by Jessica Hart
Lotty just stood and looked for a while. Then she drew a long breath. ‘It’s beautiful,’ she said.
‘I always think of this as my beach,’ said Corran. ‘I used to come here all the time. No one ever found me—not that they would ever have looked.’
He sat down on the ledge of tufty grass, stretching his legs out onto the shingle. After a moment, Lotty sat down beside him, close but not touching.
The spectacular light was fading slowly from orange to a purplish colour, but it wouldn’t get properly dark until well after midnight. It was lovely to be out without the midges pestering and Lotty leant back on her hands and lifted her face to the breeze. She could hear it rustling over the grass, and the faint slap of the little waves ruffling the water.
And the boom of her pulse.
Corran was very close. He was looking out over the loch. Lotty could see the heart-wrenching line of his jaw and the very edge of his mouth. She wanted to tear her eyes away, but she couldn’t. She couldn’t stop thinking about how it would feel to touch him.
Then he turned his head and all the air left her lungs in a whoosh.
‘You’re very quiet,’ he said. ‘What are you thinking about?’
Lotty felt as if she were teetering on the edge of a cliff. If she stepped off, she could never step back.
She stepped anyway. Almost before she had thought of what she was going to say, she had opened her mouth and the words came out as if they had a will of their own.
‘I’m wondering if I dare ask you to k-kiss me.’
There was a long, long silence, while her words echoed out over the water and rang up in the hills. K-kiss me. K-kiss me. K-kiss me.
‘Do you?’ said Corran at last.
‘Do I what?’ She could feel embarrassment prickling beneath her skin as the colour crept up her throat.
‘Do you dare?’
Lotty drew a breath. ‘What would you say if I did?’
A suspicion of a smile hovered at the edge of his mouth. ‘I think I’d be able to oblige.’
‘Oh.’ The wretched colour deepened. This was when some darkness would help. She pulled at the grass beside her. ‘The thing is…I should warn you…I’ve never had a boyfriend.’
It wasn’t often she caught Corran by surprise, but he definitely blinked. ‘What, never?’
‘No.’ She moistened her lips. She had started, so she might as well tell him it all. She couldn’t be any more embarrassed anyway.
She went back to plucking at the grass, not looking at him. ‘I’m a v-virgin. It’s one of the reasons I wanted to have this time by myself. I know it can’t last for ever, but I thought it would be a good opportunity to…to…lose my virginity,’ she finished in a rush.
‘It would just be a temporary thing,’ she hurried on before Corran could speak. She was desperate to get it all out before she lost her nerve completely. ‘I know I’m not your type. It’s just…I wondered…’ Moistening her lips, she took a determined breath. ‘The thing is, I wanted a lover, only I wasn’t sure how to go about finding one and I just wondered, well, I thought…’
‘…that I would do?’ Corran suggested when she ran out of steam.
But he didn’t sound offended and, when Lotty risked a glance at him, she saw that the dent at the corner of his mouth had definitely deepened. Warmth bloomed deep inside her.
‘Well, there isn’t anyone else out here,’ she pointed out, just so that he knew that she wasn’t planning to get too involved.
‘No, there isn’t, is there?’
Reaching out, Corran ran an unhurried knuckle down Lotty’s cheek, and her throat tightened at the tenderness of the gesture from the hard hand.
‘Why don’t we start with a kiss and take it from there?’ he suggested.
‘OK.’ Lotty tucked her hair behind her ears and cleared her throat. Now that it had come to it, she was terrified and excited and very nervous that she wouldn’t do it right.
‘Don’t tell me you haven’t been kissed before either?’
‘Not really.’ How could she explain to Corran about the lonely pedestal she lived on, or how closely protected she had been by her grandmother all her life?
‘Incredible,’ he said, his eyes searching her face. ‘Like a princess in a fairy tale, locked away, waiting for a kiss…’
Lotty’s gaze slid from his. ‘Something like that.’
Corran shook his head in disbelief as he laid his palm against her cheek. ‘Are you going to ask me, then?’
