by Sara Hubbard
I open my mouth, but snap it shut. How the hell did they know about that? I didn’t tell a soul. I never even told anyone I resigned. I was just going to announce it on the last day, so no one had a chance to make a big deal out of it. Parties, gifts, and anything remotely similar to any of that makes me uncomfortable.
“Ethan Michaels,” says Claire. “Really? Weren’t you dating Dr. Dreamy?”
I groan internally. Here I thought Charlie and I were so careful to keep our relationship private. “Where did you hear that?” I ask.
“From Dr. Dreamy. A few weeks ago, he asked me if I knew of any place close by he could take someone for a getaway. Of course, I wanted details before I gave him any.”
“We were dating. But it didn't work out.”
“Because of the hockey player?” Amy asks.
“No. Not because of the hockey player.”
“Oh, come on, Annie. Give us something,” Katie says. “You’re locked up tighter than a safe. That hockey player is one of the top ten bad boys of sports.”
“Bad boys,” I roll my eyes.
“What? You don't think he is?” Amy asks.
“Annie, he broke a chair over another player's head when they gave him the finger at a charity event. I mean, who starts a fistfight at a cancer benefit? That's pretty hard core.”
I didn't know about that. Something tells me there was more to it than that—not that I'm making excuses for it. It wasn't cool no matter how much you spin it.
“I can't believe you were dating Dr. Dreamy. How did I not know that?” Claire asks.
“We tried to keep it quiet—professional.” And I thought he was cool with that. We'd promised each other that we wouldn't tell anyone at work about us unless we became serious. We’d only dated for six weeks. Did he really think we were serious at that point? The whole thing bothers me. In a way, I feel betrayed. I don't want the girls talking about it, thinking I played him, then moved on to some bad boy. They can't know who Ethan is to me. That no matter who I moved on to, Ethan would always hold my heart. One tug and I would be back in his arms. But I’m not about to let them in on this. It upsets me they know as much as they do.
Kim makes a face and it catches me off guard.
“Kim?” I ask, curious. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing.” She grabs her charts and goes into the back room to file them.
I follow after her. “I feel like I did something wrong?”
“No, not at all. I’m just surprised to hear you dated Dr. Davidson.”
“Oh,” I say, wondering if she feels I wasn’t good enough for him.
As if reading my thoughts she approaches me, laying a hand on my arm. “No, it’s not what you think. It’s just...I don’t know. I knew him before.”
“Before?”
“We went to the same university and he dated someone on my dorm floor.”
I stay quiet, waiting for her to continue. Something tells me I’m not going to like what she has to say.
“It was nothing. Just...they used to fight a lot. And he kind of went off on her one night outside in the courtyard. It was really late and she didn’t know I was there, coming home from a party. He grabbed her and she slapped him, before running off crying. I went to her room that night to see if she was okay, but she wouldn’t talk to me. She dropped out of school and left the next day. Never saw her again. I don’t know what happened between them, but I think it was pretty bad.”
“Why didn’t you tell me this before?”
“Why would I? It’s not like I really had any detailed information. I don’t even know what I saw. Besides, I didn’t know you were dating him until just now.”
Kim slinks away after a call bell rings and I cross my arms over my chest, an eerie feeling consuming me. How could I have missed all of this? I have to recognize that my gut told me long ago that something wasn’t right about him. He was flawless and nobody is that perfect. I knew he had to have secrets or quirks or something that made him more human. I just didn’t think those flaws could be so dark.
Here I thought he was acting weird because I hurt him. Maybe he was off to begin with, like Ethan said.
Another call bell rings and I go to the patient’s room, medicating them for pain before going back to the desk to chart with my co-workers who chat easily about their loves and relationships. Katie was right. I am locked up tighter than a safe because while I love listening to them talk about their lives, I clam up when they ask me about mine.
