He claimed her lips, overcome by her words, and kissed her with everything he felt for her. Their legs intertwined as their bodies shifted coming together seamlessly, and they made love to each other, once more.
Jonathan’s eyes fluttered opened hours later. He looked down, suddenly afraid that she wouldn’t be there. That it had all been a dream, and it wouldn’t be Samantha lying next to him. His eyes found her asleep in his arms, and he held her closer to him. His heart flipped inside him, swollen by the love he felt for her, by the simple sight of her. He closed his eyes, relieved, and let out a weighted breath, thanking God that it was really her with him. Samantha was finally the one in his arms. He placed two small kisses on her forehead, like he loved to do since they were kids.
“I will go back to England with her. I am not going to take no for an answer.”
The thought immediately reminded him of the other man in her life. The one that stole a piece of her heart from him, the one that made her his when Jonathan couldn’t be with her.
“I did this. I pushed her into his arms. It’s all my fault.”
A single tear slid down his cheek at the thought. He wiped it away, and kissed her forehead once again.
“I won’t lose her again, not this time. However big or small the part of her heart that loves him may be, it’s not strong enough to push me away. She loves me, she’s always loved me and I love her. I’m hers, and she’s mine. That’s all that matters.”
His eyes settled on her, she was sleeping peacefully on him. He held her hand, bringing it to his lips to kiss it, then placed it on top of his chest.
“I’ll do whatever it takes. Go through hell itself to be with her.”
Holding her tight in his arms, Jonathan closed his eyes, and fell back to sleep.
“Knock, knock.”
Jonathan opened his eyes, noticing the dark sky through the window. He kissed Samantha’s forehead, still trying to clear the fog he was under. Sleeping with her in his arms was pure bliss. She opened her eyes, groggy, while he rubbed her back. The knock came again.
“Samantha, are you there?” Frank said, opening the door and stepping in. “I left you a voicemail that Paul was going to give me a ride but I…” He cut off as he took in the scene before him. Samantha and Jonathan were in bed together, completely naked.
She gasped, while Jonathan hurriedly pulled the sheet that had fallen from their bodies, covering them once again. Frank panicked, whirling around.
“Oh God! I’m sorry, I… I didn’t know, I’m sorry!” He said, shutting the door.
Samantha looked at Jonathan shocked, and completely mortified. He busted out laughing.
“Oh my God! He’s going to kill me!” Samantha said, sitting up and covering her gaping mouth. She had been completely wrapped up in her little world with Jonathan, and had not even remembered her Father. Jonathan sat up, and pulled her into his arms still laughing. He placed two small kisses on her forehead.
“It’s ok, baby. You are a twenty-eight year old woman. I hardly think he’ll even try.”
“Shut up!” She said, pushing him off the bed, his laughter got louder as his butt hit the floor. She jumped up, picked up her clothes, and began getting dressed. “Get up!” she urged him. “Come on, put your clothes on!” she added, throwing the pillow at him.
He caught it, still laughing, and rubbed his butt from the fall.
Jonathan and Samantha went downstairs, and found Frank sitting at the kitchen table with two boxes of Aunt Sara’s fried fish. They walked in quietly, their heads down. When they entered, Frank got up, crossed his arms on his chest, and began tapping his right foot against the floor. Jonathan pressed his lips together not to laugh, then leaned into Samantha.
“I had forgotten you get that from him.”
Frank cleared his throat, and Jonathan straightened. “Would either one of you, like to explain to me what the hell is going on here?” He bellowed, not amused in the least by their behavior.
Samantha looked up at him, opening her mouth to speak, but nothing came out. Jonathan smiled, kissing her forehead.
“It was my fault, Frank. I’m sorry, but I love her. I love her more than anything in this world, and I came to tell her that. To remind her that she loves me, and convince her that she belongs with me… I didn’t mean to disrespect you, or your house and for that I’m sorry, but I had to fight for her,” Jonathan reached for Samantha’s hand and brought it to his lips, kissing it. She smiled looking into his eyes. They exchanged a silent I love you.
