by Annie Murray
Sometimes Cathleen trailed round after me, or Nan tried to keep her amused. There were the other kids to deal with when they got home from school. They came and sat by the hearth, hands blue from the cold walk home, and I gave them each a cup of tea and cut them a piece to eat so they were in a good mood by the time Lil got home. I got high marks from Lil because I saved her a lot of chores.
Nan was none too happy though. She wasn’t fed up with me, who she couldn’t find enough praise for, but because sitting about on her backside wasn’t exactly her style. She tried to teach Cathleen to knit but the kid was too young and flew into a tantrum and was happier with a bag of clothes pegs. But Nanny Rawson was bored, so I asked Len if he’d be very very kind and let her borrow Gloria for a bit while she was poorly? It took a bit of persuasion of course, because Gloria was meat and drink to him. But he did love his mom, and in the end he nodded his heavy head when I said we could all have our tea over at Nan’s of an evening so he could hear Gloria too.
One morning I trudged over to Nan’s through the slush, water seeping into my old boots, carrying Gloria, with the accumulator hanging from one arm in a hessian bag. Nearly flaming killed me. I had to stop every few yards to rest because my muscles were aching so bad, balancing Gloria on people’s front walls and switching the accumulator from arm to arm.
I was standing by St Paul’s churchyard with Gloria resting on the wall when a voice said, ‘Need a hand?’
I nearly dropped the thing.
‘Er – oh, hello,’ I said. ‘Yeah. Ta.’
Walt took Gloria off me with ease and the accumulator suddenly felt light as a sparrow on its own. I rubbed my arms as we set off.
‘Where you off to with this?’
‘My nan’s.’
‘I ’eard about her accident. She bad?’
‘She’ll be all right. Bust up her knee. She’s fed up not being able to get about.’
‘I’ll bet. You brought this to cheer ’er up?’
Why the hell was he being so chummy all of a sudden?
‘It’s Len’s – my uncle. I nearly ’ad to put a gun to ’is head to get ’im to borrow it ’er.’
I gave a laugh, to show I could be light and joke. He was nothing to me now. I didn’t care. I’d seen Walt in his true colours, putting me down the way he did, and now he was walking out with that Lisa girl I found it perfectly easy to be civil to him and show I didn’t care. I wasn’t out to waste my affection on someone who’d taunt me and put me down. That’d be a sign of things to come all right. So talking was easy all of a sudden. Walt was even laughing at my jokes as we walked to Nan’s house.
When we got to the shop I said, ‘All right, Walt, ta. This’ll do.’
‘Might as well take it in for you,’ he said. ‘Not much further is it, and I can’t put it down in the wet.’
But he stopped me before we went in.
‘Genie—’ He was the one blushing now. ‘We got off on the wrong foot, didn’t we? I was wondering. D’you fancy going to the pictures – with me?’
I could feel my face taking on a wide-eyed innocent look. ‘But Walt, you’ve got a girl to walk out with. Lisa, ain’t it?’
Walt looked at the ground, embarrassed. ‘Not any more. I’d rather go with you.’
Oh, would you now.
‘Sorry. I can’t go out. Mom’s working evenings and I’m busy.’
‘What about a Sat’dy matinée?’
‘No ta,’ I said, ever so politely. ‘To be truthful I wouldn’t go out with you if you were the last man on earth.’
He decided to stop helping me after that.
Nan of course was up and dressed. She was amazed. ‘Is that Len’s wireless?’
I nodded, a smile spreading ear to ear. She looked ever so pleased and I knew I’d done something good. ‘He said you could have it while you was laid up. I’ll set it up, shall I?’
Between us we wired it to the accumulator and Gloria was off, jollying the place along no end. Nan cheered up straight away. ‘Isn’t it marvellous?’
By the end of the day, during which Gloria was barely switched off, Nan said, ‘I think me and Lil ought to see about getting one of these.’ She nodded at the kids who were sat next to Children’s Hour sucking bulls’ eyes. ‘And it doesn’t ’alf keep them quiet.’
I was tingling from more than one sense of triumph.