The air was soft and sweet but Lotty shivered at his touch as he slid his hand down to her throat.
‘Please would you kiss me?’ she asked politely, and then he did smile. He really smiled, and something blossomed inside her. She had dreamt about seeing Corran smile like that, about seeing the hard mouth soften and the cold eyes warm, and the cheeks crease with amusement, and her heart contracted at the sight.
‘Yes, I’ll do that,’ he said, but he still didn’t kiss her. Instead he twisted his fingers around the scarf and drew it slowly from her throat. Lotty felt the coolness of the silk sliding over her skin and she closed her eyes, overwhelmed by the fizzy rush of anticipation and nervousness.
At last…at last!
Corran’s lips touched the corner of her mouth, and her eyes flew open in dismay. ‘Is that it?’ she said, unable to keep the disappointment from her voice.
‘No.’ His smile deepened. ‘That’s not it. That’s just the start. Come here,’ he said, pulling her close so that he could trail tantalising kisses along her jaw to her earlobe and then down to the pulse that was beating frantically in her throat.
Lotty arched her head back instinctively and her fingers curled in the grass. His lips were so warm, so sure as they made their way back towards her mouth, and then he was torturing her with slow kisses on the other side. It was agonizing. It was wonderful. Lotty’s senses were spinning with the wicked, delicious pleasure of it even as she burned with frustration.
And then his mouth reached hers at last, and the pleasure rocketed into a new urgency, a hunger that had her hands lifting instinctively to his shoulders so that she could hold on to him. His lips were warm and sure on hers, while his tongue teased until she parted her own and he took her with him as they sank down into the grass so he could kiss her in a way she’d only ever dreamed of before, long, long kisses, hungry but unhurried.
Lotty gave herself up to the sheer sensuous pleasure of it. Beneath her, the grass prickled her neck but she didn’t care. She felt only the warm weight of Corran pressing her down into the ground, his hard hands sliding insistently over her thigh, slipping beneath her top to trace patterns of fire on her bare skin. It felt so good to be able to touch him too, to run her own hands over his back and feel the flex of his muscles beneath his shirt.
‘I like this,’ she gasped at one point, and Corran smiled against her skin.
‘I can’t believe you’ve never done this before,’ he said.
‘Am I doing it right?’ she asked, suddenly uncertain, and he lifted his head to look down into her face, touched and amazed by her innocence. Lotty might be no expert, but she was so sweet and so eager and she felt so sinfully good.
‘You’re a natural,’ he told her, and a smile lit the beautiful grey eyes.
‘Really?’
‘Really.’
‘Would you kiss me again?’
‘Why don’t you kiss me?’ Corran rolled onto his back and spread his arms. ‘I’m all yours.’
Lotty smoothed her hair behind her ears, the way she always did when she was nervous, but she leant over him and looked down into his face for a moment before lowering her mouth to his. She was tentative at first, a little unsure, but he lay still and let her discover just what she could do.
And she could do quite a lot. Corran had to clench his hands to stop his arms clamping around her and rolling her beneath him once more. He didn’t want to frighten her, but she was sorely testing his control. She was lying right on top of him, tracing th
e angle of his cheekbones with light, butterfly kisses, kissing her way to his ear and then back to his mouth. Who would have thought that those sweet little kisses could be quite so tantalising, quite so sexy, quite so exciting?
When he couldn’t take any more—and Corran thought he had done pretty well to last as long as he did—he brought his arms up and held her protectively while he eased her beneath him once more and kissed her hard, once, twice and a third time, more lingeringly, because he couldn’t resist it.
‘More,’ said Lotty, winding her arms around his neck when he tried to lift his head, so he kissed her again.
The kiss went on a long, long time, and Lotty abandoned herself to it until Corran levered himself away from her.
‘I think it’s time we went back,’ he said unevenly.
‘Oh,’ said Lotty, disappointed. ‘That’s it? We’re stopping?’
