The sensation of being boneless, limp and helpless, stole the air from her lungs. She stiffened, shoving at the heavy weight on her shoulders, blindly grasping around for a way to escape. Darkness seized her mind and all that she could see was that she was trapped.
“You’re okay, Tiny. You’re with me.” The weight left her shoulders and a gentle, warm hand cupped her cheek. A soothing, familiar tone reached beyond the smothering shadows, leading her back to where she could open her eyes and see Cort. Cort, whose tender smile let her know she was safe. “There we go. Back with me?”
“Yes.” She curled up on his lap, resting her head against his chest, just listening to the sound of his heart beating at a steady rhythm. Breathing in the cold air while he held her, keeping away the chill. Once her pulse almost matched his, she looked up at him. “Sorry about that.”
“Why? It’s not your fault.” He smoothed his hand over her hair and kissed the top of her head. “Is it usually that bad?”
“It’s been worse.” She shuddered, recalling the times where she’d actually seen their faces in the place of any man who came too close. “Dominik’s the only one who’s ever been able to bring me back that fast.”
“Is he the first one you slept with?”
“Yes. I wasn’t sure I’d ever be able to let a man touch me after . . .” She swallowed, slipping her fingers between the buttons of his shirt, needing the contact with his skin, the feeling of him real and warm and near. “All the therapy couldn’t make it okay to let a man close. But he did.” She bit her lip, finally considering what she was saying. “Ugh, I shouldn’t be bringing up another man while I’m with you. Not after—”
“He’s an important part of why you can be with me, Akira. These are things I need to know, whenever you feel comfortable telling me.” He held her for a while longer, then gently eased her off his lap. “Let’s get you home. I don’t want you getting cold.”
“Would it be too much to ask . . .” Or too pathetic? She scowled, hating how worried she was about what people would think. About the mocking voice in her head with the sneering lips calling her too needy.
“Ask.” Cort’s lips thinned when she shook her head. His eyes were hard as they locked on hers. “Communication is important with this ‘lifestyle.’ Fuck, it’s important in any relationship. Don’t shut me out now.”
“I’m not, I just don’t want you thinking I’m a silly, desperate, little girl.” She folded her arms over her chest, the disappointment in his eyes sinking straight in and leaving a painful ache. She caught her bottom lip with her teeth as it trembled.
“I’d never think that. My answer won’t always be yes, Tiny, but I’m making this my first official rule as your potential . . .” His eyebrows drew together slightly as though he was searching for the word. “Top. I want to try out the scene thing sometime, but I need to know you’re not afraid to talk to me about anything.”
“I’m not afraid.”
“Good. Then what were you going to ask?”
“If I can keep you.” She blushed at his grin. She’d spoken too fast to think her words over. “I mean, I liked having you in my bed. You’re nice to snuggle with.”
“I like being there.” He ran his fingers down the length of her throat, then nodded. “No harm in spending another night. Jami might start wondering if I plan to move in, but that’s her issue.” He drew a crooked line down to the deep V of her shirt, causing her to shiver and lean toward him, a different ache settling in her core. His lips slanted. “But I have one request.”
“Yes?” A question, and her answer. She couldn’t see herself saying no to him. Ever.
“This time, you have to keep your hands to yourself.” He patted her cheek, then got out of the backseat. Glancing at her through the rearview mirror once he’d taken his place behind the wheel, Cort spoke in very serious tone. “I need my sleep.”
Chewing at the inside of her cheek, Akira made her way to the passenger seat beside him. She considered Cort for a moment, wondering what he’d do if she disobeyed. She had a feeling he wouldn’t be disappointed.
This was his way of telling her he expected nothing. That he’d come home with her for the simple reason that she’d asked him to. And that made her feel all fuzzy and tingly. He was incredible.
Your move, Akira. She sat back and put on her seat belt, inclining her head. “I’ll try my best, but I should probably tell you something.”
“Go ahead.”
“I usually sleep naked.” She tilted her head as he arched a brow at her. “That won’t be a problem, will it?”
