I felt awful that I was leaving him so soon, without any warning.
“Wait,” I said. “It’s okay.”
Riley hesitated. He was so tough on the exterior, but on the inside, there was such a delicacy to his thought process. I wasn’t used to this.
He said, “I just don’t want to make you feel—”
“I came out as an omega when I was thirteen, whatever that means. Most kids don’t have to come out. Their parents just know, and that’s okay. My parents… they had to have known I was an omega, but they never wanted to talk about it, I guess,” I said, breathing heavily.
I couldn’t let myself stop. For some reason, I was opening up to Riley in a way that shocked even myself.
“My parents… they work at the ranch. Our ranch. They have some crops and animals. It’s very... well, the only way to describe it is boring as hell.”
“So, you left,” Riley said.
For the first time in my life, I was telling someone the truth about my life. It wasn’t easy, but it felt really fucking good. And when I sat next to Riley, I knew that he actually cared about what I was saying. He was listening.
“Not right away,” I admitted. “I had my Nancy. She was my grandmother. Nancy was always there for me. She knew I was different.”
“Different,” Riley said, side glancing at the torn threads on his couch. His fingers began fumbling at them, as if he were trying to put the pieces together.
“Yeah. I guess my parents always favored my older brother. He was the alpha, the one in charge. The normal way,” I said.
“I’m not following,” Riley admitted. “Alphas are just alphas. They’re about as normal as an omega.”
“They can’t put in the same type of work if they get pregnant. I know it sounds fucked up, but they have to worry about the business,” I said.
“Sounds like you’re making excuses for them,” Riley said. “But I don’t want to put words in your mouth.”
“No. You’re right. I am,” I said. “It’s just that my brother always knew what to do, what to say, and how to act in front of people. He understood family responsibility. He had manners, you know? I was always just this weirdo searching for something more,” I said.
Then, I sighed and leaned back, feeling absolutely terrible about myself. “I’m not living up to anybody’s expectations,” I said. “And that’s the worst part about this. Because I know that I have something inside of me that can do something bigger. I know that I could change my world. My grandmother told me that constantly. There’s just this other part of me that keeps on wondering if I’m being selfish.”
“Want some advice?” Riley asked. He had learned not to give his two cents without my approval. I laughed and nodded my head. “Cut that voice out. You’re not selfish. If you were, you wouldn’t be living out of a shitty truck in Belleview.”
“Isn’t that the definition of selfish?” I asked him.
I desperately wanted to know the truth. For years, my brother had hurled every insult my way. Selfish was the one word that hurt the most, and I wasn’t sure why. I guess it was because I wanted to help my family, but I also knew that I wasn’t able to do that. Or maybe it was because I actually was a narcissist. I didn’t know what to believe.
“No. You’re on a path to finding yourself, Holden. You can’t see that? Dammit, what did your parents do to you before you left?” His eyes were pointed at the ceiling. His head was shaking. It was almost as if he was asking himself the question.
“They’re good people,” I said. “They just… well, shit. They don’t know any other type of living. They’re ranchers. They’ve always been ranchers. To them, there is no other way.”
Talking about my family just made me miss them more. I missed hugging my mother. I missed having long, deep conversations with my pops as the sunset formed over the endless horizon. I even missed my brother. He wasn’t terrible all of the time.
Did they miss me? Probably not. I had my cell phone for weeks, but they never called. Not once. Hell, they didn’t even text me. Now they can find the pieces of it scattered along the old highway.
I checked the newspapers. I went to the library to see if they put out a missing persons report, but they didn’t even do that. There was no search or large scale questioning. I was just their fuck-up son.
I guess they knew I’d come back home, sooner or later. They understood full well that I wouldn’t be able to last a month on my own. Well, I got l close. But if there was one thing I hated, it was admitting I was wrong.
“Your parents are just stuck in a bubble. Most people are like that,” Riley said, shrugging. “But most people are stupid. No offense. I know they’re your parents and all.”
“We’re a lot alike,” I said, smiling back at him.
I bit the edge of my lip and glanced at the clock on the wall. It was getting late, and I knew that I’d have to leave before Riley woke up in the morning.
“Whatever happens,” he said, “keep in touch. Okay?”
“Write down your number, and I will,” I said.
Riley ripped a piece of notebook paper and calmly scribbled a number and address. “You know where to find me. You ever need a place to crash, just call this number. Shit, you can just show up at the door here if you want. It’s not like I have anything better going on,” Riley said.
Then, glancing out of the window, he pointed. “See that light in the distance? That’s the bus station. I wish you weren’t leaving so soon. There’s a hell of a lot to see out here. But I understand. Just head that direction. It’s only about a mile.”
It was at that point when I realized Riley knew I was intent on getting back home. I was taking off in the morning, and he couldn’t stop me.
Three wee
ks on the road, and I finally met someone genuine and honest. He was hot and inspiring in so many ways. Yet, I was throwing that all away. Why?
Because I had no money left, that’s why. And because I knew I’d never be able to get my truck back from the street to which it was shackled to. Fuck it. Sometimes, life throws you curve balls. You just have to keep moving.
“Thanks, Riley,” I said. “It was great meeting you.”
I put out my hand, waiting to feel the rough edges of his palm slide along mine. Only, he didn’t put his hand out. He just looked down and laughed.
“Friends hug around here,” he said, jovially. “Thanks for everything, Holden. It’s been an interesting day.”
As we embraced, I felt my eyes close. I began to drift away to somewhere far deep inside, somewhere near my heart and in mind. His cologne filled my senses with excitement. I couldn’t put my finger on it.
He just felt familiar.
That’s when I opened my eyes again. He was a stranger, but there was something inside of him that I wanted to discover. Too bad I was skipping town.
Too bad. So sad.
Chapter Four
Riley
I climbed out of my pants and fell into my bed, feeling exhausted. I wasn’t tired from yesterday’s work. I had hardly worked. Even though I needed the money, I couldn’t just will customers out of thin air. I was mostly exhausted because I had met Holden, and now, he was fucking skipping town.
There aren’t many people you meet where you just connect and feel at home with. For some reason, he felt like a long lost friend. I knew Holden felt it too, but there was so much on the guy’s mind. I didn’t blame him. I was just annoyed and kinda sad.
I had been alone for too long. That was one factor. Jared was always at the food truck, but he was less of a friend than a friendly acquaintance.
I was yearning for love, but mostly, I wanted a true person to be there for me. I desired someone who could laugh at jokes with me and someone who could stand by my side when the going got tough.