Soon after, I popped into the Spinis’ one dinnertime and walked slap bang into a family row. The Spini family’s disputes had two things which outdid even the most ferocious yard fights in the area: one was fluency, the other was volume.
I could hear it coming when I stepped out the front of Nan’s, voices all the way down the street, and there was a gaggle of people gawping in the Spinis’ doorway to watch the fun. Their rows seemed to work better in Italian, so none of us could understand a word, and even if we could the four of them were all yelling at once.
I went and pushed through the nosy parkers until I was just inside. Vera was holding her ground on one side, arms waving in the direction of Micky, who was wagging an infuriated finger mainly in the direction of a box heaped with turnips, and I couldn’t tell who he was actually shouting at. Stevie, in a white apron, his sleeves rolled up, was framed by the back door leading into the ice-cream-making room where he had presumably been interrupted churning the ‘Scattoli’s Outstanding Ices’. He, like the others, was shouting and wore a heavy scowl, although that wasn’t unusual.
Close by was the tall young man with a drooping black moustache, a nose curved and slender as a knife blade, who Teresa had such scorn for. Fausto Pirelli. He was watching, wearing a superior kind of expression, saying nothing.
And in the middle of them all stood Teresa, between two sacks of carrots as if they were protecting her, like sandbags, from the blast coming from all around. But she was doing her fair share of shouting too.
They must have found out about Jack, I thought, and I wasn’t quite as sorry as I should’ve been.
But no. Teresa was off again, hair hanging down, hand out in front, slapping at the air with the back of her hand. In the midst of all the Eyetie I heard the words ‘war effort’.
Suddenly catching sight of me standing there, she yelled in English, ‘Ask Genie, since you think she’s such a model daughter. Go on, tell ’em, Genie. She goes out to work in factories and there’s no trouble. Nothing. All the time you treat me like a child and I’m sick to death of it. Sick of it!’
The row suddenly switched into English. ‘We just want to protect you,’ Vera said. She didn’t seem on the boil as much as Micky and Stevie, who were doing their injured male pride bit. ‘We want to keep the family together.’
‘Well that didn’t stop you sending the kids half way across the country, did it? You soon did that when you decided it was the right thing. So what’s wrong with me just going out to get a job up the road somewhere?’
‘No one’s going anywhere unless I say so,’ Micky decreed. His face was thunderous. ‘I’m not having you going off behind my back. You stay here, you work here and that’s an end of it – finish.’ He swiped his hand across as if cutting his own throat and made as if to walk off, but found the door blocked by all the gawping passers-by, so he turned and had another go. ‘That’s the trouble with you young people. You got no respect for your families now. You got to keep respect – do as you’re told.’
‘You’re stupid, Teresa,’ Stevie started up. ‘You’re being selfish. You should act more responsible instead of being so childish.’
‘I’m not childish!’ Teresa shrieked at him, arms waving. ‘I’m just sick of you all running my life for me. “Teresa you can’t go here . . .” “Teresa you’ve got to do this . . .” And anyway, Stevie, what’s all this got to do with you? Why don’t you shut your trap and take your bloody ice-cream cart out? It’ll give us all a rest.’ She waved an arm at Fausto Pirelli. ‘And take Mussolini here with you!’
That did it, they were all off then, Fausto too, who was totally enraged all
of a sudden, and no one could get a word in edgewise for minutes at a time.
Then, in a tiny chink of quiet, Teresa said, ‘But they’ve given me the job!’
‘Tell them you can’t do it—’
‘Go on – let ’er get a job,’ some woman shouted from the doorway. ‘It’s all for the war effort.’ No one took the blindest bit of notice of her.
I could see they were going to start off all over again. This one could go on for hours. So I pushed my way out and slipped back to Nan’s, their voices following me down the street.
‘What happened?’ I asked Teresa, tiptoeing back in later.
‘My daughter, she wants to just go,’ Vera said, one hand scooping through the air like a plane taking off.
‘She got her own way – as usual,’ Stevie said, grumpy sod that he was.
Teresa put her thumb up and grinned. ‘I’m going to have a go. It’s Green’s, over in Sparkbrook, making army uniforms.’
‘You’ll be kept busy then.’
She waited till Stevie had moved out of earshot, then hissed at me, ‘The factory’s right by Jack’s house.’
