“I can’t, James.”
He held my face in his hand, his jaw clenching.
Wiping away the tear that escaped me he said quietly, “I’m sorry, Lila. Please don’t cry.”
I closed my eyes. Even the sound of his voice broke my heart.
“Lila?” A voice said, breaking our trance.
I turned my head, knowing who the voice was, but not believing it. When I turned to see both my parents standing only a few feet away, there was no denying that they were here.
If my night couldn’t get any worse.
My dad stepped forward, sizing James up. “What’s he done to you?” My dad’s voice was sharp and threatening.
James took a step back, and composed himself. “My name is James Taylor. I’m a friend of your daughters.”
“A friend, hey?” My mum chipped in, also not very impressed. “Do you make all your friends cry?”
“It’s not what you think,” I tried to explain.
“Really?” My mum continued, “Well, explain it then?”
“I can’t explain it.”
“No?”
“It’s complicated.”
“Un-complicate it.”
I shook my head. “Please, Mum, not now.”
“Excuse me?”
I wasn’t going to stick around and have to deal with my parents, not now, not tonight.
“Thank you for coming, but I’m going home.”
I felt guilty. I know the effort my parents must have gone to, to come tonight. It meant so much to me that they’d even made the effort, but with everything going on with James, and the stunt they just pulled, I just couldn’t do it.
“What?” My mum and dad said in unison.
“We’ve only just arrived!” My mum shrieked.
“I’m sorry, but I’m not staying.”
“This is ridiculous! Lila! What has gotten into you?”
“You’ve done something to her, haven’t you? Don’t lie to me!” My dad yelled at James.
James didn’t flinch at my Dad’s words. Instead, he replied calmly. “We understand you’ve come a great distance, but your daughter would like to go home.”
“I don’t care what she wants right now! This is her formal! The Dean of Hensley University is here tonight. It’s the perfect opportunity to get to know him, especially since you’ll be going there. What will he think if you leave now?! What will everyone think?!” My mum seethed.
I stepped towards my mum, “That’s all you care about, isn’t it? What people think? What the school might say? What those,” I said, pointing at the even centre, “stuck up people might say? Apart from my friends, they are all rich snobs who I’ll be glad never to see again after next week! Oh, and as for the Dean, I can’t believe you did that. I was blindsided when I just met him. You told him I was going there. You basically paid him off! You never once asked me where I wanted to go! What I wanted to do with my future!”
I took a deep breath and stepped back. I didn’t want to do this with them. I needed to walk away now before the situation got any worse.
Without waiting for their reply, I said calmly. “Now, I’m leaving. Goodbye.”
I took James’s hand in mine and walked away.
I didn’t even know if my parents said anything else after that, I wouldn’t have heard it anyway. I blocked it out. I blocked it all out.
James hailed down one of the limousines and paid the driver to take us home.
The doors were locked when I arrived home. “She’s not here,” James said, answering my question if Hayley was home or not.
I sifted through my clutch and unlocked the front door. I didn’t wait for James, although I heard him shut and lock the door behind me. I threw my clutch and shoes across the room as I made my way out to the back.
I flung the sliding doors opened and walked straight out to the backyard. I didn’t stop there. I was on a mission. I felt overwhelmed. Overwhelmed with all the emotions an eighteen year old shouldn’t feel. So much pain… so much confusion.
I walked right up to the edge of the pool and jumped in fully clothed. It didn’t even occur to me at the time that I seemed to be making a habit of jumping into my pool in expensive gowns.
I kicked my legs hard, trying to swim to the bottom of the pool. I could see the familiar rock; the same rock I’d held many times when I felt life becoming too much, but just as my hands grazed the tip of the tough exterior, I felt a pair of hands around my waist. I tried to fight against the pull, but it was pointless. James had me in his arms and he wasn’t letting go.
As we reached the surface, I spun around to face him.
He’d taken his jacket off before he’d jumped into the pool. We both were treading the water now, and the close proximity between us, not to mention the way the water dripped from his tousled hair and face, was not helping my emotions at all.
“You need to let me go. Now,” I said, breathing deeply.
“Why?” he replied, his grip staying firmly on mine. “So you can go down and hold onto that rock?”
“Yes, I mean, no…” I shook my head. “I don’t know anymore. I don’t know how to deal with this, and you touching me like this, isn’t helping.”
He pulled his hands from my waist and moved backwards, away from me.
I bit my bottom lip, fighting back the sadness that I felt.
“I can’t do this, James. I can’t be around you and not be with you. I can’t stop loving you.”
“Then don’t.”
He pushed his way through the water and grabbed my face in his hands, pressing his lips on mine.
I kissed him back, as if I would never kiss him again. Every burning desire within me that craved his touch was set free. I held onto him as our kiss deepened. His hands left my face as they found my waist, pulling me closer to him.
I never wanted to stop kissing me, but as I felt the water move around me, parts of my body still touching it, yet certain parts were not, I pulled away in curiosity.