“I like this game. A problem?” He let out a rough laugh and shook his head. “Not at all, Tiny. I’m ready to play whenever you are.”
The hairs on the back of her neck rose. She felt like she was stepping off a bridge with nothing but an elastic rope keeping her from crashing to the earth. And Cort was that rope. He wouldn’t stop her from taking that leap, but she had to trust him to catch her before she fell too far.
She shouldn’t. Not yet.
But she did. She gave him a sly smile. “My game, my rules?”
He chuckled and the little rush became a dizzying high as he put his hand on her wrist, shackling it with his fingers. He was more than the rope. He was the harness restraining her, snug and secure, and his next words let her know he’d hold her even as she soared.
“Your game for now.” He brought her hand to his lips, never taking his eyes off the road, and kissed her palm. “Always my rules.”
Chapter Twelve
A dull, serrated blade, working its way through the tight, throbbing mess of his knee, pain so sharp, Dean’s stomach almost rejected the cold water he’d just downed. He eyed the painkillers on the dresser across the room, which he’d brought to the bedroom after saying goodnight to Silver and Oriana. The ladies were downstairs, watching a movie, eating ice cream, and catching up. Thankfully, Silver had been too distracted to observe his strides with her usually sharp eye. Or maybe he’d hid it well.
No chance that he could have managed that after reaching the top step. The rapid drop in temperature had made his knee sore enough for him to use his cane, but the pain had been bearable until tonight.
Silver would have told him to take his meds. Both she and Landon knew he disliked taking anything unless absolutely necessary, but their opinion of when it was necessary and his were quite different.
He’d finally given in, but his knee buckling had forced him to set down the painkillers and the bottle of water to take the weight off his knee by sitting on the bed. Any attempt to stand was pure agony.
I’ll be fine in a minute. He bent his knee to test it and cold sweat covered his flesh. Gritting his teeth, he latched on to the wooden post of the footboard and rose, using his left leg. His head spun and he cursed under his breath as the door opened.
“Forget these?” Landon picked up the pills, gently closing the door behind him, then coming over to the bed. Fine creases formed in his otherwise smooth forehead as he opened the pill bottle and tapped three into his palm. “Wish you’d said something before it got this bad.”
Dean shook his head as he lowered back down to sit on the bed. “It wasn’t until I got up here.”
“And you just needed a minute for it to pass.” Landon pressed the pills into Dean’s hand. It was unsettling how well the man knew him. Landon’s next statement proved it even more. “Silver didn’t suspect a thing, did she? You made sure of it.”
Tossing back the pills and taking a gulp of water from the bottle Landon uncapped and handed to him, Dean shrugged. He pressed one fist into the mattress as pain tore through his knee. “You know I like dealing with this alone.”
“Right. But you don’t have to.” Landon’s gaze hardened. He sighed, taking a knee and beginning to unbutton Dean’s suit jacket. He made an irritated sound when Dean tried to stop him. “Let’s get you comfortable. I have an idea.”
Once his jacket was off, quickly followed by his shirt, Dean leaned
back on the pillows, inhaling slowly as his pulse beat hard enough to outdo the steady throb in his knee, the slice of arousal holding the perfect edge of pain. He choked out a laugh as Landon’s hands moved to his belt. “Not sure that will help, but I’m in no condition to stop you.”
“Funny.” Landon carefully pulled his pants down, leaving Dean in nothing but his boxer briefs. He tossed the pants aside, his bearing almost detached as he helped Dean straighten his right leg. His jaw ticked when Dean stiffened. “Does that hurt?”
“The edge will come off as soon as the medication kicks in.” Dean rested his head on the pillow, breathing in and out slowly, evenly, as blazing heat stabbed deep into the center of his knee. He tensed as Landon’s hands surrounded his knee and the heat changed, surging up into his swelling cock. Not wanting to make the younger man uncomfortable, he gestured for Landon to leave him. “Massaging it won’t help.”
“I didn’t think it would.” Landon lifted his head, but didn’t move his hands. “The muscles are tight. If I could get them to loosen up—”
“I have pills to help with that.”
