That Yesterday

by Teal Haviland

  I can’t have the love of a human any more than I can have it from any angel other than Javan, unless I join the Fallen . . . and that will never happen.

  The human, at least his image and the way it made her feel, was Gabrielle's, and no one knew it but her. Not even Amaziah—especially not Amaziah. He would be furious with her if he knew. She would keep the vision of him to herself as long as she could, and one day, he would appear in front of her. She would wait for that day. And, at least for now, he was hers and only hers.

  My little secret.

  All too soon, the vision ended, and so did the peace it loaned her for that moment. Peace she so desperately needed. Gabrielle took another deep breath, this one involuntary. She huffed out a sharp sigh.

  Lightning weaved its white coils across the twilit sky once again, followed instantly by a crack of thunder so earsplitting it made the ground tremble.

  “Is that all you’ve got?” Gabrielle asked the storm defiantly, feeling the desire for a fight. She wished it really was a foe coming upon her instead of rain and wind.

  As she turned and moved away from the horizon that had just swallowed the sun and its light completely and began walking toward her new life—a life that would be surrounded by the oppressive shadows of Darkness—she felt a foreboding stirring deep in her core. It accompanied a Knowing she prayed would not come to be.

  There was a storm . . . one that could bring her end, and it loomed on a horizon invisible to the humans it so greatly affected. But Gabrielle could see it. It was coming fast and true. The rain it spilled would be the blood and tears of angels, the lightning from Divine weapons striking, the thunder from the screams of pain born from Yahuwah's angels and the Fallen.

  Gabrielle shivered. As her body trembled, she wanted to believe the chill was from the absence of the warm rays her human flesh now missed, but she knew it was from the heaviness that accompanied the Fallen and those who lived in Shadow—from Darkness caused by far more than an absent sun.

  Chapter Four

  Gabrielle ~ First Impressions

  Time moved so slowly on Earth, at least compared to what Gabrielle was accustomed to. She still hadn't adjusted to the difference. It made her uncomfortable in a way, feeling like she was missing something important back in Heaven. Or that whatever—whoever—was causing the feeling of dread that had settled on her since arriving on Earth two months ago had way too much time to put their dark plans in motion. Regardless, she thought it was possible, even if she spent years constantly living as a human, she'd never feel comfortable with the difference in how time flowed.

  She'd been feeling like something or someone was coming. Looking at her reflection in her car's visor mirror, she saw her mouth and brows move in unison as she frowned. Whichever it was, it wasn't good.

  "Not good at all," she said to herself.

  Even the dreams she now had because of her human form were unpleasant, though she only woke with fuzzy memories of them. At times, she would wake to her screams echoing off the walls of her bedroom, her eyes frantically searching her surroundings, panting and sweating like she'd been running a race.

  It was fitting, though. She was in a race against the clock to find out what she needed to in the short amount of time she'd been given. No matter how slow she felt time in her human body was going, she knew it would be coming to end faster than she wanted.

  "Let it go, Gabrielle. There's nothing you can do about your damn feelings that something's coming," she scolded her image in the mirror. She glared back at herself, as if the stare was going to drive the statement home and make her actually heed the words. In a frustrated swipe of her hand, she flipped the visor up, sending it hard against the roof of the car. She momentarily let the frustration consume her.

  She was going to have to calm down before getting out of the car. Earning the reputation as an angry, unapproachable teen on the first day of what was supposed to be her senior year was not what she wanted. Her job wasn't helping to keep that intense side of her from coming to the forefront of her personality, though.

  She glanced at the time on her cell phone for what was probably the tenth time in as many minutes. She'd hurried herself this morning, wanting to arrive early to begin observing her classmates.

  Now, she wished she'd taken her time.

  Her nerves were starting to show but not from being scared. At least that's what she told herself.

  Why would The Angel of Karma be scared of a bunch of teenagers?

