by Swann, Lara
“Oddly enough, I had other things on my mind just then.”
Kaylee murmured her acceptance and waved me onward with the story again.
“So, what’s she like - your new step-mother?”
My thoughts had drifted, looking out over the endless waves of ocean that the deck faced. This part of the Californian coast was beautiful and as the sun beat down above us, I could smell the salt-air from here. It was a beautiful day.
The sort of thing I’d been looking forward to this summer, before yesterday had thrown me to chaos.
“Hmm? Oh, she seems alright.”
“Really? Well…that’s good.”
I almost laughed at the hint of disappointment Kaylee didn’t quite hide. She’d been enjoying my complaint laden haranguing as much as I had. I raised an eyebrow at her and smiled.
“Not quite the evil step-mother you were hoping for?”
She gave me a quick punch on the shoulder and then sat up, stretching and reaching for more suncream.
“Nah, you know I wouldn’t wish that on you.”
I eyed her and then rolled back onto my back, not liking the strain on my neck from trying to follow her movements.
“The new stepbrother on the other hand…”
She gasped and turned to me again, suncream forgotten.
“She’s got a son too?! You didn’t tell me that!”
I laughed at the excitement in her expression, but couldn’t blame her - this was probably one of the few interesting updates on my life I’d ever given her. Considering that tales of academic work, medical school and science problems bored her to tears.
I hadn’t been entirely sure I was going to mention Seth, but not mentioning him would have just raised eventual questions, and anyway - best way to get over this whole thing seemed to be to acknowledge that he was there and refuse anything more than that. Despite my best effort, my body sparked again at the thought of him, and my memory of last night still seemed able to make my blood pulse, but I pushed that away - hard.
“Well, he’s an arrogant son of a bitch, so I wasn’t sure I wanted to.”
That only sparked her interest, as I’d known it would, and I sighed inwardly.
“Cursing? From the calm, collected Bella? This requires an explanation!”
Then she giggled and interrupted herself with a darting glance.
“You know you just called your step-mom a bitch, right?”
I snorted and shook my head. She was right - I wasn’t so good with bad language. It was something that only really seemed to come to the fore around Seth…
“Ah, there’s not much to say, Kay-Kay. He’s a Navy SEAL with a bad mouth and the arrogance to match. Drives me up the wall.”
“Really? A Navy SEAL?”
The light in her bright blue eyes stirred me a little but I just shrugged.
“You should give him a chance, Bella - you only met him last night. Maybe he was as pissed off being there as you were. And he has to have something in him if he’s in the elite forces.”
He had something alright.
And I had no doubt she was right about him being pissed off at the whole situation. Didn’t change anything.
“Nah - he was in school with me. He’s a no-good asshole and he spent the night needling and provoking me. I’m staying well clear of that.”
She sent me a curious glance that almost had me squirming for a moment, but then shrugged and turned back to the suncream.
“If you say so, babe. Well I’m here anytime you want to cry your heart out over it - but if you ever get to meet some of those SEAL friends of his…just don’t forget about poor old me, heh?”
I gave her a grin and shook my head in mock exasperation, but her attitude lifted my spirits at least. If there was anyone who could reduce an infuriating, provocative bastard to a hot piece of ass, it would be Kaylee.
We were as different as sun and moon, but I think that was part of why we got on so well - she’d always given me a new crazy way of looking at things. And a peek into a more wild side of life that I couldn’t help finding fascinating - even as I remained very glad to look on it safely from afar. Looking back on it, it had been a miracle my Dad had approved of my involvement with her - but then, she’d charmed him as easily as she’d wrapped her own father around her finger.
She’d been one of the best things about this place, ever since that first innocuous day when she’d bounded up to me at school, aged eight.
“Maria said you don’t have a Mommy. Me neither - let’s be friends!”
And like so many times since, I’d looked at her in shock - and then we’d done exactly what she’d suggested. It helped that her father owned a place only a few houses down from ours, so we’d grown up pretty much on the same beaches, doing the same stupid stuff. And although I’m sure her eight-year-old self had had no clue at the time, the words were a fair premonition, as we’d ended up working out a lot of the “what would a mother teach us here” stuff together.
Feeling at least a little better for unloading my grievances to someone who was actually supportive, I decided to shift the conversation before it got dangerous and glanced over at Kaylee again.
“So, what are you doing these days? Did you stick with Creative Writing in the end?”
Kaylee wrinkled her nose and shrugged.
“For a bit, but it wasn’t my thing. I’m on Fine Art now, that seems to suit me better.”
I grinned a little crookedly, trying not to show my amusement, but it was hard. Kaylee had changed majors twice now, and both times it was the same thing - she hadn’t found what she was looking for. Heavens knew what that was - but so far her father hadn’t objected to funding her search. That was Kaylee though - while I’d moved straight from one goal to the next, Kaylee had always proclaimed she liked to ‘flit’. Said there wasn’t much point in life if you couldn’t have a few unexpected diversions along the way. As far as I could tell, though, her life had only been unexpected diversions.