At eleven, I do a quick turnover report with the oncoming nurse and walk out with the other nurse getting off. At the parkade, we split off to find our cars. Normally, I try to park on the street, because it’s cheaper, but I like to park in the parkade in off hours because it's safer. Not that Rawdon is wrought with crime, but bad stuff happens everywhere. Rawdon is no exception.
The rubber soles of my winter boots squeak as I walk along snow-blanketed pavement. I can't remember where I parked my car, so I press the lock button and my car beeps at me, the headlights flashing to light the way. A few minutes later, I’m on the highway and headed home.
It’s a quarter after eleven when I get home and it’s totally dark outside. Manny turned all the lights off, including the outside light. He doesn’t strike me as an early to bed person, but then, he could have gone out. On a Tuesday? Stranger things happen, I guess.
Yawning, I fish in my purse for my keys as my feet crunch along in the snow. I find them eventually, but when I go to open the door, I find it unlocked. Jesus, Manny. I’ll have to talk to him about that. I don’t have a lot of valuables inside, but that doesn’t mean I don’t have things I wouldn’t miss if someone took them.
Inside, I drop my purse and bag off in the kitchen and turn on the kettle to make tea. The house is quiet and it unnerves me. Manny can’t be home right now, and I wonder where he is, what he’s doing. After my tea is made and I've scarfed down a tea biscuit laden with butter I decide I'll watch a little television before going to bed.
I switch on the lamp to cut through the darkness when a figure emerges from the shadows, sitting calmly on the other side of the room. I nearly jump out of my skin, my heart hammering in my chest. My cup of tea goes flying, but miraculously I don't get any of the hot liquid on my skin.
I scream, “Charlie!”
He sits quietly, studying me. After a sigh, he tips his head to the side. His leather jacket makes a scratching noise as he moves. He’s left me alone the last couple of weeks and I’ve been grateful. We are polite at work, but he’s been respectful of my wishes. I thought he might actually be coming around, but perhaps I’m wrong.
“Hi, Annie.”
“Hi, Annie? That's all you have to say? You’re starting to scare me. Coming over without permission, sitting in the dark like a creeper? What is going on with you?”
“I wanted to see you.”
I collect my thoughts and take a few breaths to calm my breathing. I never imagined he could hurt me, but now I don’t know. Normal people don’t do what he’s doing.
“This isn’t okay and I want you to leave. Now.”
“Annie...why are you making this so hard?”
“I’m going to call the police.”
I start for the counter to reach for the cordless phone, but when I look over my shoulder, he’s right behind me. He lunges at me and I try to move faster, but we fall to the ground, his weight pinning me.
“Manny!” I scream. “Manny!”
“I didn’t want it to come to this,” he says, leaning in to whisper in my ear. Shivers walk down my spine and panic sets in, my heart racing in my chest. “He’s not here.”
“Get off of me!” I struggle, squirming and trying to kick, but he’s so much stronger. He can bench one-fifty and I’ve never worked out in my life. He flips me over and restrains my wrists.
“Why are you doing this? This isn’t you, Charlie! Stop, please!”
“You resigned? To go to the US?”
“What?”
“I heard you at work tonight.”
“You’re spying on me?” I choke out through my panic and fear.
“All you had to do was talk to me.”
“Charlie, we’ve talked! What more do you want me to say?”
“If I can’t have you, I sure as hell won’t stand by and watch a loser like Michaels have you! You know how embarrassing this is? What my friends are saying? He’s a joke. A fucking goon!”
“Get off of me!”
He tries to shush me, leaning forward to cup my chin and squeezing tightly. I shake my head and try to bite him. He slaps me hard across the face. My cheek stings and my head hurts and I pray he’ll stop and let me go. But I can’t say what he’s going to do. I don’t know this side of Charlie at all. He’s a stranger to me.
“What about me? Are you too good for me?”
Ethan warned me that Charlie’s off somehow and I shrugged it off. But I knew tonight when Kim and I talked that the Charlie I know might not be the real Charlie at all. Did he do this to someone else? In university?
