by Annie Murray
Gladys folded her arms, pulling herself upright so that a good inch of greyish petticoat showed from under her stained red dress and pinner.
‘It’s snowing in France,’ Mom murmured, but this was completely lost on Gladys.
‘You saying you’re not happy with all I’m doing?’ she bawled at us. ‘D’you want to give Molly and your Len a good send off, eh? Or don’t you think they’re worth it?’
‘We can do some food, can’t we, Mom?’ I looked nervously at her. Even as I said it I already had a feeling ‘we’ was going to mean ‘me’.
Mom nodded, yawning at the same time. This was a bit early for her to start a slanging match. ‘Lil’ll give us a hand. Not as if there’ll be crowds, is it?’
‘There might be quite a number actually,’ Gladys announced, now we’d safely volunteered. ‘After all, I’m one of fifteen and there’s no one’ll want to miss seeing our Molly tie the knot.’
On the Saturday I went to Nan’s for a conflab. The kids were at the table filling their faces with liver and onions and spuds and Lil was cooking more for her and Nan. The kids were staring at her and I stared too. What’d come over her? She was by the range, stirring gravy with a metal spoon and humming, actually humming.
‘You swallowed a budgie or summat?’ I asked her.
Lil turned, laughing, and gave me another wink.
‘No, that’d be the sensible thing to do,’ Nan remarked, limping in with a bucket of slack. The coal hole was in action again since there’d been so many months of not having to shelter in it after all.
I looked from one to the other of them. Only one thing would put that glowing pink in Lil’s cheeks which had been pale and tired for so long.
‘Who is he then?’
Lil laughed like I hadn’t heard her laugh in years. ‘Can tell you’re in love all right. Takes one to know one, doesn’t it? How is Joe, Genie?’
‘All right.’ I blushed as Lil came closer to look in my eyes, teasing. ‘He’s doing fine.’
Suddenly she stooped towards me and kissed my cheek, her dark hair brushing my face. ‘I’m glad for you. Really glad. He’s very nice. I’d soon tell you if I didn’t think so.’
‘You’ve hardly met him!’
‘I met him at the show that night. His eyes hardly left your face.’
‘Who’s this feller of yours then?’
Lil went back to the gravy. ‘His name’s Frank. Met him when we were playing at the pub down Bissell Street.’
‘Proper charmer ’e is,’ Nan said drily, stoking the range. She didn’t like men to be charming. Charm to her meant snakes in the grass, blarney and insincerity.
‘He’s not!’ Lil said. ‘Well I mean, yes, he is – but not how she means.’
I was sitting by Cathleen who was idly letting me feed her little squares of liver. ‘What’s he do?’
‘He’s a mechanic. Got a garage out in Kings Heath. And he’s part-time ARP. But there’re a couple of little things he does on the side.’
‘Yes, I bet there are.’ Nanny Rawson straightened up, holding her back. ‘No one’s shoes should be as shiny as them ’e turns up in.’
Lil laughed in exasperation. ‘Oh Mom! Frank’s all right. He’s not selling anything – not as such. He’s interested in fortune telling, tarot, that sort of thing.’
I frowned. ‘I thought it’s only women do things like that?’
‘Oh, he doesn’t actually do it himself. He’s got a room – lets it to this woman. He knows all about it himself though, how it’s done—’
‘I wonder what else she’s selling while she’s at it,’ Nan retorted.
Lil started to get a bit shirty. ‘I’ve had enough of this. You’ve condemned the man when you don’t even know him. And he’s very good to me.’
‘Well, that’s all very nice,’ Nanny said. ‘But you find out what ’e’s after before you get in any deeper, because you can be sure there’ll be summat. Now that’s quite enough of this in front of the kiddies. Want some jam on that, Genie?’ she said, seeing me eating bread and scrape.
‘No ta. Let Tom have it.’
Tom gave me his handsome smile, gappy with missing teeth. There came a banging on the door of the shop. Nan’s face turned thunderous. ‘It’d better not be,’ she growled.
‘I’ll go.’
Morgan. As I slipped into the shop I could see him through the glass, and the outline of the girl with him. When I opened up the door I saw she was a lot older than she appeared from inside, in her little girly clothes, and she looked browned off with the whole set up before she’d even started.