“Yeah, sure it helps a lot when you won’t take them.”
“Says the man who stopped taking morphine the day after surgery.” Dean closed his eyes as Landon idly rubbed his rock-hard thigh muscles. When the pain was this severe, every muscle in his leg tended to tense up. The muscle relaxers did help, but . . . “I don’t like how drowsy I am after taking the Valium. I know Amia mostly sleeps through the night, but still, I like knowing I won’t sleep through her crying if she needs something.”
“I get that. I hated being stuck in bed after surgery.” Landon slipped off the bed and went to the closet. He came out with a large, metal box. “I’ve been looking into something . . . wasn’t sure if you’d go for it.” He gave Dean a crooked smile as he placed the box holding his TENS unit beside the bed. “I know I usually use this to have fun with Silver, but that’s not what it’s really meant for.”
“My doctor suggested this type of therapy, to be honest.” Dean let out a self-deprecating laugh. “I may have refused strictly because I’ve seen how the stimulation can be used.”
“You’re weird, man.” Landon chuckled as he opened the box and took out two large electrodes and two small ones. “I’ve never seen someone come up with so many excuses not to get help. You spend less time in your doctor’s office than most people do at a fast-food joint.”
“He understands that I’m a busy man.” Rather than sounding direct, Dean had a feeling he sounded like a grumpy old man. And being around Landon certainly didn’t make him feel any younger. It had been a little easier to deal with when Landon had been the one who needed to be taken care of, but with his looking so young, strong and virile, Dean couldn’t help but look down at his own damaged body and wonder how things would be if he was closer to Landon’s age. And if Landon hadn’t made the limits of their relationship so very clear.
Landon pulled the paper backing off one of the electrodes. “Not too busy to get on me and Silver’s case about taking care of ourselves.”
“It’s not the same at all.” Dean narrowed his eyes at Landon, tempted to grab him and shake him hard enough to get that smirk off his face. He automatically used the same tone he used with Silver when she became obstinate. “You both have your full lives ahead of you. You’re much too young to—”
“Does that make you ancient?” Landon placed one hand on Dean’s knee. “You’re fourteen years older than me, Dean, but I don’t see it. All I see is a strong man I respect more than anyone besides my own father.”
“I appreciate that.” And he did. Dean knew Landon didn’t say things like this lightly. He watched Landon silently setting up the TENS unit, only looking away when Landon stood to take off his black t-shirt. But even staring at the wall, he could picture those thick arms. The tanned flesh smoothly sliding over the solid swell of muscle. Picture the movement of those sculpted abs, the large body maintained by the meals Dean prepared to help keep Landon in the shape he was now.
Easy there, Richter. He bit back a wry grin as the image of Landon licking rib sauce off his fingers with gusto flashed through his mind. Any thought of Landon eating was not conductive to keeping their relationship unchanged. Perhaps, somehow, he could see Landon as he was sure Perron saw Callahan. For years he’d seen the two men grow closer, become like brothers.
But Dean had brothers. And his feelings for Landon were very different. His only option was to deal with them as best he could without letting them disturb the balance he and Landon had found with Silver and their daughter.
“How does it feel when I touch you here?” Landon sat by his side, one hand high on Dean’s thigh, the other beneath his knee. His lips quirked as Dean glanced at the hand on his thigh. He pressed a little under Dean’s knee. “The meds kick in too much?”
“No, I feel it.” Fuck. There was no way Landon would miss how Dean’s dick had pressed long and hard against his boxer briefs. They were too snug and Landon was too close. But he cringed as Landon’s fingers pushed into another spot. “Damn it, don’t do that again.”
“I won’t.” Landon placed a small electrode right over the spot, then another above Dean’s knee. The other two went on in a way that would have the charge crossing through his knee. “Twenty minutes, and if we’re lucky, the pain should be gone for at least a few days. Maybe longer.”
