Looking at Prime Minister Netanyahu’s current fragile coalition, which consists of 66 members out of 120, and realizing that if either one of the two ultra-Orthodox parties were to leave his coalition this would topple the government, we can understand how a minority party with only six Knesset members can wield power enough to dictate to the majority such demands as are behind Jessica’s vivid account. This is the political reality behind the void between the Israeli public’s will, the silent majority, which desires to see Israel live up to its founding promise of religious freedom and equality for all, and the mind boggling reality that Jessica so ably describes, in which Jews enjoy greater levels of religious freedom and choice anywhere in the world outside of Israel. This should signify to both Israelis and Diaspora Jewish leaders that resolving this anomaly will require opening the eyes of all the political powers that be across the political spectrum, urging them to work together to establish a civil coalition and a civil government, which is key to strengthening Israel’s civil society. Unsurprisingly, while Israel’s politicians are yet to recognize this, the overwhelming majority of the public wants this very end, namely a government that is not dependent upon and does not include the coercive and fundamentalist ultra-Orthodox parties.
Looking at this from a deeper perspective, we must ask the question, “Whose Israel?” The answer given by former Chief Justice Prof. Aharon Barak in a landmark case over “Who is a Jew,” which I had the privilege of arguing, was most instructive. In rejecting the State’s refusal to register those who converted under non-Orthodox auspices in Israel as Jews in the civil population registry, Barak spoke on behalf of the majority, stating, “Israel is not the state of the ‘Jewish community.’ Israel is the state of the Jewish people, and is the expression of ‘the right of the Jewish people for national revival in its land’ (from the Declaration of Independence). Within Judaism there are different streams that operate in Israel and beyond. Each stream operates according to its outlook and views. Each and every Jew in Israel—as well as each and every non-Jewish person—is entitled to freedom of religion, conscience, and association.”
Jessica’s and Meydan’s breakup may not have been avoidable, but it’s difficult not to share in her pain and protest regarding his demand that after having lived all her life as a Jewess—born to active leaders in the Jewish community, to a mother who converted to Judaism out of genuine and active existential choice and desire to be Jewish—that Jessica should have to concede to having her Jewish identity revoked and be subjected to Orthodox conversion. Her protest does not emanate from not taking Judaism seriously, but rather the opposite: it rises out of the fact that her attitude towards Judaism is far more serious and consistent than many of the Israelis around her, including Meydan! This gap is, to a great degree, the result of the surrender of the State of Israel, of Israeli politicians who are predominantly secular, and the sale of Judaism to the ultra-Orthodox establishment in return for their votes.
The result of this betrayal of Jessica, of her family, and of the majority of Diaspora Jewry is the foundation of a growing rift between Israel and world Jewry. The current state of Israeli policies carries with it dual significance: 1) Israel officially treats Jessica and the majority of Jews in the USA that she represents as second class Jews, and 2) The fact that Israel refuses to recognize Jessica, her friend Bar from Paris whose mother converted, and the majority of the young generation of American Jews as equals, causes many Israelis, like Meydan, to mistakenly consider such discrimination acceptable. Orli, Jessica’s best friend in the book, responds to her pain with a reaction, which Jessica rightly cannot accept: “Don’t take it personally; it’s not about you.” For all their friendship and affinity, many Israelis cannot comprehend how important Jessica’s Jewish status and identity—which are recognized by the majority of world Jewry—are to her. A submission to the demand for conversion as a prerequisite for starting a family in Israel is a betrayal of Jessica’s own life and family. This is why Jessica cannot understand nor accept Orli’s instrumentalist approach to Judaism.
The good news is that Israel’s reality is rapidly changing because of the growing awareness of the harm to Israel and Judaism caused by the increasing extremism of the ultra-Orthodox religious establishment to whom Israeli politicians have entrusted the keys to Jewish life in Israel. This changing attitude is also a welcome result of the growing exposure of Israelis to the ideas of pluralism, Jewish renewal, and the open and free Jewish reality of Jewish Diaspora life. These trends lead the majority of Israelis to respond in public opinion surveys, saying that the Orthodox rabbinic monopoly alienates Israeli Jews from Judaism. Also, unlike Orli who explains to Jessica that she is secular but that it’s nevertheless important to her to marry via Israel’s rabbinate, Hiddush’s studies have recently demonstrated that four out of every five secular Israeli Jews wouldn’t marry through the rabbinate if given the choice.
Jessica’s parting words in her book are “I’ve lost all hope in this country,” but at the same time she describes how she started her days in America with a careful review of the daily Israeli news. Obviously, her loss of hope was temporary, for Jessica has returned and lives in Israel once again. Still, this does not minimize in any way serious challenges that she outlined for us—both for Israelis and for Diaspora Jewish leaders—in her book. On the contrary, she represents a small core of young idealistic Jews who prevail in spite of the obstacles and the rejections. The majority of her peers are moving away from Israel, and if this trend is not reversed, those of us concerned with the future of Israel and committed to the wellbeing of the Jewish people have much to worry about.
