“She doesn't know me!” He exclaimed.
“Um, no, she's an adult there. If she believed in angels still, she'd probably be taking meds. But she knows someone is there comforting her. You helped her. You gave her comfort in one of her greatest times of need. And you didn't stop there. You kept on saving her and loving her. All while she saved and loved you right back. I mean, come on, if this isn't one of the most beautiful love stories ever, I don't know what is.” She fell silent.
He frowned. “But she gave me up.”
Sarah nodded. “Of course she did, dumb ass. That's because she's the best damn thing you'll ever have and your stupid ass had better know that.”
“What if she stops loving me?” It was the question that had been plaguing his aching mind.
Sarah sat up and looked at him. “You don't have any faith in the girl you love? You need to keep watching the movie. I'm going to cover my eyes while you two do the nasty. Actually, I'm tired. I will sleep.” She curled up on her side and closed her eyes. Within a few moments, she was breathing deeply. He watched the shots of them flutter by, each time he had come to her in her dreams.
There were heart breaking shots of Camille sitting in bed crying. Another of her curled on her side just looking out the window. He didn't know how long he sat there, he just knew he couldn't turn away. It was impossible. He watched her meet Sarah. His heart clenched. Sarah was good for her. Sarah had always been good with people who were hurting. He looked over at his baby sister, and smiled. She turned out okay.
He watched the screen again. Camille was reciting her poem, looking every bit this sexual broken goddess on the stage. She's incredible. He watched her scrubbing her room down and finally sleeping. His pulse picked up. He knew what was next. He watched as Camille gave herself to him, mind, body and soul. He saw himself sliding his necklace around her neck and the way she looked at him, with total trust and desire. He felt like a fist had clenched around his heart and wasn't letting go. God, I love her. He watched them come together and it was like sparks went off on the screen. He could see the love in her eyes. Then, there was blackness. That's when I left her.
He watched Camille now in her bed, her brow furrowed. She tossed and turned, finally waking up with a gasp. “Casey!” She grabbed the cross at her neck and started to cry. “God, you have to give him back to me, you can't let me live like this alone. I can't. I can't lose the best thing that has ever happened to me. Please!” She looked up at the ceiling, her deep jade eyes beseeching and wet.
He watched as a pinprick of light started at her ceiling and slowly got bigger and bigger. Her breath caught in her throat. “God?” she asked.
Chapter Five – Distress
Light was flooding her room now. She kept blinking rapidly. “God?” she asked again. He saw The Big Man calmly walking down from heaven. Camille's eyes went wide in shock, then she grimaced and covered her eyes to shield them from his majesty. “God. You came to me when I called.”
God snapped his fingers and her room went back to duskiness. “Yes, Camille. I did.” He said nothing more, just stood silently.
She looked at God, and cried harder. “Why did you take Casey away from me?” Her face was weary and wide-eyed.
God looked at her wistfully. “Oh, my dear Camille.” He took a slow breath. “It makes me sick to see you hurt.”
“Then give him back to me. You took my parents. I have no one left.” She threw her arms wide. “What the hell kind of loving God does that? You took them all. You took the most precious things in my life and threw them away. Are you really that ruthless?”
God took her tongue lashing with the utmost calm. “Camille, it was all part of my plan.” His voice was melodic and soothing, trying to soothe her.
“Well you know what? Fuck your plan. No one likes this plan. I want the game to be over. I want the end to come. I don't want to play anymore!” She threw the covers back on the bed and flung her legs over the side, standing quickly. “Taking my family away? Taking Casey away?” She was close to shrieking by this point. “Fuck your plan and your game. You can't play with someone who refuses to cooperate.” Her chest heaved with fury.
“Your parents, I am sorry to say, their time was just up. It was a horrible accident, and I am sorry that their lives had to end in such a way. Would it comfort you at all to know that they are content? That they are happy with their lives with me as angels?” He held a hand out to calm her.
