“For fuck sakes Sirene, tell me what’s wrong?” I could hear the irritation in Fabian’s voice and it only made me more nervous. “I have no idea what you’re crapping on about with something you reckon you gave me a hard time about but all I know is I’m growing weary of this shit now.” He sat up, glaring down at me, his dirty blonde hair with its pale streaks falling forward over one eye, making him look even more sexy and giving him that, ‘just fucked’ look.
“Ok, brace yourself. It’s going to give you a bit of a shock.” I started to say. “All I can say is, it wasn’t intentional ok? I didn’t do this deliberately, but with all that’s happened I guess I got distracted and I must have missed a few days, but it’s happened and maybe it’s fate.” I spoke quickly, realising I was rambling but unable to stop myself.
“Dammit Sirene; you’re not making any sense. What the fuck did you miss for a few days and what the hell are you talking about with this whole fate thing?”
“The pill, I forgot a few days of the pill Fabian, but there was a lot distracting me with that car killing you, then bringing you back and well, I’m sorry.” I chewed nervously on my bottom lip.
“The pill?” He gave me a questioning look but then his eyes widened and I watched his face go from the dawning of reality, to shock, horror, fear and then anger. In fact he looked really, really angry. “Are you trying to tell me you’re fucking pregnant?”
My heart skipped, then began to thump almost painfully in my chest. Fabian was not exactly looking happy over the prospect of becoming a father, he looked pissed, seriously pissed.
“Y…yes, I’m…I…I’m...preg…pregnant.” I stammered. “I only found out yesterday. I’m sorry, it’s an accident. I can’t believe it’s happened but it has.” I fell silent.
Fabian was still sitting staring at me in shock. “I can’t believe it. Fucking 600 years as a fucking vampire and three fucking weeks as a human and you get pregnant? What are the fucking odds that my damn sperm would work after 600 fucking years dead? I can’t believe it, I just can’t believe it.” He looked and sounded dazed.
“That’s what I thought too. They must be strong and you’re so virile, so fertile.” I tried to play to his ego but the look he shot me demonstrated my attempt to placate him wasn’t working.
“You gave me shit about wearing a fucking condom then told me it was ok because you were on the fucking pill. Well fuck me, that didn’t work did it? I trusted you when you said you were on the pill. Fuck, I haven’t had to think about contraception for nearly 600 years and you said you were on the pill. Fuck, fuck!” He raked his hands through his hair, his expression haunted. He was not handling the news well obviously and was looking more and more like a cornered animal.
“I’m sorry Fabian. I didn’t mean for this to happen.” I whispered.
He turned to me again. “You’re fucking sorry? You were supposed to take the fucking pill and now you’re saying you forgot. How long did you forget? How many days?”
“About four maybe five I think, I guess, I’m sorry.” I raised my hand towards him but he pulled back, jumping off the bed and glaring down at me, not caring that he was naked.
“So now that you’re pregnant what do you intend doing?” He asked. “I was a fucking vampire for 600 years Sirene and I’ve been human for three weeks. I don’t want to be a father. It’s not something I ever expected to have happen and I was fine with that. I didn’t know I was going to be forced to live as a human again, and just because I am human, reluctantly doesn’t mean I want any of this. I don’t want to be a father, not now, not ever.” He rakes his hands through his hair, looking more and more agitated. “Fuck, pregnant, why do you have to be fucking pregnant? Fuck, fuck...FUCK!” He yelled, spinning around to begin restlessly pacing up and down my room. To say he wasn’t happy would have been a classic understatement.
“Can’t you see this as a sign Fabian? Maybe like an omen, an indication that we are meant to be together? You’ve had a chance to become a father when you thought that was lost to you forever. Isn’t there something about all this that makes you feel a little bit excited?”
