He stopped for a moment, and looked down at his hands as he held the glass. His look was pained.
“It was hard to realize that no matter how hard I tried, I wasn’t going to be able to give you the one thing you deserved the most,” his eyes returned to Samantha, and he smiled. “You were always such a good child. I saw you studying all those late nights. Working so hard for what you wanted. Then you went and got yourself a scholarship and all kinds of financial aid. Even when I failed you, you made it happened for yourself. I was so proud of you, Sam. I have always been so proud of you, sweetheart. You knew what you wanted, and did anything you could to get there.”
The tears came down her face, and she held his hand. “I love you, Dad. You never failed me. You couldn’t even if you tried. I never expected you to sacrifice yourself for me, for what I wanted to achieve. I knew if I wanted to go to a university, and to Harvard nonetheless, I had to work hard to achieve it. You have always provided me with everything I needed, but more than that you have always believed in me. You believed I could do it, and that is worth so much more to me. I never felt like I wasn’t good enough,” she kissed his cheek, and hugged him. They pulled back, and she reached for a napkin and dried her tears.
“I’ll take you with me, Dad. I promise. I’m not leaving you behind. Just give me a few years to save, and I will come back for you. You have always taken care of me, and I will take care of you. You won’t have to work at that awful factory anymore. You can retire, and we will be together again, in Oxford. I swear, Dad. Ok?”
Frank nodded, as another tear escaped him and hugged her. His daughter’s heart humbled him.
*
The morning arrived, accompanied by a knock at her door.
“Good morning, Sam. I made breakfast.”
“Come in,” she yelled, and finished putting on her Converse shoes.
Frank opened the door, to find her brushing her hair in front of the mirror. He stood behind her. His hands caressed her hair. “You look just like your Mother, you know? You are the vivid image of her,” he said, placing his hands on her shoulders. She smiled, looking at him through the mirror.
“I remember the first time I saw her. I was walking through the gym at school. My basketball practice had just ended. She stood by the bleachers with her cheerleader squad. Your Mother was the prettiest of them all. I looked at her and she smiled at me. She genuinely smiled at me. My heart was as good as hers,” his eyes glistened with the memory, and he smiled.
Samantha stood, and walked towards the corner opening her purse. She took out a manila envelope, and handed it to him. “For you, Dad,” she said simply, and watched him while he opened it.
He pulled out an 8x10 graduation picture of her. She was sitting on a chair with her legs crossed to the side, and a big smile on her face. He instantly recognized she was wearing Grace’s wedding dress, and her blue topaz pendant. Samantha’s hair was loose, and fell over her right shoulder. She wore her cap, and held the diploma in one hand. His eyes watered.
“Just like your Mother,” he whispered, and hugged her.
Pulling back from the hug, he reached into his back pocket, and handed something to her.
Her eyes widened when she realized she was holding a checkbook and a debit card.
“That is for you, sweetheart. For you to be able to get on your feet and get a place to live, while you start working at Oxford.”
She looked at him briefly, then down at the checkbook, in shock.
“It’s all I was able to save since you told me you wanted to go to college. I saved it because I knew you would need it one day, even if it couldn’t pay for your school. I know it will help you now more than ever,” Samantha stared at him with a dumbfounded expression. He continued. “There’s six thousand dollars in that account. I had saved a bit more, but when the roof caved in last year, I was forced to take some out to help cover the cost to replace it. I’m sorry.”
She could hear the remorse in his voice. That snapped her out of the shock. She shook her head, adamantly.
“No Dad, I can’t. You keep it, you need it more than I do,” she said, handing it back to him. He smiled lovingly, and kissed her cheek pushing her hand back.
“I have never been able to give you much, but this is yours. I saved it for you, to help you. Don’t take this opportunity away from me, Sam. Let me do this for you. Please accept it. I saved it for you.”
She hugged him tight. “You have given me much more than you will ever realize, Dad. You gave me strength, hope, perseverance. The will to achieve what I wanted, and the support I needed to believe that I could. I couldn’t have done this without you believing in me, Dad. Thank you.”
Frank kissed her cheek and hugged her tighter, then pulled away wiping his cheeks. “If you are going to make me cry every time you come here, I’m not inviting you anymore.”
They chuckled and he hugged her again.
After breakfast, Frank proposed they watch a movie. It was 8:30am and they sat in the living room. Samantha spoke just as he pressed play on the VHS.
“Can I ask you for a favor, Dad?” She asked, looking at her hands. Her fingers played with the zipper of his sweatshirt.
“Of course, sweetheart. Anything you want.”
“After I leave, if Jonathan comes here… please don’t tell him where I am,” Frank sighed, and looked into her eyes. She could see the reprimand in his eyes but there was also concern.
“Sam… What happened? Please, sweetheart. Talk to me,” she remained silent, and he shook his head. “He’s your best friend, Sam. Whatever happened, he cares about you. He always has. He’s going to be worried,” Samantha took his hand in hers, and held it tightly while her eyes settled on his.
“Dad, I know you don’t understand right now. And I’m sorry I can’t really explain, but I need you to do this for me. Please.”