“No, it wouldn't, because they were happy with me. They were happy with their lives. You ripped them away from me and left me here alone. All alone.” A sob caught in her throat and tears ran down her face. “I had no one. Do you know what that feels like?”
God nodded. “Yes, I do. I am infinitely sorry for your losses, Camille. But I never left you alone. I sent Casey to you, at the request of his sister, Sarah.”
“What?” Her voice was incredulous. “Sarah isn't his sister.” She crossed her arms.
“No? What if I could prove it to you.” He smiled softly.
“Fine. Prove it to me. I dare you.” She was petulant and absolutely beautiful.
Casey's heart clenched in his chest. “Oh, Cami, no. I don't want you to see this,” he whispered, the bystander in this movie. He could do nothing to stop it. It was like watching a car crash.
“Done.” God snapped his fingers and a screen came up in her room. Casey's life started flickering across the screen. He watched in disgust as Cami saw the most intimate details and horrors of his life. The screen flew at a million miles an hour in spots and slowed to a crawl in others. She simply stood rooted in place, tears running down her face. She saw Casey and Sarah together as children, playing hopscotch and swinging at the park.
“There is Sarah,” she breathed. “You can't miss that red hair.” The Big Man nodded quietly. The next scene was Casey sobbing after he'd been abused by a man. Her face went pale and she reached for the small boy on the screen. “Turn it off. Turn it off! Please.” Her voice was barely a whisper.
“Not yet, Camille. You wanted to know him. So know him. We have opened this can of worms, now we must finish it.” He smiled tightly, hating the pain she was going through.
Casey and Camille watched simultaneously him growing up, selling drugs and being what he had considered at the time to be a bad ass. He rubbed his forehead at the deluge of guilt flooding him. He watched himself strangle the man who had killed Sarah and saw Cami's face go pale. She fell to the floor. “Turn it off, please.”
“It is not done.”
He watched his death, the gunshots feeling almost real, feeling every wound again. She screamed and covered her eyes. “I can't. I can't!”
God touched her shoulder. “It is nearly done, Camille. The end is a happier one.”
She peeked through her fingers like a small child and saw Sarah as an angel, walking through heaven. She saw Sarah watching a movie in a theater... and suddenly it was her life on the screen. “What is this?”
God smiled. “My angels love to watch people's lives. It brings them joy. Your movie was an incredible favorite of Sarah's.”
Camille sat transfixed, watching herself on the screen. “Why am I saying I knew Casey before? I don't remember him.”
God smiled. “But you do remember him. Your heart does. Think, Camille. Both of you forget that my time is much different than yours. Sarah has been dead now these past thirty years in your time. Casey has been dead for twenty-six. Sarah took many years to come to terms with herself. She spent much of that time watching movies. She started watching yours when you were a baby, and knew that Casey was the angel for you. He has been your protector your entire life. We have just waited on bringing you together again until recently when we knew it was time.”
The movie kept flickering by. “He said he's only been with you for six and a half years.” Her eyes stayed glued to the screen.
God nodded. “In my time, yes. Time moves much slower than here on earth with you.” He gestured to her bed. “May I sit,
please. There is more I would tell you.”
She nodded. “You've turned my world upside down, I've screamed at you, I think the least I can offer is a seat.” She rubbed her arms to ward off the fear and chill.
He laughed. “You are one of a kind.” He paused. “The reason your parents were called back to me is because they have always been mine. They were my angels, hand selected to become your parents.”
She just felt her whole world rock. “What?” She whispered, grabbing at the floor to steady herself.
He nodded. “Yes, it was my plan for Sarah to find you to love you for her brother. I dreamt you up many, many moons ago.”
She paced the floor, shaking all over. “This isn't funny.” Her voice was whisper soft.
“It isn't meant to be, Camille.” He picked at imaginary fuzz on her blanket while he waited for her to speak.
“I don't like this game.”
