"Oh, my God," I said louder than I intended. I closed a hand over my mouth. Ryan chuckled.
His hands stopped moving but stayed inside me.
"Can you grab my phone?" I felt it against my leg. I let go of him and reached into his pocket to find it. "Hey, Siri. Call Daniel."
I held the phone up as it rang. Daniel answered.
"Hey, where did you guys go?"
"Dude, you know all those times you bailed on me because you and Kelly wanted some quality time?"
"Enough said."
"I'll see you tomorrow."
"Thanks, man."
"Later, Leah," he said, and I chuckled as if he knew what we were doing.
"Next time, Daniel."
"Yeah, yeah," he said and hung up. I laughed as I crawled off Ryan's lap. I rolled down the window.
"James, can you take us home?"
He nodded and climbed into the driver’s seat.
I looked back over and found Ryan licking his fingers, and my core pulsed as I grabbed him behind the neck, pulled him toward me, and tasted myself on his lips.
Maybe I should have waited until we got home to tease Ryan. By the time the car skidded to a stop, he practically pushed me out the door and carried me upstairs. At the top of the stairs, I fished my keys out of my bag, but his lips on the back of my neck made it hard to concentrate.
I paused to sink into the feeling, but his hand gripped my hair, and I tensed. He pushed me forward, his body pinning me to the door. My cheek turned to the side, and he snaked his hands between my legs.
It’s okay, you're okay.
His fingers rubbed back and forth on my clit, and a moan escaped my lips, but my eyes closed, and I couldn't breathe.
Hold her there.
My eyes shot open, and my keys jingled. The noise brought me back to reality, and I stared at them in my hand.
"Open the door or I'm going to fuck you right here on the stairs."
I cringed at his choice of words, pressed the key in the lock, and turned the knob. We stumbled into my apartment. I dropped my stuff by the door, made it to the center of the room, and took a deep breath. When I opened my eyes, Ryan had sauntered up to me, towering over me. His eyes dark and full of lust. His lips swollen from my onslaught in the car.
The tension in my body disappeared. I placed my hands on his chest. He leaned over, captured my lips in his, and kissed me hard and deep. I smelled the scent of my sex in the air, and it made my mouth water. I wanted to taste him, too.
I sunk to my knees and pulled his pants down. His cock sprang out of their binds, and Ryan caught it with his hands, stroked himself, and blew out a breath of his own.
"You want this?"
I nodded and licked my lips.
He continued to stroke himself, never taking his eyes off me. I bit my lip and beamed up at him, waiting for him to give it to me.
"What do you say?"
"Now?"
He grinned, and my tongue snaked out and licked the tip. He pulled it away out of reflex, but I followed it and licked his shaft underneath. I sat back on my heels and held my hand out. I garnered a sense of satisfaction when he winked, relented, and handed himself over to me.
I stroked his member as he slid into my mouth. He groaned the moment he hit the back of my throat, and when I let him in.
"Oh, fuck," he growled.
His curse words had the desired effect; I reached down and rubbed my clit while bobbing up and down on his cock. I loved being in control of him, making him moan.
My hand continued to twist around him as my tongue played with the head. When I tasted him on my tongue, I removed my hands, placed them on his hips, and swallowed him. I had a few more sessions before I could take him in, but I got farther and farther each time. I held him in my mouth, my fingertips digging into his skin.
"Oh, fuck. Okay, okay." He backed away, his cock standing at attention and twitching from the sudden release of pressure.
Ryan had his hands on his hips, staring down at me, waiting.
As I opened my mouth to ask him what was wrong, he stalked over to me, bent down, captured me around the waist with one hand and under my legs with the other and lifted me off the floor.
He reached my bedroom in two long steps and deposited me at the foot of the bed.
I scooted back to get in the middle of the bed, but he grabbed my legs, flipped me on my stomach . . .
I can't breathe.
Dude, let her go.
No fuck that.
