Finding You (Finding You Series Book 1)

by Amanda Mackey

  He’d given up. In a way, we all had. It had to be seconds till death.

  I love you, Kyle. I’m so sorry you’ll have to mourn my loss. We’ll be together again one day in spirit.

  I hadn’t bothered to look out the window amid all the panic, but turning now, the last thing I saw was the ocean, almost touchable, holding out its mighty arms. It was almost beckoning us towards it, so that it could swallow everything up and store the remains in its almighty gut.

  Never having been a hugely religious person, I found myself praying. I prayed like never before but it was all in jest. Death was close. Three, two, one.

  Jeremiah snapped out of his comatose state just long enough to turn to me and say, “May God be with you.”

  I couldn’t even return his compliment.

  The pilot’s attempt to raise the nose of the plane had all been in vain. With a colossal boom of the impact, we entered into the powerful jaws of hell. All vanished, instantly.

  ***Sneak Peek***

  Coming Soon

  Chapter One

  I was floating. Well, not really floating. More like flying. But how the hell could I be flying?

  A dream? Maybe. I’d had flying dreams before but this one was different. There was no landscape below or above me. Just gray. I wasn’t sure if I was upside down, horizontal or right side up. Although that didn’t even seem to matter because I was moving with great purpose. I had to be somewhere. Somewhere important. I wasn’t sure if my eyes were open or closed but there was an unmistakable pull forward as if I was tethered to something that was beyond my control.

  At least I’m alive, I think.

  There was a definite draw towards something that seemed to be consuming me. I couldn’t define it and didn’t really want to. I knew I had to get there no matter what. I let myself be propelled through the gray curious as to where it would take me.

  My body was weightless and free, feeling like a bowl of soup, fluid, not solid. The gray I was soaring through felt like it was in me. A part of me. And I, of it. There was no fear which surprised me. In fact, I was blissfully happy. Content to just be.

  Something manifested in the gray ahead of me and I couldn’t help but look to it with great reverence. An encompassing light was growing as if reaching out for me, beckoning me to it and all I wanted in that moment was to be a part of that light. To have it soak into every crevice of my soul. To fill me up with its radiance.

  Faces began popping out of the gray through small doorways. Faces, familiar and loved, welcomed me. They stood with joy exuding outwards from them and it was aimed at me. I could feel it. Every core of my being soaked in the warmth, similar to thawing snow melting under a parched sun, bringing me to life in ways I’d never dreamed of. Shackles leached away, reawakening me. There was nothing to feel but dizzying bliss. The beautiful, brilliant light ahead called to me, asking me to blend with it. I knew that I was a part of it and that on the other side of it awaited true glory. My mother had always warned me about looking directly at the sun, but the luminescence that shone held no sharpness or bite. No harsh, damaging rays. Only a pure, undiluted, untouched whiteness that sparkled and shimmered, framed by a multicolored spectrum of color.

  Time evaporated. It simply didn’t exist, so I wasn’t sure how long I’d been flying. In earth time it could have been hours but in the tunnel it felt like minutes. There was no schedule to keep so it was irrelevant. I was completely on auto-pilot.

  The closer I got to glory the more heightened my awareness became.

  I tried to speak to some of the people that I passed on my journey but no words came out. Instead, we communicated telepathically. They were all excited to see me. Aunts and uncles I’d only seen as a baby and whom I never would have recognized anywhere else other than this gray vortex, wrapped me in love. Ancestors I’d never even met but I somehow instantly knew them as family.

  The light had grown exponentially and I was all but upon the bright, auspicious glow, when my grandmother manifested out of thin air. That stopped me in my tracks, confusion blackening my thoughts for the first time since arriving.

  She must have sensed my confusion because she projected her voice into me. “My dear, you must go back. You shouldn’t be here yet; you are not ready. Your time isn’t up and you still have a lot to do on earth. We will meet again in the future.”

  Shocked and thrilled to see her looking so youthful and vibrant, I moved to within inches of her. Never before had I experienced such absolute love from anyone. My grandmother shimmered almost as bright as the light we were standing next to. We didn’t need to hug. Gran was surrounding me with her energy. Filling me with indescribable euphoria. Her glow enfolded me with its power. I felt myself hum in time to its vibrations that seemed to strum my soul like some ethereal harp. The indescribable energy brought with it, an epiphany. This was home. I’d been here before many times. I didn’t even need to question that fact. It was absolute. Everyone had been born from this brilliance that I craved more of.

  “But I want to stay. I haven’t seen you for so long. How are you and where’s granddad?”

  “Your grandfather’s fine and sends his love. You must go. We are always with you and guide you through your life. Please don’t be afraid. You will understand everything when your time is up. Good-bye dear.”

  That was all? Didn’t she want to catch up? After all, it’s not every day your granddaughter pops by for a visit, even if it is in some weird dream. I had only just got here and it was like Gran was brushing me off!