Frank frowned, and looked straight into her eyes searching for an answer. He was confused and uncomfortable by the request, but the hurt in her eyes told him she needed this. She needed time. Surely he could give her that much.
Two and a half hours later they parked at the airport.
“I’m sorry to have to drop you off half an hour before you had to be here, Sam, but I have to go to work,” Frank said, hugging her after placing her luggage on the sidewalk.
“Don’t worry, Dad. I understand. Thank you so much for everything. I’m glad I was able to spend this time with you.”
“Me too, sweetheart,” he kissed her cheek and held her face in his hands. “Now go get them, and turn their world upside down, Sam. It will give them a great view,” she chuckled while he kissed her cheek. He hugged her again then pulled away. “My sweet Sam, an assistant professor at Oxford. If only I had bet on that,” he said, winking at her and she smiled wide.
Samantha watched him, while he got in the car and drove away. Taking a deep breath, she reached for the handles of her luggage, and walked into the airport dragging them behind her. Once checked in, she sat in front of the gate. Putting on her earphones, she turned on her Walkman, and began practicing Latin.
Jonathan woke up Friday morning, and nuzzled the pillow that lay under his head. Samantha’s pillow. Taking a deep breath, he inhaled her scent. His heart immediately constricted as he thought of her.
“Today. Today I’ll get to talk to her. Clear all this up. Make things right,” he thought, getting up to take a shower before he had to meet Angela, Peter and Grandma Rose at the hotel to head to the airport.
An hour later he sat at the terminal, staring at the window. His eyes were lost beyond the glass. Samantha was all he could think about, her kiss, and that last look. The despair in her eyes as she looked at him, and turned away.
“Are you ok, son?” His Father asked, coming to sit beside him as they waited for the flight. He looked at him.
“Uhm. Yes, Peter. Just tired from everything, you know.”
Peter nodded. “How come Samantha didn’t travel with us?”
�
��I think she wanted to see Frank really bad, so she took off a day early. It was hard for her, with him not being there and all. I found her crying yesterday,” his heart constricted. The image of her, crying on the steps of her building crossed his mind, and he closed his eyes.
“Oh that’s a shame. She is such a sweet girl, and after losing her Mother so young and only having her Dad, she still accomplished so much. What a remarkable young lady.”
Jonathan nodded smiling. “Yes. She is,” his Dad began to laugh and he turned to look at him, confused.
“I still remember the time you guys were six, and she came running back from the pond with a frog in her hands. She brought it into the house to ‘save it’ because it was hurt. She placed it on the kitchen counter and ran to the medicine cabinet to look for a Band-Aid. Your Mother walked into kitchen and nearly passed out when the frog jumped at her,” they laughed. “That thing was huge! I was deaf for a full day, thanks to the scream your Mother let out… That girl is something else,” Peter said, and Jonathan nodded in agreement.
“Yeah. She is.”
“Oh, sorry, son. I got a beep,” Peter said, looking at his pager. “It’s Jennifer, I’ll be back. I’m going to call her,” he added, getting up to look for a pay phone.
Jennifer was Peter’s current wife. He had cheated on Angela with her. As it turned out, Peter had married Jennifer while still being Angela’s legal husband. He had a whole second family that he kept secret from Angela and Jonathan for years. Jennifer had been pregnant at the time Angela found out about their relationship, but lost the baby. This was the reason Jonathan’s parents divorced. Angela and Jonathan were devastated by the discovery. By Peter’s betrayal, and blatant disregard for them. It took a long time for Jonathan to move on from that hurt, for him to accept it. He finally did when he saw his Mother forgive Peter and Jennifer. They became friends, for Jonathan’s sake. Yet his relationship with his Father was never the same. Jonathan had forgiven him too, but he had done it for his Mother. If she could forgive them, then he had to at least try. However, for Jonathan his family was forever broken. He never again called Peter, Dad. Peter’s deception left a deep scar in him. It was the reason Jonathan didn’t believe in love. Didn’t want it. He didn’t want to make the same mistakes his Dad had made. He would rather be alone.
Jonathan was lost somewhere among the clouds, as memories had started to flood his mind. They were on the plane now, well on their way home. Yet, she was all he could see. A seven year-old Samantha crossed his mind. She and Jonathan were climbing Mrs. Davis’ apple tree in her back yard. He was trying to steal an apple and fell down, scraping his knee. It wasn’t the first time, and Angela had warned him he would get punished for a full week if he did that again. Samantha grabbed him by the hand, and took him to her house instead. She convinced her Mother, Grace, to cure him so he wouldn’t get in trouble with his Mom.
Another memory rolled in. The time he neglected to do his homework when they were twelve, and she gave him hers. His parents had just gotten divorced, and he was going through a rough time. Samantha got in trouble with the teacher so he wouldn’t have to.
Then there was the time they went to prom together. She had actually worn jeans and a t-shirt to it, her hair in pigtail braids. “She always looked cute in braids,” he thought, as the image of her crossed his mind. She had been adamant about the fact that she knew nothing about fashion. It was easier to be comfortable. He chuckled.
“That’s why she still wears jeans, and my sweatshirt every day.”