‘Forgot my key,’ Morgan said in his castor-oil voice. ‘Sorry to disturb you.’
‘Not half as much as you’ll disturb us in a few minutes no doubt,’ I said, standing well back as they went in as if they were a passing stink bomb. They disappeared quickly up the stairs.
‘Was that that bastard Morgan?’ Cathleen lisped in an interested sort of way when I went back to them.
‘Cathleen!’ Lil exploded, although neither of us could help a smile.
Nan leaned over to her. ‘It’ll be mustard on your tongue next time if I ’ear any more language like that. Now off to bed with you all if you’re finished.’
Nan had made sure, since Lil came back, that the kids slept in the back bedroom away from the dividing wall with Morgan’s part of the house at the front. They were such tiny houses and the noises travelled with barely an obstacle through the walls and floors.
Cathleen was still up in the attic in a cot with Lil.
I changed her – the kids had nightclothes now Lil was earning better – and took her down for a drop of milk which she sat on my lap to drink, next to the range, quiet now with heavy eyes and suddenly sweeter. I kissed her soft cheek and stroked the fine blond curls. ‘You sleep now, Cathleen. You’re a tired little girl, aren’t you?’
Once I’d carried her up to bed I went to see the boys, and read from an old book of ghost stories, Tom’s hand resting on my arm.
‘Now I’ve scared you witless you can get some sleep,’ I said when I’d finished. The springs creaked loudly as they climbed into bed. ‘Night night.’
Downstairs, before the kids had even settled, we were soon aware of another set of bedsprings under strain on the floor above.
‘How many’s up there?’ Lil hissed to me while Nan was upstairs. She didn’t like any mention of them up there, any admission they existed.
‘Only one.’
‘Makes a change. Usually takes two to get him going nowadays.’
We heard Nan’s slow tread at the top of the stairs and Lil made a face. ‘You coming singing with us now you’ve got the courage? You enjoyed it, didn’t you?’
‘I can’t leave Mom.’
‘You’ve left her tonight. Anyroad, you don’t need to leave her, she can come.’
‘She won’t though. And I haven’t left her at home. She’s at work.’
‘Genie – look, Dor’s in trouble, there’s no doubt, and we’re all sorry for her, the babby and that. But if your dad’s not coming back she’s just going to have to knuckle down and get on with it. It’s terrible – I know ’cause I’ve done it. But she can’t expect you to take over the running of her life for her. Because if you’ll do it, she’ll let you. That’s what she’s like, always has been. One for sitting back and letting everyone else do it all. But you’ve got your life to lead as well, so don’t let her take it away from you. She’s already wrecked Len’s—’ She stopped abruptly as Nanny Rawson walked in.
‘But I still don’t think I should leave her. Not when she keeps getting in such a state.’
‘She may be in a state,’ Lil said drily, ‘but she’s just going to have to get out of it.’
Nan was dishing up liver and spuds for us. ‘Let’s get going on Len’s wedding,’ she said. ‘After all it’s not just Molly’s wedding, it’s his too, and he deserves the very best we can give him.’ I saw her eyes meet Lil’s, and there was a hard look in th
em I didn’t understand. ‘He’s owed that much.’
So, with years of practice, we ignored the thumps and squeaks from upstairs. The wedding was booked for a Monday, ten days away, and everyone was arranging the day off. Gladys had said, ‘Molly can’t possibly be showing if we do it that soon.’
Lil had snorted at this. ‘She’s such a size she could get to nine months without anyone being the wiser.’
Although Lil had pledged to do anything she could to help, she was full of doubts about this marriage. First of all was the fact that Len and Molly were, for the time being, going to carry on living where they were, in their separate homes.
‘Don’t seem right,’ she said.
‘Lenny seemed well put out at the idea of moving in with Molly somewhere,’ I told her. ‘Don’t think it’d crossed his mind that anything might actually change. He wants to stop at home with us.’
‘There’s no houses to be had,’ Nan said.
‘What’s Dor got to say about it?’ Lil asked, grimacing at the colour of the tea. ‘Proper maid’s water this is.’
‘Not much.’
Lil was still looking disbelieving. ‘What about – where’re they going to sleep and that?’
Nan gave her one of her looks.
‘Search me,’ I said. ‘All they talk about at the moment is clothes – Molly’s dress.’
