“At least I’m working for free,” he offered, but the words fell flat, lacking the lighthearted inflection he’d intended.
Chase didn’t say anything—he simply picked up a spare piece of the sandpaper and began tackling another section of the wall. Sawyer decided that working without conversation was fine with him, so for a while, the two of them sanded in silence and then vacuumed down the walls to clear them of drywall dust. It was maybe another thirty minutes, and several smooth feet of wall space, before Chase spoke again.
“Mom said she told you. About the Alzheimer’s being hereditary.”
Sawyer swallowed, uncertain how to reply. He moved to the bucket of water he had prepped and soaked a sponge in it before scrubbing the wall again.
He sensed Chase watching him, but didn’t respond.
“There’s a test the doctors can do with a blood sample. It tells them if a person has the mutant gene that causes the disease.”
Sawyer scoured the wall with far more force than necessary. Streaks of gray water ran in rivulets down the sanded surface. He didn’t look at Chase.
“It’s a way to know, Sawyer,” Chase said, his voice low. “We could find out if we’re going to get it.”
“What if I don’t want to know?” Sawyer snapped.
Chase was so quiet that Sawyer finally turned toward him. His brother looked...disappointed, and Sawyer felt a wave of remorse. It was frightening enough for him but how much more so for Chase? His kid brother hadn’t even graduated from college yet, and now he might have a time bomb hanging over his head. Would it be so bad to do the test? To know if they were fated to end up with the disease? But then, if he learned he had the Alzheimer’s gene, it would be like a death sentence, living every day just waiting for the symptoms to strike.
Sawyer softened his tone. “Wouldn’t it be easier not to know? How could you face each day, knowing that the disease was there, preparing to surface? It would be like living with a sleeping dragon.”
Chase leaned against the wall, oblivious to a smudge of stray dust that marked his shirt as he did so. “I’ve been reading about it. As soon as Mom and Dad told me, after you left yesterday, I got online and started asking questions in some of the EOA forums.”
Sawyer cringed. “You were talking to strangers about this?”
Chase made a face. “The people in these forums know what it’s like. They have loved ones dealing with the disease—friends, family, spouses, children. And a lot of them are also victims of the disease. I mean, who better to tell you the truth than someone who is living through this nightmare?”
Sawyer had to bite his tongue to keep from berating his brother. He understood Chase’s need to connect with people who understood what he was going through, but Sawyer wasn’t ready to open up to anyone about it yet. He could barely wrap his own head around it, much less start asking coherent questions of anyone else.
“Everyone has a different opinion,” Chase went on, “but that’s what I wanted—to get multiple points of view. I’ve only had a few responses on the forum but given what I’ve read, I think...I want to know.”
Sawyer sighed and tossed the sponge back into the bucket. It landed with a gentle splash and sloshed from side to side in the liquid. “Why?”
“Because then I can plan ahead. I can think about the future, prepare for it. It’s like going into battle. If I know I’m destined to develop Alzheimer’s, I can make my plan of attack, research my care options, treatments, decide if I want to have children, knowing I probably won’t be around long enough to see them get married and have children of their own.”
He stopped there, and Sawyer turned away, unable to consider this last statement.
“Knowing won’t stop it, but it gives me a fighting edge. I still get to plan my life before it takes away my ability to recognize it.”
It was a fair point, Sawyer had to concede, but he still wasn’t convinced.
“You’d be living with a death sentence.”
“Aren’t we living with one anyway? Besides, there’s always the chance we won’t have the gene, that we’d be lucky enough to be passed over. And then we could live our lives without that cloud hanging over our heads.”
“And if we’re not that lucky? If we learn that it’s inevitable? Chase, there’s a reason no one knows their own future. I think the knowledge of it...breaks a person. If we find out that we’re destined to have Alzheimer’s, how would we function each day, knowing that the end is creeping closer with every minute?”
Chase pushed off the wall and took a step closer to Sawyer. “But what if it’s a gift, in some twisted way? What if knowing what’s coming allows us to cherish every day more than we would otherwise?”
Sawyer exhaled sharply. “There’s no way you could call that a gift.”
Chase shook his head. “Sorry. You know what I mean.”
Sawyer bent over the water bucket and wrung out the sponge. He moved to the wall and began washing it clean once more. “No, I don’t know what you mean.” He tightened his grip, his knuckles turning white with the effort. “I can’t see any reason, any sane reason, to take that test. I don’t want to know, Chase. I’d rather live my life just like I’ve been doing, without knowing when my time is coming.”
“But you don’t have that luxury anymore, Sawyer,” his brother replied. Though the words were harsh, his brother’s tone was not. If anything, it was tearfully sympathetic. “We lost that the day they told Dad he had Alzheimer’s. We don’t get to pretend it can’t happen to us.”
A lump rose in Sawyer’s throat, and he clenched his jaw to keep the emotion from rising any further. He let his arms hang at his sides, water dripping from the sponge and onto the floor. “I’m still trying to come to terms with this. It’s bad enough, considering what this means for Dad. I need more time before I start thinking about what it means for me.”
