by Daisy Allen
But I should’ve known, I should’ve had no doubt that when I needed the help, needed someone to understand, someone to hold my hand and tell me I could do it, and how to do it, it would be him.
It was always meant to be him. I’ve known it from the moment I saw him when I was just a girl, too young to know about love.
It was always meant to be him.
Always.
But I know that he feels that his relationship with Jez takes priority, and I know that he feels that allegiance to my brother so strongly because I feel it too.
I watch him, as he looks at me, with a longing that feels like a sharp pain in the pit of my stomach, then he pushes open the carriage door and walks away. And I wonder if there is anyone left in the world who can see me like he does.
***
It feels like everyone on the train is crammed into this one carriage. And I don’t blame them. I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else in the world either.
News travelled fast that the guys had gotten out their instruments and were having an impromptu jam session in our first class car. Sebastian and Jez sit on the facing seats while Brad and Marius stand by, shit-eating grins on their faces as they take requests.
“Come on guys! Stump us, give us something hard!” Jez yells out, and someone in the crowd answers with a pair of songs for them to mash-up.
And of course, they kill it every time. They have an innate ability for weeding out the essence of every song, and finding that common thread that two completely different songs will inevitably share. Every song’s DNA is just a combination of those twelve notes, after all.
“Rachmaninoff’s Cello Sonata in G Minor and Nickelback’s Lips Of An Angel!” I yell out, and they all throw their heads back and groan. I double over in a hysterical cackle at my own evilness, and I’m leaning against the carriage door, holding my stomach, gasping for air.
“You complete and utter witch,” someone yells out over my head and it just makes me laugh even harder. It’s Marius. Who else would it be? I force myself to stand straight so I can watch their torment. He narrows his eyes at me and points his bow in my direction, threateningly.
I waggle my eyebrows and sing the first few lines of the song. I may know my way around a cello, but I was NOT gifted the talent of voice. Marius’s eyebrows spring up and his mouth drops open.
“I know, awesome, right?”
“Uh yeah, I’m… awed, that’s for sure. Like ‘Awwww… God must hate her to have given her a singing voice like that.’”
“Hey!”
“Excuse me, shush, we’re performing now. We Grammy-award-winning artists, that is.”
I poke my tongue out at him.
Which quickly turns into an all out, jaw-on-the-ground, how-the-hell-do-they-do-that expression when they turn my turn songs into a modern day masterpiece.
“I hate you,” I mouth to him when they’re done, the applause so deafening that I worry that the shaking of the train isn’t just from poor engineering.
“No, you don’t,” he mouths back.
And he’s right. What I feel is about the furthest thing from hate that you can feel.
Fuck.
“What’s next?” Brad yells out.
“Lacrimosa from Mozart’s Requiem and Billy Ray Cyrus’ Achy Breaky Heart,” I yell out over the other voices.
All four of their heads whip around, mouths agape.
“FUCKING WITCH!” They yell in unison.
And this time, I laugh so long I actually think I’m going to die from oxygen deprivation to the brain.
Chapter Eighteen
Marius
It is finally quiet enough for me to hear what’s going on in my own brain. Once we changed trains over in Lyon to the train that will take us to Annecy, the guys whipped out their instruments again, and the last hour was one crazy request after another. Hailey finally intervened and kicked all the other travellers back to their seats, but probably not before sneakily taking some pictures and posting them all over our Instagram.
I put my viola back in her case and hand it to Hank, Sebastian’s nephew-slash-slave. Once he leaves I sit back in my empty carriage and close my eyes, enjoying the rocking of the train as it flies through the French countryside.
I’ve done this route so many times, I can picture what scene is flashing by the window. I’m kind of glad for the quiet now, because the last 45 minutes into Annecy is truly beautiful beyond measure.
I slide into the seat beside the window and press my face against it, waiting. The thing about Lake Annecy is her humility. She doesn’t announce her grandeur like many of the other Alpine stunners, she just creeps up on you out of nowhere.
Like… now. Just as the train turns this curve, there she will be, a glistening blue, ripple-less mirror spreading out in front of you, graced by lush, green grass that just begs you to fall in.
“Man, I’m wiped,” I suddenly hear Sebastian say, as he sinks into the seat next to me.
“Yeah, we’re not as young as we used to be,” I say, still staring out the window.
“Speak for yourself, I grow more young and awesome by the day. Practically reversing in age,” he grins, preening his always perfect hair.
“So, Cadence is dating a teenager, is what you’re saying.”
“No, I mean… she’s getting younger as well.”
“So, YOU’RE dating the teenager.”
He scrunches up his face. “Ew, yuck. Why do you have to make everything so offensive?”
My mouth twitches at the corners, remembering the last time someone said that.
“Anyway, that was fun, yeah?” He says, I assume referring to the impromptu jam sessions we just had.
“Yeah.”
“I miss those times. It seems we used to have them a lot more. Now it’s a lot of rehearsal time and big stadiums. Like we’re always trying to prepare for the next big thing.”
I nod. He knows I agree. We all agree. But we’re not going to complain. We know we have the best jobs in the world, doing what we’ve always dreamed of doing, doing it with our favorite people in the world.