“Annie, why? I love you.” He presses his lips to mine while still holding my face and I scream into his mouth. With all my strength, grunting and groaning, I twist my arms to break free.
“Stop! I don’t want to hurt you.”
“Get the fuck off of me!” I scream at the top of my lungs. “How dare you! How fucking dare you!” As I gasp for air, he stares into my eyes and there is a shift in his face, like maybe he sees how much he’s hurting me emotionally. He rolls off and backpedals on all fours across the floor. I sit up and do the same. He sits on his side of the room while I sit on mine. I want to yell at him, tell him how much I hate him. He has no right to force himself on me! No right to claim my space. I couldn’t fight back as a kid, but I’ll be damned if I’ll take it now.
“Get out!”
He doesn’t move. A tear rolls down his cheek. “I’m so sorry, Annie. I’m so sorry. I’ve never felt this way before. I don’t know what I’m doing.”
“Get out, Charlie. If you come back here again, I will kill you.”
He pushes to his feet and his Adam’s apple bobs as he struggles to speak. I don’t want to hear his words. I can’t even look at him. Looking away, I hug myself and only when the front door clicks shut do I fall apart, sobbing on the floor.
“Annie?” a hand shakes my shoulder and I react quickly, swinging hard until I connect.
“Jesus Christ!” Manny falls back on his ass. He holds his nose and blood drips down between his fingers. “What the hell, Annie?”
“Oh my God! I’m so sorry.” I reach out to touch his face and his eyes are cold until they scan my face. “What happened to your face?”
I touch my cheek and flinch, remembering hours before when Charlie lost his mind and slapped me—hard. It stings and I imagine it’s a lovely shade of red right now. I might even have a scratch from the bite of his university ring.
Glancing at the clock I see it’s after twelve. I must have fallen asleep right before Manny came home. I shake my head and slump back against the wall. Tension leaves me quickly, relaxing from my shoulders and back before traveling to my legs. “Nothing happened.”
“Fuck! Ethan is going to lose his mind when I tell him.”
“Oh, no, no, no... Ethan can’t know.”
“Know what? I don’t even know what happened.”
“Charlie.”
“He did this?” he shakes his head, and curls his fists before lowering them gently onto the tile. “He can’t get away with this.”
“He’s lost it.”
“I’ll fucking say. I’ll fucking kill him when I see him.”
Manny stands and walks to the counter to grab a towel. He puts it under his nose and spits blood in the sink. “Shit, Annie, you sure can pack a punch. I hope you got that bastard good last night.” He grabs the phone and comes over to kneel beside me. “Call him.”
“Manny, no.”
“I can’t keep it from him. Because if he doesn’t hurt Charlie, I will. And I’m not strong enough yet to make sure he stays down.”
“Leave it alone, Manny. He won’t bother me again.”
“Bullshit.” He punches numbers into the phone and the phone begins to ring.
25
ETHAN
The crowd counts down the seconds on the clock. I can hear their voices chanting and I skate hard, breezing down the ice and headed for the net. I'm not graceful in life, but on the ice, when I'm focused, I skate like a dream.
Some goon from the other team tries to get in my way, but I zip around him.
Five, Four, Three, Two...
I take my shot, slapping the puck hard. It lifts off the ice and soars toward the net. The goalie drops to his knees, trying to cover more ground, but my shot was hard and as he reaches out to snatch it, it sails between his bent arm and his neck.
The buzzer sounds and I'm practically bouncing on the ice. Score! The announcer screams and my team rushes me, hands grabbing at me and raising me up onto a mass of shoulders. I'm fucking elated. My fists are pumping, I’m screaming, “Yeah, yeah! Yeah!” And my team is patting me on the back. We almost went into overtime with a score of 1 to 1. My goal was in the nick of time, and it means we’ll be in the playoffs! I’m at the top of my game and my girl is mine again. Nothing can touch me now. Nothing.