  “But I want to stay with you and talk for a while before I wake up!” Even without using my mouth, I sounded desperate.

  My grandmother’s energy drew back a little. Even though I had only ever known her as old, the younger version was instantly recognizable. We were connected to each other. In this place, everything forgotten was remembered. Everything old was new. Basking in the love that burst forth, it was hard to pull away.

  Before she disappeared, I had to ask her something. “Gran, where am I? Am I dreaming? Why does this seem so real?”

  The beautiful woman moved back to me so we were almost touching and I felt I might die from happiness at her nearness.

  “My dear, you are at Heaven’s door but I cannot let you cross the threshold.”

  I tried to get my head around her words in my head.

  Heaven? Death? Am I dying? Is this not a dream? Am I actually here?

  Forgetting that Gran could hear everything I was thinking, I seemed to jump when she spoke. “Yes. This is real Dakota. You are not dreaming. There are going to be trials ahead but I need for you to stay strong. Do you understand?”

  What the heck did that mean? What if I didn’t want to return to the ‘trials’ on Earth?

  “No! Surely free will comes into play. I can’t be forced to go back when I like it here so much!”

  “There is a certain amount of free will but if you fight against your destiny and join us in heaven before you have fulfilled your life’s work, you will be sent straight back. You will be born again into a new life with new parents in a new city or country and have to start all over again. Is that what you want?”

  There wasn’t an ounce of judgment or vehemence in her voice as I thought about my options. I sure as hell didn’t want to be born into a life with strangers again and have to adapt to a new world.

  “You have people who care about you and need you.”

  With that reminder, I suddenly felt torn. My parents. Kyle. He needed me to return. We hadn’t given our relationship a solid go yet. I loved him.

  My grandmother smiled as she glowed even brighter. “That’s right, my dear. You have someone waiting for you. He needs you as much as you need him. You’ve spent many lifetimes together and have a deep connection, yet you still need to learn much from each other.”

  In that instant, my decision was made.

  I don’t want to die. I don’t want to leave Kyle. Not yet. I have to go back.

  Things then transpired
at lightning speed.

  Gran faded out of sight with the comforting light seeming a million miles away.

  I torpedoed backwards as if doing everything in reverse and jerked into heaviness with a thud.

  The bright light had returned outside my closed eyes but that’s where the similarities ended. The feeling of peacefulness was gone as my body convulsed with torturous agony. Each muscle felt like it weighed a ton. My eyes seemed to be glued shut.

  My head screamed at me for pain relief, thudding at the temples. My body was still floating but it felt a world away from the gray. As other senses returned, jet fuel burnt my nostrils and smoke charred my lungs.

  Everything came flooding back like a tidal wave.

  Crap! Crap! We’ve crashed! Shit! Why is it so quiet? Is everyone okay?

  I was too scared to look. My heavy eyes felt like they’d never open again. Shards of blue and red zigzagged in front of my eyelids as I tried to force them open but Hell was holding me in a headlock. My heart struggled to find a steady rhythm.

  The visit with my grandmother came to mind. My time wasn’t up yet.

  Was this one of the trials she spoke of? For crying out loud, why did I have to come back to this? I’ve literally gone from heaven to hell in a day. I want my time to be up. I want to die.

  Exhaustion was so crippling I couldn’t even cry. The tears wouldn’t have been able to escape anyway with my eyes fused shut.

  The crackling got louder and I could smell more smoke. The poisoned air, singeing my lungs, forced me to breathe in shallow gasps.

  Is the plane on fire? Jesus! I need to get my eyes open so I can see just what sort of a nightmare I’ve woken up in.

  Cupping my aching hands without thinking, I lifted water to my eyes hoping to wash away whatever was melding them together. Feeling with my fingers, I noted matted muck had balled at the corners.

  The salt water mixed with other toxic elements that had tainted the water, stung. Keeping my eyes firmly closed I used it to try and remove some of the sludge.

  Please don’t be blind! I couldn’t handle it if my sight was gone!

  Using every remaining piece of energy I could muster I managed to lift my eyelids to halfway. Everything was cloudy and out of focus. The burn forced me to shut them again until it subsided a little and I could try again, all the while I was constantly aware of the sounds and smells around me. Waiting a few seconds, I tried again and then opened them to an insane reality as they focused. The cloudiness was not my failing vision but the rapidly encroaching smoke from the smoldering rubble.

  The tail section of the plane was still intact with me still strapped to my chair, which had been ripped off its hinges and wedged against the gaping hole that had earlier been a whole aircraft. A morbid, scratchy scream tore from my larynx as another chair floated past with a cold, stiff soul, sitting upright. His eyes were wide open. The fright still etched into his face, his torso a bloody, gruesome mess. He had obviously been screaming moments before impact, terrified to die as we all had been.

