by Amy Sparling
He stares at me, his bottom lip twitching. For a second I think he’s going to roll his eyes or something, but he doesn’t. He swallows. “Fine. I don’t like your stupid boyfriend.”
I flinch. Talk about the last thing I expected him to say. “Why? What has he done to you?”
“Nothing,” he says quickly.
“Then…what does he do that you don’t like?”
He shrugs.
I cross my legs and sit a little straighter. If this is all that’s bothering him, it shouldn’t be hard to make things right again. Toby is such a nice guy, and I just need to make Bennet see that. He’s probably being overly protective of me or something. It’s like a best friend code to be overly judgmental of the people your friends date in an effort to keep them safe.
“Toby is really nice,” I say. “He’s kind and he pays for my food and he’s just nice.”
“I can see that,” Bennet says. He heaves a sigh and sinks back into his mattress, sitting next to me only he makes sure to keep his distance. That sucks because we’ve never kept our distance before. His head lops to the side. “That doesn’t mean I have to like him.”
I scoff. “But why not? He’s nice! He likes you!”
“So?” Bennet picks up the remote and turns up the volume on his TV.
“You’re being stupid,” I say. “If I was dating some creepy drug dealer or a guy with, like, ten kids with different women, then yeah I’d see your point. But Toby is a good guy, I promise. You don’t have to worry.”
“I also don’t have to like him.”
I stand up, anger and annoyance filling me from my toes to my hair. “I can’t believe you’re being such a jerk about this, Bennet.”
“Yeah, well I can’t believe you’re dating a guy like him.”
“What’s that mean?” Tears fill my eyes but I force them back. I’ve cried in front of Bennet a million times, but never over something like this. “Do you think I’m not good enough for a guy as good as Toby?”
Bennet’s eyes flash, looking at me for the first time since I stood up. “You think I don’t know that?” I throw my arms in the air. “I know I’m not good enough for him, but he obviously thinks I am, so I’m just going with it. I’d prefer that my best friend is happy for me, but whatever.”
“I didn’t say you aren’t good enough—” Bennet starts, but I shake my head.
“You didn’t have to say it. It’s obvious. But the good thing is that I don’t need your approval to date someone, Bennet.”
I glare at him as I put my flip flops back on and make my way to his door.
“Lana, wait!” Bennet stands up but I shake my head.
“I’m going home,” I say, pulling open his door. “Sorry I bothered you. Maybe my next boyfriend will be some loser that you approve of.”
He flinches like I’ve slapped him in the face, and even though it’s wrong, I kind of like knowing I made him look like that. He’s being a jerk. He’s acting like the complete opposite of a best friend right now.
Like I don’t know that Toby is totally out of my league? Of course, I know that. But that doesn’t have to stop me from having fun while it lasts. Bennet can just get the hell over it.
Chapter 13
I’m so pissed at Bennet that I can’t even make myself go home and watch my favorite show. And that sucks because marathons are my favorite way to consume TV. Nothing is better than binge-watching a great show and eating junk food. But because I’m so annoyed at Bennet, I can’t seem to sit still, so I go to Aunt Shawna’s and organize some of the books for her. The store is closed on Sundays, so it’s quiet and allows me to be alone with my thoughts while I work.
Ashlyn rides her bike over and brings us some tacos from the taco truck down the road. “I have some news,” she says, holding out the bag of food to me.
“Good news or bad news?” I ask, reaching in for a taco.
She runs her fingers through her hair, fixing all the tangles from her bike ride. “Good. I think.”
I laugh. She’s clearly excited about whatever this news is, but she’s normally not so nervous with actual good news. I walk outside to the wraparound porch at the Book Attic. There’s a wicker set of chairs with a table in between them. We sit and eat.
“So tell me your good news,” I say.
She draws in a deep breath and lets it out slowly, then tucks her dark hair behind her ears. “I met a girl.”
“Really?” I say slowly. This could be very good news.
