by Robin Perini
The lowest moment he could remember was one horrible day. He’d thought he was better. The therapy session had gone well. He’d come back to his room, and she’d stood there, waiting for him, her hand adjusting the blinds with the cord.
A lousy cord.
The twined string had morphed into a leather whip. He’d lunged at her, death in his heart. She’d let out a small cry, and he’d come back to reality, but he’d seen her eyes, the second he’d recognized the fear on her face. Not for him. Fear of him.
He’d seen that same expression when she’d looked at his dad.
Something inside him had died in that moment.
The sound of the shower ceased. Daniel stiffened, but Raven didn’t come out. He wanted to hang up and knock on the bathroom door to check on her, but she needed her time.
And he needed to make his mother understand.
“Mom,” he said slowly, “I’m like Dad. I know it, and so do you.” He couldn’t live with destroying his family any more than his father had. He had to protect them, even if that meant hurting them—and himself.
Silence echoed through the receiver. He could barely make out a few shuddering breaths.
“The dungeon still comes back, Mom. I see it, where it’s not. And the sounds. The screams. I live through that time every night. Even during the day. Just like Dad.”
“But do you believe what you see is real?” she asked, her voice trembling with the question. “Do you think you’re actually there?”
“It feels real,” he said. “The stench. The pain.” He rubbed his wrist. “I still wake up screaming, as if the whip is cutting into my back.”
She bit back a small sob. “God, son, I want to kill the man who hurt you all over again, but that’s a nightmare. You can’t control it.” She paused, and Daniel gripped the phone even tighter.
“Daniel, when you’re awake—when an episode hits—do you believe you are in that dungeon in Bellevaux?”
He rubbed the scar on his cheek, then thrust his fingers through his hair. “Sometimes. Sometimes I have to fight really hard to remember, but mostly I have a double sense, and I can figure out where I am.”
He heard a soft sigh. “I talked to your doctor,” she said. “PTSD has a spectrum. You’re not where your father was. Aaron couldn’t tell the difference between the past and present. Ever. He was lost. You’re not.”
Daniel gripped the windowsill hard and breathed in the cool evening air. He wanted to believe her. “Dad was okay sometimes,” he whispered. “I remember.”
“I know,” she said. “Those days gave me hope, but they never lasted. Even years later, your father still couldn’t find his way out of that mental hell. He couldn’t bring himself back to reality. You can. That means you can regain your life.”
“But—”
“You are not like your father. At all. You already have a control he never did.” Her voice took on an edge he hadn’t heard since one of his sisters hadn’t come home by curfew one night. “Believe me. You are my son, and I will fight you for your survival.”
Unable to keep still, Daniel rose, then paced back and forth, his mind whirling.
“Honey, come home. Try it. Your sister’s getting married soon. It would mean the world to her for you to be there.”
“I still don’t trust myself.” Daniel rubbed the base of his neck. “All those cars backfiring. Construction clanging like those damn metal bars closing. A crowd of people jammed into one room. Champagne corks popping. Nowhere to escape. I could snap just like he did. I won’t ruin the wedding. Or their lives.”
“They need you here. They trust you. So do I.”
“You can’t know I’ll be okay,” Daniel said. “You always said Dad would get better, but he never did. You told us he’d be fine, and he’d find peace, but he found it at the end of a gun.”
The phone line went quiet. Too quiet. Daniel winced in regret. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean that.”
“Yes, you did, and you’re right. I let hope cloud my words and thoughts, seeing healing where there wasn’t any. I wanted you and your sisters to still love him, to remember the man he used to be. I didn’t understand just how deep his demons went.”
“You don’t know how deep mine go, either. I’m not the man I once was. Until I know for sure that I can keep it together, I’m not coming home. I love you and the girls. I don’t want to let them down, but they’ve been through enough. I’d rather they hate me for what I didn’t do than for what I did.”
“I learned the hard way not to hide from this illness, Daniel. If I believed you were a danger to yourself or them, I’d snap you into the hospital faster than you could reach for your weapon.” She paused. “Trust me.”
“I do. It’s trusting myself that’s the problem. Bye.” He ended the call and pressed the phone against his forehead.
I miss you.
Chapter Six
Raven stood frozen in place in the bathroom, holding on to the door she’d just opened, staring at Daniel. Shock still reverberated through her. Daniel had a home somewhere. A woman and girls who wanted him back.
She wanted to be hurt...or angry...or something. She’d come to think of him as hers. Her savior, her protector...just hers. All of a sudden, the outside world had blown apart the small bubble of safety she’d discovered in his presence.
She’d been attacked, her memory lost, but that didn’t excuse not seeing his turmoil or his pain. How selfish could she be? She didn’t want to be that kind of person, but she was scared. Her belly rolled at the thought of being alone—without the one man she could trust. She needed him. But not at this cost.
Her fingers bit into the wooden door so hard that they cramped. She couldn’t take her gaze off him. His entire body sagged in despair.
Her feelings didn’t matter. Seeing how broken Daniel looked right now pushed her own needs aside. She wanted to comfort him, but he straightened his shoulders. His face went expressionless as stone as he shook off his emotions.
