by Alice Ivinya
He didn’t reply but used his nose to push straw over my body before curling his neck around me. Finally, with his hot breath tickling my ear, I fell asleep.
2
The Point of No Return
It was pitch black and hot. The barrel walls pressed in on all sides, shrinking closer and closer. On my lap was a drowned cat, its pale mouth gaping in agony.
Falada nudged me awake and I jolted up.
‘You were whimpering in your sleep again. You have not done that in a while.’
I gasped in the dusty morning air, dragging in deep breaths until I had calmed down. The familiar sounds of horses stamping and chewing surrounded me, sharing their peace.
“Oh, Falada, it was that dream again. The same one. I thought it was gone.”
He nuzzled my side. ‘You are stressed and worried. It always returns when you’re like this.’
I leant forward and cradled my head in my hands. “It happened years ago. Why won’t it leave me alone?”
Falada pushed me away and stood, shaking the straw from his back. ‘We should ride. It will make you feel better.’
I squinted through the window and saw the sun was already high in the sky. My stomach rumbled and I felt lightheaded. “I can’t, Falada. I need to get ready and pack. We leave tomorrow. I haven’t eaten in two days either. Elyanna will be cross if she can’t find me after her breakfast.”
The horse nudged me to the stable door. ‘Food is important. You should eat. I will be here.’
I kissed his soft nose and stumbled out into the gardens. The rear of the palace rose before me, white and spotless in the sun. The flowers on the creepers that draped from the turrets and flying buttresses were starting to wilt as summer died, and the leaves were turning scarlet. I tried to memorize every detail, for surely Hava was the most beautiful place in the world.
Two maids were waiting for me in my rooms and pounced their fussing hands on me, stressed by my late appearance and the state of my hair. One took my measurements so the tailor could alter Elyanna’s dresses, while I begged the other one to find me a large breakfast.
They all must know about the planned deception, and I wondered what the Queen was bribing them with. More threats, no doubt, and far away placements. Maybe they would all end up at the Winter Palace.
I spent the day in a daze, my fate looming over me like a collapsing cliff, too high for me to outrun. I could only stand still and watch the rocks fall around me.
Elyanna called for me to take lunch with her, and I did my best to ignore her as she prattled on about all the horrible things she had heard about the Borderlands and Prince Jian. The color was back in her cheeks, and her eyes gleamed at the outcome. A maid had curled her hair into ringlets. and she wore more makeup than usual. She was in a good mood.
“You will write to me, to let me know how you’re doing, Bria?” She asked as she sipped her tea from the painted china.
“Of course,” I mumbled. I kept my eyes on the plate of pastries, studying the intricacies of the icing to distract myself. I was in no mood for her games. Hopefully if I didn’t react too much at her jibes, she would grow bored and leave me alone.
“I want to know every single detail, especially about Prince Jian. And what your room is like.”
I nodded in reply. I’d eaten too much, and now I felt queasy.
“Make sure you pack lots of coats. I’ve heard it’s cold and barren all year around. I wouldn’t want illness to get in the way of your marital bliss. I suspect he’ll want an heir quickly.” She pursed her lips as she looked me up and down. “And don’t forget to eat less and wear your corsets tighter. You’ll need to wear more makeup too so you draw attention away from your nose. You don’t want him to think you’re ugly.” She snorted.
I nodded out of habit, my mind becoming numb.
“Did you ever hear about what happened to Lady Hesta?”
I dutifully shook my head, and her red lips curled into a wide smile that dimpled her cheeks as she shook back her hair.
“Well, Lady Hesta was married off to some Dreyha Lord after the Battle of Sedgehaven fifteen years ago. It was purely political in nature. Her husband didn’t care about her at all.” She lowered her voice. “He had a mistress, you see, and Lady Hesta failed to win him with her charms. He shut her away in part of his castle and almost forgot about her. She had no friends or allies there. Her only worth was the alliance between our countries, and that only needed the wedding. She became a nobody. I heard he used to hit her if she displeased him.” Elyanna smiled as she brought the delicate teacup to her lips. “She killed herself.” Her eyes flicked to mine. “Let’s hope you can win yours over with your endless charms. If he doesn't care about you, who will?”
