Mom put an arm around Brooke. “Does this have anything to do with Billy?”
Brooke hiccupped. “Maybe. He wants to have babies, and all that crap I said I’d never do.”
“Oh, dear. And what did you tell him?”
“I couldn’t tell him I love him, so of course he won’t talk to me now. Because he’s used to getting his way. He’s a spoiled brat.” Except she didn’t believe that anymore. Did spoiled brats put their mother’s suitors through a background check? Spend Christmas Day in the children’s cancer ward? Buy a vineyard to make his grandfather happy?
“Or maybe he’s hurt that you don’t feel the same way. You do love him, don’t you?”
“I guess.” Even now, she had a tough time admitting it.
“You— guess?” Mom smiled knowingly.
“Fine! I love him with the heat of a thousand suns! I love him like crazy! What else do you want me to say?”
“I want you to tell me what you’d do if you weren’t so afraid.”
“Afraid? Me?” Mom had to be talking to someone else in the room.
“It’s been hard to keep my mouth shut, but you can’t go around jumping out of planes to show everyone how brave you are. The real courage is in the everyday living. The single mother who wakes up every morning and takes care of her children, hoping someday it will get easier. Not giving up on love just because sometimes it doesn’t work. Oh honey, I’m so sorry about me and your dad. We held on too long, because I tried so hard to make it work.”
“It’s okay, Mom. The divorce ruined you, but you bounced back. Sort of.”
“What do you mean the divorce ruined me?”
“You had a career and after the divorce you lost everything. Came to live at this farm to sell shampoo. I’m sorry Dad did that to you. I never told you that before.”
“Is that what you think? The divorce didn’t ruin me, honey. I took him to the cleaners. Believe me, I got my share.”
That didn’t make any sense. “Then why do you live here?”
“I want to live here. This is what I wanted for my life. It’s my choice. And by the way, this is my farm. My land.”
“Yours?” Brooke choked out.
“And someday it will be yours.”
Hers? She’d own land someday? “But— why didn’t you tell me?”
“You never asked.”
“But all these people who live here— do they pay you rent?”
Mom laughed. “Oh no dear. They’re my friends. Some of them need a hand up, and I give it to them. I choose to surround myself with people who think the way I do. I’ve got something to share with the world, and I’m not greedy. Not anymore.”
“How— how did you manage to get all this land? How did you get Dad to pay you that much money?”
“Remember that I was once a damned good attorney. I negotiated a structured settlement. He thought he would get a bargain, but in the end the stock he had to fork over turned out to be worth a lot more a few years later.”
Unbelievable. Her hippie Mom, a financial genius. “You bought all this so that you could make shampoo and farm organic?”
“So that I could create the life I wanted for myself. I’m surrounded by people and things I love, and I’m happy. Family looks different depending on your point of view. We’re a little family here. And of course, there’s always a place for you should you ever want it. But I always had a feeling you would create your own reality.”
“I did. I created a reality which works as long as I’m in control.”
“I see. If you control it, then you don’t have to be afraid. So you’re brave when you’re in control of your risks.”
Or maybe when she’d fooled herself into having control. “I didn’t want to fall in love with him.”
“But you did. And living your life in fear is not a good place to be. Love is a better place to begin.”
“But what if I don’t want the things he wants? Why can’t we just stay as we are? Everything was so good.”
“Because we don’t get to stay still, Brooke. That’s not how it works. You don’t want to grow cobwebs, do you? But if you’re not ready to get married, why don’t you just tell him how you feel? I’m sure he’ll understand. If you love him, you need to tell him.”
Sure. Why hadn’t she thought of that? Telling him how she felt would definitely buy her some more time. And honestly, he already knew so it wouldn’t come as a big surprise. But at least he’d know that she wanted to love him. She wanted to stop holding it inside where it would slowly chisel away at her soul.
Who knew Mom could be so wise?