He stopped his pacing and stood, staring down at me, like I’d grown an extra head. “How can you say something like that to me? I don’t want to be fucking human. I want to be vampire again; so where in all of that would you possibly think I’d be ready to settle down and play happy families with you? I have no desire to make babies and live happily ever after in a sea of vomit and baby shit. When the fuck have I ever given you that impression? Was that while I was vampire? Or would it have been when I became human, and told you repeatedly that I wanted to become vampire again? Maybe it was when I reluctantly promised you two more weeks as a human?” His tone was dripping sarcasm and I fought to keep the tears at bay at the harshness of his words and the anger in his eyes. “You know I want to be vampire again. All I’ve thought about for the last couple of fucking weeks is being vampire again.”
I stared into his angry face, my heart splintering with every horrible, cruel word he threw at me. God he was furious. The man in the grip of passion such a short time ago was gone. This was a hostile man who wasn’t prepared to adapt to the situation he’d been thrust into. He wanted to be vampire again and I knew he wouldn’t wait much longer to be turned. Fabian didn’t want to be a father, he didn’t want this baby and if I kept it, did that mean he wouldn’t want me either?
“Can’t you at least think about it, please?” I asked him, hoping that I could still persuade him to change his mind and open up to the idea of being a father. I stared at him, at the coldness of his expression and fought to keep the tears burning at the back of my eyes from falling. I had to keep my pain hidden from him. I didn’t want him to see my heart breaking as I felt a rift opening up between us.
“What is there to think about Sirene? You’re pregnant. I don’t want to be a father, in fact I don’t want to be fucking human and I don’t think as a vampire, I’ll make a very good father. If you’d remembered to take your fucking pill, we wouldn’t be in this situation right now.” He stopped pacing to glare at me again. “Why the fuck would you want to keep it? You’re only young still. A baby will cramp your style too. Is Terry going to want a pregnant singer I wonder?”
My bottom lip started trembling and I bit into it to try and keep it still but I couldn’t talk while biting my lip. “I hadn’t planned this Fabian. It’s an accident, but for me it’s also a miracle. You died, I defied the nature of things and brought you back, and now you’ve defied the odds again, and I’m pregnant. I can’t abort this baby, I just can’t.”
Fabian stared down at me silent for what felt like a lifetime. “I’m not asking you to abort, but I can’t be what you want me to be. I don’t want to be a father, not now not ever. I just want to be vampire again. I’m sorry Sirene but I can’t see any way we can work under the circumstances.” He looked around for his clothes, hastily starting to pull them back on. “I’m sorry if this is not what you wanted to hear. I love you, but I don’t think I can be with you.”
When he’d finished getting dressed, he stood by the bed looking down at me and for a brief moment I saw what looked like sadness in his eyes. His fingers trailed softly down my cheek and along my bottom lip before they were gone. As I watched, he turned from the bed, heading for the door, walking from my room and more than likely my life.
Once I heard the front door slam and his car start up, I collapsed against my pillows, my face turned into them to muffle the sound, and I gave in to the tears that were so desperate to fall. I sobbed, heartbroken, devastated, gut wrenching tears that soaked my pillow. Even when I was sure I couldn’t cry any more, the tears still fell, until finally, hours later, I literally cried myself to sleep.
Chapter Nineteen
Fabian
Fabian drove like a possessed man back towards his home. He was still reeling, still deeply in shock, but soon he’d change all that. He was going to get Damien, Lucian or Francesca to perform the change so he
was vampire again. He wanted life back to normal, or normal as he was used to it. He didn’t want to be a father, not now, not ever.
Somewhere in the dim dark recesses of his mind he knew getting himself turned back into a vampire was not going to fix his problems. Sirene was still going to be pregnant and he was still destined to be a less than happy father.
The only way to make this all appear to go away at least in his mind, was to become vampire and stay the hell away from the little witch who was driving him half out of his mind.
The thought of never seeing her again made his heart ache. His stomach clenched so hard, he thought he was going to be sick and it felt like his lungs were being squeezed, it was that hard to breathe. He loved her, against all odds of him ever loving anyone, he loved her. The greatest irony was the fact, he’d fallen for a witch and if he’d just stayed away from her when he first met her, he wouldn’t be in this situation now. Why the fuck couldn’t she just do some spell and make the baby go away? How could she want to have a child now? How could she think that he would want one? God, everything was so fucked up.
