by Sara Hubbard
Fantastic. I thought I’d seen the last of him for a while. Our difficult relationship is going to become even more difficult now I’ve added bad press to Ethan’s agenda.
“What about Charlie?” I ask.
Manny glares at me. “What about him?”
“Did they arrest him?”
“Tell me exactly what you said to the cops.”
We hop in the car, but I’m shaking and I can barely put the car in reverse, so Manny gets out and we switch spots. He reverses like a pro, in one swift movement, spinning out onto the road. Then he guns it.
“I called them and told them about Charlie. Then I said I was worried that Ethan might do something to him.”
“Well, apparently they didn’t arrest Charlie. They took Ethan out in handcuffs and Charlie to the ER.”
“Oh my God. Is he okay?”
“You’re fucking kidding, right?”
I slap Manny on the shoulder. “I’m concerned for Ethan! The worse he’s hurt the worse it will be for him.”
“I don’t know and I don’t give a shit.”
We get to the police station in a flash and Manny runs in with me trailing after him. As much as we kick up a fuss, they won’t let us see him and we can’t help him get out until after he goes to court in the morning. This is not good. I did this; I tried to help and just made everything worse. Manny won’t say it, but I can tell he’s thinking it and as the moments tick by, I can see him growing more and more mad at me.
“We should go,” I say. “Come back in the morning.”
“You’re welcome to leave, but I’m staying here. My brother needs me.”
“I’ll stay too.”
The next few hours are uncomfortable. Manny won’t even look at me now. When court finally happens, the judge doesn’t want to allow Ethan to go out on bail, but by this time Richard is here and he’s brought with him a very expensive lawyer in a very expensive suit.
“You’re honor, my client is very recognizable and, yes, he has the money to flee easily, but his brother recently had surgery and his girlfriend lives here. There is also the mitigating circumstances of his girlfriend being recently attacked by the victim.”
“Allegedly,” the crown prosecutor pipes up. “And let’s not forget this is his second offense.”
“Bail is set at a half million dollars.” The judge bangs his gravel and I let out a breath I’m holding.
Ethan shakes his lawyer’s hand and then Richard’s. Manny comes up behind him and they hug. Ethan’s eyes are shut and they stay there for a moment. I stick to the background, completely unsure of how Ethan will respond to me.
I expect the worst but I’m hopeful. I shouldn’t be.
Ethan meets my eyes and I see a flash of pain. No anger. And it kills me, cutting me so much deeper than any trauma I’ve ever lived through. He doesn’t hate me, but I can see that he wants to.
I turn and slink away, pushing through the court doors to sit on the bench outside. The urge to sob builds inside of me. I’m still not used to feeling like this. I catch one of my tears as it falls from my lashes. People pass by in either direction. Others come out of the courtroom. There were reporters inside, snapping pictures and taking notes. They come out now, waiting for the perfect spot to capture Ethan at his worst.
Snap, snap, snap. They are relentless. He keeps his head down, and he’s ushered by cops past them toward the exit, blowing by me without a second thought. I sit there watching his back until he’s gone. I can’t remember feeling this alone. I mean, I’ve been alone before—very alone—but I never knew what it felt like to be loved then, so I didn’t know what I was missing. Now I know and it’s crushing. Like someone has reached into my chest and pulled out my beating heart.
I was right. He won’t ever forgive me. Would I do it again? I’d like to think I would, but now I know how this is going to play out I think I would think twice. Ethan is nothing if not loyal, and what I did was the furthest thing from that—at least, that’s how he’ll see it.
I stand and trudge back to my car, tipping my head on the steering wheel and shedding cold, salty tears that burn my cheeks. They keep falling the whole drive home and only when I’m in bed and sleep comes do they stop. But then I relive everything over and over in my dreams.
32
ETHAN
Richard is in the front cursing and swearing into his phone. I don’t even know who he’s talking to and I don’t really care. I’m actually glad to have him around right now because he'll fix this—him and my lawyer. Manny and I sit in the back and at first, we don’t say much. But once we start, we can’t stop.
“She called?”
Manny simply nods his head.
“I don’t get it. Why?”
“I don’t know, man. She thinks she was saving you from yourself. I don’t know.”
By calling the cops on me? Does she want me to spend the rest of my life in prison? Fuck, Annie. What were you thinking? I punch the door and scream out a ‘fuck’. Manny shifts in his seat and rubs his hands on his jeans.
“She says she called to tell them about what Charlie did to her...and I guess that makes sense. She wanted them to get to him before you did. Piss poor timing, though. They get there when you’re beating the shit out of him.”
“I fucking told you. I didn’t touch him. He did it to himself.”
Manny raises an eyebrow. “Seriously? Why?”
“Why do you think? To get me out of the way? He probably thinks if I’m gone, he can get her back. Delusional bastard.”
“And can he?”
“What?”
“Are you done with her?”
“I fucking well want to be. I would have given up everything for her and she calls the cops on me?”
“So you are done?”
“I don’t know.”
“Hmm.”
I groan at my brother. I wish he’d just say what he wants to say and I tell him so.