He began scrubbing at the wall again, his movements turning more aggressive as he spoke. “They should have told us,” he practically growled. “How could they keep it a secret all these months?”
“I kind of get it,” Chase argued. “They didn’t want their problems intruding on our lives. I mean, you have your career. And I have college.”
“But it’s not just their problem. It’s yours and mine, too. It’s not just Dad’s life. It’s ours.”
“You’re right. But when you think about it, they had a point. Could you really have done everything you’ve accomplished in the last year if you had this hanging over your head? You’re a star, Sawyer. You’re famous. That takes some concerted effort and a lot of focus. They wanted to let you chase that dream for as long as you could without burdening you.”
As much as it still frustrated him, Sawyer knew his brother was right.
“We deserved to know, but Mom and Dad were just trying to gift us with as much time as possible.”
Sawyer grunted. He could have still argued his case, but he knew it was a losing battle. In the end, his parents had only done what they had out of love for their sons. He supposed their motive counted far more than keeping things secret did.
“I’m sorry. It’s just a lot to process.”
“I know.” Chase eyed the unfinished wall. “So...you still want some help out here?”
Sawyer was humbled at Chase’s offer. In spite of this darkness hovering over them, his kid brother seemed to be handling things with remarkable maturity.
Sawyer tossed the sponge at him, and Chase caught it.
“You know, sometime when I wasn’t looking, I think you grew up.”
His brother smiled, but Sawyer couldn’t help noticing a touch of sadness there.
“I guess, after a while, we don’t have a choice.”
Sawyer dropped his head. “No,” he said, “I guess we don’t.”
CHAPTER TEN
/> RORY DELIBERATELY KEPT her pace slow as four-year-old Kitt toddled after her around the backyard of the Moontide Inn. Her best friend, Erin, watched from several yards away where she kneeled by the flower bed, gouging holes in the dirt to transplant her begonias now that summer was almost upon them. Though Rory could have easily outpaced Kitt’s short legs, it warmed her heart to see him stumble after her in an attempt to catch her in his grasping fists.
She let him overtake her on the steps of the gazebo, collapsing in a heap as he tried to tickle her in an imitation of what she did every time she caught him after a game of chase. She laughed and squirmed, and he giggled with delight as he thought his little fingers had found their mark in her rib cage.
“Oooh, it t-i-ic-c-ckles!” she exclaimed, and Kitt giggled all the harder until she turned the tables and reached out to grab him. He squealed in surprise as she wrapped her arms around him, dragging him down with her and planting kisses all over his sandy blond head and down to his cheeks. His weak protests for her to stop lacked conviction, since his smile was evidence of his delight.
“Stop it, Rory!”
She stopped momentarily, and his breathless chortles became spasmodic until she suddenly started tickling him instead. His squeals started up all over again.
“Give me a kiss, and I’ll stop!” she teased him.
“No!” he declared, but he was grinning widely.
“One kiss, and I’ll stop,” she offered while she tickled beneath his chin.
“Okay, okay,” he agreed. “One kiss.”
She stopped tickling but rather than kiss her, he started tickling her in turn. His touch was featherlight, but she pretended he’d one-upped her just the same.
“Kitt!” Great-Aunt Lenora called from the bed-and-breakfast’s back door. “Your breakfast is ready!”
Both Rory and Kitt collapsed at the same time, wordlessly calling a truce.
“Come on inside now and give Rory some time with your mom,” Lenora urged.
“Coming, Lenny!” Lenny was Kitt’s pet name for Aunt Lenora. He was the only one who referred to her this way since she wouldn’t allow anyone else to call her anything but Aunt Lenora. Even guests who stayed at the B and B were urged to call her by her familial name. She was really Gavin’s great-aunt, but as long as Rory had known her, she’d been Aunt Lenora to the whole of Findlay Roads.
Kitt scrambled to his feet but before he could run away, Rory grabbed his hand. “Hey, I still didn’t get that kiss,” she admonished.
He made a face but impishly stepped forward to plant a sloppy kiss on her cheek. Then he tugged free and scampered away before any more demands could be made of him. Rory lay there a second longer, sighing as she rested against the steps of the gazebo and looked up at its whitewashed dome. She felt...carefree.
It had been too long since she’d felt this way—unburdened, unencumbered, as if she was finally free to enjoy life. She’d like to think it was her morning with Kitt, playing with Fisher-Price trucks in the backyard and then racing around the lawn. But while the little boy never failed to lighten her mood, she knew it wasn’t just her best friend’s son who had instilled this lightness of being into her.
It was Sawyer—having him back, knowing he still wanted to be with her. The last two years of feeling as though her life was out of focus, as though she was out of sync, were gone. It was as if she had finally awoken from a long sleep and was no longer living in a fog. Life made sense again. She felt rerooted, anchored by the knowledge that her soul mate had returned to her.