  It was anxiety that stemmed from hoping she had done a good job in her attempt to look like a normal teen. She watched the students milling around campus, scrutinizing their clothes, hair, makeup, and shoes—their mannerisms and how they interacted with each other.

  Now . . . she was waiting.

  Even in the early morning sun, her car was beginning to warm while sitting in Hillsboro High's parking lot. She felt her skin begin to stick to her shirt that was pressed between her and the leather of the car's seat as it dampened from sweat. She turned the car on, switched the air conditioner on high, and put her face in front of one of the vents. The summer was almost over, but unusually high temperatures that had been the norm over the last couple of months in Tennessee continued.

  Hillsboro High was one of the older schools in Nashville. It was chosen because of its diversity. There were many races and economic classes represented as well as an eclectic group of cliques. There were the usual ones found at any campus: jocks, cheerleaders, nerds, and brains. But there were many others including goths, punks, rockers, hipsters, thespians, and artsy kids. It was a wonderful group to study, and a great place to get many different backgrounds to supply the varied perspectives, opinions, and conflicts of humans.

  Many of Gabrielle's peers thought it better to be in a larger city like Paris, New York, Venice, or London. But she was told Yahuwah felt it was useful to be in a mid-sized city, Nashville, so she could get a better feel for what people were dealing with in a more balanced environment. Nashville was just right. Not too big or too small, too fast or too slow, too exciting or too boring—a happy medium.

  So, here she was, waiting for this endeavor to really start. She'd been living among humans for two months now, getting accustomed to her new body and its emotions, but the real test and fun was about to begin—high school.

  The decision to live as a teenager was her own. It seemed to be the most logical choice to learn which direction humanity was moving. Though she'd been sure of this plan in the beginning, she'd had doubts over the last two months. There had been several occasions she felt the war was already lost, that her time here was going to be a waste. Later, she would decide that the feeling was caused by her new human emotions and thoughts.

  There's no way I will ever give up . . . not until my life is over, and the choice to fight is no longer mine.

  Light flutters began in her stomach that seemed to grow more intense with every second that ticked off the clock. She wondered what was causing them.

  Could one of the Fallen be near?

  The nausea she associated with them wasn't present though, so she decided it must be nerves.

  This was one of the things she hadn't been able to fully grasp when committing to live here—feeling, understanding, and dealing with human emotions and sensations. She knew she'd deal with them; that was the point of being here. But she didn't appreciate how deeply she'd feel them, how much it would confuse and cloud her normally clear thinking. Things like what other humans or her brethren thought of her, whether or not she was going to succeed in this task, worrying about mistakes, wanting the people she met to like and accept her—so many things were exceptionally important to her while in human form.

  "Yeah, the acceptance thing won't go away," Gabrielle said to her empty car. It was frustrating. She had hoped it wouldn't be as hard to feel accepted here. Now, she thought it was going to be harder.

  The impact and intensity of her thoughts and emotions were felt so markedly in this body. It was jarring to h
er mind, at times, just how thoroughly things affected her. Even early on in this experience, she was beginning to understand how volatile these emotions and thoughts were and how it could become difficult to make the right decisions with so many differing stimulations. It was increasingly clear how profoundly they could mess with a human's mind, especially when dealing with the desire to have one person in particular in their life.

  Gabrielle closed her eyes and brought forth her mental picture of the young, blue-eyed man. She smiled immediately. She could see him whenever she desired. She had practiced over the last two months. Her mind's eye would call for his face, and it would appear. She did it often, especially when she needed to calm herself.

  The intensity of the wantings it dredged up in her was confusing . . . and worrisome. There was a desire to be near him, protect him, know him—hold and kiss him. The last sent a chill through her, and she let her eyes open slowly as the thoughts of living in the real world came into her mind—the world she lived in where angels weren't allowed to have that kind of relationship with a human. And yet, she thought she was finding herself wanting one with him—a relationship that was absolutely forbidden.