Jessica wrote her book and told her story because she hopes to help change this course. As she writes, her friend Tali, having read Jessica’s newspaper interview, reacted by saying that she “couldn’t believe that [Jessica] would take part in an article that was so critical of Israel.” This is a typical reaction of those who want to hide the truth, prefer to maintain the status quo, and don’t want to rock the boat. Jessica should be commended because in writing her book and in giving her interview, she demonstrated the necessary opposite view: “Participating in this article was more Zionistic than any of my volunteer work, moving to Israel, and serving in the army combined. Speaking up is the first thing I have done to actually try to make Israel a country that lives up to its potential.”
May we all heed to Jessica’s call and take part in the pioneering challenge for this phase of Israel’s saga: transforming it into a truly Jewish, democratic, compassionate and pluralistic state.
Rabbi Uri Regev, Esq. heads Hiddush, an Israel-Diaspora partnership for religious freedom & equality in Israel.
Reading Group
Guide
What do you think drove the author to leave the security of her family and home to move to a foreign country? Do you think the author was running to something or from something?
The author struggles with her identity throughout the book. Do you think she needed to have her identity stripped away so she could reclaim it as her own? How does the concept of identity as defined by oneself versus by external forces impact the author? Did the author need to go to a foreign land in order to find herself?
This story examines the themes of religion, politics, sex, and identity. Where and how did you see these topics intertwine and come to a head?
The theme of fate arose a number of times in the book. Do you think that the author’s downfall was destined?
The juxtaposition between expectations and reality reoccurs in the book. How do you think this served the story and character development? Is this an effective storytelling tool to emphasize and even foreshadow the disappointments the author experiences? Why or why not?
There are a number of allusions to The Wizard of Oz. How do you think the story is similar to this classic? How is it different? Did these references strengthen the story or weaken it? Explain.
Meydan was the main antagonist in the book, however his character was
never strongly developed nor was he given much depth. Do you think that was an intentional literary tool employed by the author? Why or why not? What could have been the author’s goal in turning such a main character into a universal figure?
The author uses humor as a tool to release tension during uncomfortable and difficult situations for both herself and the reader. Did this keep you engaged in the story or draw you out of it? Do you think that the inclusion of sarcasm into the text provided greater depth and dimension to the author, possibly giving better insight into her coping mechanisms, or did it conceal her emotions and distance her? Explain.
The author built the story using a circular narrative. The ending of the book is also its beginning. Why do you think the author chose this technique? How does this insert the writing process into the story? What role do you think the writing process played for the author herself?
Often times it can be difficult for the Jewish community in the Diaspora to be critical of Israel because there is a need to defend the country against condemnations. Does this story cause you to have a more nuanced approach towards the country and its policies? Why or why not? Given the lack of recognition by the Israeli government of the different streams of Judaism, do you think there is a need for the Jewish community in the Diaspora to be more involved in Israel or does this alienate the Jewish Diaspora? Is it the place of the Jewish Diaspora to shape Israeli politics? If so, how?
Appendix
Israeli Driving Rules
Hebrew Slang
Army Slang and Terminology
Israeli Dating Rules
Israeli Driving Rules
Never stop for pedestrians, just honk and speed up.
Do not use blinkers, as it will only give someone the opportunity to cut you off.
The horn is not for emergencies.
Honking can solve any problem. It can even stop a train that is speeding towards you.
The yellow traffic light is a warning for you to go faster.
The yellow traffic light with the green light is so that you can get your foot on the gas more quickly after a red light, just like with race car driving.
The other driver never has the right of way.
Roundabouts are there so that drivers never have to stop.
Your blind spot is always the other driver’s problem.
The car mirrors are solely for checking if you have something in your teeth or putting on makeup.
The speed bumps are not for you to slow down; they are so you can catch air.
If you need to stop, there is no need to pull over. Just put your car in park in the middle of a busy street.
If you go the wrong way in reverse down a one-way street, it is okay.
There is only one rule in parking: as long as you can get your car in the spot, don’t worry about getting out.
Big cars and trucks do not watch out for the small cars.
Motorbikes do not have to drive within the lanes or follow any of the parking laws.
There is no minimum amount of space needed between your car and the car in front of you (this rule applies to both moving and parked cars).
The people that put the shamor merchak, keep your distance, stickers on their car will be the first ones to tail you.
No one slows down when they see a police officer. Police officers are just someone’s brother who you know.
