by Tarisa Marie
“Yeah, I understand,” I mutter and take the letter from Aiden, throwing it into the trash.
He shakes my shoulder reassuringly. “Let’s go for a walk, Megan.”
I agree, because I feel like the fresh air might make me feel better.
We walk into the garden behind the house, and Aiden picks a rose from a stout bush near a tree. He then hands it to me smiling. “For you, my halfling.”
I take the black rose from him graciously and pinch it lightly between my thumb and index finger, sniffing it. Roses are my favorite flower, but I’ve never seen a black one. I didn’t even know that they existed.
We walk in silence down the stone path that I run on every morning. As we walk, I can’t help but steal glances at Aiden. How could I have ever thought someone so beautiful and kind could be evil? Aiden is so very far from evil. He’s taught me so much and made me feel so at home here. He’s changed me, helped me grow. It’s hard for me to imagine that two months ago I was such a weak woman, someone who knew nothing about this world or my lineage. Now I’m smack dab in the middle of this world.
“Megan, there’s something I need to tell you that I haven’t yet. I know this probably isn’t the best time, but I think you should know,” Aiden says in nearly a whisper. “It’s been bugging me. I have to get it out.”
I glance to him and paste a smile on my face.
“Okay, what?”
“I am not only mentoring you to integrate you into our world. I am mentoring you because in three months you’ll have a choice to make.” He groans as if he really doesn’t want to talk about this. “Halflings who are introduced to this world and mentored, do not remain as halflings. They are too easily used by hunters to gain important private information and killed. Halflings are given the choice of having their soul expelled and becoming a pure demon…or keeping their soul, remaining part human, and taking an early death.”
My heart drops as he speaks this. I’ve always known this. Crispen’s family told me this months ago. I do have to admit, though that I’ve been hoping they were wrong.
Two months ago, I would have easily picked death over becoming a demon, but now, I’m not so sure. I think I’m too much of a chicken to let myself die, but then again, if I don’t, my soul will be taken from me, and when I do eventually die, I won’t be reborn. Which is the lesser of the two evils?
“You still have three months, but I wanted you to know so you could start planning. This isn’t something that we usually share with the halflings we mentor. Not until a week or so before the choice is to be made.” I’m numb. I’ve been numb since Crispen initially introduced this world to me. I expected the numbness to fade after days or even weeks, but now it’s been months. I know I should feel something, but all I feel is calm. I am calm. Completely calm, which is something I haven’t been my entire life, not even while I was around Crispen. Okay, maybe there’s a touch of annoyance and anger, but I’m mostly just calm. This is old information, but even though this is old news, should I at least feel something? Shouldn’t I be terrified? I mean, I am terrified, but I’m not terrified.
“Yes, I already know that,” I say through a deep sigh. “I knew that before I was brought here.”
“Oh,” Aiden says blankly, looking confused.
Awkward silence ensues.
“On a lighter note, I’m going to be around all weekend if you’re down for another poker game,” Aiden smirks and glances at me quickly.
I can’t help but giggle upon remembering our last poker game. “You just want me to kick your ass again.”
He shrugs. “I think it’s my turn to bring home the bacon.”
“You can try,” I tempt him.
My thoughts of worry and anger regarding Crispen dissipate, as I will myself to move on. I’m not new to hurt. I’m not new to abandonment or being disowned. I’ve done this before with my mother, with my father, with friends. I’ve had bad luck with all of my relationships, and now I know why. It’s because of my lineage. Now that I’m with my own kind, maybe I’ll fit in better. Maybe, I’ll make real friends and be able to actually maintain relationships. The demon thing, no, it isn’t so bad for me. What was bad for me was thinking I was mortal and never understanding why I was so different growing up. I never understood why my friends were never truly friends or how the people around me always seemed to find a way to make distance between us. It all makes sense now.