“I miss Cadey,” he muses out of nowhere. And I suddenly realize how far he’s come. From the completely carefree, run amok at every opportunity, playboy bachelor, it can’t be easy for him to be committed to one woman, who’s left him to go half way across the world. He must really love her.
“I know, man. She’s a good one.”
“Yeah. And I probably wouldn’t have her, if I hadn’t taken some chances, you know?”
I think back to the troubles they faced in the beginning, and how if they hadn’t completed trusted each other, believed that it was either now or never, things would have turned out very differently.
He heaves himself out of the seat and looks me dead in the eye. “I mean, sometimes you’ve just got to decide what’s important in your life. And whether you’re ready for happiness or not.”
And then he leaves.
What just happened?
I don’t know if he meant to or not, but he’s set off a bomb in my brain.
And the next 40 minutes whizz by with me seeing nothing but the images of what could be in my head.
Chapter Nineteen
Anca
“You guys have the rest of the afternoon free, yeah? Please be back here by 6 p.m., our show starts at 9 p.m.,” Hailey reminds us before she hurries off for a meeting with her crew.
“So late?” Brad yawns and raises his arms over his head in a stretch as if anticipating the late night.
“We’re French ‘ere,” Sebastian says, his accent stronger than usual. “We don’t have early bird dinner at 5:30 and go to bed with the covers pulled up to our chins by 8. We like to party.”
“Why don’t you adopt the same enthusiasm to bathing?” Marius asks, waving his hand in front of his face.
“I do, just last night I scrubbed my armpits very thoroughly.”
Jez moves closer and pretends to sniff Seb. “They still smell, bro.”
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“That’s because I used your toothbrush, bro.”
Jez makes a face and I know he’s weighing up the chances of that actually happening.
Sebastian laughs and slaps my brother on the back of his head, eliciting a loud yelp and they chase each other, hollering obscenities, as they run out the front door of the hotel.
Brad wanders off, to find a bed, presumably, and I stand there, not wanting to walk away from Marius. He’s rubbing the side of his head and looking in the direction that Jez went, talking to himself. I can hear mumbles but not words.
Then he turns to me. “Fuck it,” he says. Out of nowhere. “Ready for an adventure?”
“Sorry?”
“Let’s go!” he says, his eyes getting wild.
“Go where?”
“Does it matter?” He asks. And I don’t need to answer, he can tell from the look on my face that I’ll follow him anywhere. “It’s now. Or never.”
“Now.” I say. Like that one word is the most important sound I’ve ever uttered.
“Let’s go then!” He exclaims, pressing a kiss to my cheek while grabbing my wrist and pulling me with him. As I run, trying to keep up with him, I can’t help but hope that I could spend now, and always, with him.
“Taxi!” He calls out to the doorman who waves to a waiting cab. He opens the car door for me and pushes me inside just as we hear Jez and Sebastian calling out to us from the hotel entrance. “Get in, get in!” Marius rushes me, giggling as he slides in next to me. “Vite, vite!” he yells at the driver as he slams the door shut.
I laugh as the driver throws us a weird look. “He doesn’t know where to go, you crazy loon!”
“Just go, man!” He yells and the drivers presses down hard on the brake, just as I hear a hand slam against the window and turn to see my brother’s face. I wave goodbye to his stunned face as the car speeds away.
“Where are we going?” I ask, giddy with excitement.
“Wherever the wind takes us,” he whispers into my ear, “whoooosh.” The look he gives me is so intense I have to turn away. Turn away before I say thing I won’t be able to take back.
“Stop! Arret, monsieur, s’il vous plaît!” he yells in my ear just seconds later, killing the moment, and the car jerks to a stop. He’s dragged me half way out of the car before I even have a chance to take a breath. “Come, Anca! Life isn’t going to wait for us!”
“Where are we? We barely drove two blocks?!” I pant, looking down at the shoes slipping off my feet as I run, taking two steps for each one of his long ones.
“Sometimes two blocks is all it takes, Anca.” He gestures with his hand and for the first time, I look up. And gasp.
In front of me is the most beautiful scene I’ve ever had the privilege to see.
A glorious green mountain cliff juts out into the sky, seemingly out of nowhere, and at its feet lies the most crystal-clear lake you can imagine. Like a perfect, flawless pane of blue glass, a window into the bottom of the sandy lake. Small motor boats line the semicircle edge of the lake and a giant expanse of thick, green, luscious grass lies out, welcoming you to spread out your lunch and body against its soft leaves.
“Oh my god. Marius.”
“Lake Annecy,” he says, with both a sense of wonder and pride.
“It’s…”
“Fucking beautiful. I know.”
I can’t even explain it.
Even though the air is almost cool enough for you to see your own breath, there’s something of renewing, refreshing in the atmosphere.
Spring.
This is where spring begins.
In the most beautiful place I’ve ever seen.
“Come on!” Marius yells and we’re on the move again, his hand never moving from my wrist as he pulls me across the street and over the grass field.
“We are we going now?” I can barely get out between pants and giggles.