‘Who’s this woman who’s making it then?’
‘A Mrs Van der Meyer.’
Lil frowned. ‘That a Kraut name?’
‘No, Dutch, and anyhow he’s dead. She’s a widow. Anyroad, Molly’s not going to let any of us within a mile of that dress before the day.’
‘Course not. Bad luck else, isn’t it?’
‘If you ask me,’ Lil said, ‘the whole thing’s bad luck.’
For the time being Vera Spini was like a person reborn. When I came to the shop that Saturday after the good news I heard her singing. She looked younger suddenly. There was colour in her cheeks, she’d touched up her hair again and it was twisted into a straw-coloured knot behind her head.
‘That’s a happy sound,’ I said. ‘Nice to hear you. More like before the war.’
She was bustling around the shop with a broom and turned to smile at me.
‘I can’t say I’m not worried. It’s all wrong what they’ve done – he shouldn’t be there. There’s no trial or nothing, so what are we supposed to do? I get so angry thinking about it. But for now—’ She stopped and leaned on the broom. ‘They’re all alive. That’s all I can think about.’ Her expression turned bleak for a second. ‘I don’t know what I’d have done . . . This is daft thinking about something that hasn’t even happened.’ She carried on sweeping. ‘D’you want Teresa? She’s round the back.’
‘Is Carlo there?’
Vera looked round at me with a mischievous smile. ‘You’ve noticed then?’
‘He seems to be round a lot.’
‘Well, he’s not here now. Lovely boy he is. I just wish Teresa would open her eyes and see the lad’s crazy about her. But that’s Teresa for you, always facing the wrong way when it matters. He’ll be gone and she still won’t get the message.’
‘Gone?’
‘He’s joining up.’
Teresa was washing the floor in the house so I climbed on a chair to talk to her, watching her egg-timer shape from behind as she knelt, circling the scrubbing brush on the tiles.
She looked up and grinned through black curtains of hair. ‘Thought you were up to your eyes in wedding dresses.’
‘Oh no – Gladys is in charge of all that. We know every stitch and tuck of it, except for the fact we’ve never seen it!’
‘She wearing white?’
‘Oh, I don’t know about that!’ Both of us laughed. ‘Can’t really, can she, in her position. You are coming, aren’t you?’
‘I wouldn’t miss it for anything.’
‘We’re decorating the church tomorrow night – me and Lil. I’ve been down the Bull Ring buying up the flowers.’
Teresa asked cautiously, ‘How’s your mom?’
It was such a relief to have someone I could tell the whole truth to. ‘She’s bad. In a right state most of the time, Teresa. I can’t get through to her at all since Joe and me . . .’
Teresa stopped scrubbing and sat back on her heels, pushing her hair out of the way with her arm. ‘You really serious about him?’
I nodded.
‘I can see you are. You’re different. How does it feel, Genie?’
‘What?’
‘Loving someone – really.’
How to tell her? The very best best. ‘What about Carlo?’
‘I’ve always liked Carlo – a real lot actually. It’s just I’ve known him so long. He’s always just been there, like Stevie—’
‘Up till now,’ I interrupted.
She looked into my face. ‘I’m very fond of him. He loves me, has for a long time, so he says. I suppose I thought it’d be more dramatic. Like in the pictures. He’s always so polite. He hardly touches me—’
‘A gent?’
‘I s’pose. Shy of changing things, I think. I know I don’t want him to go. I do know that much. By the way—’ She stood up and lifted the bucket. ‘Have you heard about Walt?’
‘No,’ I said stiffly. ‘What?’
‘He’s got a girl into trouble. Run off to join up and left her instead of facing the music.’
‘But he’s too young to join up! He’s only seventeen.’
Teresa put her head on one side. ‘D’you know, since they took Stevie, and all the trouble we’ve been through with it, he never once came in to see us. No “How are you, Mrs Spini, any news about Stevie?” Nothing. Some friend he turned out to be. That girl’s better off without him. So I don’t s’pose lying about his age’ll come too hard to him, do you?’
Lil and I did our best with the church. The flowers I bought were a whole mix of colours, and as well as those, Mr Tailor from down the road let us have some out of his garden which was decked out like a flower show every summer. It was from him we had a bundle of wheat which he grew because he liked the look of it and tight yellow rosebuds which made Lil say wistfully, ‘Aren’t they lovely? They’re my favourites, they are.’