“So I was reading last night, and I have a question.” I don’t wait for him to tell me to continue. “Why is it that some demons sleep during the day?” I recall Darius telling his daughter to go to bed at sunrise.
“Just a life choice like being vegetarian,” Aiden explains quickly. “I’m not sure. Work schedules maybe.”
Oh, well that’s not as exciting as I thought his answer would be.
“Megan, can I ask you something?” Aiden asks after a moment of silence.
“Sure, shoot,” I encourage him enthusiastically.
He picks an apple from a tree and bites into it. He’s quiet for another moment as he chews. “When you came to live with me, I expected you to be…well, I expected you to be shaken up. You’d just been scooped out of bed in the middle of the night, brought to your long lost father, and then shipped off to me. Not only that, you were just thrown into a world where demons exist and you yourself one of them, or at least half of you. Yet after all of that, you moved in with me like nothing was strange, you’ve listened to my every instruction, you’ve listened to all my rules. Now I’ve just mentioned to you that you have to choose between becoming a demon and losing your soul, and letting go of your life. Nothing in your expression even changed. You seemed to accept this. There was no fright. Why? Why are you not disturbed by all of this, what is it I’m missing? At first I thought it was shock, but it’s been too long for you to still be in shock. Most halflings are deeply changed and lost after learning about their heritage and being introduced to this world. Why are you different?”
His long-winded question catches me off guard. I wasn’t expecting him to ask me this. The fact that he too finds my lack of care strange, bothers me in a way that I can’t explain. Something deep down inside of me stirs and tells me something is wrong with me. It’s not just my imagination. I should be taken aback by all of this nonsense, so why am I relatively unbothered?
I stop walking and so does he. We stare at each other both obviously in thought.
“I’ve been expecting myself to crack, but it’s just not happening,” I admit, my brows merging in confusion.
“So you’re not normally so…relaxed?” he asks me and brushes a strand of hair behind my ear delicately.
“No, definitely not.”
“I have to admit that I’m mildly worried that your father has something to do with this,” Aiden says through a sigh.
“What do you mean?”
“As you’ve read, some demons are born with special talents. Only pure bloods have these talents. Your father, well, he has the ability to mess with one’s mind. He can plant fake memories, take away memories, even take away certain emotions. For example, he could removes one’s ability to feel panic, worry, happiness, etcetera,” he discloses. He rubs his thumb across my cheek where a pattern of freckles lay.
“Yeah, it’s called compulsion, right? You think my father brain washed me?” I ask for clarification, my mind reeling. It’s far from farfetched. He even admitted to using compulsion on me as a baby.
“Yes, compulsion. I’m not sure, but I’d bet it was either him or he told one of his servants to do it for him. When was the last time you felt…well…I guess anxiety?”
“Like…” I think about it. When was the last time I felt anxiety? I have felt minor anxiety or panicked, because I knew that I should be anxious, but the last time that I was truly suffering from anxiety was over two months ago. When I tell him this, he doesn’t seem surprised.
“I bet your father or someone did this to prepare you for all of this.” Aiden motions to my surround
ings. “I bet that it was part of his plan.”
I remember when Darius told me to stop screaming in the car and how although I didn’t want to stop screaming, I did. What I it was Darius who compelled me to not be able to feel these emotions? It’s hard for me to pinpoint when exactly it was that I stopped feeling what I should, because I know there are moments of shock mixed into the bunch. Was it before Aria took me to Crispen’s house or was it after? Was it after I spoke with Blayk outside of the apartment building or was it when Darius kidnapped me? After he kidnapped me? Could it have been when I met my father? Maybe it was even on the way to Aiden’s house. I don’t know. There is absolutely no way for me to know.
“I think whoever it was took your ability to freak the hell out, before they brought you to me to make it easier for me to train you. It only makes sense. They implanted a compulsion that made you compliant both with the new world around you and the people introducing it to you.” Aiden looks sad, but I can’t understand why.
