It stings, I bite my lip to keep from crying out, worried that he will stop what he is doing and walk away if I do
I can do this, I can totally do this
His drives go from fast to slow paced as he continues this battle he’s fighting
“You feel so fucking good Olivia” he groans
The pleasure starts to build up, and as it does his pace quickens
“Shit Liv” he starts shouting
I feel like I am about to splinter into a million pieces. The orgasm ripping through me causing me to yell out his name which only makes me pump even harder
He grips my hips harder, not slowing down, burring his face into my neck
“Fuck yes.” He roars coming I feel a stinging bite on my neck and hear the long moan that escapes him as he finishes
“That was seriously the most amazing… I can’t just do that once… Liv?”
He looks at me, he looks afraid
“What?” I ask
He shakes his head “You are mine, I can’t not be with you. That was amazing… You are… I didn’t expect you to be so perfect.”
He’s rambling. I look across the room, afraid to meet his eyes. It’s too soon to fall in love right? I am in love with him and it’s making me feel crazy
“Look at me.” He orders
I obey
“Olivia, I can’t be your friend. I feel way too much which is going to blow right the fuck up in my face when you….”
He stops for a few moments watching my face
“You’re going to hate me one day. I want to enjoy every fucking moment that I can with you until that happens.”
I know I love him. I think I have known since I met him that first day. There is nothing that he could do that could make me hate him
“I could never hate you Dean.”
“You will. Until then, you’re mine.”
It wasn’t a question this time.
“I’m yours” the words are out of my mouth before I have a real chance to consider what that might just mean.
He leans down and kisses me again. This time it’s very gentle, almost loving
“Are you sore?” he asks
“A little.” I admit
“You should take a bath, I will start one for you.” He pushes himself up, separating from me for the first time since he finished
I don’t really pay attention to anything for a few moments. I just lay there enjoying the moment. This beautiful moment of bliss
Dean and I are a thing.
The smile that lights up my face is short lived when I hear a crashing noise and Dean shout “Fuck.”
I stand up quickly as Dean comes storming out of the bathroom
He looks scary
“The fucking condom broke.” He shouts
Shit. Shit!
“That’s okay, I will run to the store and get Plan B or something.” I explain trying to reassure him
“No, I’m not afraid of you getting pregnant, I can’t have kids.”
“Why?” I ask
He looks at me, calming slightly but not enough to make me feel better “I had a vasectomy.”
“Really? Why would you do that?”
“Because a child has no business in the life I live.” His reply is short, like I am annoying him with this conversation
He’s kind of being a dick now that I think about it
“Sorry, I was just wondering.” I am annoying now. I brush past him into the bathroom
He grabs my arm pulling me back to him “the condom broke Liv.” He repeats
“Yeah, I got that the first time. And then I got the part about you will never have kids.”
He is getting more agitated “I… I fuck a lot of girls Olivia, you need to get tested, I mean I always use condoms but you never fucking know.”
He fucks a lot of girls
He didn’t use a past tense with that. He said fucks.
I feel sick. “Okay.” I whisper
I walk into the bathroom, turning to see him watching me but he’s not moving.
He’s not happy
I gently close the door and lock it
I turn my iPod that I left on the dock in the bathroom earlier when I was getting dressed
I turn on the shuffle and The White Stripes “Seven Nation Army” comes on, it’s one of my favorites.
I take a long time to shower. After years living with my parents and their “five minute” rule, I have learned to appreciate the beauty that is unlimited showering
This time is no different. Although I don’t typically make a habit of crying while I am in the shower.
I couldn’t help the first string of heavy tears that escaped my eyes when I stepped into the shower and the stress began to evaporate
I just had sex for the very first time. The man I am already in love with like that doesn’t carry enough emotions, just made it clear he is a player and fucks around
The romance of it was all washed away as quickly as it came.
Chapter Ten
I finally step out of the shower about 20 minutes later
I rub lotion everywhere like I do every night
I put my hair in a bun, toss on a pair of fresh panties and then pajamas I had on earlier
When I step out of the bathroom he’s sitting across the living room on the couch with his head in his hands
He’s dressed. He must have gone back to his place and changed his clothes, because now he is wearing a pair of gym shorts and a black tight fitting shirt
I walk into the living room and sit in the chair on the other side of the room
He looks up at me, with the saddest expression I have ever seen
“I’m sorry.” He whispers
“For what?” I ask
“For blurting that out there like that. For being who I am, for not being more careful and putting you at risk.”
“That’s a lot of things to be sorry for Dean, a little early in it for all of this don’t you think?”
He straightens a bit “are you second guessing giving me a shot?” his voice is tight
“No, but considering your history and the way you jumped down my throat for asking why you couldn’t have children. I mean are you sure you don’t want to back out. I ask stupid questions and I don’t fuck a bunch of guys.”
