by Strauss, Lee
She took another cautious step. “I do remember us, but it’s more like a movie I watched on my DigiWall over the summer and not my own life. I don’t understand my own feelings.”
“Taylor looks like Jackson. Is that why? Do you miss him?”
“God, no. Jackson killed my brother.”
A fresh wave of remorse engulfed me. My lips tightened around my teeth.
“I should’ve left you alone, Zoe. You’d still be in Sol City. You’d still be with your parents. You’d be in school like a normal teen.”
Her blue eyes darkened to almost grey as she pleaded, “No. I wouldn’t be a normal teen. I’ll never be a normal teen again. You did the right thing by taking me. I hate myself now, but at least I know the truth.”
My breath hitched. “You hate yourself?”
Tears ran down her cheeks and she pressed her palms against her eyes. I felt myself soften.
“Zoe?”
She wiped her face, but wouldn’t look at me. “You’re right, I’m broken. You deserve better.”
Now that she was willing to let go of me, I didn’t want her to. My own conflicted desires roped my heart. I was a sucker for punishment. A hopeless cause.
I reached for her hand and pulled her to me. “I’m sorry I said that. It’s you I want.”
I lifted her chin and wiped her lips with my fingers. I couldn’t kiss them so soon after they’d been on Taylor’s, so I pressed my lips against her forehead instead.
“It’s going to take some time,” I said softly. “But, you’ll remember us one day, fully remember. I love you, Zoe. Don’t forget that.”
I waited for her to say it back, but I knew that she wouldn’t, that she couldn’t, not truthfully.
And I didn’t want her to say it unless she meant it. Truthfully.
“Uh-hum,” a gruff voice sounded, causing us to jump apart. Mr. Galloway stood at the doorway of the shed, a stern frown pulled down on his loose jowls.
His disapproving gaze settled on me.
“Young man,” he said. “While you are guests on our commune, you will behave according to our rules and customs.”
“Yes, sir.”
His eyes cut to Zoe. “And I believe they could use your assistance in the kitchen, young lady.”
She smiled weakly at me before leaving. I stared after her, feeling winded by what had just happened.
The guys waited at the dining room table, the far side and the two end seats taken while the opposite side remained empty—symbolic of the imbalance of power in this commune and pretty much any organized state. The weak and the strong tribes rubbed against each other and there was plenty of in-tribe friction as well.
The tension between Taylor and me weighed heavy and I was surprised that the other guys didn’t notice. Maybe it didn’t seem so unusual to see Taylor smiling like the cat who caught the lone mouse, and me fashioning a perpetual scowl. It was a good thing that Philip sat between us, or who knew what kind of damage I might be tempted to do to Taylor. I pictured a fork pinning his hand to the table.
Contrasting the odor of cold sweat and nerves was the succulent aroma of roasted chicken. Dorothy carried the platter of carved meat into the room. The rest of the girls brought in bowls filled with potatoes and other cooked root vegetables.
Finn recited the obligatory pre-meal prayer and then the eating frenzy began. As what was apparently the custom, we continued to eat in near silence. It appeared that conversation was reserved for post-dinner, guys only drinking, and probable kitchen gossip.
I kept my eye on Mr. Galloway, half expecting him to break order and to call me and Zoe out, and almost wishing he would. I’d like to shove that info in Taylor Blake’s face. Mr. Galloway caught me looking at him once and stared back with reproach. I shifted my gaze to Mrs. Galloway. She was craning her neck, staring at Zoe. Mr. Galloway must’ve told her about our “indiscretion.”
When plates were scraped clean and bellies rubbed, Finn pushed back his chair and stood with his fingers tented together.
“Simon and Hannah, will you please stand with me.”
Simon and Hannah stood opposite each other across the table. Their eyes locked and embarrassed grins washed over their faces. I took that as a good sign that Finn wasn’t about to give them a public lashing for something.
“Family, it’s my privilege to announce the betrothal of Simon Ranger and Hannah Blake.”
