"Come on. Let me walk you home."
She looked back toward the bar.
"What about Kori?" she asked but then smirked. "He can entertain himself."
Ryan’s kiss cleared my head enough for me to feel bad about ruining our night. He slid his arm around my shoulder and guided me toward my place. I continued to hug myself. Goose bumps popped up on my skin. I reached in my back pocket and found my little pillbox. I took the other half of the pill I had been saving. Ryan watched but didn't ask.
It messed up my hormones as well as my ability to think clearly.
Or maybe Ryan's presence had my hormones going crazy.
The weight of his arm on my shoulder pressed me into the earth. I laced my fingers with his and pulled it off and around my waist. I took a deep breath. I tilted my head up to see if his stiff form matched the look on his face.
His thin-lipped smirk conveyed nothing.
When we turned the corner on my block, he spoke. "Why would you do that? Why put yourself in a situation that makes you uncomfortable?"
"It's not that big of a deal."
"No." He shook his head. My abrupt stop caught him off balance.
"I didn't do it on purpose." I stepped out of his hold and squeezed my arms around my waist tighter.
"Why would you do something so irresponsible?"
"Because I want to be normal," I whispered.
"Fuck normal, Leah. Geez, you aren't normal."
I stepped in front of him and placed my hand on his abs. He tensed, which distracted me for a second. He stood over me, and I pushed him back. "Will you step back? My neck's getting sore looking up at you."
He stepped back and gave me the sternest look. I couldn't help it; I laughed. To his credit, he tried to maintain the seriousness the situation called for, but he laughed, too. I marched up three steps on my neighbor's stoop.
"There." I placed my hands on my hip. "Now, I can talk to you face-to-face. Freakin’ giant." That last part, I whispered under my breath.
Ryan smirked and shook his head. "Come here."
He stood in front of me. His amused expression pushed past his anger. He reached out and touched my face.
"Why don't we spend time together doing something you're comfortable with, like...”
"Dinner at my place tomorrow night." I clapped my hands together. "I'll cook, and we can watch a movie."
"I like home-cooked meals. I like movies. I haven't seen your place yet, but I'm sure I'll like it, too."
"Great."
"But I can't tomorrow. Kori and I are going to Gulf Port to do some work on the beach for a couple of days."
I pouted involuntarily.
He sighed and pulled me into his arms.
"You're killing me with that look."
I wrapped my arms around his neck.
"Little one."
I pulled back and raised my eyebrows at the nickname. He kissed me softly. "I'll be back on Friday."
His kiss firmed as he lifted me in his arms.
I squealed and held on tight. Once again, the world faded away, and the connection between our lips was the only sensation that mattered. The abrupt horn of a car passing pulled us back into reality.
We both moaned, but Ryan held me tight. He leaned back and stared in my eyes.
"Friday?" he asked as he leaned in and our foreheads touched.
"Okay." I couldn't tell if it was his heart beating so fast or mine.
"You okay?" he asked and scanned my face.
"I'm good." I nodded and I was. Being in his arms made everything good.
He pulled me close and nuzzled my neck. I inhaled his scent and squeezed back.
"You can put me down now," I whispered, but I didn't want him to let me go. "Go hang out with your friend."
"Okay." He squeezed me once more, before losing his grip.
I slid down his massive frame. The heat from our bodies caused my stomach to flip.
He kissed the top of my head and pushed me toward my door.
"Oh, and tell my friends you have thoroughly reprimanded me, so they can lay off," I said.
He shook his head. "I'm trying to get them to like me."
"What about me? You don't care how I feel about you."
Ryan stood over me. I placed my hands on my hips and craned my neck up. I realized my mistake instantly. The position left me vulnerable, and before I knew it, his lips were on mine. I parted my lips to protest, and his tongue darted in, but he cut off the kiss and turned away laughing.
"I know exactly how you feel about me."
Halfway down the block, he turned. "Get inside. I'll call you later."