“You ask too many questions, we’ll miss the train!”
I look around and I can’t see any train tracks anywhere let alone a train. And what a waste, a huge locomotive would ruin the scenery anyway. “What train?”
“That one!” Marius points through a gap in the trees, still dragging me along.
I try to squint to see through the gap in the trees, and when I finally see it, instantly drop to the ground, hugging my sides in laughter. Marius stops in his tracks once he realizes he’s lost me and comes running back, prodding my aching side with his foot.
“Ahem, and just what is so funny?”
With some effort, I roll over to my side, one hand shading my eyes to look up at him, the other pointing in the direction of the lake. “That’s not a train!”
“It is TOO!”
“It’s… a… it’s a…” I can’t finish my sentence from laughing so hard.
“It’s a what? It has carriages and a driver and they take money to ride it!”
“It’s a teeny tiny toy train!”
“A-ha! But train nonetheless!
“I was expecting a big one like the one we came on to get here.”
“That’s silly, it would ruin the view!” He scoffs, his arms still akimbo, looking at me disapprovingly.
“Exactly!” I dissolve into a fit of giggles again at the look on his face.
“Come on! Toy train or not, we’re going to miss it!” He grabs me by both hands and drags me to my feet.
The only reason I can move is because he’s dragging me along.
We finally reach the thing he insists on calling a train and find one last empty carriage right on the end. Marius pushes me onto it, and slides in next to me, each compartment only fitting two people.
“Oof,” he says, squishing his body against me. “Kinda tight in here.”
“Biiiig train.” I can’t help teasing him. And he pouts playfully for a moment, before digging his finger into my side making me squeal. He waves to the driver who holds his hand out for payment and then we’re off.
The open carriages rock gently as the “train” pulls out and onto the cement pathway that hugs the bank of the lake. On one side of the train the multicoloured sails of the motor boats lining the water’s edge are bright and brash against the crystal blue sparkles of the lake water. On the other, the grass field is coming alive with families with their picnic baskets who are coming out to enjoy the new Spring sun.
The backdrop of the mountain is dramatic and serene all at once.
I feel Marius’s hand squeeze mine and I turn to smile at him. He smiles back and drops a kiss to my forehead.
I’m in heaven.
The train ride is short, too short. It takes about five minutes to reach the end of the pathway leading around the mouth of the lake.
Everyone but me jumps out, including Marius, he takes off on a run. He finally comes back to the train once he realizes I haven’t gotten off.
“What are you doing? Come on!”
I shake my head, pouting. “I don’t want to! I want to go again!”
He shakes his head and reaches for my hand. “Stay on what?”
“Ugh, fine. I admit it, your stupid train ride was fun. I want to go again!”
He laughs and leans in, “We can ride it again on the way back, how ‘bout that?”
“How much does it cost?” I ask, before realizing how stupid the question is.
“Who cares, I’ll buy the whole damn train for you, if you want, Anca. Anything in the world you want, I’ll make sure it’s yours.
And as much as it was said to placate me, I can’t help but smile at the sentiment. I let him help me down off the train, and I’m glad he made me disembark when I see what’s there.
Compared to the epic field of thick green grass that lays out in front of you like a carpet on the other side of the lake, this side is flanked by a gorgeous, romantic garden, filled with different flowers of every colour, of every fragrance.
The garden is covered in new blooms, pops of pink, orange, purple, blue in every bush, every corner.
&n
bsp; “I love it.” I sigh, running my fingers through the bushes. “I especially love that there are no dahlias.” I say, not meaning to.
“You don’t like dahlias?” Marius asks.
“No, they remind me…of a different time.” I say and bury my face in a rose hoping to change the subject.
“See that tree over there?” Marius points to a tall birch in the middle of the garden. “Last time we came here a group of kids kept throwing their ball up there and getting it caught. They kept coming over and asking one of us to help them get it down.”
“And did you?’
“Well, not me, I’m not tall enough.”
“So, Jez.”
He laughs, “Yes, Jez would go over and shake the whole tree. The ball would come tumbling down and then 10 minutes later they’d come over and ask him to help again. Finally, he just went over and joined them, playing goalie and catching the ball and stopping it from even flying up there.”
I laugh, easily imagining him doing that. He’s always been good with people, with kids. With me. My face drops a little, at the memory of his face as we drove off before. The last thing I want to do is to make him sad or worry.
“Hey,” Marius nudges me, sensing the sudden change in my demeanour, “let me show you something.”
I follow him, his fingers entangled in mine. We walk across the park and over to a bench in the far back. He leads me around it and then points to the back of it. There are a bunch of carvings, ragged initials dug into the wood with a pen or sharp nail, some circled by a lopsided heart shape. And then I see it, “M ‘98” I read. That’s it, no other initials, and definitely no heart outline.
“That’s you.”
“Yeah. I came here for the first time with my parents over twenty years ago.”
“That’s cool.”
“Yeah, it’s my favorite city in the world, after London of course. After the first time, seeing how much I loved it, they’d bring me here all the time.”
I nod and run my fingers along the jagged lines of his initials.