“It isn't a game, Camille. It's your life. Everything is falling into place. I was hoping Casey would hold off on falling head over heels for you until he came to terms with the last vestiges of his old life, but my Casey has always been ass first in everything. His whole life, he's flown by the seat of his pants. I tried to give him gentle cues to wait, to pause, but he rammed ahead anyway. Now that the glass has shattered, so to speak, we must let the pieces fall where they may.”
Casey was hyperventilating. Finally, all of the pieces fell into place. Check and mate.
Chapter Six – Delusion
Camille looked at God quietly. “I don't understand.”
“No, you wouldn't. I am sorry, I tend to speak in riddles at times. Casey still had work to do before the two of you could have happiness. He has someone he still needs to grant forgiveness to. You still have grief to work through. I had plans of both of those things happening, but you know how children are, things happen when parents do not watch. Casey is still a child, he stopped aging the day he came to be with me. I had to freeze his life in that moment so he would be perfect for you when you needed him. All your life, he was a big brother, a friend. You became too aware and he had to leave you at ten, then naturally, a few years later, you gave up imaginary friends and grew up. He stayed busy with his work. He has been fantastic. I am very proud.”
Her chest was tight. “So my whole life has been orchestrated for me?”
God shook his head. “No, you still have absolute free will. You could have rebuffed Casey at any point and I would have dropped the subject. Casey could have been uninterested. But you never did, nor did he ever show disinterest. The two of you are magnetic. I've only seen a love like this a few times since the beginning of creation.”
She digested that then spoke quietly. “I don't want to ruin his career.”
God smiled gently. “You won't.”
She rubbed her forehead. “I wish you would just spit it out already and stop leading me around in what feels like circles. What do you want from me?”
He smiled again. “I don't know, dear. What do you want from me?”
She stomped her foot in anger. “I want to know the end.”
He smiled and held a finger up. “I don't flip to the end. I read it all the way through. This is quite a page turner too. I delight in seeing the end.”
“You've never peeked? Not once?” Her voice was desperate.
“No, dear, I haven't.” He picked at lint on the blanket again.
She sighed. “I want Casey to finish what he needs to. I release him from any obligations to me.” She was grinding her teeth and her fists were clenched.
“You don't want that though. You want him back with you, any way you can have him.” He crossed his ankles. “I will tell you this much. I know the end is a happy one for you both.”
Her eyes filled with tears. “Will you let me tell him goodbye?”
“You may come to him in his dreams. He is fighting his demons now and has to get through that. I will call for you when I am ready.” He stood slowly.
“Will you tell him I love him?” Tears ran down her face and her voice was gravelly.
“No, my dear. You will. One day.” With that, he was gone.
The screen flickered and he watched Camille come to him while he was at the Waiting Bridge. She was crying the whole way, her feet dragging. She sat down at the tree and wiped her eyes, leaning her head against the tree and taking slow breaths. Finally, she nodded and whispered, “I'm ready to say goodbye.”
He watched from her point of view now. She could see the blankness of the Waiting Bridge. She couldn't see him. He sat forward in the chair, his heart breaking all over again into a million pieces. He watched her write on the page. First, 'I love you.' She erased it and took a breath. Second, 'I'm sorry.' She grunted in frustration and erased that too. Third time, she simply wrote, 'Good bye.' He could hear her ragged breath and as she lifted the page to turn it around, he heard her whisper, “I love you... I'm so sorry.” She held the page up simply for a few seconds, then brought a finger to her lips, kissing it then letting the breeze carry it away. She stood slowly, tears already falling from her exquisite eyes. He reached out to the screen, watching her walk away.
Casey sat back as the screen went blank. He looked over and saw Sarah awake. “Hi,” she murmured sleepily.
“Did you know about all of this?” His tone bordered on fury. “That I fucking died twenty-six years ago and didn't have any idea? That my life has been one big time warp cluster screw that I don't even understand?” He was shaking violently. “That the woman I'm desperately in love with knows it all now?”