Frank’s arms dropped to his sides. He was stunned by Jonathan’s revelation to say the least. It had been the last thing he had expected to hear.
“Well, I guess now I know what happened five years ago,” he mumbled, and chuckled. He cleared his throat, and folded his arms again, remembering he was supposed to be mad. “Well, don’t let it happen again, understood!”
“I’m sorry, Frank, but I can’t promise you that,” Jonathan answered honestly, and then cringed when Samantha elbowed him. Frank hid a smile, and shook his head sighing.
“Dear Lord, I don’t even know how to begin to deal with this!” He said sitting down, and still shaking his head.
Jonathan and Samantha remained quiet, standing in the same place since they entered the kitchen. It was not the first time they had found themselves standing right there, in front of a fuming Frank. They were waiting for the “second round”. Frank looked up at them, irritated.
“Well, what are you guys waiting for? I brought food. Eat.”
While they ate, Frank continuously glanced at his daughter and Jonathan. He saw them holding hands and looking at each other tenderly. Noticed how Jonathan would kiss her forehead every so often, and how her eyes would close when his lips touched her skin. They had this dazed look in their eyes. A look he hadn’t seen in a long, long time. He smiled briefly, as nostalgia swept over him, and then took a deep a breath, his concern winning over.
“Ok, so you two love each other. Is that right?”
“Yes, Dad. I love him,” she answered without hesitation.
Jonathan wrapped his arm around Samantha, bringing her close to him, and caressing her cheek with his thumb. “We do, we love each other,” Jonathan reiterated looking into her eyes. She gave him a dreamy smile.
Frank nodded, placing his fork down, and cleaning his mouth with the napkin. “Well, then forgive me for being the one to bring this up, but what are you guys going to do now that you have accepted this? I’m sorry, Samantha, but in case you have forgotten you have Christopher, a respectful young man, waiting for you in Oxford. Now, I don’t know much about modern relationships, but in my time you were with only one person at a time. The one you loved, so I’m not entirely sure how this is going to work for the three of you.”
Samantha closed her eyes, the weight of reality falling over her. Her throat became dry, and a different kind of pain awakened in her heart. She hadn’t had a chance to think about the consequences, and what she would now be forced to do. The last thing she wanted was to hurt Christopher, but she could no longer deny the intensity of the love she felt for Jonathan. She raised her elbow on the table and cupped her forehead, the burden of her choice settling on her.
Frank turned to Jonathan, still expecting an answer. “You are aware that she has a boyfriend back in England?”
Jonathan nodded, silently. His gaze was fixed on Samantha. The pain of that reality hit him once more. He knew she would never hurt anyone deliberately, and that the next steps would be very difficult for her.
“I’m going to talk to Christopher, Dad. Explain to him that I love Jonathan, and that I cannot be with him any longer,” Samantha said, grimly, after a few minutes of silence, knowing in her heart that this would destroy Christopher.
Jonathan released a breath he didn’t know he was holding. He was relieved to hear her say that.
“Very well, now that you know you want to be with Jonathan, how are you two going to do this? He lives in Boston and you are g
oing back to Oxford. We are moving there for good, and I’m sorry to tell you this, but I don’t believe in long distance relationships, and neither should you.”
Jonathan answered quickly, looking at Samantha. “I’m going with you. I’m coming back to Oxford with you.”
She looked at him startled. “What? No, you can’t do that. What about your work, and your place?”
“I’ll sell my apartment. As for my job, I can ask for a transfer to our partner Law firm over there. My firm has offices all over the world. I’m not going to ask you to leave everything you have worked so hard for, just because of me. Your life is in Oxford now, and you are my life so I’ll go with you,” Samantha looked at him, stunned. Part of her was glad, so glad to hear him say that, but the other part of her was significantly overwhelmed.