“I don’t know about everything she’s gone through and I’m not going to pretend that I do. But I know that she’s probably the most scared person I’ve ever met. She always told you you’d leave her and she waited for it to come. Pretty sure you promised her you wouldn’t and now...”
“I might go to jail! And I didn’t even fucking touch him!”
“But you would have?”
“I would have broken his neck.”
“So probably not a bad thing that she called. You know I fight and do stupid shit, but I can walk away when things get bad. I don’t want to be like Dad.”
I glare at him. Is he serious? “Are you saying I am?”
“I’m saying I’m pissed at Annie, but she knows what Dad’s like and she knows you go off the deep end. It was fucked up what she did, but it came from a good place. She’s going to beat herself up about it and then you’re going to go ahead and tell her to keep doing it. She needs you, man.”
“I don’t want to hear it right now.”
“Ok sure, but let’s not forget that the asshole you wanted to kill isn’t going to jail. He’s still out there. And she’s home alone right now.”
I snap my head over in Manny’s direction. My anger fades in an instant, because he’s right. She was just attacked and she’s just trying to do what she thinks is right and now she’s alone and vulnerable.
I tap Richard’s shoulder. “Turn around!”
He puts his phone against his chest and meets my eyes in the rearview mirror. “Why? Where are we going?”
“Annie’s house.”
He laughs without humor. “Of course we are. Why wouldn’t we go there?” his sarcasm is unwanted and irritates me.
“Step on it.”
33
ANNIE
Bang, bang, bang! I stir in my bed and my eyelids flutter as I adjust to the dark. Bang, bang, bang. Someone is at the door. I take a breath and throw on my robe, getting up to look out the window.
A black SUV is in my driveway and I’m sure that it’s Ethan. I think abo
ut what to say to him as I head down the stairs. Nothing makes what I did better. I know that. I should have run after him, made him see reason. But no. I just let him go and then called the cops.
I unlock the door and swing it open. Ethan is there, standing tall, looking down at me with glassy blue eyes. I don’t mean to, but the floodgates opened earlier tonight and I can’t hold them back anymore. Tears stream down my cheeks and I don’t bother to bat them away. This is me, Ethan. Take me or leave me.
“Can I come in?” he asks calmly.
I nod and take a step back. At first, he walks by me, but when his back is to me, he stops and hangs his head then he whirls around and grabs a hold of me to tuck me into his chest and wrap his arms around me. Then I sob, soaking the smooth black fabric of his jacket.
He shushes me, rubbing the back of my head. “It’s going to be okay.”
“I am so sorry. I was so scared of what you’d do. I couldn’t have you leave me forever.”
He sighs and dips his head to rest his chin on the top of my head. “I know. I’m not going to lie and say I’m not pissed, but I know why you did it. Just wished it had gone down differently.”
“I will understand if we’re over. I betrayed you.”
“No, you didn’t trust me.”
“I’m so sorry.”
“No, baby, you were right not to. I would have killed him. It was all I could think about going over there and when I saw his smug face, I knew I would do it. I knew once I started hitting him I wouldn’t stop.”
“Ethan, don’t say that...I have to believe you would have stopped.”
“No, you don’t believe that or you wouldn’t have called.”
“Ethan...”
“Babe, I love you. I wish I wasn’t that guy. It scares the shit out of me that I could be just like my dad.”
“In some ways you are, but not in the ways that count. No one has ever treated me the way you do...I only love myself now because you made me believe I was worthy of it. Your father is not that person. You have parts of him, but you also have the part of your mother that makes you kind and sweet and caring.”
“Don’t say that.”
“It’s true.” I look up at him and take his cheeks in my hands.
“Charlie’s not in jail.”
“I know. He said I made up the attack to protect you, to gain sympathy for you because you assaulted him.”
“That motherfucker.”
I force him to keep looking at me and press a kiss to his willing lips.
“The cops want me to come in tomorrow and give a statement, but he’ll probably walk.”
“No, not if I have anything to do with it.”
“Ethan! You just said you didn’t want to be your dad and that’s what he would say. You want to be better than him, then don’t let him get to you. Walk away.”
“How can I when he hurt you? I couldn’t stop everyone else from hurting you, but I can stop him from doing it again.”
“I don’t want you to be my protector. I want you with me—always. And that can’t happen if you fly off the handle and resort to violence. You made me a promise once not to use your fists to solve problems. I want you to do it again.”
He chuckles and groans, looking up at the sky. “I can’t do that. Not the way things are right now.”
“This is exactly when you should do it. When it’s hard.”
“Annie, don’t do this.”
“Promise me, Ethan.”
He shakes his head. “Don’t ask me to do this.”
“Ethan, if you want us to work I need to trust you. Tell me you’ll let the cops deal with this and I'll trust you to keep to your word. I can’t have more violence. I’ve already seen too much.”
“You’re killing me here.”
Manny knocks on the door and opens it wide. “We’re in love again, are we?”
“We never stopped,” we say in unison, making us both laugh lightly.
“All right, Annie. For you I’ll try anything. I won’t touch him. As long as he leaves you alone. He comes around again and all bets are off.”