Okay, so the last part probably wasn’t necessary but still
“My history has nothing to do with you, or how I feel about you Liv. I honestly have not been able to think about anything or anyone but you since the day I knocked on your fucking door. You have turned my life upside down in the last month and a half and you have no fucking clue what that does to someone like me. How much it…. Changes things.”
“You still slept with that Stella girl, after you met me. I don’t know if you are into this whole thing as you think you are.”
He frowns “Stella is… It’s hard to explain, but she doesn’t mean anything to me…”
“But I do?”
“You do.” He responds
“Why can’t you tell me what you do?” I ask
“I don’t know. Because like I said earlier, once you find out you will go away, I need to have as much of you as I can before that happens. You will know soon enough.”
I don’t like that answer. I don’t like where my mind goes. I mean, maybe he won’t be with me when I find out
“Liv.” He starts moving across the room to kneel in front of me, grabbing my hands and pulling them into both of his, forcing me to look up at him “I think the feelings I have for you are scaring the shit out of me. They are making me feel one too many things that I am not use to, and causing me to have control. I am a man who has control over every aspect of his life. You have changed how I few relationships. You make me want to try. I want to be with you, I need to be with you. I need you to understand I am a fuck up. I am not perfect and I need you to just like me anyway.”
I look away “I don’t think I just like you though Dean, that’s the issue here
.”
“What do you mean? Do you not want to be with me?”
“No, I mean I think I fell in love with you the first day I met you. When you told me I was the most beautiful girl that you ever met, I think I fell right then and there. This is scaring me. I have never had a boyfriend before you, I just had sex for the first time ever less than an hour ago, over there with you.” I point to the couch “I am scared too, things are changing for me as well, but I need you to be here. I need to know you are in this and not with other girls. I need to know that I am going to be the only girl you… fuck while we are together. I can’t worry about the feeling that came over me when you said that. Like you would be sleeping with other girls.”
“I don’t consider being with you a fuck Olivia, and you can rest assured you are the only one I will be romantically with.”
I look at him again, a light smile tips on his lips
“Promise?” I ask
“I promise sweet girl.”
And then he kisses me
And we end up back on the couch where it all started.
Chapter Eleven
He was gone when I woke up the next day, he left a note beside me telling me how much he enjoyed last night. That he would be gone for 4 days and that he would text me if he was able.
I get up and jump in the shower, making quick work of my usual routine. I have a photo shoot for a birthday party at 2, which is actually one of my higher paying jobs. The family is related to one of the guys that Jaxon works with, and he’s paying me $1200.
I call Jaxon to check on Josslyn, he says that she’s doing well but asking to come back to my house. I made plans to come by and pick her up when I am done with the party.
I usually spend all my hours when I am done a shoot, loading and editing the photo’s I can just do it when Joss goes to bed, but I have a feeling she’s going to be asking me for Dean a lot. I kind of know how she feels
It felt weird to wake up and not have him there. Not that he had ever been there when I had woken up before, but before last night we had never slept together. We weren’t dating, he didn’t basically tell me he loves me. Things were different now and I totally missed him
I remember the conversation about the condom shortly after I get off the phone with Jaxon. I call my OB-GYN and make an appointment to come in and get tested, but the doctor that I am use to is booked for the next 2 weeks. They tell me that I can come in and take the test, but that it won’t be Doctor Bailey doing the testing. I decide to book with her. If heaven forbid Dean had anything that he could pass onto me, it would still be there in two weeks.
He explained to me that night while we were lying in my bed, that he is big on routine testing. He hadn’t done it since he met me though, and he was worried that he could have done something to hurt me. I thought it was kind of sweet, I wasn’t really worried about it. I had a feeling he would know if something was wrong. He would tell me. Either way, I made the appointment I’d figure it out.
I leave the house quarter past one. I notice that Ryan’s car is in the driveway. As soon as I pass his car to get to mine, he rolls down his window “Hey Olivia.” He greets
“Hey.”
“Dean asked me to come by and talk to you.” His tone sounds less, happy
“Okay, I have a few minutes. I have a shoot do you need to talk now?”
He looks down at his watch “Actually I have somewhere that I need to be I can be back here around 6 tonight. I will bring food and we can chat. Does that work?”
It makes me a little nervous that he needs to talk to me for Dean, but I need to know what he has to say. “I will have Joss, but she is usually asleep by 6:30 so I’ll be free.”
He frowns for a moment, I am not sure if it’s that Joss will be with me or what “I will see you then.” He nods and rolls up the window.
Ryan stresses Dean out. I have noticed that, but I like Ryan he has always been really nice to be and he makes Dean laugh when they aren’t at secret odds with one another.
He took care of Dean and Dean took care of him. They were close brothers. I knew I could trust Ryan, but knowing that and feeling the fear that I did deep down wasn’t helping.
I drive to the party, do my job and try to keep my mind off what he could possibly have to tell me
I head to Jaxon’s after I am done to pick up Joss. He tells me that she randomly spiked a fever that morning so he wanted to keep her home. I went in to check on her and she was asleep in her bed. I covered her back up and placed a kiss on her little forehead.