“Damn, fuck, fuck, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK…….FUCK HER!” He slammed his fists against the steering wheel of his car. Why, why the fuck did she have to get pregnant? Why did his sperm have to work after centuries of being dead? Seriously, what were the odds? “Obviously pretty fucking good.” He muttered under his breath as he slammed his foot down harder on the accelerator and the car shot forward at speed, throwing him back in his seat.
Harder he accelerated, his jaw set, his teeth gritted as he pushed the car to its limits, his mind focused on the image of Sirene’s face when she’d told him about the baby. She’d been so scared, so terrified to tell him and rightly so, he’d gone off like a bomb at her words.
As the car ate up the kilometres between her and his home, reality started to set in and a sinking feeling settled in his stomach. What the hell was he doing? He’d walked out on her? He’d turned his back when she was at her most vulnerable.
“You are a fucking fool.” He abused himself. “She loves you and you storm out leaving her alone, scared; only thinking about yourself?”
To be fair though, this emotions thing was hard for him. He’d gone for centuries not really giving a shit about anyone else but himself and now that he’d fallen for the tiny scrap of a woman and a damned witch at that, he just kept proving how much he sucked at relationships.
He still didn’t believe for one moment that he wanted the happily ever after thing; setting up house together, having the 2.5 children, growing old then one day possibly being grandparents. No way; that all scared the crap out of him, but he wanted Sirene. He loved her; he just didn’t want her with all the trimmings, well at least not yet. Maybe he’d change in time, but she needed to understand what was going on inside him, and the only way she was going to know that, was if he told her. He had to go back, he had to talk to her, make her understand how he was feeling and hope she could forgive him for storming out and leaving her alone.
Fabian jumped on the brake pedal, yanking the steering wheel hard to turn the car around, hell bent on getting back to her, but it didn’t co-operate with him. It must have hit a patch of oil or something on the road and it began to spin. Frantically he pulled on the steering wheel again, trying to get the car back under control but it didn’t respond. It spun once more, hit the kerb and the whole vehicle became airborne, falling onto its side, before beginning to tumble over and over again.
Dimly Fabian struggled to do something, but it was far too late. As it began to roll over and over, his body was tossed around like a rag doll, pain exploding through him. With every roll, all he could do through the haze of agony was wonder when it would stop. When finally the car came to a rest, on its roof he was only vaguely aware. His head pounded, his body ached badly and he could feel something wet dribbling down his neck but he couldn’t raise his arm to find out what it was.
The interior of the car was smoky, making him cough, which hurt like hell and he tried to call out but he couldn’t manage anything more than a raspy whisper. It was beginning to look like this was it. He was about to die and all he could think of before the darkness rushed up to claim him, was he’d never get the chance to tell Sirene he loved her and that he was sorry for the way he behaved. “Sirene.” Her name was little more than a hoarse whisper, and then everything went black.
Sirene
I woke abruptly to the sound of loud pounding on my bedroom door and sat up, slightly disorientated at first.
“Sirene, wake up.” I heard Cassandra’s voice calling to me, and I could tell she sounded upset.
“Come in.” I answered, rubbing my eyes and pushing my heavy mane of hair back off my face. I noticed it was 3.15am by my bedside clock when my door opened and not just Cassie, but Chloe and Francesca walked into my bedroom.
What the fuck? They all looked so serious. I could see Cassie and Chloe had been crying and as I stared up at them, instinctively I knew something was wrong, seriously wrong. Even Francesca looked upset and I felt a wave of nausea roll over me, my stomach tightening with dread as I stared into the faces of the distraught women by my bed.
“What is it?” I asked, my eyes moving from one to the next. “Please, someone answer me.”
Chloe started crying again and Cassie’s eyes filled with tears. My heart began an erratic beat as I waited for someone to answer me. My worried eyes shifted to Francesca. “Please Fran, what is it?”