Corran pulled her to her feet and brushed the grass off her. ‘We’ve only just got started,’ he said.
‘I don’t understand,’ Lotty said, but she let him take her hand and tug her back towards the house. ‘Why do we have to go back?’
‘There’s the little matter of protection to think about,’ Corran pointed out. ‘I thought we were just having a walk. I didn’t come prepared.’
‘Protection?’ Lotty’s mind was reeling. She felt as if she were drugged with delight, and her whole body was humming with the feel of Corran’s mouth on hers, his warm hands on her body.
When she thought of protection, she thought of her close protection officer, the one she had given the slip in Paris. She and Corran had been alone together for weeks. There was no one else around. Why would they need someone to protect them now?
Corran sighed. ‘You do know where babies come from, don’t you, Lotty? Even you can’t be that innocent!’
‘Oh,’ said Lotty, finally making the connection. ‘I didn’t think of that,’ she confessed.
‘Besides,’ he added, ‘we’ll be more comfortable in a bed.’
‘Oh.’ A shivery tide of anticipation and apprehension washed through Lotty. ‘Oh,’ she said again.
Afterwards, Lotty couldn’t really remember walking back to the house. Wrapped in a strange dreamlike state, she had no idea if they had talked or not. All she remembered was the feel of Corran’s strong fingers laced through her own, how warm and firm they had been.
They must have done something with the dogs when they got back, but she didn’t remember that either. There was just Corran letting go of her hand at the door to his room.
‘Are you sure, Lotty?’ he asked. ‘We can take it slow if you want.’
Lotty shook her head. ‘No,’ she said, stepping up to him so that she could slip her arms around his waist and sucking in a breath at the taut solid strength of his body. ‘I don’t want to go slow,’ she said. ‘I’m sure.’
Lotty lay on her side so that she could watch Corran, who was splayed on his front over the bed. She didn’t know how he could sleep. She was exhausted, but too overwhelmed to relax herself. She had known what happened in theory, of course, but she hadn’t known it would be like that.
‘Let go’, Corran had said, and she had. It had been like flying, terrifying and exhilarating. Now every cell in her body was fizzing with satisfaction, but at the same time she felt shaky and uncertain. All her boundaries had shifted, and she couldn’t go back to being the person she had been before.
But that was what she had wanted, wasn’t it? She had wanted to know what everyone else seemed to have, and now she did. Lotty’s lips curved at the memory. It had been a revelation—Corran’s mouth, Corran’s hands, his lean hard body, and how they could make her feel. Lotty burned at the memory.
She could look at him properly now that he was sleeping, and her eyes drifted wonderingly over the curve of his shoulder, the line of his back. His body was solid and male, with warm sleek skin. Who could have imagined that he would be a lover like that, that all that passion could be pent up behind the cool competence?
As if sensing her gaze, Corran stirred and rolled over, opening one eye as he encountered Lotty’s warmth, and then the other. Lotty could see him remembering just what she was doing there.
‘Good morning,’ she said nervously. She hadn’t been sure if she should slip back to her own room once he had fallen asleep. She had spent her whole life absorbing the correct protocol for different situations, but no one had ever told her the etiquette for sleeping with a man for the first time.
‘Good morning,’ said Corran. He shifted into a more comfortable position so that he could study her face. ‘Are you OK?’ he asked.
‘I think so,’ said Lotty. Given what they had done the night before, it was absurd to feel shy now, but her eyes slid away from his all the same. She looked at his shoulder instead. ‘Corran, is it always like that?’
He reached out and tilted her chin up so that she had to look at him again. ‘It’s never going to be your first time again, Lotty, but it’s only going to get better, I promise you that.’
What did that mean? Lotty regarded him doubtfully. ‘Was I b-bad?’ she asked, wincing inwardly at that betraying stutter.
Corran stretched, and Lotty caught her breath at the flex of his muscles and the sheer, unfamiliar maleness of him. ‘Very,’ he said.