I looked down to find myself in a whirlpool of some kind, stretching high into the sky so I was level with my balcony. His power of manipulation of the elements held us softly in the air.
My heart raced as he moved the water until our feet gently touched the sandstone pavers on my balcony floor.
I watched the water spiral away effortlessly until it was a pool once more. I didn’t let go of my grip on him, and he didn’t let go of me.
“Stay with me.”
“Are you sure?”
“I’ve never been surer of anything in my life. I want to be with you. Stay with me.”
I reached my lips to his mouth, and as I kissed him, I knew there was never any choice. No matter how hard we both tried to deny our feelings, it was something that was never going to go away.
I know it's not right. Nothing seems right anymore, I can’t predict what will happen, and how this story ends. All I can do is go with what I know. I love James, and there is nothing anybody can do to change that. It’s stupid. It’s crazy. It’s never going to work… yet… yet somehow, it doesn’t matter. I knew it from the start; there was no happy ending for us, and there never would be, but you can’t help who you love. Love doesn’t have boundaries. It’s a sense of being; a sense of life. You can try to ignore it, but it will eat away at you until you bleed dry. The heartache will consume you until you are left with nothing…
So you accept it, accept the love you cannot change, and in turn, accept your fate…
10… SECRETS THAT BLIND US
When my eyes opened the next day, a strange feeling had come over me, a feeling of purity. A happiness I’d come to love restored. All the confusion I’d once felt about James, about love, I now understood.
I’d found my soul mate, the love of my life. I could never be whole without him, and I was never going to try. I didn’t care what ‘they’ thought anymore, what The Creator thought. I was my own destiny. I may not have known James for very long, but I knew in my heart what I felt for him.
It was crazy and if I were an outsider looking in, I wouldn’t believe it myself, but I loved him. No sense of reasoning could change that. It was what it was.
James’s bare chest pressed against my back. I could feel the rhythm of his heart and the rise and fall of his chest.
I moved my body to face him and was greeted with that perfect smile that I loved.
“Good morning,” he said deeply.
“Morning.”
With our head resting on our pillows facing each other, I reached my hand out and touched the side of his face. He pressed his hand on mine and closed his eyes.
I leaned forward, pausing just before his lips, and then kissed him softly.
His hand left mine as his fingers lightly trailed down my arm, reaching my naked body and continuing down until he rested his hand on my hip. He took in a deep breath before releasing his lips from mine.
“I want to be selfish with you,” he revealed, “but I need to know that you understand the implications of a relationship.”
“I do,” I replied truthfully. I knew that being together went against everything, and could even lead to my death. I’d already made up my mind, and I knew there was no way I could change it, or the feelings I felt for James.
“I know being with you puts me at risk,” I continued, “but it’s a risk I’m willing to take. Being with you last night didn’t change anything for me, James. If anything, it made my love for you grow deeper. I love you, James. I won’t hide away from that anymore.”
“I love you, Lila. I knew it from the moment I pulled your lifeless body from that pool. I’d never felt that kind of pain and anguish before. I have lost loved ones before, but the thought of losing you… I knew there was no life without you.”
“So what do we do?”
“There may be a way…”
I sat up on my elbow. “How?”
“I’m not sure if it would even work…”
“Tell me.”
He paused. “We can only be together in secret.”
“Okay…”
“We would have to convince everyone we were no longer together. You couldn’t tell a soul the truth, not even Hayley. I can sense when demons are near, so we would have to wait until we knew that nobody was watching… that nobody would know, and then we could be together.”
“What about The Creator?”
“The Creator knows all. We could never hide. However, no acknowledgment of our relationship from The Creator has come to my attention yet, so we would have to take a gamble.”
I thought about it for a few seconds. James was right. It had been weeks now and the only interest in our relationship was that of the demons. It was a gamble, but a gamble I was willing to take.
“Okay.”
“Okay.”
I smiled broadly and kissed him quickly on the lips.
He chuckled and took me in his arms, laying me onto my back so his body was against mine.
He brushed the locks of my hair against his hand. “My love.”
“My life,” I replied before our mouths met, and the love that we had come to know, captivated us once more.
***
It was just before lunch when James had to leave. Hayley was on her way home. We had to stick with our plan of keeping our relationship secret, and because James was the only one who could sense the demons, he could be the only one to reach out to me when he knew it was safe. He explained that he was able to ‘zone in’, so to speak, on individual fates. Using this ability, he was able to pin point their next moves, although he was only able to do this on one person at a time, centuries of practice made him very good at it. Well, at least that’s what he tells me.
I made my way out of my room and down the hall into Hayley’s room. Weaving in and out of all the scattered clothes on the ground, I jumped up onto her bed and snuggled up under the sheets. I flicked on the telly and roamed the channels until I found something decent to watch.
Minutes later, I heard a car pull up the front, followed by Hayley entering the house. The clicking sound of her heels as she climbed the stairs echoed through the hallway.
I watched as she casually strode into her room, flicking off her heels onto the ground, and the look on her face when she saw me was gold.
“Fucking hell, Lila! You scared the shit out of me!”
