He slows the car three blocks later to pick up Justin. “Becka!” he exclaims like we’ve been separated months instead of hours. He tries leaning forward to talk to me, but the music makes that impossible.
I slide into the seat beside Mandy in the back row of English class. Before she can say anything, I ask if she’ll come shopping with me after school. I barely mention the words ‘shopping’ and credit card’ before she launches into an excited monologue, “this is awesome, really. And of course we’ll go shopping, because you need something to wear to the party on Saturday and no, yoga pants will not suffice. I’m thinking skirt at least, to show everyone you’re not all chewed up and stitched back together under there.” She gestures at my clothes, which cover everything but neck and hands. “You need to show some skin. You won’t believe what people are saying! And, anyway, I’ve been flying solo at the mall for a month now because Paige doesn’t ‘go to malls’ and everyone knows how color blind Piper is. So beside party attire did you have anything specific in mind or should we just work our way down from the top?”
She breaks off briefly, giving me the chance to make a suggestion, “Actually, I kind of need new pyjamas.”
Her eyes widen with teasing interest, “Really? Something wrong with penguin pjs you’ve had for the last four years? Finally split the bottom?”
I know she’s teasing me but I flush anyway, “They’re pretty flimsy, I thought you could help me pick something more stylish.”
“Stylish? As in, I’m holding out on my best friend about this new, incredibly hot guy I’ve met, or stylish as in, I’ve suddenly noticed how embarrassing it is that all my lingerie has little animals on it?” She gives me a searching look but then shrugs. “Don’t worry; I’ll get you set up either way.”
I flip open my English book, trying to appear studious, and not at all interested in further lingerie speculations and read the horrifying words, “Really, little animals?” written in Ephraim’s looping style. I groan and let my head bang down softly on the desk.
Mandy wasn’t kidding about force marching me through the entire mall. Every so often Mandy attempts to rescue my coolness, throwing a party here, a fashion makeover there, or setting up a blind date of some kind. Her latest effort, fixing me up with Derrick, was not a raging success. Still, I appreciate the thought behind the gestures and suffer through the acts themselves. This once though, I’m glad of her help.
When she finally leads me into the lingerie department I go straight for a set of flannel pjs. “I need something like this, the kind of thing that will keep me warm on mountain tops,” I explain.
“Mountain tops!?” Mandy exclaims rolling her eyes. She picks up a set with yellow and brown stripes across it, “Please tell me this isn’t what you had in mind?” She giggles then grabs something sheer with zebra stripes across it. “You have to at least try on something fun, Miss. Flannel Pyjamas.”
I take the gauzy zebra set in with a stack of Mandy approved sleepwear. Mandy lives for this kind of girl bonding thing; the least I can do was play along. I have to admit, most of the things she’s picked are wearable and a big improvement on skateboarding hippos or dancing kittens. Finally, just to be a sport (and because I know Mandy will ask about it) I try on the sheer zebra striped bra and panty set. I am not about to come out in it…but I can at least give it a twirl before the mirror. Under the fluorescent, changing room lights the scars on my arm and leg are so bright they seem to luminesce. I trace my fingers over the raised scar on my thigh, feeling the slick newness of the scar tissue. It’s smooth and soft under my fingers. I frown. When I felt the skin yesterday it was rough and ragged along the edges, more like a scab than skin. Now it feels completely smooth. I peer at the yellowing skin around the scar. It looks pinker and healthier today; could I have really healed so much overnight? I’m so fixated by the damage to my body that for a moment my wounds are all I can see.
Eventually though, I notice that the lingerie helps my shape, giving me respectable curves. I smile and wink at my reflection, turning a little to see the back. When I twist forward I see the mirror flicker and Ephraim’s image forms full length in front of me. His eyes sweep over me and his mouth drops open surprise. I scream and grab for my clothes, which I stuff on as quickly as I can, right over the fancy print bra and panties.
I don’t wait for Ephraim to fade out; I bolt out of the change room, veering away from every mirror I pass. Mandy laughs, “That bad?”
