"Why?" she asked.
"I mean look at you. You're beautiful and smart and funny and way out of my league."
"You don't even know me."
"Yeah, but I felt like I did."
She blinked and opened her mouth, but I continued. "Although I was scared to talk to you, I knew we would hit it off." I leaned against the wall next to her, my hand in hers, our shoulders touching.
She leaned into me.
"Then you stopped showing up, and it crushed me a little bit every time."
"You certainly aren't afraid to share your feelings."
I laughed. "My ex-girlfriend wouldn't agree with you."
"Oh, so I'm different." Her tone was sarcastic.
"Yes." I squeezed her hand. "You are different." I stared into her eyes. She held my gaze. "When can I see you again? I want to see you again."
She sighed and stood in front of me. "I want to see you, too, but I'm on deadline at the moment. I'll be working for the next few days nonstop."
"Well, can I call you?" I reached into my pocket and pulled out my phone.
She seemed to contemplate this request but relented and took it. She entered her number.
A loud roar of laughter erupted from inside the bar, and Leah tensed. She held my hand tighter.
"I do have another request," she said.
"Anything."
"Can you walk Sophie and me home?"
"If it means spending more time with you, then absolutely."
As if on cue, Sophie stumbled out of the bar. "Leah? Where's my girl Leah?"
I dropped Leah's hand to catch Sophie. She tried to drag me back into the bar, but Leah spoke up.
"Soph. Come on. You have to walk me home."
"No, we're having a good time." Her words slurred. "Let's go back in and have another shot."
Leah shook her head and grabbed Sophie's face in her hands. "No, sweetie. We have to go, okay?"
Sophie blinked a few times. Leah's words sobered her up a bit. "Okay."
"I've got good news." Leah's hands moved down to Sophie's shoulders. "Ryan is going to walk us home."
"Oh, what a gentleman."
"It will be my pleasure, little lady," I said in my own cheesy Southern accent, but it must have come off better than I thought.
"God, he's sexy," Sophie loudly whispered in Leah's ear.
Leah blushed.
"I'm going to run in and close out my tab. I'll be right back."
Leah nodded.
As I re-entered the bar, Allie retreated behind the bar. Mark poured more drinks to the group as others joined them.
I waved, and Mark walked over.
"I'm going to walk Sophie and Leah home. Let's close out."
Mark pulled my card off the counter and handed it to me.
"No worries, man. It's going to be a good night. You can get them next time."
I nodded, shook hands with Mark, waved at Allie, and went back outside to find the girls.
I walked between them, placing my hand on both their shoulders, and steered them into the street. "So ladies, which way is home?"
"Dumaine and Decatur," Leah answered. We headed down Iberville.
"Can we walk down Royal instead of Decatur? Fewer people," Leah asked.
"Sure." I pulled Leah closer; my hand rested on her hip. She stiffened at first but relaxed and leaned into me. Sophie walked next to us. At the next block, she peeked over at Leah and mouthed something. She removed my arm from her shoulders and continued walking in front of us.
When we reached Dumaine, we turned right. Halfway down on the next block, we followed Sophie as she led us to a doorway next to a hat shop. She keyed a code in the keypad, and the door buzzed and opened. She marched up the stairs and stopped on the first landing and fished her key out of her pocket.
She unlocked the door but stood at the entrance.
"Soph, you okay?" Leah asked.
She turned and wiped the tears from her face.
"You fuck up and hurt my friend, I will hurt you. You understand?" She tried to sound tough and strong, but regret lingered in her voice.
Leah shook her head. "Wait for me for a second."
I nodded, and Leah pushed Sophie into her place and shut the door behind her. I heard muffled sounds from behind the door. Five minutes later, Leah opened the door.
"I'm so sorry about that." Leah hugged herself.
"No, it's fine. She's just looking out for you."
She shrugged her shoulders.
"My friends are a little overprotective of me."
"It must be nice to have people looking out for you like that," I said.
"They're like family. We try and look out for each other."
"You're lucky to have them. They care about you a lot."
"Yeah," She nodded. "But how about next time, we leave them at home?"
"So there is going to be a next time?" I said as a goofy grin spread across my face.
Leah grinned back and started up the stairs. After a few steps, she turned back around so we stood eye to eye. She reached out and placed her hands on my shoulders. I leaned into her, and she pulled me close. She placed a kiss on my neck and the instant her lips connected with my skin, it happened again. Instant wood.
Fuck me.
"Call me," she whispered in my ear and let go, turned around, and headed up the stairs. I stared at her backside, admiring the shape of her ass as she reached the top of the stairs. When she opened the door at the top of the stairs, she turned back to me. "Thanks for tonight."
"You're welcome."
"You know, if you are looking for a family, I think Sophie would personally sponsor you into our fold?"
I chuckled. "What about you?"
She narrowed her eyes.
"Do I get your vote?"
"We'll see." She licked her lips, smiled, and disappeared through the door.
I remained on the steps a few minutes more, hoping she would come back out and invite me in.
As I entered my place, I exhaled and smiled, feeling pretty proud of myself. I’d had a good time.