“God, I hope not. Doubt you’ll be able to find a fresh pair of undies in this room,” I joked.
“Ha ha,” she said sarcastically, rolling her eyes. “Whatchu doin’?”
“Not much.”
Hayley climbed into the bed next to me. “How was last night?”
Before I could reply, she quickly added, “Oh, shit! I feel awful! I didn’t even get a picture of you guys together!”
“It’s okay. It wouldn’t have mattered if you did.”
Hayley raised her eyebrow. “Care to elaborate?”
I sighed, “Well, it all started because of James. For one reason or another we decided we couldn’t be together…”
“Why? Is it because school’s finishing soon?”
I went with it, “Yeah. He doesn’t know where he will be in a couple of months, so it won’t work.”
“And you can’t have a long distant relationship?”
I shook my head.
“Okay…”
I continued with my story, “So we broke up. I thought I could handle going to the formal, and then I met the Dean of Hensley University, which Mum had set up. She knows I don’t want to go there. Anyway, it just tipped me over the edge. I tried acting like it was all okay, but it wasn’t. I couldn’t smile and be happy when I wasn’t.”
“Oh, Lila,” Hayley said hugging me tightly, “I’m so sorry. I knew something was wrong, but I didn’t know you’d broken up. If I had of known, I wouldn’t have pressured you into going.”
“It’s not your fault. I would have regretted going, even if it was only for a couple of minutes, but the story doesn’t end there.”
“Oh?”
“Mum and Dad turned up, just as I was leaving.”
“Wow. I didn’t think they were coming?”
“Neither did I.”
“So…. What happened?”
“The usual. They got all pissed that I wasn’t staying and said I was making a fool out of them.”
“Figures.”
“I left anyway. James took me home and I guess Mum and Dad went back to London.”
“So is that it then? You and James are over?”
I nodded.
“Aww, Lila. I’m so sorry. I’m here for you,” she said kissing me on the head.
“Do you want to go shopping or something? Watch a movie? Eat takeaway until our tummies explode.”
“I’ve got heaps of study to do, but we can watch one movie, maybe, and order takeaway. On one condition though.”
Hayley raised her eyebrows.
I smirked, “No Indian. I don’t want you soiling another pair of undies.”
“Oh, shut up!” Hayley said laughing and playfully slapping me on the shoulder.
I laughed with her and we did exactly what we said we’d do. We watched Pitch Perfect and ordered an assortment of takeaways that we ate until we couldn’t eat anymore. By late afternoon, I decided it was time to retreat to my bedroom and get on with my study. I had my final exams this week and I needed to knuckle down, or all the hard work I’d done this year would be a waste. Before I started studying, I used the time to message Jackie, apologise for last night, and tell her I’d explain it all on Monday. I could tell she wasn’t too happy with me though. She’d tried to call me after I left. She left a million messages on my phone, but I’d left my clutch downstairs and didn’t stop to get it until I had to pay the takeaway driver.
I owed her an explanation, and I was going to give it to her. I felt guilty that my actions affected her night, and that I missed her performance. She’d been practicing for months, and I know it meant a lot to her. I’d been a crap friend the past couple of weeks, and I planne
d on making it up to her first thing Monday morning.
***
I left home earlier than I normally would on Monday morning, much to Hayley’s dismay. I’d left her with only half an hour to get ready when she woke up and she was still madly brushing her hair as she jumped into my car.
As we headed off for the morning, Hayley asked, “So remind me again why we’re picking up Jackie on the way to school?”
“Because I’ve been a shitty friend.”
“Right. Yep, can’t argue with that.”
“Hey!” I said, pretending I was hurt.
Hayley laughed. “I was just agreeing with you,” she smirked.
I raised my eyebrows and nodded my head.
“Has James talked to you since Saturday?” Hayley asked more seriously.
I hadn’t seen or talked to James since he left Sunday before lunch, but I hadn’t told Hayley that. I had to stick with the plan, and it was already eating away at me not being able to see or talk to him. Now that we’d both cemented our feelings for each other, it was hard just to not talk to each other for extended periods of time, but a plan was a plan.
“That would involve having a way to contact him,” I replied.
“What? He doesn’t have a phone?”
“Nope.”
“What a weirdo!”
I laughed.
“Seriously though, who the heck doesn’t have a phone?” Hayley asked gobsmacked at James’s lifestyle choices.
I shrugged my shoulders. I knew he wouldn’t need a phone. I doubt angels had trouble communicating with each other.
“Facebook?”
I shook my head.
“Twitter?”
I shook my head again.
“Instagram? Email, for God’s sake!”
“Nope.”
Hayley resided, “Wow. So, will you talk to him today then?”
“I guess; if he wants, but we’re not together, and we could only talk as friends. It’s really up to him.”
“So he’s making all the decisions?”
“I guess.”
Hayley nodded her head slowly, clearly not satisfied with that decision.
We arrived at Jackie’s not long after and I quickly whipped out my phone and sent her a text.
Angels of Moirai (Book One) Page 15