“You can’t come with me right now, you have to wait. I still have to talk to Christopher about us, and get things straightened out. He’s going to ask me to move out, and I’ll have to find a new place. There are a lot of things I must do.”
“It doesn’t matter,” he immediately countered. “I’ll be there with you. I can be with you when you talk to him, help him understand that our love…”
“What?” She squealed, panicking. “Are you out of your mind?” She stood up abruptly, and stepped away. “You can’t do that, Jonathan. I have to talk to him alone, I need to do this alone.”
“Ok, then I’ll be there waiting for you after you talk to him. I won’t leave your side, Sam. Not now, not ever. I finally have you, and I’m not going to leave you,” he said, walking to her and holding her hand in his.
She pulled away. “No, I need time. You need to realize that this is not going to be easy. You have to let me do this my way,” she looked away from him, trying to catch her breath. Anxiety was taking a hold of her and she was finding it hard to breathe. She turned around and placed her hands on her head as the room started spinning. She closed her eyes. “I have to talk to him, and I need to do this alone. I need time to deal with all of this.”
Jonathan pulled her hands down, gently, and reached for her, to hold her, but she stepped back looking at him. She shook her head, and her eyes filled with tears.
“I can’t just leave him like that. Like what we had never mattered, like he doesn’t mean anything to me. You don’t understand, Jonathan… you don’t know,” a tear escaped from her eyes and she turned around. “I can’t… I can’t do this,” She said crying, and ran out of the kitchen going upstairs.
Jonathan pushed his hands through his hair, feeling frustrated and defeated. He knew she loved him, but he also knew she loved that other man… Christopher. What was to come would be hard for everyone, and if he wasn’t careful it might even drive her away from him. His gaze met Frank’s who gave him an expectant glare.
“Well, go after her! What are you waiting for?” Frank shouted, and Jonathan whirled around, rushing upstairs.
“Kids!”
Frank said, shaking his head, and began picking up the plates.
Jonathan opened the door to Samantha’s room slowly, and found her crying on her bed, hugging the pillow. He walked towards her, pulling the pillow from her grip, and lay down beside her. She immediately clung to him, like she had done so many years ago, seeking comfort.
“I’m so sorry, baby. I didn’t mean to push you. I know what you have to do is not easy, and I know you love him too,” the words cut through him as he said them. He took a deep breath.
Samantha tried to speak but found it difficult. The reality of what she was truly going to have to do had set in. The part of her heart she pushed aside to be with Jonathan, was mourning right now, punishing her fiercely for her betrayal to Christopher’s love.
She raised her gaze to Jonathan’s. “You don’t understand…” she whispered, unable to finish her thought.
“I do. He was there for you, and you love him.”
She shook her head. “No. I do love him, and yes he was there for me, but it’s much more than that.”
Jonathan looked at her, suddenly worried. His chest tightened while he waited for her to explain.
“When I met him, I did nothing but cry for you day and night. Every time I was alone, every time you came to mind, the wound in my heart would open, and the pain would rip me apart.”
Jonathan’s eyes teared up at the truth in her statement. He hated that he had done that to her. That he couldn’t realize, and accept his love for her before, and he would forever regret that. He swallowed the lump in her throat. She continued.
“He was sweet, listened to me, and he was there for me, but when we met he was hurting too. His wife had passed away unexpectedly the year before, and he had shut off himself to the world after that. He hadn’t even spoken about her since her death. His pain was too great. When we met, it was like our hearts knew that the other one was suffering, that the other one needed someone, and we bonded over it. He opened up to me, and told me everything that had happened to his wife. He told me about his pain, his love for her. He was there for me, I was there for him, and we fell in love. I’m the only woman he has been with since his wife died, the only one he opened up to, allowed himself to love…” She paused, and more tears fell, the pain tearing through her. She sat up on the bed, looking straight into Jonathan’s eyes. “If I do this, it will destroy him… It’s not as easy as just saying goodbye,” she stood, walking to the window, and she sobbed. She stood before it, holding herself.