My chest felt tight, and I struggled to breathe. I stood up abruptly, my knees hitting the table and making the china rattle. “Please excuse me, Highness.”
For once Elyanna let me go, delighted by my reaction. She snuggled back into her padded chair.
I escaped into my room and took deep breaths, leaning against a wall. After all these years, why did I still let her get to me? Her comments were immature and uninventive, yet they still drifted through my mind to settle at the base. Each one a grain of sand making an endless riverbed that I would be sucked in and drowned under if I ventured there.
Distraction was the key. I found Governess Rosa and staff master John to give them my goodbyes. Sir John offered me one last spar, but I declined. He chuckled and said it was because I was afraid he would beat me and end my winning streak. In truth, as much as I loved to exercise with my sword when Elyanna wasn’t here, I felt weak and nauseous. I was sure I would have plenty of chances to train in the Borderlands. Sir John had been a fantastic teacher, but I had learnt all I could from him. I hoped up north I would find somebody better to push me.
After dinner I took a book from the library and snuck back to Falada. I didn’t want to spend the night alone. Especially if the nightmare returned. After they had found me inside the barrel, weak and terrified, the lid nailed shut, a servant had been blamed and punished, but many people had suspected Elyanna. Her mother had been furious with her. It was the only time I had seen Queen Geraldina shout at her daughter. She had said if she got a reputation for cruelty, it would damage her marriage prospects, and she would end up the wife of some fat old widower who just wanted a few extra heirs. Elyanna had only been twelve but had taken this to heart. She had stopped ordering that her maids be beaten and had stopped slapping me. But instead she had learned there are many other ways to be cruel.
Soon I would leave her behind forever, but still the nightmare had come back. My heart rate still increased when I saw the Princess smile. She had broken me that day, and though I had collected all the pieces of me, they didn’t stick together anymore. I simply wasn’t strong enough to face Prince Jian.
Falada didn’t speak as I let myself in and curled up in the straw. He stood above me eating his hay as I opened my book and started to read about a world where princes were always charming and princesses were always good. It might not be true, but maybe tonight I could simply pretend and scare the nightmares away.
Falada nudged me awake and I sat up, frowning at distant shouts. Fresh sunlight streamed through the window and birds sang joyfully in the gardens. The shouts grew louder, and I heard my name.
“Falada,” I gasped. “You should have woken me earlier. I wanted to sneak back into my rooms.”
Falada snorted and walked to his water trough, taking a slow leisurely drink. ‘You need your sleep for the journey.’
The journey. Today I would be leaving forever.
I stood and brushed straw from my hair and dress. The forgotten book thudded from my skirt and I remembered I’d read late into the night. Myths and legends of the time when Spirit-Beasts ruled. If they had been anything like Falada, it must have been a better place. But Falada’s blood was almost as diluted as mine. He was fast and intelligent and beautiful, but apart from the ability to bon
d and speak with a human of the Old Blood, there wasn’t much remaining in him of those older noble races.
“She’s in here!” That was the voice of the stable boy, I was sure of it. Why were they shouting? I rubbed my forehead. The headache that had started with Elyanna’s tantrum still lingered days later. It was probably my fault for not eating and drinking well and sleeping in a dusty stable.
The boy appeared at the stable door and pointed at me in triumph. Behind him a page boy and a gardener hurried to his side. “See, I told ya.”
I blinked at them in confusion and noticed the relief in the two newcomers’ shoulders. The page boy stretched out his hand. Wasn’t he Sir Hellard’s servant? A sinking feeling made my legs leaden. Sir Hellard served the Queen, which probably meant I was in trouble.
“Please, my lady,” said the page boy when I didn’t step forward. He looked about eight years old. “They’re all looking for you. You were meant to be in your rooms. The Queen fears you might have run away and is angry that you aren’t preparing to accompany the Princess.”
I sighed and pulled my book from the straw. “I don’t see why it’s so strange for me to be checking Princess Elyanna’s horse today of all days.”