I waved, punched in my code, and floated up the stairs to my apartment.
The three days crawled by, but I woke up early the day of our dinner date and drove out to the grocery store in Metairie. I could achieve so much before the rest of the world even thought about waking up. I hauled the bags up my three flights and dropped them on the kitchen counter when my phone rang.
I peeked at the caller ID and grinned like a little girl. "Hello."
"Hey, beautiful. Why are you out of breath?"
"I just hauled your dinner up three flights." My stomach dropped. "You're still coming back today, right?"
"Yes." I could hear his grin through the phone, and I didn't care if I sounded desperate. I wanted to see him. "We have another hour this morning, and then we're hitting the road. I have to drop Kori off at the airport around four, so I can be at your place around five."
"Perfect."
"You went shopping this morning. You must have been up before the sun."
"Yeah, I like being up and out at that time of day, when it's still quiet."
"You should have been here. I went for a run this morning and watched the sun come up. It was so peaceful."
"Nice." I wish I were, I said to myself.
"I'll call you when I'm heading over."
"Okay," I said.
"Leah?"
"Yeah."
"I missed you. I'll see you soon."
My heart stopped. He hung up before I could say anything back, but I’d missed him too. With every conversation, I revealed a little more about me, and he didn't push. He tried to understand me without making me tell him everything.
The soft knock on my door pulled me out of the my new boyfriend is so dreamy haze.
"Leah, you up?"
I unlocked the door and found Sophie on my doorstep.
"Hey, sweetie." I opened the door, and she kissed me on my cheek and shuffled in. She wasn't usually an affectionate person unless she was drunk or feeling ashamed. Considering her dress was a little slutty for eight am and it was inside out, she was on the last leg of her walk of shame. I hadn't spoken to her since Tuesday when I invited her to come meet Ryan and me at 21st. I had left before she showed up.
"Long night last night?" I asked.
"Yep. Very long." She peeked into the first bag on the counter, grew bored, and collapsed on the couch.
"Is there a reason you are crashing here instead of in your own place?"
She poked her head up over the coach.
"I set the alarm to go off in the next thirty minutes and left them a note to vacate the premises soon after."
"Them?"
She collapsed back on the coach. "Yeah, I know. I'm a slut. Get over it."
Usually, I would pepper her with questions. I could always use a real live ménage situation to keep on file for one of my books, but she didn't seem in the mood to offer a play-by-play.
"Sophie." I grabbed a bottle of water, handed it to her, and sat on the couch next to her. "You okay?"
"When's Ryan coming back?" she asked.
"How did you know he was gone?"
She wouldn't look at me.
"He told me to keep an eye on you. He said he and Kori were going to Gulf Shores for a few days."
I nodded.
"They are on their way back." I pushed a stray hair back in her messy bun.
"You met Kor
i?"
"Yep, I met him." She pushed my hand away like I was a mosquito bothering her. She chugged half the bottle of water, recapped the bottle, and dropped it on the ground.
"What wrong?"
She sat up. "Nothing. I met him and threw myself at him, and he flirted unabashedly and then turned me down." She collapsed back down. "Prick," she said under her breath.
"He seemed nice when I met him."
"Of course," She sat back up "He was nice to you. He didn't want to fuck you."
My eyes grew wide and I shook my head. "I'm sorry. I have been really careful with my meds this week, but you are confusing me."
She swung her legs off the couch and faced me.
"He wanted to fuck me, but he didn't because he didn't think it was appropriate considering our best friends were dating."
"Well, it sounds like he respects you."
She shook her head.
"No, it doesn't." She sighed. "He respects you. That's what he means. He didn't fuck me because he didn't want you to think he was a dick because Ryan likes you."
I didn't follow her logic, but she believed it and she blamed me.
"Okay, still not getting it. Is this my fault?" I placed a hand on her shoulder.
"No, not really."
"Well, how can I help?"