Doubting he would welcome her witnessing him so vulnerable, she cleared her throat and shoved the door so it thudded against the wall, pretending she was just coming out of the bathroom.
His narrowed gaze snapped to hers. He hesitated for a moment, then rose and crossed the room, picking up a white paper bag on the way. “Hondo says hi.”
She took the sack from him and studied his features, searching for some chink in his armor.
“What?” he demanded.
She didn’t know if she’d been brave when she knew her own name, but his intensity didn’t encourage questions. Would she normally have backed off? She had no idea, and she had to know.
“You’re leaving, aren’t you?” she said. “I don’t blame you. I’m more trouble than you asked for. I understand.”
He pocketed the phone and glared at her. “I told you. I’m not going anywhere. Not until you’re safe. We may not know each other very well, but I keep my promises.”
“Your wife—”
Understanding lit his eyes, and they crinkled at the corners when he gave her a slight grin. “I’m not married, Raven. That was my mom.”
“Oh.” The wave of relief that swept through Raven nearly buckled her knees. It wasn’t right, though. She had no business feeling this way. She didn’t even know him.
He sidled up to her. “How much did you hear?”
She couldn’t meet his gaze, and his proximity sent a shiver up her spine. “I didn’t mean to eavesdrop. And it was just the last few sentences. Something about not going home and loving the girls. I thought you might have kids.”
“I was talking about my sisters.”
“That’s great. I mean, it must be nice to have siblings.” She groaned, sinking onto the bed, burying her head in her hands. “Just hog-tie me and shut me up before I make an ev
en bigger fool of myself.”
He tilted her chin up. “I’m flattered,” he said, his smile gentle. “Now, dig into the sack, and you’ll find enough chocolate to distract you.”
“Why would that help?”
“According to my sisters, it’s a universal girl thing.” He shrugged.
“I don’t remember, but I’ll take a chance.” She opened the bag, and a sweet smell wafted from inside. She inhaled and her stomach grumbled. Chocolate chip. She lifted out one warm cookie, took a bite and closed her eyes, moaning in pleasure. “I think we have a winner. This is amazing.” She pinched off a small bite, holding it to his lips. “Try it.”
“Hondo has rules...”
“Then we won’t tell him,” she whispered. “But this cookie is orgasmic.”
At the words, her shocked gaze captured his equally stunned one.
His eyes darkened, and Raven’s breath stuttered. “I mean, it’s really, really good.”
“Then I’ll definitely have some.” His tone deepened, he leaned forward and snagged the morsel from her fingertips, licking off a small bit of chocolate that clung to her skin.
She cleared her throat. “Best thing you ever tasted. Right?”
With a run of his tongue across his lips, he stared at her. “Yeah, and the cookie’s not half-bad, either.”
She bit her lower lip. “I want to—” Before her brain stopped her, she pressed her lips to his mouth, and her body leaned into him.
Daniel didn’t resist. His arm snaked around her waist and tightened his hold, drawing her to him. He took over, parting her lips, exploring her mouth, holding her captive with his caress.
Lord, he could kiss.
Forget chocolate. She had a whole new favorite taste. Raven wrapped her arms around his neck and held him closer, taking the kiss even deeper.
The room faded away until all she knew was his touch, his scent, his passion. She nipped at his lower lip, wanting even more, rocking against the hardness pressing into her belly.
With a growl he eased back. “This is a bad idea,” he said softly.
“I don’t care,” she whispered against his mouth. And she didn’t. She just wanted to feel. This crazy heat that was going through her was something she wanted to know more about. She couldn’t believe she’d ever felt anything like what Daniel made her feel.
Surely I’d remember something like this.
Ignoring his intended retreat, she held his face in her hands and kissed him again, reveling in the lightning that sparked from her core, up through her breasts. She pushed them against his chest to ease the ache.
“Wow. Where has this feeling been all my life? I like it!” She couldn’t stop the words and bit her lip. “The doctor said frontal lobe injuries often reduce inhibitions a bit. Is this what he meant?”
A small growl escaped from deep inside Daniel’s chest. “I don’t know.”
“Well, I certainly hope so.” She clutched at his shirt and tugged him closer.
Suddenly his phone vibrated on the table with an insistent hum. Daniel let out a long, slow breath. “I hate phones.”
He clicked Talk and dragged it to his ear. “Adams.” His voice came out husky.
Raven leaned in to listen.
“You two okay?” Sheriff Galloway asked. “You sound funny.”
“We’re fine.” Daniel put his arm around Raven. “We’re holed up in the motel. By the way, thanks for paying for a week in advance.”
“I didn’t figure you carried much cash, and Raven doesn’t seem like she’s going to be remembering her bank accounts anytime soon,” Galloway said. “But on the good news front, preliminary blood tests on the denim material that your dog tore show it’s a potential match for Raven’s attacker. Type AB negative kind of narrows things down with this small-town population.”
“Trouble knows whose it is. He’ll recognize the guy if he comes across the scent again,” Daniel said.