  I closed my eyes again against the vision that would haunt me for the rest of my life, it having been burned into my retinas.

  My body began shaking with shock, the impact of my new reality a burden too heavy to bear. Sobs pulled themselves free, unable to remain contained for a second longer.

  How could this have happened? These things occur to other people, not me. This is an atrocity. It can’t be real. It just can’t. What am I supposed to do now?

  Peeking further outside, I could see the debris strewn for miles. It resembled a wasteland. Orange, inflated life jackets filled with death formed a sheet over the water. The acrid smell of tragedy blistered into my nostrils.

  “I’ve got to get out of here.”

  I clambered to find the seatbelt buckle. The fatalities that blatantly stared me in the face were more than I could handle. It was a floating morgue.

  A branding pain shot up my right leg. A cut sliced it in half from the knee to the ankle, bone revealing itself through the inflamed tissue. Muscle, sinews and tendons lay open to the elements. Blood oozed a lengthy trail, trickling into the water. Oil and fuel carried it further into the vast nothingness.

  “Aaagghh! This is too much! Please take me back, Grandma! Pleeeaassee!”

  I listened, half-expecting to have her answer me but nothing rose above the confronting sounds the crash offered.

  Why isn’t she listening to me? How can she leave me to suffer? What kind of a grandmother would do that?

  “I know you’re there. I saw you!” I aimed at her.

  Smoke blinded my limited vision again as the effort to escape the rubble proved almost impossible.

  I started coughing. Actually it felt more like choking as it rightfully was. I needed to get away so I could breathe.

  The task was made more difficult because of the angle the seat had lodged against the fuselage.

  Fumbling to grasp the latch, squeezing my fingers between the seat and the wall of the plane, I yanked at the metal clasp and pulled.

  “Oh God! If you can hear me, please make me wake up from this torture. Help me!” My voice trailed off, just a whisper.

  With one last concentrated yet weak effort, the latch sprang free which helped ease some of the pressure. I fell into the water becoming just another bobbing piece of orange amongst the carnage. Thank God for the life jacket to keep me afloat. I wouldn’t have the strength to do it on my own.

  I winced into the agony of my leg wound, fully submerged in the brine trying to use my upper body to push forward.

  It was time to leave the watery graveyard and escape the choking smoke.

  Slower than a sloth I excruciatingly moved out of the tail section into the vast expanse of ocean.

  It wasn’t known the extent of my injuries and even though I would willingly accept death as my fate, my grandmother’s voice still echoed in my head so I pushed on. While I still had breath left in me, I would continue to fight.

  The body and nose of the plane had disappeared, leaving a burning oil slick on top of the water. Chunks of the metal fuselage that had broken up on impact, floated nearby. Luggage intermingled with bloated carcasses, paper and other items that hadn’t succumbed to the depths. An object nudged my arm causing me to voice a husky scream, spinning around to see what it was. There, in all his ravaged glory still strapped to his chair as many still were, sat Jeremiah, in his final resting place. His waxen skin, open mouth and protruding eyes pronounced him dead. His flaccid, unresponsive hand touched my arm and stayed there for a brief moment before it registered that a dead man’s hand was touching me. I screamed, then pulled away, eyes like saucers, mouth quivering. A shiver crawled over me. Empathy went out to all the souls lost to the ocean. It hadn’t meant to end this way.

  Not too far away floated a piece of wing that looked solid enough to lie on. It might just do as my life raft. I was desperate to get out of the water.

  It was easier to kick with my good leg, lying on my side, so inch by inch I drifted out of the fuel infested water surrounding the immediate crash zone, towards my only chance at surviving. With each kick, I cried out, a mix of determination, frustration and pain.

  Hauling my agonized, weary body up and onto the floating mass I collapsed onto my stomach drawing my knees up and into the recovery position. For now, being out of the water would keep me safe.

  The soggy flesh surrounding my fibula bone had stopped bleeding but my leg was numb. Nerves had probably been severed, which was a blessing in disguise. It was better to not feel anything.

  My now shriveled fingers shook as they squeezed the plastic clasps on the life jacket to gain access to the tee underneath that would act as a bandage for my leg.

  Wringing out the sodden fabric, I wrapped the blouse around my lower leg twice and used the sleeves to secure it. Infection in a wound of that caliber would finish me off. Hopefully the salt water would help keep it sterile.

  The dizziness now broadened as I sprawled over m
y new home completely exhausted. I closed my eyes and fell into nothingness.

  About the Author

  I am married and a mother of two beautiful children, living in sunny Queensland, Australia. I’ve been reading books ever since I can remember and love all things related to books. Writing has become an extension of that and I hope to pursue a full time writing career. I currently write part-time and work as a remedial massage therapist. I love spending time with family and hope to one day travel to Italy and England.

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