I walk out of the showers and pad my way to my locker with a thick, white towel hanging over my hips. The guys are laughing and joking. A few of them are already gone, happy to leave quickly and spend time with their families. It’s the usual guys that linger. It puts a smile on my face to know I won't be one of them next week.
“Haven't seen a smile like that in a while. Is that all it takes? A tie-breaking goal in the last five seconds of a game?”
I laugh out loud, not willing to share my private life with the guys. I mean, we're friends, but the boys in here take harassment to a new level. They find out I'm in deep with a girl I've loved all my life and I'll never hear the end of it.
“Your phone rang a couple of times, man,” Joe says before shouldering his bag and walking to the exit.
I give him a nod and look for my phone. It’s in the bottom of my locker, by my shoes. Must have fallen out of my pants pocket. My smile deepens when I see Annie's number on my phone. The other guys are filing out and when I'm alone I punch in her number, anxious to hear her soft voice.
She picks up after four or five rings and when I realize the time, I curse myself. She’s a couple hours ahead and probably in bed. Too late to hang up now, though I do think about it.
“Hey,” she says.
But her voice is funny. Kind of choked up like she might have been crying. No. She must be tired because Annie doesn’t cry.
“How was your game? I didn't get a chance to watch it.”
“We won. I scored the winning goal.”
“Do you advance?”
“In the playoffs, baby.”
“That’s amazing. I’m so happy for you.”
“Annie, you’re worrying me. What’s going on?”
“Do you have things going on in the next few days?”
“Just press mainly. Most of the guys take some time off. I can do the same. Do you miss me that much?” I haven’t seen her in almost two weeks now and it’s get tougher and tougher to be away from her.
The phone is silent. Nothing is worse than Annie's silence. Especially when I can hear her brain churning through the phone. “What's on your mind?”
“Nothing. I just...it doesn't matter.”
“I’ll be there tomorrow.”
“No, you don't have to do that.”
“It's done. I can't wait to see you, baby.”
“Me, too.”
“Anything else going on?”
“Um...no.”
“Nothing?” I ask, refraining from yelling out bullshit.
“No. I just...” she covers the phone and I hear talking, but it’s too muffled for me to make out.
�
��Annie, you want us to try again, then you need to be honest with me. I can’t be here thinking the worst. You get that, right?”
“I know. We’re okay. Just come home.”
“I will. I promise.”
I want to reach through the phone and pull her into my arms. Strong, confident Annie. At least on the outside, but inside she's an inch away from breaking. Her vulnerability is what has always drawn me to her. I’ve always had an intense need to protect her...to love her.
I just never expected, not then and certainly not now, that she might feel the same way about me.
I can’t get back to her soon enough.
26
ANNIE
Manny bumps my shoulder with his as we wait in the hanger for Ethan’s plane to arrive. There’s a chill in the air and the moon is full in the distance between the open doors. I zip my sweater up tight and shiver, shoving my hands in my pockets.
“You better tell him,” Manny says with a sigh. “That fucking prick...”
“I will. I promised I will. Just let me do it. When the time is right.”
“The time will be right the second he sees your face.”
I sigh and glance over at him. “You’re a pain in my ass, Manny.”
“You’re going to be an even bigger pain in mine when he finds out you convinced me to keep shit from him.”
“You know it’s for the better or you wouldn’t have kept quiet.”
Manny scratches his nose. Both his eyes are black now from when I accidentally hit him. I feel bad every time I look at him, except when he frustrates me, like right now.
“You’re so worried about Ethan going after him.” He clucks his tongue. “You know, if you’d called the cops, Ethan wouldn’t be able to get to him. He’d be in jail getting ass raped where he belongs.”
“Manny.”
The plane taxis down the runway toward us and rolls into the hanger. I meet Manny’s eyes again and he puts his hands up to signal defeat. He’ll keep his mouth shut—for now. He has a point, though. My lie is written across my face and no amount of cover up would conceal it.