The page shifted his feet back and forward, and the anxiety didn’t fall from his face. He reached in and grabbed my hand, trying to pull me along, despite being two heads shorter than me. I shook my hand free. “I’m coming, I’m coming.”
The page’s urgency finally infused my body and I lifted my skirts so I could keep up with his jog across the lawns. Was Queen Geraldina really that angry? Surely she knew I would never be foolish enough to try to run. Not when she threatened my parents and the people of Gilava. Even if she was sending me far away to marry a stranger.
My racing heart had little to do with keeping up with the page. I struggled to swallow and hoped I would have fresh water in my room, though the thought of breakfast made me feel sick. The boy led me through a servants’ door and up spiraling stairs, not to my rooms, but to Elyanna’s. My chest only tightened. I wasn’t sure how well I could cope with her gloating today.
Sir Hellard stood guard outside her door in full plate armor, looking out of place. He had to be coming too to be so dressed up. He nodded to me as I approached and opened the door without a word. Inside Elyanna was arranging the white fur of her cloak around her neck and studying it from all angles in the mirror. The cloak was magnificent, but beneath it she wore a plain blue riding dress with divided skirts and high leather boots.
“There you are.” The voice of the Queen made me jump and I turned to see Queen Geraldina directing two maids as they packed a pair of matching boxes with clothes and jewelry. “Where in the name of the Spirits were you? And what’s happened with your hair?”
I resisted the urge to feel my messy plait for any remaining straw and curtsied. “Apologies, Your Majesty. I didn’t sleep well, so rose early to go to the stable to make sure all was well with Falada.” That was true if going there at midnight counted as ‘early’.
She pursed her lips as if she didn’t quite believe me, but then her eyes brightened as she dismissed the suspicion as unimportant. “Well you are to get ready in here, since you’ll be wearing the Princess’s clothes. We’re going to have to bathe you first, though. You smell of horse.”
I shrugged, nerves making me reckless. “The Borderlands are days away. Surely I will smell of horse by then, whatever I smell like now?”
The Queen glared, warning she was not in the mood to be pushed. “My daughter would never wreck such a fine dress by putting it on smelling like that. You should be grateful for the outfit. Now bathe at once and be quick. We need to get you dressed and covered by a simple cloak before anyone wonders why the two of you are taking so long.”
I bobbed my head and went into Elyanna’s bedroom to bathe, barely feeling the warmth of the water or the tugs on my scalp as a maid combed my hair. A cold numbness penetrated everything until even my thoughts were frozen.
I was sprayed with perfume, squeezed into a corset, and then strapped into a silk gown entirely too grand for hard travel. The sleeves left the shoulders bare, as was the fashion, and it even had a small gauzy train. I hoped there was something more practical in the chests. Finally my hair was braided into a crown around my scalp, in the same style as the Princess.
The Queen inspected the work of her maids and nodded in approval. I was now an appropriate present to gift to a prince. My belly squeezed and roiled, and the corset felt bone-crushingly tight. The maids slammed the chests shut, and I wondered if they had packed any of the things I’d selected for myself and laid out in my rooms.
A horn outside the window made me jump and the Queen clapped her hands. “The procession is getting ready. Hurry, girls.” She took Elyanna’s forehead and kissed her on the brow. “I’ll see you in the Winter Palace. I promise I will come soon.”
The Princess smiled sweetly in return. “Thank you, Mama. I’ll miss you.”
I turned away from them to look out the window. A stained-glass pattern of roses bordered the glass and bathed the waiting crowd in scarlet. My parents weren’t going to arrive in time from their estate to say goodbye to me. Not when they had only been given three days’ notice that I was leaving. I hoped the letters would get through the pass reliably between our countries. Knowing that I might never see them again and couldn’t say goodbye made me blink back tears.
Elyanna grabbed my hand, snapping me back into the present nightmare. “Come on Bria, we can’t keep them waiting to say goodbye to their Princess. Mama says they’re lining the streets for miles.”
