by Beth Manz
"Are you sure? Maybe you could use some of the early stuff we went up against, some of the results of the tests we did in the beginning. That's good, hard, objective evidence and the cop stuff wouldn't even have to come into the picture. The scientific community would buy into that, wouldn't they?"
"Yeah, they would, but I'm still not going to do it."
Jim straightened. "Chief, listen to me. I want you to get your degree. It's been your dream for too long and you've already had to wait forever. Besides, that was the deal--you help me control these senses and I allow you to use the results in your dissertation." He leaned forward again, his expression softening. "You've kept your end of the bargain, Chief. I think it's time I kept mine."
Blair remained silent, his eyes cast downward. "I appreciate that, Jim," he said after a time, his voice sentinel-soft. "More than you know..."
"But..."
"No 'buts'."
"What, then?"
Blair sighed deeply. "There's something I've been wanting to show you for a while. I think maybe it's time." The young man pushed himself cautiously to his feet. "Wait here," he requested softly. Leaning on his cane, he limped slowly back to his bedroom. There was the sound of a drawer being opened, then Blair appeared at the door of his room again.
Jim's eyes widened slightly as he took in the thick black binder tucked beneath Blair's arm. Pushing up from the couch, he quickly crossed the loft and took the binder from Blair, knowing Sandburg would have a difficult time maneuvering with such a large book to carry.
"Is this what I think it is?" Jim asked as they made their way back to the living room, his free hand wrapped around Blair's upper arm, offering extra support.
"Well, yes and no," Blair answered vaguely, giving Jim a crooked smile.
They reached the couch and sat down side by side, the thick volume resting squarely on Jim's lap. He stared down at it, the book heavy against his legs. Well, it should feel heavy, he reasoned. After all, this single book contains all of Blair's hopes and dreams for the future. He ran his hand slowly, almost reverently across the smooth black cover. He knew how many sleepless nights, how many hours of work and research, observation and tests had gone into creating the dissertation.
"Open it," Blair prodded, gesturing toward the book.
Jim glanced at Blair briefly, then back down at the volume in his lap. Carefully, he took the cover between his thumb and forefinger and began to lift it. This will change everything. The words whispered a warning in the back of his mind. Kept him from opening the thick binder. Because as much as he wanted Blair to publish, a part of him feared it. Feared what it meant for them.
"Jim," Blair said with mock exasperation, laughing. "Open it, man. It won't bite you."
Jim nodded. I can do this. For Blair, I can do this. Taking a deep breath, he turned back the cover and stared down at the title page. He read the title line, then shook his head in confusion. He read it again: "Beyond the Thin Blue Line: An Anthropologist's Journey into the Closed Society of the Criminal Justice System, by Blair Sandburg."
"What's this?" Jim asked, still staring at the title.
Blair chuckled. "It's my dissertation, Jim."
Jim shook his head in confusion. "But... I thought it would be your sentinel research..."
Blair's gaze dropped briefly to the thick binder before returning to Jim. "Do you remember when I told you that I had enough information on you for ten dissertations?"
Jim nodded.
"Well, that was true. And with everything that's happened since then, I probably have twice that amount."
"So why aren't you publishing on that subject? I don't understand-"
"Just hear me out," Blair said, his voice overriding Jim's. He shifted on the couch, turning his body so he was facing Jim. "I will publish my findings on sentinels. Some day. But not right now. Not until you and I can figure out a way to protect your identity. And when I do publish, it won't be for purely scientific purposes. I want to publish a more practical work that will offer guidance for sentinels and for people like me who are trying to help them."
Jim frowned in confusion. "Like a guide book?" he asked.
"In a way, yes. Something that presents the scientific facts regarding the enhanced senses, yet also delves into the spiritual aspect of the sentinel legacy and the interpersonal aspects between sentinels and their guides."
"That's not something that would suffice for your dissertation?"