‘Oh,’ I said. ‘Bully for it.’
Jimmy the Joiner walked back into my life one freezing Saturday with a ring of the shop bell. I ran through, ducking under the dividing counter, and there were Jimmy and Shirl.
‘Genie!’ Shirl greeted me as if I was her long lost, best ever pal, and I found I was really pleased to see her. I’d quite missed her voice droning on down my ear.
Jimmy was giving me a shy smile and his squiffy eyes were warm and friendly. I wasn’t sorry to see him either. ‘We thought we’d come and see how you was getting on,’ he said. ‘T’ain’t the same at work without you, Genie.’
This was gratifying to hear. ‘Come through and meet my nan,’ I said.
Nan was friendly, as she was to people she expected to approve of. ‘Sorry I can’t get up and do anything for you,’ she said. ‘It’s not me at all, sitting about like this.’
‘Oh no, you must rest,’ Shirl said.
Shirl’s pale hair was soft and curly and she had thick pink lips and enormous blue eyes. Everything about her was round, her behind, the shape of her legs, her cheeks, her big heavy titties. She was another of those that made me feel scraggy and boyish. But there was something very comforting about Shirl. Cathleen was hovering by her and Nan seemed to feel it at once.
‘Come and sit by me,’ she said to her. ‘Genie’ll make us a nice cuppa tea.’
‘Lovely place you’ve got ’ere, Mrs Rawson,’ Shirl said in the sort of voice most people put on to tell you someone’s died. Nan knew perfectly well her house was just like thousands of other back-houses, if perhaps more spick and span, but she seemed chuffed all the same.
Jimmy sat quiet. He’d hardly taken his eyes off me since they arrived. I kept looking at him out of the corner of my eye, not sure whether I liked him or not. There was something awkward about him, his very pale skin, dark hair curling at his white neck, and when he looked at you he almost squinted in a way which made my flesh creep a bit. But on the other hand I’d seen worse. And he’d come specially to see me, and not many people ever did that.
‘She’s a good girl, our Genie,’ Nan said, nodding across at me as I lit the gas. ‘She’s been a right little gem to me.’
‘We miss her,’ Shirl said, taking Cathleen up on to her lap and stroking her plump hands. ‘It’s not the same at the factory without her buzzing about.’
They sat and drank tea while Nan gave Shirl a blow-by-blow account of the fall, the doctors, the hospital where she’d spent four days.
‘’E said ’e didn’t like the look of my knee at all,’ she was going on. ‘’E said, “I shall ’ave to consult with my colleague.” Those are the exact words he used.’ Shirl gave every sign of loving it all, and cuddled Cathleen. I could picture Shirl with loads of kids.
Jimmy kept sneaking looks at me. Once he winked and I smiled back. Yes, he was all right Jimmy was, I thought. I’d missed his attention.
Outside in the yard when they were going, Cathleen still clung to Shirl’s hand.
‘Jimmy’s got something to ask you, Genie,’ Shirl said.
Jimmy shuffled his feet. ‘D’you fancy coming out with me, Genie?’ Then, thinking he’d been a bit short, he added a quick, ‘To the pictures or a walk or summat?’
I thought about Walt. Stuff Walt.
‘I would, Jimmy,’ I said. ‘Only it’s hard for me to get away, what with my nan and my uncle and my mom.’
His face dropped.
‘You two go,’ Shirl said. ‘I’ll come and sit with your nan Sat’dy afternoon, that’s if she’s no objection. And I can play with little Cathleen here.’ She pinched Cath-leen’s cheek. ‘I’d like that. We got on ever so well.’
We consulted Nan and she looked pleased. ‘It’s time Genie ’ad a bit of life of her own for a change.’ She turned a sterner eye on Jimmy. ‘As long as you both know ’ow to behave yourselves.’
Next week Jimmy and I walked down the Cannon Hill Park. I wore my best green winter frock and huddled in my coat. Truth to tell I wasn’t feeling at my best. I had a cold and a blocked nose and it had been an effort to come out. But I decided to think positive, to like Jimmy’s loping walk and his voice, which came out sounding deeper than you’d expect from the size of him.