Well, she shouldn’t have asked the question if she didn’t want to know the answer, Lotty reminded herself. She bit her lip. ‘I did tell you that I wasn’t experienced.’
‘Lotty,’ he said, exasperated, ‘you were very bad in a very good way!’ Sighing, he reached out and pulled her into the hard curve of his body. ‘How is it someone so beautiful has so little belief in herself?’
What was there to believe in? Lotty wondered. She was a princess, and that was all anybody ever saw. She had never had a chance to be anything else, never had to prove herself. People treated her as special because of who she was, not because of what she was, Lotty had always known that.
Until now. Corran didn’t know she was a princess. If he had known, would he have made love to her last night? Lotty didn’t think so. They had been as intimate as two people could get, but he still didn’t know the most important thing about her. Lotty didn’t like the feeling that she was keeping a secret from him, especially now, but if she told him, he might change, and she couldn’t bear that.
No, she wouldn’t tell him yet.
Putting the flat of her hands on Corran’s chest to hold him away slightly, she said, ‘This won’t change things between us, will it?’
‘I would imagine it would, yes,’ he said dryly.
‘I don’t want it to.’
‘It’s a bit late for that, Lotty.’ Corran had been smoothing his hand possessively over the curves of her body but paused at that and a frown touched his eyes. ‘I thought this was what you wanted.’
‘It was,’ she said. ‘It’s just that I want everything else to stay the same.’
He took his hand off her. ‘Are you trying to say that you don’t want to do this again?’
‘No!’ said Lotty, horrified. ‘No, I do want that. Definitely.’ Corran’s expression was as hard to read as ever, and abruptly Lotty lost her nerve. ‘If you didn’t mind, of course.’
A smile quivered at the corner of his mouth as he pretended to consider the matter. ‘I think I could bear it,’ he said and put his hand back.
‘You’re laughing at me.’ Lotty would have liked to have had the strength to pull away, but it felt too good with his big hand gentling down her spine and over the flare of her hip, and his fingers tightened on her.
‘I am,’ he agreed, the smile deepening. ‘Why on earth would I mind?’
‘I’m not your type,’ said Lotty, but she eased closer anyway until her bare skin was pressed against his.
‘Aren’t you?’ His palm was so warm, so sure against her that Lotty caught her breath.
‘You said yourself that I’m not the kind of woman you’re looking for,’ she managed.
That was tru
e. Corran was oddly jolted by the reminder. He shouldn’t have needed reminding. His mother had been lesson enough and, after his ill-fated marriage to Ella, he had no intention of falling for another woman who wouldn’t fit in with life here in Mhoraigh.
Corran was clear in his own mind. He wanted a practical, sensible woman who wanted to share his plans and work with him to restore the estate to its former glory. A woman who would belong at Mhoraigh and be part of his life for ever.
Lotty wasn’t that woman. No matter how hard she worked, there was an elegance to her that made her look like an exotic orchid planted out in a kitchen garden.
And she wasn’t going to stay. She had been clear about that.
But none of that had mattered last night when she had asked him to kiss her. All the reasons why it would be sensible to keep a distance had evaporated at one look from those beautiful grey eyes. He could have said that it wasn’t a good idea, Corran realised in retrospect, but he could see how much it had cost Lotty to ask him and the truth was that he hadn’t wanted to say no.
The truth was that kissing her was all he had been able to think about as they walked along the loch and the moment he had looked at her and seen the uncertainty and desire in her face he had been lost.
Last night had caught Corran unawares. He had wanted to give Lotty pleasure, to make her first time special, but he hadn’t expected to be shaken himself. She had been so sweet, though. So surprising. All his life he had kept a careful guard over his feelings, and it was unsettling to remember how easily it had been swept away by the feel of her skin, by the taste of her, by her warmth and aching innocence. By the heat that had blazed so unexpectedly between them and blotted out all sensible thought.
Sensible thought. He should be able to do that, at least. Corran hauled his mind back to more practical channels with difficulty. Lotty herself seemed to be approaching the matter pragmatically. Surely he could do the same?