I followed her, my limbs heavy and clumsy, still lightheaded. As we entered the marble courtyard, a ceremonial guard stood to salute. The King kissed his daughter’s hand as she climbed the mounting block onto Falada. He didn’t even glance at me. I rode Elyanna’s favorite palfrey, a skittish palomino called Fancy, and I arranged the cloak around myself so the grand dress was hidden. Two maids rode behind us, both belonging to the Queen, and behind them, Sir Hellard led a guard of ten soldiers, squires leading a few pack mules at the rear. I wondered if they knew what was truly going on.
The wide streets of Hava were a riot of color and waving flags as the whole population seemed to be lining the streets or hanging from second or third story windows. The noise was a leaden haze in my ears, and I kept my eyes fixed ahead, my grip on the reins tight. All eyes were on Elyanna anyway. I suspected most Havans had never heard of Lady Brianna, me being such a distant relation to the throne, that even Father normally explained it wrong. I had the white hair of the Old Blood, but when I was forever next to the Princess, it stopped being noteworthy.
Elyanna waved to the crowd and accepted silks and flowers from children. A few even offered blooms to me, and I accepted them with muttered thanks. People shouted well wishes for her wedding and others shouted about her bravery or beauty. By the time we reached Hava’s silver gates, she was glowing with satisfaction.
I took one last look back at the palace. It was beautiful with its white flying buttresses, cascades of auburn creepers and marble statues on every level. Pale blue banners had been hung from every window to mark Elyanna’s departure. It had been my home for over ten years, even if I had never felt comfortable there. I had little idea what Stonekeep, the capital of the Borderlands, would be like in comparison, other than cold. I turned my eyes forward with aching resolve.
Elyanna prattled to me about the Winter Palace until the party stopped at the crossroads. The Princess waved the guards off to give us some privacy and slid from Falada’s back. She stretched and grinned at me. “You’ve been very quiet, Brianna. Didn’t you enjoy the procession? When you enter Stonekeep, all eyes will be on you.”
I didn’t reply but slipped from Fancy, looking forward to Falada’s larger, steadier back. I wasn’t in the mood to talk, but Elyanna didn’t notice. She flicked Falada’s reins carelessly at me as she continued talking. “Make sure you’re impressive in every way.
They will think you’re me after all. And you’ll actually have to start paying more attention to how you look. No more simple plaits or smelling of horse. I can’t have them think I am like that. You must maintain my reputation.”
I frowned at her. “But I will be Princess Elyanna. They’ll never know about you.”
She shrugged. “I still care about my reputation, Bria. Now we should swap cloaks and be on our way. I want to reach my inn before nightfall.”
I gave her my plain cloak and took her grand one. It sat heavily on my shoulders and the fur tickled my neck. Sir Hellard dismounted to help me onto Falada’s back. I pulled myself up and towered over Elyanna, waiting for her to dismiss me. She walked to my foot and held up her hand. “I want my mother’s handkerchief,” she said, as if it were an afterthought.
It was tucked in my pocket and I touched the cloth subconsciously. “Why?”
Her eyes narrowed. “It’s my Mother’s Blessing. I am her daughter. I should have it, not you.”
I hesitated. The Queen’s Blessing probably held true power of protection and she had given it as the only reward for my journey. One look at the jealousy on Elyanna’s face showed she wasn’t going to relent, however, and I didn’t have the energy to fight. I sighed and fished out the bloodstained linen, passing it to the Princess. She smiled sweetly and took it, then turned to mount Fancy.
“Mama said you were to take five guards,” she announced.
I hid a sigh of frustration. “Five? The passes are dangerous and our road is longer. There is little danger between here and the Winter Palace.”
Elyanna ignored my comment and rode to the party. She waved her hand in the air and the men divided themselves according to some prearranged plan, Sir Hellard staying with Elyanna. She pointed to the maids. “Both of you are to come with me, too.” One of them hesitated, looking between us.
I felt a stab of anger bubble deep in my chest. I was giving up everything for her, why did she have to take even more from me? What was the point of this petty display of power? I tried to keep my voice reasonable as I spoke quietly so as not to be overheard. “I need a maid too, Elyanna. You will have plenty in the Winter Palace. You will be there by the end of tomorrow. I will be travelling for a week.”