“Okay,” I say. “Okay.”
34
ETHAN
I can’t believe I agreed to back down. It floors me how quickly she got me to agree to this, how quickly I got over my anger with her when she opened the door and I saw the pain in her eyes. Then again...it doesn’t. Annie had tears in her eyes and I thought I knew what pain was like when she broke up with me...that was nothing compared to what I felt seeing her sad, tear-streaked face. I would have done anything to make those tears stop. Kiss them away, promise her the world.
So I did. I promised to let the cops deal with Charlie.
That slimy, creepy little fucker.
It’s early morning and we’re both really tired. I slept last night on a hard, concrete slab where I didn’t do much sleeping. I don’t think Annie did much either because she’s out like a light when I wrap my arms around her and her head reaches the pillow.
We wake a few hours later, facing each other. Her sleepy eyes flutter open and she smiles at me. I pull her close and kiss her, tasting her lips and exploring her tongue. She stirs and presses her pelvis in tight against my rising cock. I’m naked as a bird and she’s only in panties and a tattered T-shirt. I reach my hand up under her shirt and caress her breasts; her nipples get hard and stand tall and I dip my head down to play with them. She tastes of soap and lavender lotion and I lap it up.
She pulls her shirt over her head and her breasts bounce in my face, getting me even harder. If only I could wake up with her like this every morning. I take one of her breasts in my mouth and twirl my tongue around her nipple. She moans softly, arching her back so I can take her deeper into my mouth.
I fucking love the way she feels. Her skin is so soft, so smooth. I slide my hands down her sides and dip my fingers into the sides of her underwear. I hook them and pull them down, and over her feet. Then I roll over to rest between her thighs. She grabs my shoulders and pushes against me. “I love you,” she says, her voice raspy.
Fuck, I love her too. So much. I wanted to hate her last night, but it only took one look, one touch and I was hers all over again. She owns me. It never ceases to surprise me how much. I don’t even care if she feels it as deeply as I do because what I feel is enough for the both of us. Somehow, I don’t think this is one-sided. I think she gives me everything she can and it’s enough. More than enough. Her damaged heart let me in and only me.
I press my dick against her entrance and she begs me to slip inside of her and I want to. Fuck, I want to so bad. But I want to savor every inch of her. She takes my hand and kisses my finger before taking the length of it in her mouth, all the while staring up at me. I’m so hot and she knows it. She doesn’t want me to take my time right now; she wants everything.
She keeps sucking my finger while continuing to press against my erection, writhing and pushing, begging me to slip inside. “You want me, baby.”
Her lips smack together as she releases my finger. “I don’t want to wait. Fuck me, Ethan.”
She doesn’t need to say it twice. She never swears. Barely ever, anyway. So when she says shit like this it drives me crazy. I push inside of her, groaning at her hot, wet center.
She sighs and pumps her hips and I can’t take it. It’s too much and she fucking knows it. I steady her. With my eyes, I tell her who’s in control right now and it’s not her. She smiles up at me and I smile back, kissing her deeply before pumping once, twice.
She gasps and her eyes roll back and I pump again, moving in slow, circles as she grabs her breasts and clutches her nipples.
“Fuck, keep doing that and this will be over quick.”
She shivers and tells me she’s close, so I pick up the pace, then slow, alternating so she begs and pleads when she reaches her peak and then stops short. “Please.”
When I can’t hold it any longer I go hard and fast and wait for her to come. Her breathing changes, hitching and
gasping, she finally shudders and quivers around my cock and I let go, firing into her before realizing I’m bare.
“Fuck,” I say as I collapse on top of her.
“Best wake-up call ever,” she says shyly.
“We didn’t use anything again,” I say, as if she needs a reminder.
She shrugs. “Too late now.”
“Yeah, it is.”
“Are you freaked out?” she asks.
I shake my head. “No. Not with you.”
Her smile widens. “Same.”
We hang out in bed for a while longer before knocking starts on the door. Neither of us want to get out of bed, but Annie figures it’s the cops and when she glances out the window she says, “I’ll have to go and get it. Stay here.”
When she dresses and leaves, I glance outside too. The car is unmarked, but it’s unmistakably a cop car. Big, white, with a restricted license plate. I could go downstairs and be there for her while she gives her side of the story, but somehow I think, given my altercation with Charlie, this might not be the best idea. But I feel like a shmuck and know I should go down anyway.
But I hesitate. Acting on my emotions just makes things worse. Kind of why I’m having the problems I have right now.
After they’re gone, I hear Annie’s feet padding up the stairs. I’m sitting in her window seat and she comes over to curl up in my lap. I take the back of my hand and slowly stroke her bruised cheek. She takes my hand and kisses it.
“How did it go?”
“Okay. He denied it, of course. Said I broke up with him and I’m using you to make him jealous. But he doesn’t want to press charges.”
Ethan laughs out loud. “Fuck, Annie. Please let me out of my promise.”
“Not going to happen, Ethan.”
“What else?”
“They took some pictures. I told them my side of the story. They said they’d be in touch. They asked me if I wanted to press charges or drop it.”
