He blinked. “Like what?”
“You know.” She sniffed. “She said she lives alone. I believe her.”
“Jessica—she could be seeing someone on a regular basis and still live by herself.”
“I don’t think so. You once told me that before Mom went to the hospital, the two of you agreed that if you’d waited to get married first, and then had sex, you would still be together. Was that a lie?”
Good grief. “No, honey.”
“Well then, I don’t think Mom would do the same thing again now. Unless you’re just making everything up like a lot of parents do.”
“I’ve always told you the truth,” he declared. “It’s important you understand what happened so you won’t repeat our mistake.”
Tears gushed from her eyes. “That’s what I was, huh.”
“Jessica…” He raised her up and cradled her in his arms. “No, No. That’s not what I meant.”
“I know you love me, Dad, but I was a mistake. So was Amanda.”
Amanda Tanner was Jessica’s best friend, yet this was the first time he’d heard that surprising bit of news.
It was true what they said about parents being the last to learn what their children were up to. Nick had thought himself privy to Jessica’s secrets. With that small revelation, he realized it was probably the tip of the iceberg of the things he didn’t know.
With all animation wiped from his daughter’s face, she looked older to him. Before he knew it, she’d eased out of his arms and stood up.
“Why do you think Mom bothered to get in touch with me after all these years? What was the point? If she wanted me to have these scrapbooks so badly, why didn’t she tell someone to mail them to me after she was dead?”
Jessica, Jessica.
His daughter needed help. He got to his feet. “Why don’t you call her and ask her those questions yourself?”
“I think I will,” she said without hesitation. She glanced at her watch. “There’s still forty-five minutes before she boards her plane.”
He hadn’t meant right this minute, but it was too late to recall his words.
With his heart knocking against his ribs, he watched his frantic daughter look for Sam’s number in her purse and reach for the phone next to her bed.
She punched in the digits and waited. Her body was shaking. He wanted to go over and hold her, kiss her forehead. Tell her it was going to be all better. But he couldn’t do that. She was no longer a little girl he could heal with a hug and a cookie.
After two more attempts to reach her mother, she hung up. “She must have turned off her phone. I’ll call her later.”
“That might be better,” he murmured. “Honey? Why don’t you change? We’ll grab some lunch on the way to the dam.”
“I’ve decided I don’t want to go. Will you drive me to Amanda’s instead? She wanted me to come over.”
Nick didn’t know if that was a good idea or not, but his daughter was in too much pain to hear any arguments from him right now. “Sure. I’ll be out in the truck.”
“SAM?”
No one had ever called her by that name except one man. With her heart thudding out of rhythm, she turned in the plastic seat of the lounge where she’d been waiting for her flight to be called.
Nick came striding toward her in work boots, well-worn jeans and a white T-shirt she could see beneath his jacket. She couldn’t imagine what he was doing here, but judging by the dark expression hardening his masculine features, whatever he had to tell her wasn’t good.
She rose to her feet, brushing madly at her wet cheeks with the back of her hand. It was too late to hide her face, which had to be glistening from tears she hadn’t been able to stave off. “What’s wrong?”
He cupped her elbow and ushered her away from the half-dozen passengers seated in the waiting area. She felt his touch charge her body like a current of electricity. His eyes were the stormy slate color of the clouds obscuring the peaks of the Tetons.
“That’s what I’m here to ask you. I left my daughter in tears, and discover her mother’s in the same condition.”
“I didn’t mean to cause her pain, Nick.”
He must have realized he’d been holding on to her because all of a sudden he let go of her arm as if it scalded him.
“Why did you turn your cell phone off? She’s been trying to reach you.”
She shook her head in confusion. “I didn’t know. I don’t remember turning it off.”
“Come on, Sam. What’s the real reason you can’t come to the mother-and-daughter party next Friday night? I don’t buy the excuse that you can’t get out of a prior work commitment to spend one night with Jessica. She doesn’t buy it, either.”
Samantha’s thoughts reeled. He was upset because she hadn’t said yes?
“Are you still too weak from the chemo to try and make plans with her? Are you afraid you’ll have to break them at the last minute?”
“No!” No, no, no.
“Then why didn’t you give her an answer she can live with? Is there another man who doesn’t want you to have anything to do with your daughter?” His mouth had gone white around the edges.
“No, Nick. No. It’s nothing like that.” There’s never been anyone but you!
“Then what prevented you from granting her one little wish that would mean heaven and earth to her? By telling her you couldn’t come because your law practice keeps you too damn busy, you might just as well have driven a stake through her heart.”
His pain was tangible. She shook her head. “You don’t understand. I’d give everything I possess to go to that party with her, but I know I don’t have the right!”
Her answer caught him off guard. His whole demeanor changed. “Explain that to me,” he said in an oddly shaken whisper.
“Nick—I signed away my parental rights to her thirteen years ago. You’re her father. I never dreamed you would let me see her, but you did. After your incredible kindness to me, I didn’t dare take advantage of that. It would have defied all the laws of decency.”