"You guys want to hang out tonight?"
I wanted to say yes. Sophie had a hard time dealing with rejection on a good day. I couldn't put my finger on it. Kori's rejection seemed to hit her harder than most.
"Ryan's dropping Kori off at the airport and then coming over for dinner tonight."
"Kori's leaving?"
I walked back into the kitchen. I finished putting stuff away but then it hit me. "You like him?"
"I met him for like thirty minutes."
"No, you like him. That's why you're so weird. That's why I haven't seen you in days and why the little sexcapade last night." I laughed but stopped when she didn't join me. Her expression turned pained.
"I'm sorry, Sophie." I couldn't hide the grin on my face. "I think it's great. Kori is gorgeous, and Ryan said he was a solid guy."
"Too solid to hook up with a slut like me."
"You're not a slut, Sophie."
She shrugged her shoulders. "You're cooking dinner," she asked.
"Yeah." I set aside the mushrooms and onions I needed to cut up for dinner. "You can join us if you want."
I looked up when she cackled.
"You do not want me to join you. Or do you?"
"No, I don't. I want Ryan all to myself." I smiled at the thought of spending time with him with no distractions. No anxiety. Well, not my usual anxiety. It had been too long since the last time he kissed me, and my imagination needed a reminder.
"Are you going to tell him?"
The silly grin on my face dropped. I rearranged the items on the counter. "No. There's no reason to tell him."
Sophie stepped inside of the kitchen, blocking my exit. I didn't want to think she did this on purpose, but I knew when she hurt, she hurt those around her. I concentrated on my breathing.
"Don't you think he deserves to know before you guys get going and you freak out?"
I bit my lip and stared at her. "I..." I exhaled and tried. "I won't freak out. I don't have a problem getting close to him."
"I'm not talking about getting close. I'm talking about sex. What if you have a flashback or something?"
"Shut up, Sophie."
"I'm just saying guys get weird when you pass out during sex." She giggled. "Well, at least, Ryan will stop if he notices."
I blinked back the tears, but they fell anyway. "Get out," I whispered.
Sophie stepped forward, but I stepped back and wrapped my arms around me. "Leah, I'm sorry. I didn't mean—"
"Get out," I yelled.
She flinched and tears formed in her eyes. I turned my back on her. I took a deep breath when I heard her slip out the door seconds later.
I finished prepping for dinner and tried to take a nap, but Sophie's words stuck in my head. I showered and pulled on sweats to finish cooking dinner. I’d had to talk myself out of canceling three times already.
I tried not to let her words get to me. I knew it wasn't about me. I had teased her, and she teased me back. The only differences were the way we dealt with our issues. I turned inward and wanted to lock myself in my apartment, my sanctuary, and not be around anyone until I found the balance.
Sophie tended to look outward for the same things.
Who was to say which method to cope was more destructive?
I turned my mind to Ryan. I had found a certain calm being near him. I hoped that feeling remained tonight.
I wore a pale yellow tier dress with thin straps. I loved it because it dropped low in the back. I tried on a few pair of shoes and then figured we weren't going anywhere, so no shoes were required.
I pinned my hair up and finished cooking.
When I heard the buzzer, a chill ran up my spine. I let my hair down as I headed toward the door.
I flipped on the camera intercom at the door and pressed the talk button.
God, he looked good. He wore a T-shirt and cargo shorts; the T-shirt stretched across his chest, and his arms were barely contained in the sleeves. His skin appeared darker in the black and white image.
"Hello."
A grin spread across his face.
Wow, I did that to him.
"Hey, Leah." He had something in his hands, but it was below the image.
"I told you not to bring anything."
He looked up, found the camera, and chuckled. The tenor hit me in the chest, and I found it difficult to breathe.
"You need to let me in, Little One."
"That is not an authorized nickname."
He groaned, and it hit me in my core.
"Why should I let you in?"