My jaw dropped in surprise. I’d never witnessed anything to show that these two even noticed each other much less loved each other.
Maybe it was an arranged thing.
A murmur of congratulations was offered around the table.
“With a new betrothed couple in our midst,” Finn said, “we are reminded of the sacredness of the marriage bed, the importance of keeping oneself pure....”
Here it comes. Mr. Galloway had informed Finn that he’d caught Zoe and me alone together in the shed, I was certain of it. Obviously, Mr. Galloway was unaware of his own son’s illicit tendencies.
Finn continued, “Pure, both physically and spiritually, resisting temptation.”
I couldn’t stop myself from glancing over at Zoe. I remembered our make-out session in the old church in LA, and how I was the one who’d kept us from going too far, too fast. I’d used the same words with her: resisting temptation.
Finn wrapped up with a prayer for the couple. I worried that they weren’t that happy about this exchange but then I saw Hannah wink at Simon.
Nothing around this commune was as it seemed.
The girls cleaned up, and Finn opened the locked cabinet.
Taylor slapped Simon on the back. “Welcome to the family.”
Everyone shook Simon’s hand, and I congratulated him last.
“You’re great at keeping secrets around here,” I said, shaking his hand. Finn’s eyes darted to mine, and I realized my slip belatedly. I hadn’t meant to infer to the others that some of them might be keeping secrets.
Finn pulled out a decanter filled with an amber liquid and Philip handed out the shot glasses. Finn filled his before giving the decanter to Taylor who poured for the rest of us. I glowered at him as he offered mine to me. The image of him kissing Zoe was seared on my mind and made my blood boil. I gripped the shot glass and toss the contents down my throat. The burning sensation was a needed distraction.
I wasn’t the only one tense with nerves. Despite the recent happy news, a raw agitation filled the room.
“This cold snap has damaged much of the fall crop,” Mr. Galloway said. “Will be a lean winter.”
“God will provide,” Finn said. “In the meantime the women will preserve what can be saved.”
“Anyone hear the weather forecast?” I asked. “We’ll leave as soon as the storm clears.”
“We don’t listen to the radio,” Mr. Galloway said, playing with his glass. His was the only one that remained full. “The Lord makes each day, and we accept it as it comes.”
Taylor put his feet up on an empty chair. “Ran into another humanoid, yesterday.”
An uncomfortable pause settled in the room, the flickering candlelight reflected spookily on each face.
Taylor looked at me. “Do you want to tell’em, Noah?”
I narrowed my eyes. He was baiting me. “You go ahead.”
“The thing charged Noah’s battery. I told him we should go somewhere else, but he insisted.”
Chairs shifted as everyone turned to stare me down.
“You bringing the devil on us, boy?” Ike asked.
I leaned back in my chair. “No. I just got my battery recharged. So we can leave.”
“But you ain’t gone yet, are ya?”
I snorted. “I can’t control the weather.”
“Like I said—” Ike looked at each of the serious faces around the table, “—he brought the devil on us. We lost our fall crop!”
I balked. “I thought the Lord made each day?”
“Today was a pretty good day,” Taylor said smirking.
I pushed my chair back and stood with tight fists. “Do you want to take this outside?”
“Whoa,” he said with hands up in fake surrender. “We’re pacifists, remember.”
“What in God’s name is going on between the two of you?” Finn said.
Neither of us answered, and Taylor fell back into his chair.
“Whatever it is, it’s nothing hard work won’t cure. The both of you get outside and shovel the driveway.”
“But, it’s dark and it’s snowing heavily,” Taylor said. “It’ll just need to be done again in the morning.”
“Nothin’s getting’ shoveled in the morning. It’s Sunday.” Finn motioned for Philip to clear everything away.
Then his gaze settled on me. “We’ll be seeing you and Miss Morgan at chapel?”