One more memory came to him. The day he got that sweatshirt. They had just gotten to Harvard and the first thing he did was buy it at the campus’ store. A month later they were eating burgers at a nearby tavern, and she accidentally spilled his soda on herself. She took his sweatshirt and changed in the bathroom. She kept it from that day on. He didn’t have the heart to ask her for it back.
“She looks so damn cute in it,” he thought, and chuckled at the fact that he was the one to do her laundry back at the dorms, except her intimates of course. She would probably rather throw something away than have to wash it.
Every memory he had of his life involved her in one way or another, every single one… He continued to look out the window as the image of her crying on the steps of her dorm crossed his mind once again. He felt his heart tighten. Suddenly, Grandma Rose’s hand held his, taking him away from his thoughts.
“Is everything ok, dear?” She asked concerned.
“Yes, Grandma. I was just thinking about Sam. She was crying yesterday and I feel terrible. I can’t stop thinking about it,” was all he could manage to tell her. A partial truth was better than none, he figured. She gave him a knowing smile.
“She’s a wonderful young lady, and she’s very strong, dear. I know it’s tough for her, but she will find her way, and she has you,” her statement tugged at his heart even more.
“She will always have me.”
When they finally arrived at the airport, Jonathan was a man on a mission. He ran to look for a cart, got everyone’s luggage sorted, and hurried to the exit. After Peter left with Jennifer, who was waiting for him outside, Jonathan turned to his Mother and Grandma Rose.
“Ok, let’s go.”
*
Jonathan’s eyes were fixed on the road, yet his mind couldn’t stop visualizing the moment he would finally be able to talk to Samantha about what happened. His gaze flickered to the rearview mirror as he struggled with what he should say to her. The last time he spoke, he only managed to make things worse. A frustrated breath left him.
“How do I do this? How can I explain to her that I didn’t mean what I said? Not entirely… not in that way,” he sighed. “I have to apologize to her. A real apology, without putting my stupid foot in my mouth like back at the dorm.”
The thought brought back the memory of them in his room. The way her body looked in those wet clothes. The kisses they shared, and the way her lips molded to his… gave into him. Her body under his, her breasts pressed to his chest, and her waist in his grasp. Her legs wrapped around his hips welcoming him, and her softness against him. Overwhelming desire unraveled inside him, just like it did when she was in his arms. It caused his body to respond to the need she had awakened in him. He closed his eyes for a split second, and tried to push those feelings and thoughts out of him. All he could do was feel her lips on his, her body in his arms, and oh how amazing it had felt. She awoke parts of his body in that kiss that he didn’t even know he had. His whole body was screaming at him to keep going. To make her his, and he wanted nothing more in that moment than to follow through. He shuddered at the thought.
“I can’t kiss her again. I can’t do this to her, she’s my best friend. It shouldn’t have happened. It was a mistake,” he told himself, as the troubling feelings stirred inside him…
He had barely parked the car when he pulled off his seatbelt, opened the door and got out. He rushed across the street, to Samantha’s house and knocked on the door. Nothing happened. After the third knock he looked through the window. The house seemed empty. He walked around the house to where her room was and whistled their “special” whistle to her, but still no answer. Refusing to give up, he climbed the tree that led right to her window and realized, to his disappointment, that her room was empty. He jumped down and walked back to his house confused, opened the trunk and began taking everyone’s luggage into the house.
Jonathan sat by the window in his room while he waited for her. It was the window that looked to the front of the street and onto her house. It was already 8:00pm and she hadn’t been home all day. He was going crazy. He had looked for her, in every place he could think of. He went to the pond where they used to hang out, nothing. He went to the park, the diner, and even the library. She was nowhere to be found. Springport was a very small town. With only about eight hundred people, there were very few places where she could be.
He got up, and paced the length of his room trying to calm himself, but failed m
iserably. Every time he closed his eyes, he saw her in his arms. She held him closer to her, kissing him back. Her chest pressed to his… he couldn’t do this anymore. She was haunting him, that kiss, her lips, her body. The despair in her eyes right before she ran away tore at his soul.
It was 9:45pm when he finally heard Frank’s car. Jumping from his bed he went to the window to confirm it. Frank was parking in the driveway. He rushed downstairs, ran to her house and knocked on her door a bit harder than he should have. The waiting had gotten to him. A second later he heard footsteps and felt relieved the second the door opened. Jonathan stared at Frank, confused for a moment then looked around him in search of Samantha but couldn’t see her inside.
“It’s nice to see you too, Jonathan,” he heard Frank say, and his eyes returned to him.
“I’m sorry, Frank. How are you?” he asked hurriedly, not really interested in the response.
“I’m fine, and you?”
“Fine. Listen, where’s Sam? I need to talk to her, please,” Frank looked at him with a strange expression and took a deep breath.
“I’m sorry, son. She’s not here.”
Jonathan shook his head, sighing. “I know she’s mad at me, and you are saying that so she can have her space. The thing is, I really need to talk to her, Frank. Please, I want to apologize.”
Frank’s stare turned to a mixture of concern and pain. “She’s not here, son. I’m sorry, she left.”
Chasing Time: A Love Through Time Novel Page 6