Mom half-heartedly offered to help, but she still had sewing jobs to do on Len’s suit for the next day so we left her to it. Lil and I carried our buckets and ribbon and scissors down the road and let ourselves into the church in the evening light. Peach-coloured rays were shafting in through the west window. The atmosphere was stuffy and filled with the smell of floor polish.
Lil eyed up the wrought-iron flower stand. ‘I’m not sure I’m very good at this. We’ll have to hope for the best.’ She turned to me. ‘I want Len to have the best. Have we got hymns and that?’
‘Mom’s sorted it with the vicar. She wanted “Lead Us, Heavenly Father, Lead Us”. She said that’s a good one for a wedding.’
We managed, after a few false starts, to cut and arrange the flowers in a magnificent spray on the stand, and put vases of flowers round to decorate the altar and sidetables. We tied sprays of wheat ears with yellow ribbon and attached them to the ends of the pews.
‘Looks like a harvest festival,’ I said, tying bows and flattening them the best I could.
‘No it doesn’t.’ Lil backed down the church, surveying what we’d done. ‘It looks beautiful. Molly’ll love it, bless her. Time something nice happened to her.’ Lil was coming round much more to the idea of the wedding now she’d got caught up in the spirit of it.
‘You’ve changed your tune.’
‘It’s just – seeing it all, like this . . . D’you remember my wedding – Patsy’s and mine?’
‘Course I do.’ I was seven when they married. ‘Wouldn’t forget being a bridesmaid, would I?’
Lil shook her head. ‘I was so happy that day. It really was the best day of my life – well, maybe except the ones the babbies were born. Not even a wedding beats that. My poor Patsy. I hope he
don’t mind me going about with Frank.’
‘D’you really like Frank, Lil?’ I asked shyly. Now I was with Joe it seemed we could talk woman to woman.
Lil picked up a long curl of leftover ribbon and started winding it round her fingers. ‘I do, yes. At first – well, still really, because it’s only been a few weeks – I couldn’t stop thinking about Patsy. Comparing them, and feeling bad at being with someone else. As if Patsy was watching, talking to me in my head. I’ve felt that on and off since he died. At first he was always saying, “Why didn’t you stop me? Why did you let me do it?” My own guilt talking, I s’pose. But I know really it wasn’t my fault, wasn’t anyone’s. It was all an accident. Anyhow, after a bit I’d hear him saying more ordinary things, just like chat. That was nice, for a bit.’ She gave a little laugh. ‘Now though, it’s more as if – how can I say it? – he’s still there and I love him, but he’s not part of now. I can see Frank without being ashamed. I can love both of them.’
‘Our nan doesn’t take to him, does she? I’d’ve thought she was a pretty good judge.’
Lil gave a snort. ‘Mom? Are you kidding? She may be a good judge of some things, like how much stew a bag of scrag end’ll run to. But when it comes to men . . . I mean look who she married! And she was wrong about Patsy, wasn’t she? Had him down as a navvy and a waster. No, if you want advice about men, Genie, come to me, not my mom – and not your mom neither, come to that!’
We both laughed, but Lil with an edge of tears. ‘Sometimes I just want to feel someone’s arms around me so bad I ache with it.’ She caught hold of the broom. ‘Best get on. Be dark soon.’ I followed her round with a dustpan and brush, and we went to search for a dustbin out the back of the church.
‘Your Joe now,’ Lil said, shooting flower stalks into the bin. I felt myself blush. My Joe! ‘He’s a good’un I reckon. You could do a lot worse than him, and you deserve to be happy, Genie. God knows, you do.’
The wedding morning dawned bright and we were all up and running like headless chickens before we were half awake. Our nan was down by half six carrying plates of stuff already cut with muttoncloth over them, I was brewing up tea for everyone and there were eggs on the go in a pan. Mom and Nan started laying up the table at the front, talking about beef and chicken sandwiches. We’d saved everything we could for that wedding, and lots of people had chipped in. We’d already done a trifle of sorts and there was tinned fruit, and Gladys was being very mysterious about the wedding cake, which was another aspect of things she’d taken on herself.