When I went back out into the living room Jaxon “How is lover boy?” he asks with a grin
“He’s good.” I reply kicking him in the shin as I sit down beside him “he’s away on business for the next 4 days, but he’s good.”
“What does he do again?” Jaxon asks
“He won’t actually tell me, he tells me I am going to hate him when I find out, so he wants to ‘enjoy this as much as he can’.” I explain the last part using hand air quotes
“He hasn’t told you what he does for a living? That’s a bit scary Liv, I mean what could he possibly do that is so bad?”
“I have no idea, I don’t think it’s as bad as he is making it out to be. You never know though maybe he is a ballet dancer.” I laugh
Jaxon laughs too “Just be careful Livy.”
“I always am Jackie.”
His face goes serious “so I have some drama of my own, are you ready for this.”
“As long as it doesn’t make me want to go after a bitch and pull her hair out.” I joke
“Oh it does.” He mumbles “Ashley is snooping around. I got a call the other day from my boss, she showed up at my job high off her ass and ranting about needing to see me. I was out of town for a meeting and I have been ignoring her calls.”
“Wait how did she get your number? You changed it when the parental rights were terminated.” I ask
“I don’t know, but she’s into some scary ass shit now Liv, she’s smoking crack, shooting heroine or at least her old friends have told me that’s what she is into. I honestly haven’t given her a second thought in almost two years. Until this week.”
“What does she want do you think?” I ask
“I don’t know Liv, but I have a really strong feeling it has something to do with Joss. She doesn’t want Joss but she’s angry about something. She and I were not serious, you know that. She was just a stupid girl, we made a stupid mistake and she made her own choices. I take care of my daughter, I won’t have her coming into our lives and tearing shit up.” His voice is raising. He is angry but I can’t blame him
“So what do we do?” I quietly ask
“Well I filed a restraining order this morning at the courthouse. One of Ben’s friends is a judge there, it was granted and she will be served this afternoon at some point.”
Relief floods me “Thank God.”
“There’s more.” He adds
“Oh boy, what?”
“She seems to have a serious issue with you Olivia.”
“Me?” I question I didn’t know Ashley all that well. I mean sure we hung out at the same place when she was out with Jaxon, but I didn’t really like her.
“Yeah, when she showed up at work, Ben said she was screaming about teaching you a lesson in minding your own business.”
“Okay, that makes a whole fuck load of sense.” I say
“I know.” He laughs gently “but it doesn’t matter, she’s on hardcore drugs so just be careful when you go out and if you see her stay away from her. I am going to look into finding someone to get her some help, but that should be her parent’s problem not mine.”
“You would think they would flash some money and make it happen, like they did when she got pregnant.” I blurt
Jaxon winces slight “I know that you didn’t like the way she handled all of that, but could you imagine if she had given Joss up, we would never have seen her again. I know you love j just as much as I do. I couldn’t imag
ine a day without her in it. I am glad her parents were unable to pay for her to be adopted.”
“I can’t believe they thought they could buy her from us.” I reply, remembering the day that Ashley’s father showed up in the hospital room where Jaxon was staying with Josslyn until she was released. He offered Jaxon $100,000 dollars to sign over his rights like Ashley did, they had a family who really wanted to adopt Josslyn.
Jaxon never considered the idea, which made Ashley’s father really angry. So angry in fact hospital security had to escort him off the property. We never heard from any of them again. We saw Ashley for a few moments at the court hearing, but she wouldn’t look at us. She didn’t ask about Josslyn, she didn’t ask to see her. Nothing.
“I am not worried about it Jaxon. She’s bored she will go away soon enough.”
But for some reason I felt a pang of uncertainty. Drugs did really bad things to the judgment of users. They don’t think the way that you or I would. Ashley out on the loose kind of scared me. I always thought she was a bit crazy.
“I think for a while we should be careful on where we take Joss.” I tell him
“I agree, I don’t mind if she goes to your house here and there of course, but I want you to promise you will call the cops if you think anything weird is going on or if you see Ashley.”
“Of course.” I reassure him.
I look down at my cell just as a text from Ryan comes through:
R: I’ll be at your place in about 25 minutes
Me: Okay, c u soon
I look up at Jaxon “I have to go, Ryan is coming by I guess Dean asked him to come by and talk to me.”
“Your boyfriend is having his brother come by and talk to you for him while he is out of town?” I can hear the curiosity rising in his voice
“Yup.” Is all I say
“Good luck with that Liv.” Jaxon shakes his head laughing
“I know.” I give him a kiss on the cheek “Tell Joss I love her, and have her call me in the morning so I can ask her how she feels.”
“I will.” He agrees “And Liv, I appreciate everything you do for us.” He smiles “I love you.”
“You better.” I giggle
Now it’s time to go find out what the hell Ryan needs to tell me.
Sweetest Kill Page 4