I glare at her, the pile of lingerie, the salesgirls, everywhere. I know without looking that I’m blushing so badly it looks like I’ve been dipped in red candy coating. I’m starting to see what Ephraim might have to apologize for. A complete lack of privacy is a lot to get used to. As soon as I think about privacy the hundreds of other private acts I don’t want witnessed come flooding into my mind. I groan.
* * *
I’m hanging up my new purchases, ultra embarrassing zebra prints included, when I sense his presence near me. I move to the bathroom and run the hot water.
Sorry, appears on the bathroom mirror.
BOUNDRIES! I print in large, angry capital letters.
I feel a quiver in the air behind me and turn to see his body outlined very faintly. He is standing just inside the bathroom door, a sheepish grimace on his face. His image wavers like water in a pond, “I didn’t expect you to be undressed in the middle of the day, in a public place. You surprised me.” His voice is faint and whispery.
I blush again in front of him. “Haven’t you ever heard of a dressing room?” I snap.
He shakes his head, “No, not really. For what it’s worth you looked-”
“Don’t say it,” I warn, “Let’s just pretend that didn’t happen.”
His image ripples, like a stone being thrown into the waters of a pond, his image breaking up in little eddies, “Maybe I should knock next time?” he suggests.
As his image begins to disappear I call out one more question to him, “Ephraim, can you see me all the time?”
“All the time, everywhere,” he says from thin air, and then adds, “But I don’t always look.”
Chapter 4: Off Day
Matt is late picking me up Thursday morning. I glance down at my watch, ten minutes late. I shrug my backpack over one shoulder and start walking towards Justin’s corner; might as well have some company while I wait. I’ve walked about half a block when I hear the rumble of his car behind me. It coasts up to the curb and I make a quick grab for the handle, but the door is locked tight. I wait for Matt to unlock the door but he’s staring forward. I rap lightly on the window. Nothing. With rising frustration I make a fist and pound on the door. “Come on Matt!” Matt jumps, looking at me for the first time. The pupils of his eyes are huge and dark, like he’s just come out of a very dark room. He leans across the front seat, as if he’s going to unlock the door but he hesitates, gazing unseeingly at me. His hand drops limply back down, his head swivels away and the car surges forward. I have to scramble backwards, giving the trunk a pound as he takes off.
“What the hell Matt?” I call after him, frustration boiling inside me. That totally wasn’t funny. I fume and then I remember the glassy, empty look in his eyes and I start to worry. Matt isn’t the kind of guy who plays tricks like that on people. There isn’t an ounce of meanness in him so something has to be wrong. I sigh and start walking again. Hopefully I can meet up with Justin for the rest of the walk to school.
I turn the corner just in time to see Justin duck his head into the car and slam the door before it speeds off. “Hey!” I yell, not that he can hear me. I’ve totally been ditched, by both of them; which doesn’t make sense. Maybe something is bothering Matt, or he’s sick or something, but both of them? Unless Matt told him I wasn’t coming. Would he do something like that? I drop my backpack and sit on the edge of the curb as I fish out my cell phone. I’m just finishing an angry text full of capitals and exclamation points when I feel Ephraim near me. I jam the send button then slip the cell phone away, distracted. “Eph
raim?” I whisper.
“Becks?” And he’s there, sitting casually on the curb, inches away from me. His image is shimmery but solid enough that I can’t see through him. The irritation leaves me at the sound of his quiet, steady voice.
“I can see you,” I say simply.
He holds out one of his hands, inspecting it. “It’s becoming easier for me to manifest. What just happened?”
“You didn’t see?”
“I told you I don’t always look.” His voice is teasing and soft but I hear his concern, “so..?”
Nothing I can explain. My instincts tell me something is wrong with Matt but on the surface of things, he’s just playing a mean trick. Either way, it isn’t something Ephraim can help with, so I just shrug. “Walk me to school?” I have a long walk ahead of me; school is at least forty five minutes away and I can definitely use the company.