The good thing about Sunday morning on the commune was that everyone washed up the night before. Water was brought to a boil in the kitchen, and a big tub was filled and soap added. The ladies went first and then us guys. It was kind of gross but better than nothing.
Laundry had also been done so we all had clean clothes as well. Everyone smelled a whole lot better, which was a nice change, especially since the cold weather kept the windows closed, so not much in the way of circulation.
Breakfast was a lighter affair, too. I asked Philip where the chapel was and he said right there in the living room.
Zoe stood in the hallway and waved me over.
“I’d really like to talk to you,” she whispered. “Can we take off?”
I nodded. If I had to choose between being alone with Zoe or staying here to listen to Finn go on, it was an easy choice.
We selected a couple winter coats, scarves, mitts and wool hats, then slipped out the back door.
“Where to?” I asked.
“Somewhere out of sight.” She pointed. “Behind the shed.”
“Lead the way.”
The snow was crisp under our feet and we sank about six inches with each step. The snow still fell, but it was lighter now. My lungs burned from the cool air I breathed in, and my breaths shot out in rhythmic puffs.
We stopped to rest when we could no longer see the house.
“What do you think they’ll do when they realize we’re gone?” Zoe said. “And unchaperoned?”
I chuckled. “I don’t know. It’s not like they can ex-communicate us.”
“They could send us to bed without supper.”
“I suppose, but it’s worth it.”
Zoe’s wool hat was pulled down over her ears and her dark hair stuck out barely touching her shoulders. Her nose was already red from the cold, and snowflakes had gathered on her eyelashes.
Adorable.
“I’d never seen snow before coming here,” she said. She scooped up a little in her mitt and licked it with her tongue.
I couldn’t stop staring at her mouth, and decided then and there it was worth forgiving her.
“Me neither,” I said. “It’s not so bad, except that it’s cold and wet and keeps you from leaving a crazy commune.”
Her eyes lit up. “Yeah, besides that, I don’t mind it either.”
The commune intersected with the forest. The snow frosted the trees and blanketed the forest floor. It deadened the sound in a way that made silence seem loud.
I shoved my hands in my pockets, feeling weird that I felt weird being alone with Zoe.
She stared behind me into the trees.
I turned. Something moved.
“What’s that?” Zoe whispered.
My heart jumped and the first thought I had was that Grant had found us. But it was a gentler creature of the four-legged variety.
I sighed in relief. “It’s a deer.”
It emerged into view and stared back at us with large brown eyes. We stayed statue still, watching it nibble branches of exposed leaves.
“Wow,” Zoe said softly. “It’s beautiful.”
It moved onto another brush, before disappearing back into the woods.
I kicked at the snow.
“You’re worried, aren’t you?” Zoe asked, catching my gaze. “I can see it in your eyes.”
“I’m worried that we’ve been in here too long. I’m sure your grandfather hasn’t given up looking for you, and I’m scared Grant is going to show up here any minute.”
Zoe turned her back to a plot of unbroken snow and let herself fall backward into it. “I saw this on TV once,” she said. She moved her arms back and forth along her sides and her legs to match. Then she stood up carefully and examined her snow image.
“It’s called a snow angel.” She fell again to make another one. “Come on, Noah.”
I dropped to the ground beside her and moved my arms and legs. We didn’t get up when we were done.
“What do you guys do after supper?” Zoe asked. “When us girls are slaving away cleaning up the kitchen.”
“Finn opens his locked cupboard.”
“Really? I wondered what was in there.” She turned her head to face me. “So, what’s in there?”
“Booze.”
“What? They’re drunks?”
“One drink doesn’t make a drunk. I haven’t seen anyone get drunk so far.”
“But they’re religious.”
“Yeah, I was surprised, too.”
“So you get to drink, and I have to mop the floor.”
I couldn’t help but laugh a little. “Talk about a reversal of roles.”
Zoe reached for my gloved hand. “I was a jerk to you, before, I know.”
“It’s fine. I was kidding.”