I can't breathe...
I sat up on my arms, and I sucked on the air that entered my lungs.
Ryan's hands were on me.
That's right. It's Ryan. He won't hurt me.
He reached under my dress and pulled my panties down my legs.
Dude, she’s wet.
No, don't touch me.
Let her go, Darren.
Fuck that. She wants it.
He kneeled on the bed, his thighs on either side of mine. He leaned over, pulled my face around, and kissed me gently.
Ryan.
He entered me. Pressed slowly until he could go no farther and pulled out slow as his tongue did the same in and out my mouth. I moaned as he did it again. God, he felt so good.
My Ryan.
While inside me, Ryan pulled me up onto my knees. His other hand pulled my hair while pushing my neck into the mattress. I reached behind him, but he pulled out and then slammed back into me, and I cried out. He groaned and slammed into me again.
God, she's so tight.
Michael was right. You feel so good.
My heartbeat became erratic. I couldn't catch my breath. The world fogged, and the edges became soft. I swallowed and shook my head. It didn't do anything to clear it. I was falling, falling. I gripped the sides but continued to plunge.
"Oh, fuck, Leah, you feel good."
I heard him. I sought out the voice. It soothed me. It... He wouldn't hurt me.
When Ryan pulled out, I used all my strength to roll over out of his grip. "Wait."
He reached out to me, and I scrambled to the other side of the bed.
"Ryan, stop."
His eyes blinked, and he fell on the bed.
My heart beat out of my chest.
Thump, Thump, Thump
I imagined the abrupt stop did the same to him.
His hand gripped the bed where I previously laid.
I reached out and took his hand. "I'm sorry."
"What happened? What's wrong? Did I hurt you?"
My mind raced. I tried to come up with an explanation. Something truthful, but I wasn't ready to talk about that truth.
My head dropped. He pulled his hand away; my eyes sought his, and I grabbed his hand and crawled back to him. He was kneeling on the bed. I pressed my body against his and nuzzled his neck.
"I’m sorry for being so abrupt. I know you're clean, but I'm not on birth control."
"Oh, fuck. Geez, Leah, I'm sorry."
"No. It's okay."
"No, it's not. That's so irresponsible of me." He reached out and touched my face. My core tightened at the smell of me on his hands. "You just made me so crazy. I couldn't control myself."
Is it weird to be turned on by my own scent?
"It's okay. I was there, too." I kissed him on the jaw and crawled over to my nightstand and retrieved a condom. I unwrapped it and reached for him.
"Maybe we shouldn't. I mean what if some of my guys took an early swim."
I giggled at his juvenile representation of the reproductive process.
"Maybe we should get you the morning-after pill."
"We can get one after." I pulled my dress up over my head. I worked on Ryan’s T-shirt, too. "It won't make much of difference now, but just in case, put this on, and let's do this."
He smirked and crawled farther on the bed as he slid the condom on. He lay on his side, and I scooted up next to him, hitching my leg over his hip. He entered me and held me next to him while staring into my eyes. His
hips made short movements rocking back and forth into my core. He cupped my cheek and laid small kisses all over my face. I gripped his hand and moved it down to my breast where he pinched my nipple. I arched my back into him as his thrusts sped up.
I whimpered every time his cock slid against the front of my core, and his pelvis massaged my clit. I wrapped my arms around his neck, pulled him close, and buried my face into his neck.
"Oh, my God," I whispered and clamped onto his neck as the orgasm hit me. My pussy clamped on his cock, and he grunted and pulled out all the way before slamming back into me and releasing himself.
"Leah, Leah, Leah." He whispered my name over and over again, and I pulled him closer. If I could have crawled inside him, I would.
"God, I love fucking you," he said as he wrapped his arms around my waist and rolled us over. He squeezed me tight against his chest, and I laid my head down and listened to our hearts beat in sync.
I pushed away all the random thoughts that had entered my head and concentrated on Ryan and me and where we connected.