She nods eagerly. “I signed up for that stupid dating app, and I didn’t mention anything about being gay in my profile because you know I hate that kind of thing. I just want to be myself and not make a big label out of it, ya know?”
I nod and take another bite. “When did this happen? I can’t believe you started a dating site without consulting me!” I’m sounding whiney but I smile so she knows I’m mostly kidding. “How can I trust you to choose the best profile picture of yourself?” I say.
She rolls her eyes. “I did it last night. It was kind of random and it was so late and I was so bored that I just signed up and boom, Bethany messaged me.”
I wiggle my eyebrows suggestively. “Bethany. Do tell!”
Ashlyn looks toward the sky. “Well she’s beautiful. Short like me, only she has lighter hair. She’s also not all mega-lesbian in her profile. She lists all the things she likes, and stuff, and doesn’t go on and on about being gay.”
“That’s good,” I say.
She nods. “I’m just really secure in who I am, and it seems like all the other gay girls my age are all about finding themselves or some shit. I don’t need that lesbian drama with girls who aren’t sure if they’re gay or not, ya know? I just want someone genuine.”
“And you think Bethany might be her?” I can’t help but smile because Ashlyn is really excited. She’s been looking for someone for so long and she deserves to be happy.
“I hope so,” she says. “We talked all night. Well…texted. I’m hoping to move into phone calls soon.”
I reach for another taco. “When will you meet her?”
She bites her lip and sits back, making her wicker chair creak. “I don’t know. That’s the thing… she lives two hours away.”
Ashlyn frowns and I frown, too. “That sucks.”
“Yeah.” She gives a little shrug and then sips from her bottle of cherry Coke. “So what’s up with you and Bennet?”
I groan. “He told you?”
“Not really. I stopped by to have some of Granny’s bread and he said you were pissed at him but he claims he didn’t do anything.”
“Nice,” I say, rolling my eyes. “Typical Bennet.”
While we eat, I explain to her everything that happened this morning, how he didn’t answer my calls and then was all standoffish about Toby. I tell her how pissed I got and how I left and haven’t contacted him since. I guess I’ve been wishing he would have texted me an apology or something, but he hasn’t. But Bennet can be dumb and he probably thinks he hasn’t done anything wrong. He’s probably watching The Walking Dead right now, waiting for me to apologize. Yeah, right.
When I’m finished complaining, Ashlyn stares at me for a long time, deep in thought. “Hmm,” she finally says. She crumples up the foil from her taco and reaches for another one.
“What’s hmm mean?” I say.
She shrugs, but she still looks lost in thought. “I really didn’t expect Bennet to act that way when you got a boyfriend. Kind of weird. Unless…” She shrugs. “Eh, never mind.”
“He’s just being a jerk,” I say with a sigh. “If he ends up hating Bethany too, I’ll kick his ass.”
She laughs. “Oh I don’t think I’ll be introducing her to Bennet any time soon. That would mean showing her my house and my mom and oh my God, can you imagine? My mom would smother her to death with questions and shit.” She slowly shakes her head and laughs. Ashlyn’s mom is super nice. Like, too nice for her own good. I genuinely pity the person Ashlyn brings ho
me to meet her mom.
“So what’s lover boy up to anyway?” Ashlyn says.
“I haven’t heard from him today.” I check my phone just on impulse, but there’s no new messages. “But we had a lot of fun at the mall, so I’m sure he’s just busy. It’s kind of weird…having a guy to text.”
She smiles, a hint of sadness behind her eyes. “It is weird. But it’s a good weird, right?”
“Yeah,” I say, thinking about my new relationship with Toby. We’re not exactly head over heels in love or anything, but it’s fun. It’s nice having someone like me. A little anxiety stings at the back of my mind as I realize I still don’t have my prom dress picked out. Toby is gorgeous in his tux, and he still needs a tie, too. I really need to choose a dress, but I think I’ve just been lying to myself this whole time, telling myself I’ll find the perfect dress in those boxes in the attic.