He brought his mouth close to the camera, his cheek visible as if he was whispering in my ear. "Because I need to kiss you."
I hit the buzzer, and the sound startled me. I opened the door and waited at the top of the stairs. He must have taken them three at a time because I saw him in mere seconds. He stopped a couple of stairs from the top and stared.
I held on to the doorframe, my body leaning to the side as I took him in. He was so beautiful. The gold flecks in his brown eyes sparkled as they stared me up and down. His skin was darker from the sun, and his hair had highlights. He looked more like a model than a football player. I licked my lips as my gaze traveled up and down his body. When I reached his face, we were at eye level.
I walked to the edge of the top step. I leaned toward him, and he leaned back, tilting his head slightly to the left. We kissed, our lips reacquainting. Our bodies had not touched, only our lips, but the kiss was so strong and so passionate, my body shivered. Ryan wrapped his arms around my waist and held me to him as he walked up the last two steps and entered my apartment.
He set me down on my kitchen counter. How he found it while his tongue was exploring my mouth, I would have to ask him about that trick later. He placed something on the counter behind me, and I tried to break the kiss to see what it was, but his hands were on either side of my neck. He tilted my chin and deepened the kiss. I grabbed on to the side of his shirt and pulled him toward me. I moaned as the power of his kisses made my insides clench.
His nickname for me, Little One, played in my head as his presence overpowered my senses. I felt him everywhere. No room for anything else between us, not even air. My brain grew fuzzy from lack of oxygen, and Sophie's words rang in my head.
He'll stop once he realizes.
A buzzer went off in my head, and I willed it to shut up, but it became louder and more insistent.
I pushed Ryan away as I leaned back.
The buzzing continued. I looked at the oven and saw the timer blinking. I turned back to Ryan, placed my head down on his chest, and laughed.
"Saved by the bell." He chuckled.
I reached over and tu
rned off the timer with one hand while reaching behind me with the other. Ryan snagged the item off the counter before I could reach it. He hid it behind his back and smiled.
"What did you bring me?"
He smirked and placed the bag in my hand. He gnawed on his lip as he watched me open it.
It was a box wrapped in plastic. I opened it, and my throat hitched. Inside the box was a small ninety-nine pendant sparkling in diamonds attached to a chain.
"Cheesy?" he asked.
"No." I shook my head. "It's beautiful."
Ryan fastened it around my neck; his big fingers fumbled with the clasp three times before it caught and he dropped the pendant. It settled between my breasts, covering my heart.
I tilted my head up, the pending anxiety dissipating when I looked into his eyes.
I grabbed the collar of his T-shirt and stretched up to lay a single kiss on his lips as I whispered, "I missed you, too."
As soon as we sat down for dinner, I asked Ryan about Kori and Sophie's little introduction. "You didn't tell me Sophie showed up the other night."
"I saw her talking to Kori, but I never got a chance to talk to her. I was playing poker with those guys from the bachelor party."
They had recognized Ryan, and he sat down to have a drink and spent the rest of the night hanging out with them.
"She told me this morning she kind of likes him."
"Kind of likes him." His eyes narrowed.
"What?"
"What does that mean? Either she likes him or she doesn't like him."
"You need me to translate for you?"
"Please." He grinned as he took his first bite of the chicken piccata and groaned. "Oh, wow. This is good."
I smiled as he took another bite. He leaned over to kiss me and then took another bite.
"I'm glad you like it."
"Continue."
"Kind of like him means she likes him but only if he likes her, too. But if he doesn't like her, then she doesn't like him."
He set his fork down. "Are we back in junior high?"
"I know it's silly, but not all of us are so comfortable expressing our feelings." My fingered rubbed the pendant.
"I am rather evolved, aren't I?"
"Yes, weird but evolved."
He took another bite of chicken and grinned. "He'll be back down next month. Maybe we have to kind of get them together."
Anxious Love (Love Sick #1) Page 7