I don’t know what to say. “How can I fix this?!” I demand, my voice rising in volume, not because I’m freaking out, but because I know that I should be freaking out, and I’m not.
“There are four ways to break compulsion. Kill the person who planted it, the person who planted it removes it, a person capable of stronger compulsion removes it, or it wears off in time depending on how strong the compulsion is that could take months or years even,” Aiden informs me, a grin beginning to form on his lips that I don’t understand.
“Oh, great. All three of those seem so simple to accomplish. I doubt if I ask my father he’ll remove it. Have you met that man? How common is this compulsion trait?” I know deep down that it was my father who did this to me. It had to be. I recall sitting in his home. He could have just shipped me off to Aiden, but instead he called me in for no apparent reason really. Surely he didn’t just want to talk like we had. I’m almost positive that he wanted to see me just to implant the compulsion into my mind.
“Not very common,” Aiden says blankly.
“Great, just great. I’m a zombie. I can’t believe it took me two months to realize it. I’m normally always freaking the hell out. I should’ve noticed!” I shout at myself. “How do I find one of these demons that does compulsion? Because I know he’s not about to remove it, and I don’t want him anywhere near me. I don’t trust him. Jesus crunching crap nuggets!”
Aiden stares at me like I’ve just spoken a language he doesn’t understand. “What did you just say?” he asks, squinting and clearly trying not to laugh.
“Never mind,” I correct myself with embarrassment. I thought I’d done my weird little rant in my head, apparently I said Jesus crunching crap nuggets out loud. He probably thinks I’m nuts. “So, how are we going to fix me?”
“Well, Megan, actually, it’s your lucky day.”
“What do you mean?” I demand. How in the hell is this my lucky day?
“I am a man of many things. Compulsion just happens to be one of my talents.”
It takes me a moment to gather myself. “You can fix this?” I point to my head. “You can fix me? You can do stronger compulsion than my father?”
He nods and grins. “It sounds like you doubt me. I can assure you that my compulsion is far stronger than your father’s.” A sexy smirk takes over his face.
He’s right. I do kind of doubt this, but I don’t really know why. There isn’t any reason for me to think that Aiden isn’t as strong as my father. “Well, what are you waiting for? Why haven’t you fixed me? Do it now! How long have you had these suspicions anyway? You couldn’t have brought this up sooner?” I ramble off, still pointing excessively at my head like it’s somehow going to help.
“A mind is a very intricate and personal thing, Megan. I wasn’t about to invade your privacy like that. Though some people have low morals, I am not one of them. I do not access one’s mind unless they give me permission or circumstances are dire. Too much compulsion in so little time can screw someone partly human up. I’ve been watching making sure that I was correct in my observations. It’s not safe. I had to be sure, before I went poking around in there.”
“This is dire.” I argue. Now that I know I’m missing a part of me, not feeling is making me feel strange.
“I have your permission then?” he asks, one eyebrow cocked.
“Yes, fix my head, Aiden,” I plead, staring up into his dark, ominous eyes. “Fix it now.”
His lips quirk, and he tilts my chin up with his fore finger, so I’m staring directly into his eyes.
Though I know I don’t black out, I don’t remember anything from this time until what must be minutes later when he finally removes his gaze from mine.
“How’s that?” he asks skeptically, taking in my expression in full.
Suddenly there are a lot more thoughts running through my head than I’m used to, and I begin to feel dizzy. It’s like a New York subway in my head. Thoughts rush around like they’re late for meetings or something. Oh my gooey meatball tin sandwiches.
“Megan?” Aiden asks, concern taking over his features. He grabs my shoulders and helps me sit down, before I fall down.
A million emotions flash in front of me, as I try to sort them out. Anger, sadness, stress, confusion, hurt, and anxiety only to name a few. These emotions weren’t completely taken away from me before, but they were definitely numbed to a great extent. This makes me angry, irritated, and pissed off at my father for doing this to me.
“Megan?” Aiden tries again.