  "Okay . . . don't get carried away. You haven't even met him."

  She didn't know what to make of it. Was developing this urge simply because of her human body's emotions and thoughts?

  Yeah . . . that must be it.

  One thing was obvious to her after two months. There was going to be a lot to get used to. Humans have more to deal with than she'd ever given them credit for. She took a deep breath as she watched the other students arrive, and after many of them made their way into the school, she decided it was time to immerse herself in teenage life.

  Cutting the engine and gathering her things, she took one last look at her reflection in the mirror. Intense green eyes stared back at her. It was funny how much she found herself interested in her appearance now. Just one of the many things angels didn't concern themselves with. Satisfied her makeup was still where she'd put it and her long dark hair was still placed in a loose, messy up-do, she gathered her things and opened her car door.

  "Whoa! Watch it!" a male called out, agitation edging into his voice.

  Startled, Gabrielle looked up and saw the person the voice belonged to. A tall, dark-haired teenager. His eyes—the blue ones from her visions—fixed upon her, and she saw the crease between his brows begin to relax. The straight line of his mouth was replaced with a slightly crooked grin. Her breath hitched, and Gabrielle couldn't stop a smile from stretching her face while they stared at each other as if entranced. The flutters that filled her stomach seemed to be waging an all-out war as they pinged around out of control.

  It's him.

  It was the human she'd been catching glimpses of in visions and dreams. The one whose face alone brought her unexplained happiness, whose smile made her own fixed. It was hard to believe, after all this time and countless occasions of seeing him in her mind, that he was standing in front of her. She felt the stirring deep inside of her that had become a part of every thought she had of him. It was like her soul was trying to escape to be with his. After several more moments of staring, Gabrielle snapped out of the spell.

  "Umm . . . I'm so sorry!" Gabrielle said, trying to calm her fleeting pulse. "I wasn't paying attention . . . obviously. Did I hit you?" The rambunctious flutters increased their chaos in her stomach. Gabrielle had never been so unsure of herself even though he wasn't any kind of threat. He wasn't stronger, faster, more skilled, or more powerful . . . he was human. Just a human who could do no harm to her at all, yet she was uncomfortable with what to say, or do, next.

  What an odd thing . . .

  "No, not at all," he said as his smile grew. She could tell just by the shade of his skin that he had enjoyed a lot of time outside over the summer. He looked more like the guys in Florida who spent every waking moment possible on the beach or in the water. She found herself instantly curious about him.

  What do you do around here to get a tan like that? Whoa! Enough, Gabrielle.

  A flood of questions threatened to spill out of her mouth like a possessed inquisitor. Instead, she let herself get lost in them quietly. She wanted to know who he was, where he lived, what he liked to do, and if he had a girlfriend. The last jolted her back to reality. It was dangerous for her to have these thoughts, to feel what she was feeling—dangerous and exhilarating.

  Seriously, put a lid on the crazy. A fantasy is just that . . . a fantasy.

  But he was making that difficult. He was still staring intensely—as if he was able to look deep inside her and was learning more with each beat of her heart. Warmth rose in her cheeks. It left Gabrielle feeling vulnerable though open to his curiosity at the same time. She thought she would tell him anything he wanted to know. All he had to do was ask, and she would give him all the secrets of his world—the one he believed to be reality and the fantastical one that was around him. She saw his expression change to pure curiosity as he returned from wherever his mind had taken him.

  "I haven't seen you here before."

  "I moved to town in June. Are you sure I didn't hit you?" Gabrielle put her foot on the ground to begin to get out, and he offered his hand to help her. Smiling more broadly as she did, Gabrielle reached for his hand. Not that she actually needed it, but she was enjoying the moment. More than that, she didn't want to do anything that might signal that the exchange between them was over. As she closed her hand around his and began to stand, feeling the heat from his skin joined with hers, a tingle swept through her. It was soothing, but staggering. Her body swayed, and she heard her pulse swooshing rhythmically through her ears.