The truth is that I might not find anything. What if moths have gotten into it and torn them to pieces? I can’t bear to face the reality of the dress situation right now, because I know that if I can’t make something work, then I’ll be screwed. I’ll have to back out of going to the prom and I’ll once again be reminded of all the nice things you can’t have when you’re dirt poor. And Mom will feel like shit because she can’t help me, and I’ll feel bad because she feels bad. And everything will fall apart.
So, I do what I’ve been doing all along. Smile and tell myself I’ll worry about the dress on another day.
Chapter 14
15 days until prom
The first few days of Toby being my…whatever he is…were filled with texting all the time. Toby and I got to know each other via text, and even if he didn’t always reply right away, he still replied. He’s been texting me all morning and at night, and at random times during the day to let me know how his day is going.
Now it’s been two days of silence.
I’m trying to be cool and laid back like how I’d picture some popular girl being if she were the one dating him, but it’s hard. I’m wondering if he suddenly came to his senses and he doesn’t like me anymore. In the darkest moments, like Sunday night when I’m trying to fall asleep, I wonder if maybe taking me on a date and asking me to prom really was some horrible joke and now the joke is over. Everyone knows the punchline except for me.
I try to push those thoughts out of my mind, but by the morning, they haven’t quite left. As soon as Bennet pulls into a parking spot at the school, I jump out of the front seat and make up some excuse about needing to get to class early to talk to my teacher. Ashlyn and Bennet don’t question it, probably because I never lie to them, and soon I’m hurrying into the school.
Toby has told me he’s been spending extra time in the art room working on his final project, so I have a hunch he might be in there. My legs feel weak as I make my way down the hallway. This early before school, there aren’t many people around. Most people mull around the courtyard or hang out in the cafeteria before the first bell rings.
I turn the corner and the soft sound of music comes from the art room. I glance inside and find Toby there, sitting at a tall table while he works with clay. The rest of the room is empty. Immediately I feel kind of stupid for being here. Should I turn around and leave before he sees me? Should I stay and talk to him? What if he’s mean to me and I realize this whole thing was a joke?
“Lana?”
Crap. I look up and find Toby looking at me a little quizzically. “Hey,” I mutter, stepping into the classroom because it’s kind of late to turn around and run. “I thought I might find you here.”
He smiles and my heart stops beating so fast. “Cool, I could use the company.”
“Really?”
He nods and motions for me to join him by patting the chair next to him. I hesitate. “I don’t want to bother you or anything.”
“You’re never a bother,” he says, sounding like he really means it. All of that worry and anxiety I’ve been harboring for a few hours melts away. I was just paranoid. This is fine.
I sit next to him and watch while he sculpts his clay into what looks like a mini statue of a man. “Sorry I’ve been MIA,” he says while he works. “I meant to text you but I was swamped with homework.”
“Oh it’s fine,” I say, shrugging one shoulder as if I’m so busy myself that I didn’t even notice.
Toby looks really cute today. He’s wearing faded jeans, leather bracelets and a black shirt that fits him really well. We hang out in silence for a few minutes while he works. I start thinking about how we’re kind of dating, but not really. How he hasn’t asked me to be his girlfriend but he has asked me on a date. We’re going to prom together and he eats lunch with me. I wonder if all he needs is a little incentive to make things more official between us.
“You’re really talented,” I say, watching him while he sculpts the muscles on the man’s legs. It’s like one of those roman statues of the past, only this one only two feet tall.
“Thanks. It still needs a lot of work, but I’ll take the compliment,” he says, throwing me a smile over his shoulder.
When it’s almost time for school to start, he puts his art project away and then washes his hands. I’m desperate to have things move along a little, if only to figure out what we are. I know I’m trying to play it cool, but playing it cool is overrated. I’m going crazy here.