Billy would be back later today, and she had to see him. Had to tell him she had crazy love for him. A jock. Apparently God had a sense of humor after all.
So she loved a jock that had made millions playing ball. That same possibly over-privileged athlete happened to be the kindest person she’d ever known. He gave back to the community, and loved his family. He tried to keep his giving a secret, but she’d happened to see some of the cancelled checks. And even though it meant being away from family at Christmas, he and Pop were visiting the children’s cancer ward in LA.
But tonight, he’d be home.
*****
At home, Brooke showered, and later took her time applying her makeup so she could look her best when she told Billy how much she loved him.
“I love you,” she said to the mirror as she flicked on some mascara. “I love you, Billy. I love you, you idiot. I love you, dummy.”
None of those sounded right. She couldn’t make it lighthearted just because that would make it easier. No, she had to get this right. Perfect.
She turned in the mirror. “Here’s the thing. I think I love you.”
Wow, no. ‘Think’ sounded less than committed. I’m sure I love you. No. Sounded like a valley girl. Did she have time to rent a romantic comedy and see how to do it right? The grand gesture— that’s what she needed.
A big, humongous grand gesture. Except that was usually done by the man. Not that she wasn’t ready to throw away conventions, but she didn’t want to buy the ring. No, and anyway they weren’t getting married. They were just going to take it a step at a time. She’d tell the big guy she loved him, and ask whether he would mind slowing things down a tad. Remind him they already had an upcoming wedding in June.
Brooke had worked herself up to the point that she felt nearly out of breath when she completed her outfit with her favorite riding boots. She’d decide to dress for understated sophistication when she told Billy how much she loved him. She went with her favorite pair of jeans and the clingy black sweater he loved.
Around seven she glanced outside and from the very corner edge of the house she saw lights on and movement inside the manor house— Billy, home early. No time for the movie.
You can do this.
She shut the door to her cottage and bounded up the short steps to the main house. I love you. Best to go for simplicity when in doubt. And better to do this before she chickened out.
What’s the worst that could happen?
Apparently the worst that could happen was seeing the ex-girlfriend of the love of your life slipping a key underneath his front mat. “Fallon.”
“Oh, Brooke. I didn’t hear you.”
“I guess not. I can’t say that I’m shocked.”
Fallon put up a hand. “Hold on. Don’t get carried away.”
“Forget it, no big deal.” Even though, unfortunately, her cheeks felt like a flaming torch had been placed on each one. “An ex-cheerleader and a jock are a much better match.”
Brooke turned to leave, but Fallon screeched from behind.
“Wait! Wait, you idiot!”
“What did you call me?” Brooke stopped and turned in her tracks.
“I had to get your attention.”
“Well, now you’ve got it.” She took two menacing steps towards Fallon.
“Look, Billy hired me to clean his place. I need a job and there’s not much
else I can do.”
“I’m supposed to believe that?”
“Believe it. Remember, I didn’t go to college. I got married right after high school. And anyway why would I lie to you? If I were with Billy I’m not the type to keep it quiet.”
True. She’d lord it over Brooke.
“He hired you to punish me. That’s what he did.”
“No, he hired me to help me. Because he’s the greatest guy I know. Don’t blow it with him like I did years ago by being jealous.”
“Jealous? Or maybe he didn’t want to get married at seventeen.”
Fallon rolled her eyes. “I don’t know why you still have such a huge chip on your shoulder. Why don’t you like me? This isn’t high school anymore.”
“Who said I don’t like you?”
“Seriously? Look, you’re the one that went to college. I didn’t. I have a kid and an ex-husband that says I’m a bad mother. Maybe he’s right, but I’m doing everything I can to get my baby back. Even clean the house of the local multi-millionaire. My ex-boyfriend. You have everything now. You have a great job, and people respect you. Stop acting like you’re auditioning for Rebel Without a Cause because I’m sick of it. He wants you, and I’d give anything to be you right now. But I’m not.”