Blair shook his head. "Even if it would, I couldn't ethically publish my findings, not as a purely scientific document, anyway. A researcher has to be objective, and let's face it, Jim--with you I've broken every known rule regarding scientific research methods." He paused and reached over to lay his hand briefly against Jim's arm. "I lost my objectivity when I became your friend," he continued, staring earnestly at Jim. "And then, when Incacha passed the way of the Shaman to me? That was it, man. I went from being an observer to being the other half of the sentinel and guide dynamic."
"Chief," Jim said quietly, "You were my other half long before that."
Once again Blair's cheeks flushed with pleased embarrassment, but this time his gaze remained locked with Jim's. "I know," he replied softly. "But Incacha made what we already had... I don't know... official. My work with you has evolved from a scientific study into a life journey that the two of us are taking together. Do you understand what I'm saying?"
"Yes," Jim said simply. "I understand completely. And I wouldn't have it any other way." He looked over at Blair, his gaze intense. "But I need to know that our friendship... our connection... hasn't damaged your career."
Blair shook his head and smiled softly. "Not at all." He brushed his hand across the cover of the volume still resting in Jim's lap. "This dissertation is proof, Jim. I can publish, have my career, and still continue my ongoing study of the modern-day sentinel."
"And his guide," Jim added.
"And his guide," Blair agreed, grinning widely.
Jim looked back down at the volume in his hands. He flipped through the pages with renewed interest. The document was filled with carefully detailed facts and conclusions, but he ignored the data itself. Instead, he found himself staring down at the edits and other notations scrawled across the pages in red ink. The markings adorned the majority of the work.
"Chief, I don't understand," Jim said, looking up at Blair. "This is still a draft."
"A final draft," Blair explained. "I just have to incorporate all the edits and it'll be ready for submission to my doctoral committee."
"So, why haven't you done that?"
Blair shrugged one shoulder, his gaze once more dropping to his lap.
"Sandburg," Jim persisted when Blair remained silent. "Why haven't you finished this thing?"
Taking a deep breath, Blair looked at Jim. "Because once the dissertation is submitted and approved, I'll be placed on track for receiving my doctorate. And once I have that..." He shook his head, letting the sentence trail off.
And Jim finally understood. "You're waiting because you don't want to lose our partnership," he stated softly.
Blair nodded, his gaze shifting away from Jim, trying to hide the worry that now clouded his eyes. But the sentinel could hear his guide's heart pounding heavily in his chest, could see the slight tremors that now shook through him; he knew Blair was struggling hard to maintain control.
Jim closed the dissertation and placed it on the coffee table in front of him. Reaching over, he laid his hand gently on Blair's shoulder. "Sandburg, you're my partner. That's not going to change. I won't let it."
Blair's gaze returned to Jim, his worry still evident. "But if I finish my dissertation and get my degree--"
"I'll talk with Simon," Jim assured him. "We'll work out a way for you to stay on as a consultant."
Blair's eyes widened, excitement and hope dancing in their depths. "Do you think that could happen? I mean, it's not just because I enjoy being in the field with you, Jim. But you need me there. I know it was Eddi
e that triggered your zones this time, but that doesn't mean it couldn't happen again. You could-"
Jim laughed and held up a hand to stop Blair's speech. "Chief, you don't have to convince me." He dropped his hand and looked steadily at Blair. "You're the best partner I've ever had. And doctorate or no doctorate, there is no way I'm going to lose that."
"But we'll have to get official approval," Blair persisted. "Do you really think Simon and the people he reports to will go for it?"
Simon's words from so long ago echoed in Jim's mind: Do you think you can handle this sentinel thing on your own? "I already know that Simon will be in our corner," Jim told him. He squeezed gently at Blair's shoulder. "You get this dissertation finished, Sandburg. Simon and I will work things out with the brass."
Blair's face lit up with an expectant smile. "You're sure?"
Jim stretched his arm around Blair's shoulders and pulled him close for a quick, one-armed hug. Relaxing the embrace but keeping his arm around his friend, he looked at his partner and smiled. "I've never been more sure of anything in my life."
The End