He smiles that bright, slow smile of his, “It would be my pleasure.” As he stands his image begins to flicker out. “I can’t sustain my image but I’m still here Becks. Talk to me? Tell me about yourself?” I feel a little silly talking aloud when, to anyone watching, I’m all by myself. But there’s hardly anyone around now so I start a little monologue. “Let’s see, you must know a lot about me already, lurking like you do. You probably already know my mom and dad are separated, that happened about three months ago. I’m an only child but Matt, Justin and Mandy are sort of like siblings, we’ve been friends for so long. What else? The wall paper in my room is not my fault. Dad’s been promising to change it since I was seven. The cartoon animal undies are my fault. Mind you I didn’t expect I’d be showing them to any boys-” I thought I heard a chuckle. What am I saying? Am I really talking about underwear to Ephraim? I try to change the topic to more neutral subjects, wishing I can see his reactions.
“How about when you were younger? Do you remember your childhood?” Ephraim prompts from the empty air next to me.
“Of course I do. Okay, I don’t remember everything and the earliest memories are all jumbled together but I remember all the important things.”
“What kind of things are those?” he asks curiously.
“The usual stuff, birthdays, vacations, playing with friends, realizing my parents cared more about fighting with each other than they did about me.”
“I doubt that,” Ephraim says, “It might have seemed that way to a young child though.”
I shake my head. “It still seems that way.” Normally I don’t talk about unpleasant things; it’s sort of a survival mechanism for me, but Ephraim is easy to talk to. “When I was a kid I was by myself almost all the time. My mom worked, my dad stayed away from the house. They were so busy avoiding each other that I had to invent an imaginary friend, just to have someone notice me. It wasn’t all bad though; I’d go on all kinds of adventures with him.”
“Your imaginary friend was a boy?” Ephraim asks.
“I guess.” I shrug. All my closest friends have always been boys; I’d never really thought about it before. “One time, when I was six or seven, I was pretending to be a mountain climber. I climbed this huge tree near my house, way higher than I’d ever climbed before and just as I reached the top my shoe came off, so I couldn’t climb down. I was stuck in the tree for hours and hours. It got later and later and the sun started to go down. I kept thinking my parents would be frantic. I kept expecting to hear them calling my name and looking for me. But you know they never did come looking for me; neither of my parents even realized I’d been gone.”
“I remember,” Ephraim murmurs so softly I can’t be sure he said anything at all.
I shrug and go on. Now that I’ve said this much, I might as well finish. “You’d think it would be this terrible memory. The whole time I was up there I felt safe and happy and free. Anyway, eventually Justin came looking for me and he threw me my shoe and kept encouraging me until I finally climbed down. He’s been rescuing me since we were six.” I finish with a sigh. It’s the most I’ve talked about myself, ever actually.
We walk in silence for a while. I’m thinking about other times like the time in the tree, talking to my ocean, taking long walks by myself. Solitude has never been unpleasant for me, which is probably a good thing, considering. As I walk little prickles start running up my neck. I rub my neck absently a few times before I catch myself and pay attention. I have the sensation of being watched. I glance over my shoulder but nothing’s there. “Ephraim?” I ask tensely.
“Still here,” he answers softly, but something in his tone makes me even edgier. I keep glancing over my shoulder but the path behind me is empty; until it isn’t. This time when I turned a middle aged man, eyes wild and dark is trailing half a block behind me. I keep walking, casting quick backwards glances. He is still behind me. My heart speeds up. Every instinct in me is screaming that he’s following me and that I should run and run hard.
I quicken my pace. I’m on a nice residential street, in a nice quiet neighbourhood. He could be just a regular old man out for a morning walk; A regular old man with insane eyes who happens to be strolling the entire way to my school. My heart pounds in my chest.
In a few minutes I’ll have my answer one way or the other. A left turn will take me along an isolated pedestrian walkway. The path is fenced off from a scrubby empty field and on the other side is the school’s parking lot. There’s no reason for him to be walking there. If he isn’t a murderous predator he should just keep strolling along. On the other hand, if he is dangerous, I’ll be caught in a deserted corridor with high chain link fences on both sides. “I think we might have a problem here,” I whisper as softly as I can. I hope Ephraim was telling the truth when he said he’d stay with me.