He rubbed the side of his jaw. She’d seen him do it many times in the past when he was pondering something serious. Apparently it was a habit he hadn’t lost.
“Didn’t you realize I gave you the right when you received the first phone call from Jessica? Don’t you know I expected a call from you years before now?”
No—she hadn’t known. What was he saying? Had he hoped she would call him? Was it possible?
Her eyes filled again. “I realized you’d given me permission for one night. I knew I had to fit a whole lifetime into it,” she cried. “Being able to have breakfast and go shopping with her this morning was a bonus I never expected. We had such a wonderful time, the last thing I wanted was for it to end. But I thought it had to.”
His breathing sounded ragged. “She’s going to be calling you later today to ask you why you really turned her down.”
Joy surged through her body until she could hardly contain it. “Then I’ll tell her the truth. That I wanted to come, but because I hadn’t cleared it with you first, I wasn’t sure if it would be all right to say yes.”
A bleakness entered his eyes. “Once you admit that, then it won’t be her last request. What will you tell her when she asks you to do something else?”
If he was saying what she thought he was saying, then another miracle had happened, much greater than the news that her cancer had gone into remission.
“Nick, my answer will always be yes unless—”
“Unless what?” he cut in. “Don’t make promises you can’t keep!” he warned before she could finish.
She nervously moistened her lips. “I can’t promise my cancer won’t come back. If I got too sick, that would be the one and only thing to prevent me from honoring a commitment to her.”
Like a live wire, the possibility of her illness recurring hovered in the air between them. In truth, Samantha still had trouble believing she was no longer on the verge of death. She’d
lived with the inevitability of it for too long. Nick’s grim countenance reflected her own tortured thoughts.
“Does she know I’ve been ill?”
He studied her for a long, intense moment. “No. Not if you haven’t told her.”
A smile broke out on her face. “Then she really wanted to see me?” The news that Jessica hadn’t responded out of sympathy or pity thrilled her in ways Nick could never comprehend.
“What do you think?” he ground out like a person who’d reached the limit of human endurance. “She’s your flesh and blood.”
Samantha averted her eyes. “I may have given birth to her, but that doesn’t make me a mother. It would be understandable if she hated me.”
“She called you Mom today.”
Her head lifted. “She did?”
“Yes.” He admitted it with such reluctance, she knew this situation wasn’t of his liking and never would be.
But there was one thing about Nick she could always count on. He possessed an innate honesty that compelled him to be truthful, even if it almost destroyed him in the process.
“Do you want me to tell her? About the cancer, I mean? I’ll do whatever you say.”
He stood there with his hands on his hips. His eyes searched hers—for what exactly, she didn’t know. “It would probably be best if it came from you. Knowing Jessica, she’ll be full of questions only you can answer.”
She nodded. “I’ll tell her when the moment’s right. She’s an exceptional girl, Nick. You’ve done the mos—”
“Don’t!” He cut her off with brutal finality.
“I’m sorry,” she whispered. “I only mea—”
“I know what you meant.” He flashed her a wintry smile. “Let’s agree Jessica’s a gift and let it go at that.”
Nick wasn’t about to take any credit from her. He wanted nothing from her. She understood that and would stay out of his way.
But he was demanding she be there for Jessica. That’s what he’d meant when he’d made the remark about expecting a call from her long before now. As he would come to understand in the years ahead, where their daughter was concerned, Samantha would never fail him.
An announcement came over the loudspeaker. Passengers started getting out of their seats. “My flight’s been called. I should be back at my condo in about three hours.”
“Don’t misunderstand.” His silvery eyes flashed a warning that sent chills racing across her skin. “As far as Jessica’s concerned, you and I never had this conversation,” he informed her. “She was so distraught a little while ago, I have no idea what shape she’s going to be in when I get home. She’s gotten it in her head she was a mistake.”
A mistake!
“I’m not sure if you’ll ever hear from her again.”
In the next instant his long strides ate up the expanse until he’d disappeared from sight.
Thirteen years ago he’d stormed out of her hospital room declaring that she wouldn’t be seeing him again.
Just now he’d said virtually the same thing about Jessica.
Samantha could hear the flight being called one final time, but she couldn’t bring herself to walk through the doors.
Without considering the consequences, she reached for her overnight bag and started running out of the terminal.
“Nick?” she cried when she saw his tall physique in the distance. He’d almost made it to his truck. “Wait!”
He wheeled around in disbelief that she hadn’t boarded the plane. By the time she’d caught up to him, she was a little out of breath from the exertion.
“Why aren’t you on the plane?” Obviously her actions had shocked him.
“How could I leave knowing Jessica believes she’s a mistake?”
She heard him curse under his breath.
“Nothing could be further from the truth, Nick, and you of all people know it.” Her voice trembled. “I begged you to make love to me. I planned to spend my whole life with you and have lots of babies with you.
“My parents may have seen me as a foolish teenager who’d experimented without knowing what I was doing, and shouldn’t be held accountable for my actions, but I did have a heart, which I gave to you.