I held out my hand, remembering what Ryan's hands felt like in mine. He smelled so good, and his scent lingered in the air. His huge hand on my hip as he walked us home had a protective, close to possessive hold on me, and I liked it.
I heard a noise from downstairs and thoughts of Sophie interrupted the warm, fuzzy feelings. Feelings that would normally have me popping a Xanax in an instant.
Sophie and I didn't hang out much outside of our apartment, but I had seen her stumble home. She drank a lot tonight in a short amount of time. I wasn't sure what that was about. I frowned as I grabbed some water from my refrigerator. I pulled my phone and my medicine out of my back pocket. I fished the little white pill out of the thin pill case I kept it in and broke it in half before dropping it.
"Oh, shit." The phone rang and startled me. I didn't recognize the caller ID, but I answered it anyway.
"Hey, gorgeous."
His voice brought all those warm fuzzies back to the surface.
"Why are you calling me?"
"Because you told me to."
"Yeah, I meant to call me someday. What about the whole three-day rule you guys have? Aren't you scared I am going to think you're too desperate?"
"Well, I am now." He laughed, and I joined him. "Honestly, if you didn't get how I felt about you from today, then I am seriously off my game."
"No, I got it." I abandoned the little-lost pill and walked into my room.
"And?" he asked.
"And, what?" I said.
"And I like you too, Ryan," he said in a cute sing-song voice.
"I like you too, Ryan." I closed my eyes and sighed.
"So when can I see you again?"
"Didn't you just get drafted?"
"Yeah." He drew out the word. "What's your point?"
"Shouldn't you be out flashing your NFL card and comparing how many groupies you can bag before training camp with the other draftees?
"
"Well, you know they don't issue the card until after I play my first game. So until then…"
"Oh, that's very clever."
"Well, I did go to Notre Dame."
I placed him on speakerphone as I undressed. As soon as I pulled my shirt over my head, he asked, "What are you doing?"
As much sexual tension as we had experienced in the last two days, I had two directions to go with this conversation. My brain was telling me not to get carried away, but my body shivered at the thought of him picturing what he wanted to do to me.
"Changing into my PJs," I said, my voice coming out more throaty and sexy than I had intended.
"Oh, yeah. What do you wear to bed?" he asked. His voice betrayed his mind as well.
"I could say nothing."
"Yeah, I could deal with nothing."
"But that would be a lie." I giggled. "I want to be completely honest with you."
My serious tone made him groan.
I took my skirt off and caught myself in the mirror. I wore black boy shorts and a matching bra. It wasn't overtly sexy, but my reflection was flushed.
I stood to the side and took a photo of my hip. The one his hand covered as we walked the streets of New Orleans. I could still feel the impression of his hand as he guided me home.
I cropped it so he could see what it was, but it didn't include any identifiable features and sent it to him.
His groan came through the phone line muffled. "I can work with that, too."
His voice sounded so sweet and so sexy. It tickled my skin and my core. My heart raced, and I found it difficult to take a deep breath. I was an expert on anxiety attacks and on how to avoid them. Instead of avoiding it and falling into a panic, I embraced it.
I lay on my bed and placed the phone on my chest. I listened to my body that had betrayed me so many times before and let it feel what it was feeling.
"Where are you?" I asked.
"Just passing Canal on my way home."
"Where do you live?"
"Warehouse district."
"Are you walking?" I asked.
"Yeah, but I can grab a cab and be back in like five minutes."
I smiled and covered my mouth to prevent myself from saying yes. "Just talk to me, okay? Tell me a story."
"What do you want to know?"
"Tell me what it was like getting drafted."
"The happiest and saddest moment of my life."
"Why were you sad?"
"I guess because when I imagined it as a kid, that moment when the team called, and the commissioner said my name, other people were in the picture that didn't make it in real life."
I sat up on my bed and placed my hand over my heart. It ached to hear the sadness in his voice. "I'm sorry about your mom." I had read she had passed away his freshman year of college. His father had died when he was ten. He had no brothers and sisters. He had experienced so much loss in life. In light of everything, I felt bad about what I said as he was leaving.
We both remained quiet for a while.
"You still there?" I asked. My voice cracked.
"Yeah," he said, his tone quiet.
"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to bring up a sad subject."
"No, it's okay. I don't mind talking about her, really. I have a great family. My uncle is like a father to me, and my cousins and I are best friends. I try not to let my tragedies define me. Trying to change the narrative."
"But sometimes, that’s all the people around you see. It's not fair."
"Yeah. It happens. When my mom died, I got hurt in the first game of the season and everyone said it was probably for the best. I was the most recruited defensive lineman coming out of high school, but it was okay if I didn't make it because you know... his mother died," he said in his whispering announcer's voice.
"Then, in my senior year, I dominated."
I smiled as the pride in his voice came through the phone line.
"They did this story on me for the NFL Network, and it was all about how I overcame so much and achieved so much despite losing my parents."
"Oh, wow."
"It's like all my defeats and victories are seen through this filter because my parents are no longer here."
I remained silent. I didn't know what to say. I wanted to do or say something, but because of my own issues, I wasn't sure I was capable of giving him what he needed.
"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to bring you down," he said.