  He moved to steady her, but they stumbled against Gabrielle's car, his body pressing against hers. The backpack that had been in her hand—the hand now on his chest and could feel his heart racing beneath it—had fallen carelessly to the ground. His face was so close to hers that anyone watching would have thought they were about to kiss. Gabrielle's cheeks warmed as the blood that had been thrumming past her ears rushed to her face. The abundance of sensations was unfamiliar and left her even more confused about how to act.

  On his face, inches away, a smile replaced the look of concern that had appeared as he tried to keep them from ending up on the ground, saving them from a humiliating beginning to their first day of school. "I guess this would be a good time to introduce ourselves . . . since I normally don't find myself pressed up against a girl without at least knowing her name." Gabrielle felt his breath warming her cheeks, unless it was her face becoming an even more brilliant shade of red. "I'm Lucas. Lucas Watkins. And you are?"

  "Oh . . . umm, I'm Gabrielle Trayner."

  After a few more seconds, Lucas released his grip and moved his body off hers. Gabrielle found herself relieved and disappointed. She liked the way his muscles felt under her hands and against her body. She liked the slow burn that swept through her when they touched.

  These things also alarmed her.

  "Nice to meet you, Gabrielle. We better be getting inside. They might let you off the hook for being late since this is a new school for you, but I've spent three years here. I can't use the same excuse." Lucas made no move to leave. "Would you like for me to walk you to the office so you can check in, or do you already have a class schedule?"

  "Thanks, I already have it. I registered a couple of weeks ago. But I would really appreciate it if you could point me in the right direction." Gabrielle didn't need help; she was simply trying to linger with him. Wanting to remain near him warred with the need to get away so she could regain her composure.

  Wow . . . he's really thrown me.

  She reached to pick her backpack up and grabbed her class schedule out of the front pocket. She handed the piece of paper to Lucas who smiled again and took it, brushing her hand—a simple touch that caused more warmth and flutters to pinball inside her body again.

  After looking at it for only a moment, he handed it back. "Your first class is i
n the main building here." Lucas motioned toward the two-story, brick building in front of them. "Just go through the main doors and take the flight of stairs on your left. Take a right at the top, and the room you're looking for will be on that hall. I'd walk you, but my class is over there.” Lucas turned to his left and pointed to a long domed building with a flock of crows settled on its roof—all turned toward Gabrielle and Lucas. Gabrielle's brow furrowed, but Lucas's voice drew her attention away from them. "Gym first thing in the morning kinda sucks, but at least I can wait to take a shower here and sleep in a little." He stopped talking and looked at Gabrielle as if he was waiting for something.

  What am I supposed to do?

  She just smiled. The sensation of being under a spell returned as she looked into his eyes, and all she could think about was how stunningly blue they were against his dark hair and sun-tinted skin.

  The visions did not do you justice.

  The sound of the first bell breaking the silence made Gabrielle jump back into reality. They both began to laugh.

  "Well . . . thanks, Lucas. It was nice to meet you. I really am sorry for almost hitting you. Not a good first impression." Gabrielle reluctantly started to back away, turning toward the school and away from Lucas.

  "No worries, Gabby. Do you mind if I call you Gabby?"

  Gabrielle turned back to him. "No, I don't mind."

  She'd never liked her name being shortened. Not for thousands of years. But she didn't think she'd mind so much if it was Lucas. Gabrielle turned back toward the sidewalk that led to the main doors. She was about to turn to say thanks to Lucas again when she heard him calling to her.

  "Hey, Gabby!" Lucas said as she turned. "I'll see you in fifth period. We have the same class." With that, Lucas waved and jogged toward the gym.

  "That was interesting," she said aloud to no one but herself. She hadn't smiled that much in a long time. As a human or an angel. It felt good. She looked toward the sky, closed her eyes, and let the sun warm her skin.