He and I were together, and we were perfect.
Nothing was going to change that, not even my past.
We skipped the morning-after pill. After a mind-blowing orgasm, both of us collapsed into bed exhausted.
We woke up the next morning and did an exhaustive Internet research. The chance of me getting pregnant was slim, and three days later, I got my period.
Ryan didn't say as much, but he was relieved when I told him.
As soon as training camp ended, we spent all our free time together and I got on the pill.
We were at his place, hanging out in his room. I loved being in his room. Another safe haven I could add to my growing list. I sat between his outstretched legs opposite him, typing on my computer while he watched film on his iPad. Ryan's phone rang.
"Hey, stupid," Ryan answered. I looked up from my computer.
The person spoke on the other line, and Ryan laughed.
"Yeah, it's fine. You can stay here; I'll sleep at Leah's."
I strained to hear. Ryan didn't elaborate. Whoever he was talking to knew about me.
"Okay, I'll take you guys out, but if you get arrested, I'm not calling Uncle H." I heard the guy laugh on the other end.
"Okay, call me when you guys get to town."
He hung up, and I waited.
He returned to studying something on his iPad.
I cleared my throat.
"What?" he said without looking up.
"I didn't say you could sleep at my place."
"You don't even know when?" He set his iPad down and stared at me. I watched his hands. He taught me that trick. The guys lined up across from him; he could always tell what they were going to do by what they did with their hands.
I placed my computer down on the ground and braced myself to run, but he was too quick for me.
Besides, I liked getting caught.
"It's tomorrow..." He grabbed my legs and pulled them toward his side of the bed. At the same time, he rose up on his knees. "Or maybe the next day."
I squealed and attempted to fight him off, his two hundred and forty pounds to my one hundred and fifteen. I gave it a good effort, but he pounced and pinned my arms to my side, his entire weight on me.
"Does it matter?"
I pulled with all my strength and grunted. "It might."
"Why?" His face hovered above mine, our breath increased as our hormones registered the proximity of our bodies.
"I might have company."
He leaned up and smirked. "Who?" He scoffed.
I shrugged and tried to pull my arm out from his grip. He must be slipping because I got an arm free.
"Nope." He grabbed it and pressed it over my head. "Who's this company?"
"I don't have to tell you if you don't have to tell me."
"Okay, I'll tell you." He brought my other arm over my head and held both wrists with one hand. He cracked his knuckle on one hand, and I knew what was coming next. "As soon as you say, Ryan, you're always welcome in my home."
I shook my head, and his eyes shined at my futile hint of defiance.
I squirmed away but couldn't move. His hand slid down my arm, over the inside of my elbow, and tapped with feather light taps to my armpit. I bit my lip, not giving him the satisfaction of begging for mercy. I lasted a minute.
"No. Don't. Please stop."
"Say it."
"No."
He tickled me with more effort, and I couldn't stand it.
"Okay. Okay, stop." I giggled.
He stopped, his hands hovering over my ticklish spot.
"What was that again?"
He touched, and I screamed into a giggle fit.
"Okay. Ryan, you are always welcome in my home." I spit the phrase out through labored breaths.
"You mean it." His fingers continued their assault.
"Yes. Now, get off me."
He rolled off but brought me with him. I flinched when his arm moved down my side.
He laughed, and I struggled to catch my breath.
"My cousins are coming into town for a couple of days."
"Oh." I collapsed down next to him on the bed. "What are y'all going to do?"
"Probably dinner and take them out. Let them use my name to pick up some girls." He chuckled and rolled onto his side.
"That's awful." I flinched when he touched me.
"Relax. I won't tickle you anymore."
"Yeah, well, tell my body that. It doesn't trust you."
"Do you trust me?" The tone of the room grew serious. I sat up and stared down at him.
"Yes. Of course, I trust you." The smirk on this face told me he didn't believe me.