"No, it's okay. I understand what you mean. More than you know." I whispered the last part, but I knew he heard me.
"Well, after I got drafted, I did sign a contract that paid me like a gazillion dollars, so there's that."
I laughed out loud; loving the way Ryan defused the tension in the air. "That's cool."
"I told you that because if I can't win you over with my charm and my good looks, I figured my money will keep you around. You know at least until the second or third date."
"A gazillion dollars?"
"Yeah." He chuckled.
"It might get you to a fourth date." I lay back down. "After that, you're going to have to get creative to keep me around."
"Any suggestions."
"You're a grown man. Figure it out."
I really was on deadline.
I had used that excuse in the past to avoid doing stuff, but now, when I had a reason to test my courage, I had to get this book out to my editor or miss the window.
Ryan called every morning and every night. We continued to get to know each other, sharing stories. Every day, he’d ask when we could see each other, and every day, I’d deflect the question. By the third, I heard it in his voice; he was tired of my answer.
"Leah, am I going to have to come over there and drag you out?" He grunted into the phone. The sound vibrated into my chest. "You can't work all the time."
"I can’t help if your timing is lousy." I wanted to yell through the phone, yes I can. It was because I was working on a new story that I felt calm and relaxed to the point I wanted to get to know him.
When I wrote, I poured all my anxiety, nerves, and teary-eyed angst into my novels. It was what my fans loved most about them, and why they devoured them. As soon as I put one out, a day later, they were asking for another one.
I felt the calmest when I was writing. Writing had triggered my recovery. Getting on paper the tragedy of my past allowed me to wake up every morning and take a breath.
Hearing Ryan’s voice allowed me to breathe, too.
"Okay, that's it. I'm on my way."
"I won't let you in."
"Then I'll break down the door."
I sighed. "Do you really think this macho shit is going to work on me?"
"What does work on you?” he asked, his tone more inquisitive.
"Am I that big of a mystery?" I had been in my office and walked into the living room. I stopped and slid down the wall in the hallway. I pulled my legs to my chest as I waited to hear his answer. How he saw me was important.
"You're a little guarded, but I get it. You don't know me."
"You're so open to everything. I'm not like that. I want to be, but..." I ran my hand up and down the wall over my head. "It's hard for me."
"Well, I'll help you. If you'll let me." He was walking around, and I heard street noise through the phone. "You can start by coming out on the balcony so I can see your pretty face."
The balcony door was open, and I could hear his voice from the street.
I hung up the phone, scrambled to my feet, and ran out onto the balcony.
"There she is." Ryan stood on the opposite side of the street and had his hand open and in the air.
All the calm, soothing feeling I had talking to him changed when I saw him. His bright eyes and honest smile made my heart race. "What are you doing here?"
"Since you can't come out and play, I thought I would come by and bug you until you agree to come hang out with me."
"You want to come up?"
"Nope, I'm fine right here
. I told you I would let you get your work done." He sat down. "I'm just going to sit here until you agree to go out with me."
I giggled and sat down on my balcony, my legs dangling over the side. The smile on his face made my insides twitch. I peeked between the slats in the balcony, checking out his strong legs as they dangled off the stoop. One hand rested on his hip while the other lay on his lap. His T-shirt hung loose, but I could make out the contours of his shoulders. He wore light jeans and blue tennis shoes.
"You know this is just as distracting. I can't get any work done with you watching me."
"Nope, not leaving."
"Ugh." I blinked, as Ryan's eyes grew wide. I looked down and saw Sophie on the balcony below. She wore a red sheet wrapped around her torso and nothing else. "You two are ruining my chance to get my freak on with a very well-endowed ginger."
"Oh, my God," I said.
Ryan stood up and chuckled.
"Aw, Soph, thanks, babe," a man's voice boomed from her room. I shook my head.
"Okay, tell me the problem," Sophie said.
"There's no problem," I said.
"She won't go out with me."
His assessment of the situation irritated me. I wanted to go out with him; I was going to go out with him. I never said I wouldn't; I just didn't know how.
"Okay, let me intervene here and maybe I can move this along." She turned her head up to me. "Leah?"
"Yes, Sophie."
"Do you want to go out on a date with Ryan?"
"I do, but—"
"No buts." She turned back to Ryan. "I know your answer. Okay, so Ryan."
"Yes, Sophie." He matched my tone, teasing me. I smiled despite myself.
Sophie stared off into the sky for a minute.
"Tomorrow afternoon. I want you to get a picnic together. Either buy it or cook it. Whatever you think will make the best impression." I watched Ryan's face but focused on Sophie's instructions. "At 2:00 pm, Leah will meet you at Audubon Park in the open field just west of the fountain." She turned back to me. "Leah, you show up at 2:15 pm because it never hurts to make a man wait for a minute. That sound okay?"
"Yeah." I nodded my head.
"Ryan?"
"I can do that."
"Terrific." She clapped her hands, and her sheet slipped. Ryan's face turned red, and he looked away, but I could see him shaking from here. "Oops, sorry. So now that it's settled, Leah, go back to work. Ryan, go do whatever it is you do when you're not bugging my little Leah."
Anxious Love (Love Sick #1) Page 4