This time my eyes flash to his.
He stares back sympathetically and worried. “Are you alright?”
I nod one quick nod. I’m not alright, but I’ll be alright, once I have the chance to sort through all of this pent up emotion.
“Megan, you’re alright. I’m here,” he attempts to soothe me, grasping my hand in his and squeezing tightly.
Aiden. Has he become my new Crispen? Have I come to care about him just as much as I do…or did Crispen without realizing it, maybe even more? New emotions regarding Aiden filter into me that I couldn’t really feel before. I’m definitely no longer numb.
Aiden has taken care of me, taught me, helped me through all of this while Crispen never came for me, and when I went to him, he tried to kill Aiden, then he put me on his hit list with the demons.
“Aiden?” I whisper.
“Yes, Megan?” he answers, curiously.
“Thank you.”
“Thank you for what?” he asks, curiosity deepening.
“Thank you for everything you’ve done for me.”
“You don’t need to thank me. I should thank you for giving me company. Are you sure you’re alright?” The glint in Aiden’s eyes tells me that he sees the difference in me that I feel. A special kind of warmth arises in his expression, and his arm droops over my shoulder to comfort me. “I can’t believe that it took me this long to figure it out. I’m sorry. I guess I’m just used to hanging out with humanity-less assholes. I feel like an idiot.”
“What are you sorry for?” I ask him, tears welling in my eyes, as I become overwhelmed with emotion.
“I’m sorry for not bringing back your humanity sooner. I knew something was off, but it took me too long to recognize the signs. I thought maybe something made you so emotionless while you were human. I should’ve guessed Blayne would have done this to you.”
So he blames my father too? I wonder just how well he knows the guy. He’s only come up in conversation a few times, because I hate talking about him. I’m not a daddy fan, especially not now.
“It’s not your fault. I blame my father. I hardly know the man, I’ve only really spoken to him once that I recall, and I know enough to know that he’s an ass.”
“You have that right, though I’d never tell the guy that to his face. He has quite the temper.”
We begin walking back to the house. As we walk, I struggle to keep my vision clear of tears. I’m a wreck. I knew that I should be freaking out more. I k
new I should’ve freaked out more when this entire world was first introduced to me by Crispen. I knew something was wrong. It took me nearly six weeks to get over the fact that I was kidnapped by Blayk and Landon, yet finding out that demons and hunters exist barely made me bat an eye. Knowing that someone has messed with your head without your permission is not a good feeling. In fact, I feel violated and outraged.
“How do you feel about Crispen now?” Aiden asks, and I’m confused by his question. Why does he care how I feel about Crispen?
His question does make me think though. I’m still pissed at Crispen and hurt. I’m on his hit list for hanging out with a demon who is actually one of the nicest people I’ve ever met? It makes no sense. I remember Crispen telling me that the hunters have an intense need to kill and are pulled to demons by instinct. I wonder if his instincts are over ruling his common sense. Is he so wrapped up in instinctively wanting to kill demons that he can’t even give them a chance to prove their innocence?
I’ve met a few demons. I’ve met far more demons than hunters if you count all of the guards and servants here at Aiden and I’s home. Some like my father, Blayk, and possibly Landon are complete assholes, but Aiden is no different than any human. Terry neither. My books tell me that pure bloods aren’t capable of many emotions, grief being one of these, but have I not seen Aiden suffering from the loss of his daughter? I know he feels grief, which means that I know the books are wrong.
Most of the guards are friendly and the servants as well. None of them have threatened to kill me, not even my father has done that, yet Crispen has. Again, I’m not saying that I’m on the demon’s side, but I’m not saying that I’m on the hunter’s side either.
“Megan?” Aiden asks, and I realize that I haven’t answered his question.
“Sorry. I don’t know how I feel about Aiden. I’m…angry at him, but I’m mostly hurt that someone I care about so much, and I thought cared about me just as much, has sent me a death threat for no reason.”