“Well, so long as you’ve still got your Dad in your pocket.”
I winked at her, the subject of her ease in getting her way a common joke between us. This time, however, her brow furrowed again.
“Yeah, well, he’s been getting a bit more difficult about that. We’ve had a few arguments about ‘responsibility’ and ‘growing up’ and such nonsense recently.”
“Really?”
I swung around to look at her - this was new. Kaylee just shrugged, wrinkling her nose again in distaste.
“Think he didn’t approve of Jagger.”
Ohh, that.
I raised an eyebrow and gave her a sardonic smile.
“You mean the one you used his money to bail out of jail?”
Amusement laced my voice as she turned to look at me.
“Yeah, him. It was only for weed.”
We both burst out laughing and I shook my head.
“You’re a piece of work sometimes, you know that.”
She gave me a graceful shrug and pulled her hair back behind one shoulder, affecting her best offended attitude.
“He didn’t have to be so uptight about it. It wasn’t like it was anything serious.”
I just rolled my eyes. As I’d never even tried marijuana, I was pretty sure Kaylee kept some of her more wild adventures to herself, but hearing her casual opinions did challenge my beliefs sometimes. It was part of the reason I valued her as a friend - even if it made that friendship frustrating at times.
“Nothing to worry about anyway - I’ll handle it.”
She gave that confident smile and rose from the sun-lounger with a grace I envied. Her tall, long legs and a slender figure only added to the reasons she drew the eye - so long as someone could put up with her unpredictable behavior. From what I’d seen of her love life though, that seemed easier to do than holding her interest. As with academia, Kay ‘flitted’ from man to man. She dove into the sparkling pool to cool off, her long-legged body elegant and tanned in the warm summer sun.
It had made me jealous once, but Kaylee was too good-spirited and fun to mind. Plus, she rarely seemed to notice the effect she had - unless she was actively looking for some fun, anyway.
I watched her swim a couple of laps before she came back towards me, hanging from the edge of the pool and looking up at me with a grin.
“I fucking love summer. So what about you, anyway - how’s that foray into forensics going? Did you tell your Dad yet?”
This time it was my turn to wrinkle my nose, disappointment flashing through me again as I recalled all the things that had gone wrong yesterday.
“Ah, I don’t know…”
Kaylee saw my expression - and immediately interpreted it correctly.
“What happened?”
The knowing look in her eyes unsettled me, but I just shrugged.
“Ahh, Dad wasn’t keen on the idea. You know what he’s like - and he’s probably right. Maybe medicine made more sense after all.”
Kaylee’s bright face scowled instantly and she raised herself out of the water, spraying droplets all over our things.
“Hey!”
I was in swimming gear, but I exclaimed anyway. She just shot me a look and plopped down opposite me, picking up her own mostly melted iced coffee with a suspicious glare.
“I thought you weren’t going to do that anymore, Bella - you promised you’d give your own plans a shot for once.”
Her familiar tirade irritated me, and I sighed, gesturing dismissively - but this time, she didn’t quite seem willing to let it go.
“Seriously, Bella - I just listened to you rant for half an hour straight about how you came home to a new stepmother and brother he never even thought to tell you about! And now we’re talking about your own career, your own life - and you shrug and want to go along with what he says, again! God damn, do you really care so little about what you want?!”
Suddenly angry, I jumped up, glaring back at her.
“Damn it, Kay - I spend a hell of a lot more time thinking about this stuff than you ever have. But his advice has always been good - and he’s had a ton more experience than me. Just because I have a father I can respect doesn’t mean you need to undermine him the whole fucking time.”
The pointed words struck home and I saw the flash of hurt on her face before she masked it a moment later, taking a deep breath as she stood and looked at me with a far-too-calm expression.
“My god, you really are pissed this time, babe.”
The soft, gentle words deflated my anger as quickly as it had sprung up and I just looked at her, feeling suddenly helpless under the weight of that gaze. She came forward instantly, wrapping her arms around me and taking me over to the soft chaise sitting back a little from the pool, the cushions covering the wicker warmed in the sun. We sank onto it together - and then, against all belief, I broke down crying.
Everything else deserting me, I sobbed uncontrollably against her while every twisted thought and emotion that had pounded at me the last couple of days came out in a crazed rush. I was struggling to breathe, but she held on and waited me out while I gasped and sputtered, cursing and muttering nonsense.
Part of me was mortified at the explosive bout of emotion, but I couldn’t help it. It had just all become too much - the shock, the anger and frustration…every overwhelming emotion combined with the struggle to remain calm and in control had affected me far more than I’d thought. This finally gave me an outlet, and everything I’d been forcing myself to ignore, to keep in, surged out of me in a crashing wave as Kaylee rocked me gently.
With her, at least, I had always had a safe haven. Someone to comfort without judgment, a shelter for the emotional storms that had only rarely rocked through my life.