Brooke didn’t know what to say to that so she didn’t say a word. She stood there staring at the gorgeous, tall ex-cheerleader, the most popular girl at Starlight High. She envied Brooke.
“Were you coming here to tell him something?” Fallon asked softly.
“Yeah. I have some news. And I thought he might like to hear it.”
“Well, his plane gets in at San Francisco in an hour. If you hurry, maybe you can meet him in baggage claim.”
For once, Fallon had a good idea. This could be her grand gesture. “Okay. Thanks.”
Brooke rushed to the cottage to grab her leather jacket and the keys to her Harley. The weather was dry though chilly, and a good night for a ride. The Harley would calm her down and get her mind on track. Maybe Fallon was right. Without realizing it, Brooke had fallen into long ago set patterns the moment she’d seen Billy again. She’d been thrown back to a time when she didn’t feel like she belonged, nor did she want to.
But everything had changed now. She loved Billy Turlock, and he loved her.
She was still trying to get over the shock of being envied by Fallon when traffic stalled along 101. The wind at her back, Brooke throttled the Harley and it made a resultant robust sound that reflected her thoughts. Powerful.
Mom hadn’t been ruined by the divorce. She’d told Brooke about an inheritance she hadn’t even known about. While it might have been better had Mom not kept that to herself all these years, it didn’t matter anyway. Mom hadn’t been ruined. She’d bounced back and created the life she wanted. It didn’t look like what anyone else expected, but somehow it worked for her.
Maybe Brooke could do the same. Create the life she wanted, even if it might not look anything like what she’d thought she once wanted.
And even if she wasn’t ready for marriage, she finally felt ready for love.
If only she could get rid of the stomach-crushing fear that surrounded love. An almost certain feeling that disaster would ensue.
Mom had asked what Brooke would do if she were no longer afraid. For so long she’d tried to risk everything but her heart that she didn’t even know what it might look like. Not to be afraid to love. Like Billy, who’d been burned so many times but still kept trying.
He was the brave one.
Brooke rode through traffic, splitting lanes. She probably should have taken another route, but too late now. If she didn’t hurry she’d miss Billy altogether. Sure, she’d see him at home but that wouldn’t have the same effect. She wanted a grand gesture.
She wanted to see his eyes when he saw her waiting for him— wanted to see those eyes tell her what they’d been telling her all along if she’d only paid attention.
“I love you,” he’d said. She couldn’t wait to tell him that she loved him too. Even if it scared her a little bit. She’d been scared the first time she jumped out of a plane, too. It was all part of the thrill.
Like Mom said, facing fear is what made her brave.
Next stop, conquering the dark, which was nothing more than the absence of light according to Einstein.
Traffic sped up as she approached Marin, and Brooke shifted and turned in to the left commuter lane.
A car came out of nowhere, side swiping her, and knocked her clear off her Harley. She flew across the lane, wondering how she could stop her forward momentum, reaching out an arm helplessly. She felt it twist unnaturally, followed by a hot and searing pain.
I’m going to miss his flight, Brooke thought, as everything around her faded to black.
Chapter 18
The plane was two hours delayed. The delay happened to be only the latest in a series of events that had turned this Christmas into Billy’s worst on record. For the first time ever, he felt like a Grinch. He wanted to take all the cheer and joy being slapped in his face and give it a black eye.
“Merry Christmas! I’ll have your best Cabernet Sauvignon,” Pop said to the stewardess in first class. “What do you carry?”
“I’ve no idea, sir. It’s in a box, if that helps,” The annoyed woman said.
“Horrors! You should carry Mirassu wine on these flights. We sing to the grapes. Makes them sweeter,” Pop continued, and Billy began to wonder if he’d stop talking sometime this year.
He checked his emails on his phone. Nothing from Brooke, not that he’d expected anything since they’d been avoiding each other. He had another email from Fallon, telling him she’d left the key under the mat and thanking him for the loan. Again.
