by A. D. Ellis
[S49]You repeat this. Sounds better the second place.
[PC50]Time jump? Because they spent the weekend inside now when is this? Next day? Next weekend? We need a transitional statement like, The following Friday night or something like that
[PC51]He kinda did see him naked in the soap bar scene. And I assume he seems him in just swim trunks on the boat? So, maybe. No on ehad seen his dick?
[PC52]One thought did occur as I read this scene. Cam doesn’t have a thought about how the last sex he had in this bed was with Deacon?
[PC53]I thought they showered so they could have sex, but they fell asleep instead? Maybe transition us into that, because I’m thinking they were going straight to the sex.
[S54]repetative
[PC55]So was the divorce ever finalized? I can’t remember. They couldn’t find her to finish it, right? Or to figure out custody. If she just disappears then I don’t know that she’ll have a leg to stand on now that she’s back. IMO, but I’m not a family lawyer.
[PC56]This might be difficult since he has no idea where she is
[PC57]Clarify who is speaking right away.
[PC58]I don’t know why he’d have to work things out with her. I get you might be creating a dark moment for later, preparing the reader for a possible separation, but he doesn’t have to work things out with her. He can get full-custody and she could only have visiting rights. Unless you mean he had to be civil to her, but living with her, getting back together with her, that doesn’t jive.
[PC59]Weren’t they wearing cock rings? Did they take them off?
[PC60]I’m confused about the cock ring thing. Don’t cock rings keep men from having an orgasm? What’s their purpose?
[PC61]Be more descriptive of the mess. Did she dump the trashcans? Was that it? Was it spread across their lawn? Did the cops suggest a security system or anything?
[PC62]Don’t they want to get cleaned up after cleaning up garage? This seems pretty calm. Aren’t they like what they hell will she plan next? And why did she do this? And what if the kids were here? She’s creating chaos and I feel they should acknowledge that more.
[PC63]Lawn chair?
[S64]Pg 32 refers to Stephanie’s lawyer as he