“Yeah, I did, Casey. You kept too busy to see time passing. But it did. And it does.” She looked at him quietly, her dark eyes pensive. “But you are almost to the end. Do you know who you have to grant forgiveness to yet?” She stretched like a cat and stood quickly.
“Yes. But I won't do it.” He crossed his arms and stood tense, trying to fight the panicked shaking in his core. “I'd rather die a thousand deaths first.”
“Why? Doesn't this person deserve forgiveness too? You did some pretty despicable things, but still, you were forgiven.” She shrugged. “If it makes you feel better, I forgave this person.”
He rolled his eyes. “Of course you did. You always forgave people.”
“Hey! You make it sound like I'm some pussy. And I'm not. It took me years to forgive the man who killed me. Years!” She yelled louder, pointing a finger at his chest. “This isn't just about you. For once in your life think about someone other than yourself. Don't you think Mom would like to know you forgive her? Don't you think Camille would like to have you back? Huh? Has that ever crossed your mind that Mom was screwed up on drugs and didn't know better?”
“What kind of mother does that shit to her kids though, Sarah? Tell me!” He hung his head. He felt broken. “What kind of mother lets her children be brutally raped over and over? Tell me. Tell me, damn you!”
Tears filled Sarah's eyes and she whispered softly, touching his arm, “The kind that are addicted with no way out, Casey. That's the kind. I have seen it countless times in my journey. It doesn't make it a damn bit easier. It doesn't make the pain stop. It just is what it is. You can dwell on it the rest of eternity and let it fester and boil and be hateful as shit. Or you can let it go. You can lay it down. You can take control. You think you have control now, Casey, but you don't. Anger has control over you, and it will continue to until you let go of it.” She took a slow breath. “I work with people like this every day, Casey. I help these mothers by trying to get them off the drugs. I help them try to take their lives back. For some, it's too late. For people like Mom? She fell between the cracks. It's as simple as that. We all did. It sucks and we all wish it didn't happen, but it does. If you ever want to move forward, you have to let go of the past. Can't you see that?” Her chest was heaving and her eyes blazed. She whispered softer, “Don't you want that?”
“I... I never thought of it that way.” He whispered, defeated.
Sarah touched his arm gent
ly. “I know, Casey. We never knew Mom before drugs. You know what? She's pretty incredible. Did you know she loves to paint? And write?” She paused. “She wants to see you Casey and explain. She wants to give you peace. Can you give yourself that? Can you let go of control just enough to let someone heal you? I promise, it's a pretty amazing feeling, Casey. It really is. When I gave up on all that hate and anger I just.. I felt so good.” Her face was glowing with happiness.
He took a slow breath and tried to calm himself. “I would like to have that. Really. I just don't know if I can forgive someone who hurt me that much.”
She laughed coldly. “You know, that's always been something that pissed me off about you, Casey.”
He looked at her bewildered. “What?”
She smirked and stabbed a finger in his chest. “It's that you expect everyone else to forgive your wrongs, but you refuse to forgive anyone who wronged you. It's a two way fucking street, buddy. You don't get forgiveness without giving a little back. All I wanted was for you to be happy, and so I find the perfect girl for you. Yet do I get any thanks? Hell no. I just get yelled at! God, now I know why I hated you as a teenager. You were such a prick at times.” She turned away and crossed her arms, trying to get her breathing under control.
Chapter Seven – Depress
He took a slow breath. “I'm sorry.” He held his hands out wide. “There isn't a damn thing more I can say. I'll see her, if it will make you happy. I'll let her talk. I'll listen to what she has to say and try to do it with an open mind. But I don't promise anything.”
Sarah turned to hug him with a smile. “That's all I ever wanted from you, Casey. I just wanted you to try. Just a little bit.” She squeezed him tighter. “Has anyone ever told you that you smell just like the beach?”
He laughed and hugged his baby sister back. “I've heard it once or twice.” He eased back and looked down at her. “I want to know one thing. Is Cami okay?”
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