Well, if having money didn’t mean you could help your friends and family, then what good was it anyway?
Pop finally let the exasperated stewardess go, and turned to Billy. “Is something going on with you and Brooke?”
He hadn’t seen the point in telling Pop, who clearly adored Brooke. “Why do you ask?”
“Every time you two are in the same room together you try too hard not to look at each other. And sooner or later one of you fails and then acts like they’ve stared directly into the sun during an eclipse.”
Pop had noticed far too much. “We had a disagreement.”
“Ah. What about?”
“I thought she should marry me, and she disagreed.”
Pop laughed. “Say what? You asked the girl to marry you?”
“Not exactly.” Billy stared straight ahead and ignored the young stewardess who smiled at him and licked her lips.
“Young people. What does that mean?”
“I told her how I felt. I love her, and she doesn’t feel the same way. And now we have to work together.”
“Son, you can’t convince me that girl doesn’t love you. She’s crazy about you.”
“She has a funny way of showing it.”
Pop leaned back in his seat. “Well, well. It must have been hard for you, hearing ‘no’ for once in your life.”
“Excuse me?” He’d heard the word ‘no’ plenty of times in his life.
No, your dad won’t be at the game.
No, you weren’t our first choice in the draft. But you’ll do.
No, you’re not starting this game.
No, another surgery won’t do it. The shoulder is too damaged.
He hadn’t experienced a lot of rejection in his life, but the few he had really mattered. And now this. Brooke, the only woman he’d ever wanted to spend the rest of his life with.
No, Billy. I don’t love you.
“You’ve been lucky most of your life. Blessed, even. You even left baseball out on top. Yeah, the injuries were a shame but you had a good run. And you’ve always been a looker. Probably lost count of the amount of women you’ve said ‘no’ to, and now one of them says ‘no’ to you. It’s got to be hard.” Pop chuckled.
Not funny. “Yeah, i
t isn’t pleasant.”
“So what kind of ring did you get her?” Pop asked, clicking his seatbelt.
“Ring?”
Pop’s jaw gaped open. “Boy, don’t tell me you didn’t do it up right.”
There hadn’t been time for a ring. Figured they’d do that later. What was the big deal, anyway? “If you’re asking if I got down on one knee, then no.”
Pop shook his head. “This is what it’s come to. You need to hear about romance from an eighty-year-old man.”
“Uh, no. I don’t. But thanks just the same.”
“You may not need any help with the ladies, but you do need help with this. I blame myself. When your Dad left Eileen, I said I’d do my best to be there for you boys.”
“And you did. We have no complaints.”
“But I failed in the romance department. You had a gift for sports, and I nurtured that. But I should have told you about love. Should have warned you about the women that might come after you for the wrong reasons.”
“Mom did, and Gigi finished the job.”
“But she didn’t tell you much about the women who wanted you for the right reasons. Did she?”
“No.” In fact, it had seemed as far Gig was concerned there were no women who would ever want him for the right reasons. And he’d never before this moment realized how insulting that was.
“When you meet the right woman, you need to court her. Put a little romance into it. I don’t mean flowers and candy, though that’s fine. I mean make her realize she’s not one of many. It’s like I always told you: every game, every play, every inning, every hit, every pitch, every throw. Make it count. Know what I mean?” Pop elbowed Billy.
“Yeah. I did that. I thought I made it count.”
He’d made it clear to Brooke. Who hung on to a long-expired membership card for ten years because it reminded him of the one girl he’d never stopped thinking about? He shouldn’t have to apologize for his history, for wanting to do the right thing when he thought he’d gotten Denise pregnant. He’d never proposed because it had been more of a business agreement. They’d both agreed it was the right thing to do.
Damn.
He’d failed Brooke. She wasn’t Denise, and marrying Brooke wouldn’t be a duty. It happened to be what he wanted. He should have had a ring, at least should have bent the knee.
Somebody Like You (Starlight Hill Series Book 2) Page 25