"Come here." He gripped the front of my T-shirt and kissed me.
I dropped it.
Ryan and I made love that night with an air of skepticism surrounding us. We both had questions to ask, but we avoided them. I lingered in bed until he left for practice then I headed home.
I didn't hear from Ryan all day. It wasn't strange, but with the way things were left last night, it felt strange. Like something was about to happen.
It was the moment in my novels that took me a while to get right—that pivotal moment. The scene where the audience knows, but the characters don't. Only this time, I was a character, and I was fully aware things were about to change.
"Hey, little one," Ryan yelled into the phone. Live music amplified in the background.
"Hey, big guy."
"I missed you today."
I wanted to say then why didn't you call, but I held it in. "Me, too." The music hurt my ears. "Where are you?"
"Cat's Meow on Bourbon."
"Your cousins found their conquests for the evening?"
He chuckled, and the sound thumped in my chest. "Almost. It's still okay for me to come over?"
"Yeah, of course."
"Okay."
I could feel his smile through the phone.
"I'll see you soon."
"Bye."
I hung up, and a strange, unsettled feeling overcame me. The tone of his voice saddened me. A lump formed in my throat when he said he missed me.
I had been substituting my anxiety with obsessive tendencies. I didn't quite understand. My therapist explained it wasn't necessarily a bad thing unless the new disorder was destructive. I didn't think it was... I was wrong.
I slipped on my flip-flops and ran down the stairs. I needed to see him.
I made it to the corner of Bourbon across from the popular karaoke bar. The place had been there for years. Back when I had more friends and no fears, I drove to New Orleans on Spring Break my senior year of high school. We hung out at the bar, and I even threw up in a potted plant in the courtyard.
All the windows and doors in the bar were open, and the music spilled out on the street. I searched for Ryan from my perch on the corner.
My heart raced, and I could feel the familiar anxiety creeping up being so close to places and situ
ation I hadn't been around in years. I kept telling myself that as soon as I saw Ryan, I would be okay. I needed to see him, and my nerves would balance out.
I pulled out my phone and called him.
He answered after three rings.
"Hey, baby."
"Hey." My voice cracked.
"You okay?"
"Yeah, um." My throat hitched, and I reached out for the wall. The solid surface didn't offer the typical relief.
I heard Ryan calling my name through the phone, and then I heard it in stereo and looked up. I let out a hysterical giggle at seeing Ryan on the street in front of the bar.
In an instant, my anxiety crawled back into its hole and shut the door. It was so complete and so freeing. I shook with giddy excitement.
"I thought I would come by and see if I can coax you into coming home early."
He smiled and scratched the back of his neck. "Where are you?"
"Look to your right."
He looked in my direction, grinned, and shook his head as he walked toward me.
"Hey, little one," he said as he bent down and wrapped his arms around my waist, lifted me up, and kissed me.
I tasted the beer on his tongue. Was I getting a contact high from it or was I drunk on Ryan? He squeezed me tight as his lips moved to my neck. "I can't get enough of you."
"You promise?"
He leaned back and blinked. He shook his head. "You have no idea."
He kissed me before he set me down and grabbed both my hands in his.
"Come on. I want you to meet my family." Ryan took a step backward onto Bourbon, and I followed.
"I've been talking about you all night," Ryan said, but his voice sounded further away. I stared and saw his face as blurred images moved past me.
I opened my mouth but couldn't speak. I shook my head but felt like it was being held in a vise.
His gorgeous face and brown eyes sparkled in the lights on Bourbon Street. I focused on his face and the confidence in me, in us, that he held in his eyes.
But Ryan turned away.
I stopped. My gaze swept from left to right and the sound of my heartbeat thumped in my head. It was too loud and beat too fast.
Ryan jerked my arm, and I jerked back.
People crowded me, and I pushed them away.
I backed up.
Searching for something familiar.
Anxious Love (Love Sick #1) Page 13