As we step into the hallway, I make a bold move and wrap my arm around his elbow, and tuck my face against his arm. He doesn’t jerk away or anything, and my whole body lights up in delight. We walk like this the whole way to first period where we have to part ways.
“See you at lunch?” he says.
I can barely talk over how much I’m smiling. “Yep.”
***
Just before the bell rings for lunch, Toby texts me.
Toby: Can you meet me by the fountain by the cafeteria?
Me: Sure
Then I text Ashlyn and tell her I’ll be late to lunch and that they shouldn’t wait up on me before they get their food. As soon as the bell rings, I head to the fountain, wondering what he wants to talk to me about. Toby is standing there talking to some guys when I approach. I slow down, not wanting to interfere. It’s fine when he hangs out with my friends, but I’m not exactly ready to dive into the popular crowd with him.
He sees me though, and his face lights up. He waves me over and even though I’m horribly scared to walk into a group of three popular guys, I do it anyway.
“Hey,” I say, sounding super lame.
“Lana,” Toby says, reaching out for me. His hand wraps around my lower back, sending a warmth throughout my whole body. “I missed you.”
I blush from head to freaking toe. His friends offer me polite smiles and Toby introduces us. “Guys, this is Lana.”
“Hey,” they say in unison. I smile back.
It’s a little awkward, but I still got an introduction which is nice. But it’s not like he said I was his girlfriend or his prom date or anything. I’m just Lana. But that’s better than nothing.
After they leave, Toby turns to me. “You think we could eat lunch alone today?”
“Oh,” I say, unable to hide the surprise from my face.
“It’s not anything bad,” he says quickly. “I mean I like your friends, I really do. I’ve just had shit weekend and my dad is totally on my ass and…” He sighs. “I just kind of want some alone time. With you, of course.”
“Sure,” I say. “That sounds fun.”
“Cool.” He grins and slides his arm around me again. “Let’s go.”
He steers me toward the opposite side of the cafeteria. “Wait, where are we going? Food is that way.”
“Not for us,” he says with a chuckle. “We get the special bet-winning treatment, remember?”
He points toward a guy standing near the front office. He is so obviously related to Toby it’s insane. He’s like an older more handsome version of Toby.
“Thanks man,” Toby says when his brother hands him two
bags of fast food and two drinks.
His brother smiles and leans toward me. “You can do better than my little punk brother,” he whispers, winking.
I laugh nervously and Toby rolls his eyes. “Ignore him.”
“Thanks for the food,” I say while we walk back.
“You’re welcome. Fast food is kind of terrible for you but it’s better than cafeteria food, ya know?”
We head down the hallway and outside to the quad. Toby finds a table that’s far away from anyone else and we sit to eat our food. Once we’re settled and eating, it’s obvious something is wrong with him. He seems so upbeat and friendly when we’re around other people, but as soon as we’re alone, he lets his real feelings show.
“Are you okay?” I ask.
He nods. “Sorry. I know I’m being blah, it’s just been a long weekend.”
“Tuxedo shopping was fun though?” I say.
He nods and flashes me a forced smile. “Yeah that was the only fun part,” he says with a little laugh. “You were the only good part of my weekend.”
And that’s when I make my move. I don’t know what comes over me, really, just that Toby is so very cute and he seems to be having a hard time. I slide over on the bench until our legs are touching and then I grab his chin and pull it toward me.
I kiss him.
Just like that—like it’s as casual as high fiving—I press my lips to his and kiss him. He jumps, and I guess I can’t say I blame him because he wasn’t expecting it. I wasn’t either, and I’m the one who did it. The kiss lasts for three seconds and then I pull away.
“Wow,” he says after a few moments of silence.
I force a smile and look back at my food, knowing I’ve made a huge mistake. That was my first real kiss with a real guy I liked and it totally sucked. It wasn’t romantic or sexy and he wasn’t even the one to initiate it.
I feel so freaking stupid.
Chapter 15