“It’s Fabian.” She said quietly and I felt my heart free fall into my stomach. God, no, please no, don’t let this be bad, don’t let him have turned himself to vampire yet.
“Has he done it?” I asked her. I was aware that my question had Cassie and Chloe staring at each other in confusion before looking back at me. They might not know what I was referring to but Francesca certainly did.
“No he hasn’t. He never got that far. He’s…he’s in hospital Sirene. It’s not good. I suggest you come now if you want to see him.” Her voice was quite matter of fact the way she dropped her bomb on me, but I could see the fear in her eyes, the tears that threatened to fall. No matter how big an arse he could be and had probably been to them all over the years, his children, for the most part, respected him.
“What happened?” I asked as I leapt out of bed and hastily dressed, not caring that I was still very wet and sticky between my legs from being fucked by him earlier. God, why wouldn’t someone tell me what was going on?
“Fabian’s had a car accident. It looks like he was speeding. He must have lost control and rolled the car. It…it had started to burn when he was found.” Francesca’s tear filled eyes met mine. He’s in a bad way. If he’d been vampire….” Her voice trailed off and I knew what she was trying to say. This wouldn’t have happened if he’d been vampire. He’d have been able to get out of the car, he’d have been ok.
“Oh my god.” I sobbed. “He can’t die. He can’t. We had a fight and he left here so angry. God this is my fault, it’s my fault.” I gasped, tears streaming down my face.
“No Sirene, please, don’t think that.” Chloe rushed to my side and put her arms around me. “Come on; let's get to the hospital so you can see him. He’s going to be alright, you’ll see. Once he knows you’re there, he’ll be ok.” She said reassuringly.
I knew she was trying to help but seriously, she wasn’t. Fabian had been furious with me when he’d left. He had no interest in being a father. Hell, he couldn’t get out of the damn room fast enough. Now it seemed like he was never going to find out whether fatherhood was something he could have come to accept. Francesca’s face said it all. It was bad; he probably wasn’t going to make it.
Once I’d dressed and grabbed my bag we all hurried downstairs and out to the car. Fran hadn’t driven herself obviously as Lucian was sitting in the driver’s seat. I could see his expression was very serious, incredibly sombre, so I knew Fabian had to be in a really bad way.
He drove as quickly as possible to the hos
pital. No one spoke; the car was silent other than the odd sniffle from Chloe. My mind was racing, running away with me as I worried about getting to there on time. What would we find? Would Fabian still be alive when we got there? I couldn’t stand the thought of him dying. Why had he crashed? Was something wrong with the car? It wasn’t the weather since it was fine and calm. I truly believed it was my fault. He’d been upset, more than upset, he’d been furious and he’d climbed in his car and driven like that after I’d dropped the bomb on him about being pregnant.
“He has to make it.” I whispered, not really speaking to anyone in particular, simply thinking aloud.
“He will Sirene. You have to believe.” Chloe took my hand in hers, trying to give me a smile of encouragement.
“He has to make it.” I whispered again. “He…I…I’m pregnant.” I stumbled over the words before bursting into tears.
Since my head was buried in my hands I missed the shocked faces in the car at my surprise announcement, until I raised my head and looked into the stunned eyes of Chloe and then Francesca.
“You’re pregnant? It’s Fabian’s? Does he know? Of course he knows, that’s what you fought about isn’t it? Oh Sirene, you can’t blame yourself. We don’t know why he crashed. Maybe something ran out on the road, who knows?”
I gave Chloe a weak smile. She was trying so hard to make me feel better but she was wasting her time. I had to see Fabian; I had to see how bad he was. I still couldn’t shake the belief that if we hadn’t fought, he wouldn’t have crashed.
When we finally pulled up at the hospital, we all rushed inside and found Dominick, Allegra and Damien waiting for us. Dominick had already found out where we had to go in the hospital to get to Fabian, and for some reason when I looked up into his intense blue eyes, I burst into a fresh round of tears.
Passion By Control (Passion Series Book 2) Page 26