“Speed up,” his voice whispers in my ear. “When you make the turn, flatten yourself right against the fence and hold still. Understand?”
“Mmm-hmmm,” I murmur assent. I speed up, moving as quickly as I can without breaking into an actual run. I try to make it look like I’m going to pass right by the turn, keeping my head and eyes forward. At the last possible second I dash sideways, diving into the path and pressing myself hard against the cold wire fence.
A second later the old man bursts into the pathway, and charges past me. He’s moving with impossible speed. His head swings back and forth, looking for me. He stiffens and bolts forward. Way down the path, I see a girl wearing my clothes scramble over the fence and tear off through the field. The man jumps at the fence, grabs it halfway up and swings himself over, dropping nimbly to his feet on the other side. As fast as he is, the girl he is chasing is much faster. She’s starting to pull away from him. I see her scramble over a wooden fence and drop from view. Only when my pursuer drops from sight do I take a breath.
“Go,” Ephraim says weakly beside me. I move. Letting loose every flight impulse I have, I sprinted the rest of the way to school. I arrive at the doors lungs burning, legs like jelly. It’s a relief to let the heavy blue doors shut out the world and just worry about missing homework assignments. I rest my head against my locker, struggling for breath. “Thank you,” I whisper to Ephraim.
If I hurry I might be just in time to slide into class unnoticed so, naturally, I have to try my locker combination about five times before it finally clicks open. When I slide in beside Mandy she gives me a look that says at once, “Where the hell have you been? And is everything alright?” in one quick expression. I shake my head and mouth the word later at her.
I try to concentrate in class but I was just not raised to expect near death experiences on a daily basis. I am not supposed to live in a world with car crashes, avalanches, stalkers and ethereal saviours. The more I try to wrap my head around it, the less sense it makes. There are only two things I can really fix on; Something is trying to kill me and Ephraim is keeping me alive. My pen drifts away from note taking and writes in the margins, What was that back there?
The answer appears beneath mine almost instantly, confirming that Ephraim is close, even now. Numina.
&n
bsp; The word sends a shiver through me. What are Numina? I respond.
This time his answer is slower and I picture him considering his words. Evil, he writes at last.
No kidding! I scratch underneath. But I think the effects of sarcasm are lost on paper. He obviously isn’t going to give me a straight answer right now. It’s probably too complicated for notes anyway. So I change tactics. What did you do back there?
Limited alteration of the bounds of reality. In human form, most Numina are limited to human perceptions. Dangerous but easily mislead.
Mandy cranes her neck, trying to see what I am writing so earnestly; not surprising since I never put that much energy into note taking. ‘Limited alteration of the bounds of reality’? Why can’t Ephraim ever say something simple? I puzzle over it a minute before I realize he means he used some kind of illusion. And the rest of it? I reread it and reread it but it doesn’t make any more sense to me. What the heck does ‘in human form’ mean? Do the Numina have a non-human form? I shudder. Okay, so something not human is trying to kill me and Ephraim is protecting me. Does that make things better or worse for me?
Before I can figure that one out, the bell goes off. As soon as I step into the hallway I feel a change around me. Under the hustle of kids moving through the corridor the air seems to crackle. I pause, scanning the crowded hallway, shifting my gaze. Am I imagining things or is there a faint humming sound? It’s like standing under high voltage electric wires. The hum changes to an ear splitting whistle. I jam my hands against my ears, trying to block it out. Beside me, Mandy scowls at me and threw her hands up dramatically. I can just make out her voice as she exclaims, “Rude much!” and storms away. Weird that she didn’t react to the noise. The shriek becomes intolerable. I push through the hall, trying to escape it, but if anything, the noise becomes louder and more painful as I move. I am almost running now, not watching where I’m going, just driven to escape the noise. Someone steps into my path and I jerk backwards, almost colliding with a tall senior boy. He steps haughtily away from me, eyes dark and empty.
Ether Page 4