I don’t know how long we sat there like that - it felt like forever, but also just a momentary wrinkle in time. When I finally recovered enough to look at her, I felt exhausted - but some of the weight and twisting discomfort within me had eased. I sighed deeply, still hiccuping a little, and felt myself flush.
“…I’m sorry…”
Both for what I’d said, and for this ridiculous outpouring. She just gave me a small smile and tucked a stray hair back behind my ear.
“You can hold me next time I’m off my face.”
I gave her a small grin back and leaned in again, letting her warm arms surround me. It was sticky with suncream, water droplets and our sun-warmed bodies, but it didn’t matter as I started breathing easier.
God.
I’d had no idea that had been bubbling up inside, or just how good it felt to let it all out.
“Feel better?”
“Mmm.”
“Good - more ice cream, I think.”
Without another word, she disengaged and walked back into the small pantry that I swore had been built next to the room leading onto this deck purely for this purpose. I appreciated the brief time to compose myself and work out what the hell was going on, and then she was back, holding the ice cream tub and two large spoons.
“Sans iced coffee this time?”
“Pfff, figured we’d go straight to the good part.”
I grinned and grabbed a spoon as she settled back down against me, my smaller frame leaning against her shoulder as we didn’t quite fight to fit our spoons into the not-so-large tub.
She didn’t say anything for a while, and I just looked out at the sea, letting the summer’s day warm me again as my thoughts drifted.
We’d done this before - admittedly not that often, but enough that it felt almost like a familiar routine. When everything was going crazy around me and I didn’t have any way to deal with it, she was the one person I could let my raw emotions run rampant with.
I sighed and shook my head. I wanted to say this whole thing shouldn’t have affected me like that - but if I was honest with myself, I damn well deserved a chance to rage at my father’s insensitivity, at the reappearance of the guy who’d screwed with my emotions for over a year…and the way my life seemed to be spinning completely out of control.
“I’m so sick of this, Kay.”
“So do something about it.”
Her no-bullshit response made me smile - that was one of the reasons I loved her. She’d could comfort me when I needed it, but the moment it was over there was no hint of pity or worry it would change her opinion of me. Kaylee always told it how it was, and she was one of the few people lucky enough to have the wit - or money - to get away with it.
“Any suggestions?”
“Take some damned ownership of your life for once. Let’s face it - he can bring a circus into your pretty little manor if he likes, but you don’t have to just sit here and take it. You have things you want, goals you’ve told me enough about - why curtail that because he looks askance at you?”
It was hard to hear, just as it had been when she’d said it earlier. And if I was honest, part of the reason I’d yelled at her had been because of the echo of Seth’s words last night.
“Still chasing Daddy’s approval?”
Kaylee reached over and bumped my shoulder, bringing me out of those traitorous thoughts.
Somehow my resolution to stay far away from my new ‘stepbrother’ didn’t quite manage to rein in my mind, which insisted on showing reels of unwanted images and memories.
“You promised me it would be different this time.”
She phrased it mildly, but the frustration in her eyes was obvious.
I didn’t promise you. I promised myself.
Which was worse, to be honest. At least the emotional catharsis had left me able to listen - and she was right. I’d been so sure my father would understand and give what I was saying a chance this time. But everything had happened far too fast, leaving me unbalanced and unable to explain myself properly.
I’d been upset about my father’s engagement, how he’d handled it, and the sudden reappearance of Seth in my life was already driving me crazy, but in the end it all came down to the same thing. My father had his idea of how l
ife should be, what was proper and appropriate, and I’d always gone along with it. That had worked out great for most of my life, but I’d started to think I didn’t want it to end up dictating my future as well.
He was just so hard to talk to sometimes, and when he’d shrugged off my plans yesterday I’d been ready to give up - again. But I was done with having my ideas dismissed outright. He deserved respect, not mindless agreement. I wanted to take this year to discover more about who I was, what I could do - and now that he’d invited two complete strangers into my life, it was clearly time for some measure of independence.
Who was it who’d said that people treat you how you teach them to? Well, I was going to finally show him that my plans and ideas weren’t just fantasies and give him a reason to respect me.
The thought made me smile suddenly, the idea of it invigorating me as I considered just how I was going to make this work. Kaylee picked up on my shift in mindset, raising an eyebrow and looking my way.
“You’re right, Kay.”
Excitement was bubbling up inside me again, and I thought of the forensics internships I’d looked through - the different cities open to me and the pictures I’d had of myself spending some time living somewhere different, exploring that curiosity. I abruptly had too much energy, and I grabbed Kaylee’s arm, hauling her up with me.
“Want to go down to the beach for a bit - swim in the sea?”
She righted herself under my grip, arching an eyebrow with a sarcastic tone.
“That’s your great plan?”
I just laughed and pushed her towards where the garden would wander down to the gate leading to our private beach. I needed some time to think to come up with a great plan but at least now I’d decided to prove to him I did know what the hell I was doing. And taking control of that somehow made everything feel better, regardless of the things I couldn’t change.
And that way, I’ll be out of here before Seth’s cocky attitude can seep too far under my skin again…