Trouble’s ears perked up at the mention of his name, and he cocked his head. Raven petted the sweetie, and he leaned up against her leg. She caressed behind his ears and smiled as he pushed his head harder against her hand.
“What about samples from the mine? Can they retrieve them?” Daniel shook his head at Trouble, and Raven simply smiled.
“Your CTC colleagues indicated the engineering crew believes they can stabilize the mine long enough to process the crime scene. If nothing else goes wrong out there, they can be done by the end of the day.”
“They haven’t moved anything yet, have they?” Daniel asked.
“They’re on hold until you get there,” the sheriff said.
“We’ll leave soon,” Daniel said and ended the call.
Go back to the mine? Raven’s stomach rolled at the thought. “I don’t know—”
“The doctor said you should retrace your steps. See if anything out there triggers a memory now that your symptoms are improving.”
Despite her fear, she nodded. “We’re not going to find out the truth sitting in this motel room, are we?”
Daniel gave her an approving nod. “Exactly. And you’ll be protected. I’ll be there, and so will the deputy and two men from CTC.” At her questioning glance, he shrugged. “I have a few friends with some skills that could come in handy.”
Men like him. Raven didn’t have to ask more. She clasped her heart-shaped locket. “I have a baby out there, and I need to find her. No matter what the danger.”
He crossed the room and took out his gun. A click sounded, and the magazine fell into his hand. He checked it and then reloaded. “We’re going to find out what happened to the baby. I promise you that.”
Raven went still. Daniel hadn’t said he would find the baby. Only that he’d discover what happened. Did he think her baby was dead?
For all her earlier bravery, Raven could not get up the courage to ask him.
* * *
THE ROAD TO the mine looked different from a truck. Daniel glanced at Raven. The afternoon sun hit the side of her face. Bruises had started rising near her temple—green, blue and yellow mottled in a painful-looking pattern. She’d been through so much.
She clutched the locket. “How much farther?”
He slowed the truck to a crawl, and Trouble let out a bark from the bed of the pickup. Daniel studied her expression, searching for any sign of recognition. “Anything look familiar?”
“I don’t know. Dirt road, desert, shrubs, mountains in the distance.” The intensity on her face didn’t waver as she gazed out the front windshield at the curving road heading toward the mine where Daniel and Trouble had found her. But with each mile, he watched the light fade from her gaze. Her hand tightened on his, and his gut twisted. His shoulders tensed. Without Raven’s memory, everyone they came into contact with was a suspect.
They came within a mile of the mine, and her chin fell to her chest. “This is useless. I don’t recognize anything.”
“This is the first try, darlin’. You still have healing to do. Cut yourself some slack.”
She glanced over at him. “We both know this is the only lead. Don’t patronize me. I may not have a memory, but I’m not a fool.”
“Sorry,” he said. “You’re right. But wishing won’t make it happen. There’s forensic evidence in that cave, including blood. We have a lot of trails to follow.”
Raven twisted in her seat. “DNA from the blood should help,” she mused. “Comparing the thirteen core loci could get a match using CODIS.”
Her eyes widened as he stared at her.
“Oh, wow, where did that come from?” She fell back into the seat.
“Well, Ms. Scientist. What else do you know about DNA profiling?”
He could almost see her mind whirl with effort.
“I know a lot. A whole lot.”
Excitement lit her face. “Did you know that if you have a CODIS profile or even a small sample of DNA, you can falsify the evidence? But you can also test for fake DNA.”
She went on to describe in detail exactly what that entailed, but the explanation went way over Daniel’s head.
“So you’re a lab rat,” he said. “That’s pretty complex stuff to remember. You could give Elijah a run for his money.”
“I don’t know about that, but I think I was a scientist of some sort. That will help, right?”
“If you’re from around here, we can narrow the search to biotech companies, universities and the like. Ask if they’re missing a beautiful, brilliant brain,” Daniel said.
She smiled at him, hope returning to her eyes. He’d wanted to see her smile again, to wipe away the hurt any way he could. More and more, he understood why his mother had kept the truth of his father’s illness from them when they were kids. Hope meant everything.
The truck rounded the final curve leading to the mine. Several vehicles created a makeshift lot just east of the entrance to the mine.
Daniel pulled in near them, parked and turned in his seat. “Okay, let’s take this slow. Focus on all your senses—sounds, smells, the feel of the earth beneath your feet. Memories are tied to those other senses even more than sight.”
He knew that firsthand.
He exited the vehicle and scanned the cleared area in front of the mine for anything out of place. With a quick look toward the desert with its small hills and occasional shrub, he opened the door for her, as satisfied as he could be.
She slid out, and Trouble jumped from the back of the truck, standing guard beside her. Daniel motioned for her to stay put as he walked away, with her always in his sight.
Galloway’s full-time deputy walked over and tipped his hat. “Deputy Adams, sir.”
Daniel grimaced. Trouble’s tail stiffened. His ears went flat, and a warning growl rumbled from him.
The deputy paused. “He bite?”
“Not usually, but he seems to hate uniforms. I wouldn’t push it.”
The kid backed off.