Though she still hadn’t agreed to reestablishing their relationship to its former level, she felt the promise of the future just the same. She wanted to be sure, wanted to know that Sawyer’s heart was true in this relationship. And she needed to have some idea of what their future would look like. Would she stay in Findlay Roads, keep working for Connor? Or would she move to Nashville and find a job? But what about when Sawyer was touring? She was well-acquainted with life on the road, but was that what she wanted? She’d spent half her life traveling between gigs with Sawyer, but it wouldn’t be the same if he was a headlining artist, and she was just tagging along. Could she be happy with that? How could they blend their two separate lives into one? There was a lot to think about.
But despite all the questions, she had a good feeling about Sawyer. It had taken some time, but he’d come back to her. And as long as he was sincere in his wish to be together, then she felt like it was all going to work out for the best.
“Did you fall asleep over there?”
Rory stirred at Erin’s question. “No. Just thinking.”
“Mmm. I assume that thinking has something to do with a certain country musician.”
Rory sat up and eyed her friend across the grass between them. “Maybe,” she admitted, uncertain just how much to share with Erin. They’d been best friends for years, at first just the girlfriends of Sawyer and Gavin, who were also best friends. But as time moved on, they began hanging out even without the guys. And when Sawyer and Gavin joined the army at the same time, they’d supported each other through their boyfriends’ training and deployment. Then, when Sawyer had left the army to pursue music with her, Gavin had reenlisted. Erin had shared her concerns over the years about her husband being deployed for so many months at a time. As Erin had confided in her, so Rory had kept in regular touch while she and Sawyer traveled the country, chasing their dream.
In the past two years that she’d been back in Findlay Roads permanently, her and Erin’s friendship had deepened even further. Erin had grown more restless in the last year as Gavin’s most recent deployment was drawing to a close. He hadn’t made the decision yet on whether he’d reenlist for another term. Rory knew Erin was hoping he wouldn’t. But at the same time, she didn’t want to put too much pressure on him to give up what he loved. Erin had entrusted her with some very private emotions, but Rory didn’t know if she was ready to reciprocate.
Pushing off the gazebo steps, she stood and brushed off the seat of her jeans. She tightened her ponytail as she moved across the yard to sit beside her friend. Erin continued to work on the border surrounding the inn’s back porch.
Rory tugged a blade of grass free and ran her thumbnail across its surface.
“I was a little surprised you brought Sawyer to Connor and Harper’s the other night,” Erin remarked.
“He came with me to the Harbor House Youth Center that morning and helped out with the kids.”
Erin sat back on her heels. “Really? That was nice of him.”
Rory shrugged a shoulder. “I kind of ambushed him into it. I didn’t tell him we were going until we were there.”
Erin laughed. “Smooth, Rory.”
Rory grinned. “But he was amazing, Erin. He was so good with the kids. He wasn’t, I don’t know...stuck up or anything. I expected him to be arrogant or maybe standoffish. But he jumped right in, and he made a total goofball of himself several times. He’s still Sawyer. Maybe even better. I think he’s grown into himself. He seems really comfortable with who he is.”
“And you? Is he still comfortable with you?”
Rory dropped the piece of grass and picked at the smudge of green it had left beneath her nail. “Seems like it. I think he’s more comfortable with me than I am with him. I don’t know, it just takes some getting used to him being back.”
Erin placed her dirt-stained hand over Rory’s.
“Are you happy he’s returned?”
Rory met her friend’s eyes. “So much that it scares me,” she admitted.
Erin squeezed her fingers in encouragement. “I think that’s a good thing.” She paused. “I’m proud of you, you know.”
Rory arched an eyebrow. “Really? Whatever for?”
“It takes courage to choose love, especially from someone who hurt you once. I know you, Rory. And I�
�ve watched since you came back, how heartbroken you were and how you, I don’t know...lost yourself a little. But I also think you learned how to be you, without Sawyer. I don’t want you to lose that again.”
“Lose what?”
“Your heart. Your fire. You had both with Sawyer, but it took you a while to have them without him. You let yourself be taken over by what you lost. Don’t let that happen again, no matter what. Okay?”
Rory nodded, understanding what Erin meant. She went to a very dark place in her head when Sawyer left her. After so many years together, she’d had no identity without him. But then there had been the kids and the youth center and her own music, and somehow, she’d managed to find herself in the midst of that darkness.
“I used to be so jealous of you.”
Rory’s attention snapped back to Erin’s face at these words. “You were?”
Erin nodded. “You and Sawyer were living such a romantic life, traveling all over together, playing music and having adventures. You were creating memories when Gavin and I were doing our best to sustain our marriage through emails and care packages and Skype chats.” Erin drew a breath. “I hope you give him another chance, Rory. He came all the way back here for you. That’s pretty romantic, when you think about it.”
Rory couldn’t help feeling a flush of happiness. Erin had a good point.
“If we’re talking about jealousy, I should tell you that I’ve always envied you and Gavin, too.”
Erin’s eyes widened in surprise. “You have? You never told me that.”
“Yeah. I mean, even though Gavin is gone a lot of the time, he’s...constant. His love for you never falters.”
Erin paused in her movements and looked at her friend.
“You don’t have to wonder about Gavin being committed to you. You can tell, every time he comes home that you’re his safe place.”
A Song for Rory Page 12