Almost as soon as we were on our own he grabbed my hand, which took me aback. Bit pushy, I thought, when he’d always seemed a timid sort before. But he turned and smiled at me and said, ‘Don’t mind, do you? I’ve been wanting to hold your hand ever since I first saw you.’
Course, if someone says something like that you don’t resist, do you? And it was a nice feeling, special, having someone close. His hands were warm even in the cold. The snow was thawing slowly and there was wet everywhere.
‘You’re ever so pretty, Genie.’
‘Me?’ I laughed, pleased as punch. Sometimes I just wanted to be a proper girl. ‘Go on. I’m not.’
‘You are. Your eyes are like – like – well, they’re – nice. And the way you get that dimple when you smile.’
We walked round watching the ducks on the small lake. The park stretched wide around us, sloping down to the swimming baths at the bottom, full of leaves now, and chunks of ice. It was a shock to see green again after all the days of white. There were still hard mounds of snow with grey crusts on top melting slowly down the slope.
Jimmy told me he had four sisters and a brother and his mom was deaf, had to lip read.
‘What about your dad?’
‘Oh . . .’ he said, almost as if he’d forgotten about him. ‘He’s reserved occupation – Heath’s, the foundry.’
‘Mine’s away,’ I said, suddenly proud. ‘In France.’
‘Wish mine was,’ Jimmy said with feeling. ‘He’s a bugger – pardon me.’
I wasn’t sure what to say to that. There are such a variety of ways of being a bugger and I wasn’t sure I wanted to know the particulars.
And Jimmy said, ‘I don’t want to talk about ’im. What d’you like doing best?’
I had to think hard about that one. ‘I don’t seem to get the chance to do anything much these days. I like going to see my friend Teresa. When she’s got the time,’ I added gloomily.
‘I like football.’
Oh Gawd, not another one. ‘You don’t support the Villa, do you, by any chance?’
‘Nah – never. Blues.’
That was something, although whether he was going to carry on about Aston Villa or Birmingham City wouldn’t make much odds to my passing out with boredom in the long run.
When he got me up by the trees at the quiet, top end of the park, he caught hold of me and kissed me like I’d seen Len and Molly doing. I had a bit of trouble with that because I didn’t think to breathe in before he started and my nose was all stuffed up. His big slimy tongue popped into my mouth and he was sucking away at my lips and I found myself thinking Jaysus – like Lil would have
said – is this right, us getting on to kissing so quick? I couldn’t do anything back except cling on to his shoulders struggling for breath as he pushed his body against me. In the end I had to pull away and take in a big gasp, which Jimmy took to mean I was so overcome with emotion I couldn’t stand any more. Which was pretty near the truth, only not quite how he thought.
When I turned round again after fixing some sort of smile on my face, he was giving me a grin brimming over with triumph. ‘You’re my girl now, Genie.’
Len was coming to Nan’s straight from work now, early evening, so I could cook for all of us with Lil, and get it all over in one go. It also meant he could have a good old listen to Gloria before we had to go home. It was much nicer this way, sharing some of the chores with Lil. She was being as nice as pie to me as I gave her so much help with the kids, dunking them in the tin bath by the fire for her once a week, clearing up the mess after and keeping them entertained. She taught me a few tricks to help the cooking go better, like taking the custard off the heat to start stirring it so it didn’t heave up into lumps like it usually did. Mom never told me anything useful like that even though she’d once worked in the Bird’s factory in Digbeth, and you’d think she’d at least have picked up how to make the stuff.
That night we had stew with loads of dumplings. Lil showed me how to make them really nice with suet. We all squeezed round the table, except for Nan who couldn’t get her leg under it. It was cosy with the fire and Gloria and the dim gaslight and we all ate hungrily.
‘Feels a bit like Christmas, doesn’t it?’ Nan said. ‘Shame Doreen’s not here as well.’
My eyes met Lil’s. We couldn’t bring ourselves to agree with Nan on that one. My feelings of fury at the way Mom was carrying on had grown worse and worse.
Len and I walked home together after, holding hands for safety: the street was so dark and it was beginning to freeze again. We had our torch but didn’t bother carrying the gas masks any more.