“I’d hoped the albums would prove it, but a few pictures and mementos don’t tell the whole story. Jessica needs to hear from me how I felt back then, otherwise she’ll grow up warped! I couldn’t be—”
“Sam—”
“Please, Nick,” she interrupted. “Every day for the last thirteen years I’ve wanted to explain to her what happened. If you’ll drive me back to the Elk Inn, I’ll get another room. Then I’ll call Jessica and tell her I decided not to leave until tomorrow, so we could have more time together. She’ll never know you and I talked. I swear it.”
He rubbed his jaw again. “That’s not going to work.”
“Why not?”
“At this point, if there’s any hope of convincing our daughter of anything, we need to present a united front to her.”
Sam swallowed hard. “Meaning what?”
“Meaning…” His chest heaved. “Her heart might be willing to listen if she discovers you in the truck when I pick her up at Amanda’s. The knowledge that she’s dealing with two mature people who’ve put bitterness aside to do what’s best for her should go a long way to help her construct a truer picture of our lives.”
Samantha fought her tears of gratitude and won. Nick didn’t want to see them any more than he wanted to hear her observations about what a terrific father he’d been. He would only tell her you didn’t congratulate a father for doing the job he was born to do. In Nick’s mind, being a good dad was a given.
Every human being should have him for their role model.
“What about tonight?” she asked quietly.
“Jessica will figure out the sleeping arrangements. Our daughter is nothing if not the busy little homemaker.”
He took the suitcase from her and placed it in the truck bed. Forever the gentleman, he walked her around to the passenger side to help her in.
Riding in a truck with Nick was a new experience. Gone were the college days when he did favors for his friends in order to use their cars or motorcycles to take her on dates. He could buy what he wanted now.
As chief ranger of biological research, he held a vitally important job dealing with wildlife problems affecting all of the major national parks across North America. It was a surreal moment for Samantha to be here with him like this.
When she saw the sign that said they were entering Grand Teton National Park, she experienced such a thrill of excitement, she purposely kept her face turned toward the passenger window for fear of giving herself away.
CHAPTER SIX
RIDING THROUGH MOOSE with Samantha Bretton meant Nick had broken every rule in his own unwritten book of rules. But if she was going to show up at the mother-and-daughter party with Jessica next Friday night, he couldn’t very well pretend she didn’t exist.
Fact one: From here on out, he knew in his gut Sam was going to be part of Jessica’s future. An integral part.
Fact two: From here on out, Sam would be an occasional visitor seen coming and going from Moose.
Fact three: From here on out, every ranger would speculate on what was happening between him and Jessica’s mother.
More than ever it was imperative he visit Gilly King on Monday. And if that didn’t work because the feelings weren’t there, then he’d tell Rex Hollister, Pierce’s assistant, to go ahead and line him up with his wife’s younger sister.
Melanie had recently graduated from medical school and was now practicing pediatrics in Evanston, Wyoming. From the pictures Rex had shown Nick, she was an attractive blonde who loved to get out in nature.
Up until twenty minutes ago, the idea of a blind date had been horrifying to Nick, but no longer. Not since Sam had caught up to him in the airport parking lot, sounding out of breath and looking a little pale. A part of him had been alarmed because the exertion might have bee
n too much for her.
Another part of him was shaken because he cared so much, he’d wanted to sweep her into his arms and kiss away her tears.
Lord—it was happening all over again. That certain feeling that had gotten him into trouble the first time.
Waves of desire were washing over him. He didn’t know how in the hell to fight them, not with her sitting there within touching distance, unknowingly tempting him. He had to do something to fight his yearnings.
While Jessica bonded with her mother, now would be the time to work on the one element of his life that had been missing for too many years. Pierce had been dead right about that.
Nick pulled to a stop in the Tanners’ driveway. “I won’t be long.” Without casting Sam a backward glance, he levered himself from the cab and walked up to their door.
Amanda’s brother told him she and Jessica had left with their girlfriends. Nick thanked him and headed for the truck.
Under the circumstances, he decided it might be better if he took Sam to the house first, then went hunting for his daughter. She might have gone to the general store. Then again, she could be at one of the other girls’ houses.
He would like to be able to talk to her right now, to tell her something important had happened. In the past he’d fought against letting Jessica have her own cell phone. But Sam’s unexpected advent in their lives had already changed things so drastically, he was beginning to think it might be a good idea.
Ever since Leslie had bought a phone for six-year-old Cory, Jessica had wanted one. Nick had been forced to explain that Cory’s case was special because he had an irrational fear of losing his father and needed to stay in close touch with him.
Now the joke was on Nick. Though it might not be irrational, he did fear for his daughter’s happiness. When he’d dropped her off at Amanda’s, she’d been deeply upset. They needed to talk.
He climbed back in the truck. “She wasn’t there,” he said. “I’ll take you to the house, then call around to some of her friends.”
During the sixty-second drive home, the woman at his side didn’t say anything. When he pulled into the garage, she got out of the truck before he could help her. Once he opened the door to the house, she followed him through the kitchen to the living room.
To Be a Mother Page 8