Popular Israeli joke: A driver makes a U-turn at a red light and is then pulled over by a police officer. The police officer tells the driver that he is being pulled over for making an illegal U-turn. The driver then tells the officer, “Sorry, I didn’t notice.” The police officer responds, “How did you not notice the sign?” and then the driver says, “No, I saw the sign, I just didn’t see you.”
Finding Osama Bin Laden in the mountains between Pakistan and Afghanistan is easier than finding a parking spot in Tel Aviv.
Israelis treat driving like it is a leap of faith. Some even close their eyes while doing it.
Hebrew Slang
Achi or Ach sheli: My brother. This can refer to an actual brother, a close friend or a complete stranger. It is a term of endearment and emphasizes that all Israelis are brothers. It is often ironically used by complete strangers in an argument.
Aiya, aiya: Ouch, Ouch!
Al ha’panim: Literally translates as “on the face.” Figuratively it means something is really bad.
Ben zonah: Literally translated as “son of a whore,” this is the Israeli version of “son of a bitch.” Depending on pronunciation, it can figuratively mean something is really good or that someone is really bad.
Chatich: Literally translated as “a piece.” Figuratively it means a really hot guy. The female term is chaticha, but no one actually uses this term since it is not demeaning or sexist enough. For the actual term used for women, please refer to koosit.
Davka: There is no literal translation for this, it is a word to create emphasis, as in:
You did that davka to piss me off
It does not davka have to be that way
Eichsa, eichs: Eww, gross
Gever: Literally means “man.” This word is used twice in a row to describe somebody who is a manly man.
Haval al ha’zman: Literally translated as “a shame of the time.” Depending on pronunciation, this phrase can mean that something is really bad or really good.
Koosit: Originates from the Hebrew word koos, meaning pussy. The word koosit means a really hot girl
Koos’emek: An Arabic term used in Hebrew meaning “your mother’s vagina.” The word is typically used as a swear word to emphasize frustration. This is Natalie Portman’s favorite swear word, as she stated in Inside the Actor’s Studio.
L’chiot b’seret: Literally translated as “living in a movie.” This term is used to tell somebody they are out of touch with reality or completely crazy, example:
Jessica: I am planning on joining the IDF Spokesperson Unit at 23 years old
Typical Israeli: You are living in a movie
La’panim: Literally translated as “to the face.” This figuratively means something is really good. This slang term was a reaction to the original al ha’panim phrase.
Mami: A term of endearment for a friend, a romantic partner, or a complete stranger.
Ma Pitom?!: Literally translated as “What suddenly?!” and is used to express surprise and outrage. It is the Israeli version of WTF, example:
Customer: How much is this shirt?
Store keeper: 50 NIS
Customer: What suddenly?! That is way too much.
Nu: So, go ahead, well. This can either be used in a friendly way or in a rude way depending on pronunciation and situation.
Israeli 1: And then after I told him that . . .
Israeli 2: Nu, and then what happened?
Israeli 1 is standing at the counter waiting for help from a government employee who is ignoring Israeli 1.
Israeli 1: Nu!
Pitzuz: Literally meaning “explosion.” This term can also be used to say that something that is really good, i.e.:
Israeli male 1: How was the party last night?
Israeli male 2: There were so many hot girls, the music was great. It was a pitzuz!
Shevah Pigua: Literally meaning “worth a terrorist attack.” This is a slang term stating that a girl is really hot, example:
Israeli male 1: Did you see that hot girl?
Israeli male 2: Yeah, she is so hot. She is worth being in a terrorist attack.
Tsk!: This is simply a noise that someone makes for saying no. It is a completely acceptable response in any conversation and is not considered rude. An entire interview can be conducted with the prime minister, or any other leader, with this being the only answer.
Yalla: An Arabic term used in everyday Hebrew that means a combination of bye and let’s go
Zion: This word is both the name of a letter and an actual word in Hebrew. The word translates to “dick.” But strangely enough, in English, people use the w
ord Zion to describe Israel, and the word Zionisim—the settlement of the Jewish people in the country—is rooted in this word/letter. (Sort of puts a Freudian twist on the whole Zionist movement.)
Not surprisingly, in a macho society like Israel, there are many popular phrases that use the word zion, including:
L’zian et ha’sechel: Literally translates as “to fuck the mind,” and actually meaning to mess with someone’s head, example:
Officer: “Do you see a vagina on my forehead?”
Soldier: “No, Officer!”
Officer: “So why are you trying to fuck my mind?”
Israeli 1: I hope you are wearing a condom.
Israeli 2: Why?
Israeli 1: Because you are fucking my mind right now.
Ani lo sam zion: Literally translates as “I don’t put dick.” The closest equivalent in English is “I don’t give a shit.”
Chutzpah & High Heels Page 29