“But it’s true. I’m ashamed at my behavior towards you. And to your mother. I really looked down my nose at you.”
I could tell by the seriousness of her tone that this was the heart of the thing she’d wanted to talk to me about.
“You didn’t know any better.”
Her eyes steadied on the snow. “And I’m sorry about the whole Taylor…thing.”
“You’ve apologized already. It’s okay.”
She sighed. “You’re too good for me.”
I leaned up on my elbow. “Don’t say that.”
“It’s true.”
“It’s not.” I lowered my head, slowly, waiting to see if she’d reach for me or move away. She nudged closer and parted her lips. I kissed them. Her lips and tongue moved with mine, eager and desperate. I rolled her on top of me, awkward in our heavy clothing, not caring about the mess we were making of our snow angels.
Her nose and cheeks were flushed red from the cold and something more. Passion. For me. Her lips moved across my jaw and she nuzzled her cold nose in the warmth of my neck. I shivered and groaned.
“Well, what do we have here?”
Taylor’s voice. Damn.
We both stiffened and Zoe inched off of me, looking embarrassed. I could understand. That was two guys in two days for her.
“What do you want, Blake?”
“Brother Finn sent me to search for you two heathens. Make sure you don’t do something sinful while on our commune. Looks like I found you just in time.”
My chest tightened as I stood to face him head on. “You weren’t worried about being sinful, yesterday.”
“Noah!” Zoe said.
Taylor laughed. “Well, you got a point there. I’d come in if I were you. Before you get to ruffling all the feathers around here.”
He left us, but the magic spell Zoe and I had shared was shattered. I helped her up, but she wouldn’t look me in the eyes.
“Zoe?”
“What?” she sputtered.
“Just stay away from that guy, okay?”
Chapter 11
Finn had more than a few ruffled feathers. He accosted me outside.
“I asked you to attend chapel,” he said through gritted teeth, his spit spraying through chapped lips. “You dishonor me in front of my family while taking advantage of my hospitality!”
He leaned in close and I took a step back raising my pal
ms. “Look, sorry, Finn. We didn’t mean to offend you.”
His eyes narrowed and he pushed close, poking my chest with his finger. “You did offend me. And as long as you’re on my commune, you’ll do as I say.”
I wanted to punch this chump in the nose. He outweighed me by fifty pounds, but I had a couple of inches. I stood up tall and peered down my nose at him, my fingers curling into a fist at my side.
The veins in Finn’s neck bulged with barely controlled rage. His eyes were bloodshot and glossy, piercing me like swords. I felt a flush of fear. This was a side to Finn he worked to keep hidden. I didn’t doubt he was capable of harming me if he lost control.
“Like I said, I’m sorry. What do you want from me now?”
He huffed. “Since you’re a heathen, you can do heathens work on the Lord’s day. The wood needs chopping.”
I was raised in a good Christian home. My parents loved us kids unconditionally and gave us the gift of faith.
They were nothing like this lunatic.
Finn was too crazy to argue with. I’d chop his wood and pray the weather warmed up enough for me and Zoe to get the hell out of here.
I found that I liked chopping wood. It was a way for me to take out my anger and frustration without drawing blood. Especially Taylor’s or Finn’s, who showed up when my pile to chop was almost completed.
“Meet me in the bunker when you’re done. Don’t let no one see ya,” was all he said before disappearing.
I finished up the rest of the wood, and piled it up against the house. I wiped my brow and tried to quench my thirst with snow, debating whether or not I should go. I hated being dictated to, but the conflict that would result from not complying with Finn’s request wouldn’t be worth it. I sighed hard before sneaking off for the bunker. I took a circuitous route, being careful not to be seen.
I tapped on the bunker door before opening it. I could picture Finn down there with a loaded gun pointed at the entrance, and I didn’t want to take the chance of startling him.
“Finn?”
“Hurry up and close the hatch,” he said. He was sitting in front of his old laptop, squinting at whatever was on there.