“Twenty minutes.” Dean licked his bottom lip as Landon attached the cables and plugged them in to the unit. As soon as the unit was turned on, he felt the electric stimulation triggering his muscles and nerves. The strange sensation wasn’t enough to draw his attention away from the other, very obviously stimulated part of him. “Thank you for this. Maybe you should check on Amia while it does its work.”
“Weren’t you the one who told me to stop hovering over her?” Landon pulled something out of the drawer by the bed. He poured the lightly sweet-smelling almond oil into his hand, then knelt on the bed, looking Dean over with a curious slant to his lips. “She’s fine. You, however, are quite tense.”
“Quite.” Dean agreed, his eyes drifting halfway shut as Landon’s slick hands slid over his chest. Between the painkillers and the massaging sensation of the TENS, he was feeling much too relaxed. Mentally, if not physically. He wasn’t sure what he would do, or say, if Landon kept touching him. “You should stop.”
“Ask me to.” Landon pressed his fingers hard into the knotted muscles of Dean’s pectorals. “Ask and I will.”
The urge to pull Landon down was overwhelming. Dean ground his teeth, locking his elbows to keep his arms by his sides. He opened his eyes in narrow slits. “Stop.”
Landon went still. Then leaned closer, his tone low and husky. He spread his hands over Dean’s chest, rubbing even as he spoke. “Guess I lied. Wanna try a safeword?”
“Fuck.” Dean groaned as his muscles gave under Landon’s careful manipulation. His dick was fully erect, but he wanted more than just a quick fuck. Something he’d never have even if they crossed all the erratic lines Landon had drawn. Only, he was losing the will to stop this. His body sank into the bed, and all he wanted was for Landon to continue. “Just like that, you bastard. Damn it, that feels good.”
“Yeah?” Landon let out a soft laugh as he shifted again, straddling Dean without putting any weight on him. “Does your knee still hurt?”
Not feeling a thing other than his painfully hard dick and Landon’s hands on his chest, Dean mouthed “no,” not sure he could find the air to voice the word. Lying there and letting Landon stroke his hand down his chest, then over his twitching stomach, felt oddly decadent. Right and so wrong all at once, because Landon couldn’t know what this was doing to him. How much it confused the unspoken boundaries.
But if crossing those boundaries remained just as unspoken, perhaps it wouldn’t mean a thing.
“Shit.” Landon’s breath on Dean’s face brought his eyes open. The younger man’s eyes were wide, his face flushed, and the
confusion Dean had felt reflected in Landon’s gaze. His hands were flat on Dean’s chest and his inhales and exhales raced with the pulse that pounded between them. “I should have stopped when you asked me to.”
“Yes.” Dean studied Landon’s face, wondering why Landon hadn’t pushed off the bed and put space between them the second he’d become aware of what he was doing. He reminded Dean of a young Dom using a flogger for the first time, both aroused and afraid of how good it felt when a sub struggled against their restraints. As though it shouldn’t feel good.
And no one could tell them how to deal with that internal battle. No one could determine the outcome.
Landon had enough experience to know that. So it wasn’t as surprising as it should have been when he brought one oil-smoothed hand to Dean’s face. Testing his own responses. And Dean’s.
“Should have, but didn’t. I think we both know why.” Landon’s lips curved as he stroked Dean’s jaw with his thumb. “You need to shave.”
“So do you.” Dean couldn’t lie there passively anymore. He pushed up on his elbow until they were breathing in each other’s exhales. And he spoke plainly because he knew no other way. “What do you want, Landon?”
“I—” Landon swiftly shoved up, swinging his legs off the bed as the door cracked open. He bent over Dean’s knee, checking the connections as though he’d been doing so all along. “I think this has been on long enough.”
Silver stood in the doorway, shaking her head as Landon put the unit away. She said something over her shoulder—likely to her sister—then pushed the door shut. “Don’t do that. I’m not stupid.”
“Do what?” Landon straightened, his shoulders stiff, his throat working as he swallowed hard. “Dean’s knee—”
Delayed Penalty (The Dartmouth Cobras #5) Page 19