Jonathan took a deep breath, while he processed what he had just learned. He silently cursed as he comprehended that this was much more complicated than he could have imagined. Samantha loved Christopher more than he had expected. Their relationship was deep. He felt the burning of the pain that accompanied that realization. Getting up, he walked up to her, and stood behind her.
“I understand.”
“No you don’t! She cried, turning around. “I’m going to rip his heart out, and there is no easy way to do that. He knew it. He knew I still loved you, and he warned me at the airport. He begged me to please remember that I loved him too, begged me to return to him, and now I have failed him. I’m going rip his heart open, and he doesn’t deserve it, Jonathan… I don’t want to do this to him… I don’t want to!” She yelled, sobbing, and he pulled her into his arms, holding her fiercely to him. His jaw tightened, as her pain and Christopher’s traveled savagely through him, scorching everything in its path.
*
It was 2:30am, and Samantha lay on her bed with Jonathan. Her head rested on his chest as she numbly stared at the wall. They had been silent since she told him about Christopher. Jonathan had held her while she cried, until she was able to calm down.
A million scenarios ran through his mind, and he feared the worst. His world would once again, be turned upside down. He didn’t want to lose her, but he felt as though he could very well lose her to him…
“Is your love for him stronger than the love you feel for me?” he asked, breaking the silence.
“No,” she answered, without hesitation.
Jonathan nodded, but for some reason it didn’t bring him any relief. “Do you still want to be with me?”
“Yes.”
“Be honest with me, Sam, please. If the pain I’ve caused is too great, if this is irreversible, then I will find a way to deal with that. Just please don’t lie to me.”
Samantha lifted her head, looking straight into his eyes. “I want to be with you, Jonathan. I love you.”
He breathed again. The truth was clear in her eyes. He cradled her face with both hands, and kissed her softly, then pulled away holding her gaze.
“Then tell me what you need me to do. What you need from me so we can be together, and I’ll do it. I’ll do anything for you, Sam. Now that I have you, I’m not going to let you go. I will fight for you as hard as I need to. I’m not losing you again.”
She lowered her gaze to his chest. “I need time.”
“How long?”
“I don’t know. Just
give me time to do what I need to do. To talk to him, to break his heart.”
Jonathan looked at her concerned, he lifted her chin for her to look at him. She closed her eyes. “Look at me Sam,” a tear ran down her face once she did. “I love you and want to be with you more than anything in this world, but I don’t want to force you into anything. I don’t want to force you to love me, to be with me.”
“I’m so confused, Jonathan.” She answered, honestly. His heart immediately felt the blow. She took a deep breath still looking into his eyes. “I think it will be better if I go back alone, and talk to him. I’ll need to look for a place, and move out. I’ll let you know once I’m settled so you can come to England. That way you’ll be able to finalize anything you need, your place, and the transfer in the meantime, and we will be together again.”
“Are you sure this is what you want to do? I’ll wait for you as long as you want, Sam. I’ll give you all the time you need, just as long as you promise me that you’ll be there for me at the end, and we will be together, baby. That you’ll be mine.”
“I promise. I love you, Jonathan. I love you more than I love him, more than anything,” she placed a soft kiss on his lips, sealing her promise.
Jonathan rested his forehead to hers, holding her waist, and prayed that she would never say goodbye to him again. Taking a deep breath, Samantha pulled away, and reached for her cell phone on the night table. He looked at her confused while she flipped it open, and dialed. Her heart began to race as the phone rang on the other line. She closed her eyes the second she heard his voice.
“Are you all right?” Christopher asked, answering on the second ring.
“Yes, I’m fine. And you?”
Jonathan’s chest constricted the second he realized who was on the other line. He could hear his voice through the phone.
“I’ve been worried sick, Princess. You haven’t called me since you arrived.”
“I’m sorry, Christopher. I meant to call you I just didn’t get a chance,” she squeezed her eyes tightly, and held Jonathan’s hand for support.
Chasing Time: A Love Through Time Novel Page 23
