by Kelly Wacker
“No. Not right now.” Melissa stifled a yawn. “But if my great-grandmother could handle it, I can, too.”
“I’ll do whatever you want, whatever it takes to make things right between us.” Sula scanned Melissa’s face. “You look tired. You can sleep here if you like, or there’s the guest room.”
Melissa sat down next to Sula, putting a hand on her thigh. “I want to sleep here with you.”
“Like I said, whatever you want.” Sula smiled. “Did you bring a bag? I can get—”
Melissa interrupted her with a kiss, tender and sweet, and pulled her down to lie with her on the bed. They held each other and talked, taking turns saying sorry and kissing away bittersweet tears until they agreed to stop apologizing to one another for what was done and instead to focus on the future together. After Melissa fell asleep in her arms, Sula pulled a blanket over them and watched the snow outside the windowpane falling slowly and silently until she drifted peacefully into a deep sleep.
Chapter Thirty-three
Melissa awoke in the bed by herself, still wearing yesterday’s clothes. Her suitcase remained in the car outside. The last thing she remembered before she fell asleep was making plans for Sula to visit after her conference in Tennessee. Sula had asked her if she’d be visiting her parents for Christmas, hoping they could also spend time together over the holidays. Already it seemed like they were working out the details of a long-distance relationship.
After getting out of bed, she looked out the bedroom window. The weather had passed, and it was a crystal-clear morning, the kind you see only after a snowstorm. She ran her fingers through her tangled hair. It would be good to retrieve her bag from the rental car, take a shower, and put on clean clothes. Where was Sula? The house seemed quiet as she walked along the landing. The irresistible scent of coffee met her halfway down the stairs, and she followed it to the kitchen, where she found the pot freshly brewed and two cups waiting. It looked like Sula was about to make breakfast, for an empty bowl, a box of pancake mix, and a package of strawberries sat on the counter.
“Sula?” Melissa called out, looking around. No reply came.
She poured a cup of coffee and couldn’t resist sneaking a strawberry out of the plastic container. They were out of season, but the big, red berries looked good. Turning the tap on to rinse off the strawberry, she was startled by movement that caught her eye through the window.
Walking slowly up the hill, halfway between the house and the barn, was a bear. An enormous brown bear, whose dark coat shimmered in the morning light. It had to be Sula. Melissa was no expert, but that was most definitely not a native black bear. Transfixed, Melissa watched her amble closer, her broad feet with their long, arcing claws making deep depressions in the snow with each step. Sula must have seen her as her direction shifted, and she walked directly to the window, stopping inches away from the glass. Her big black nose was so close to the windowpane, it was fogging up from her exhaled breath. Sula tossed her shaggy head, nose pointing toward the back patio, and then moved away, disappearing from view.
Melissa went to the back door. She’d left her shoes upstairs, but several pairs of boots stood lined up next to each other in the mud room. She slipped her feet into a pair nearest the door. They were several sizes too big, but Melissa didn’t care. Opening the door, she shuffled through the snow, into the cold air and crisp, bright light.
Sula was waiting for her. Melissa held her breath as Sula took a few steps forward and stopped, lowering her massive head so that they were eye to eye. Melissa held her gaze, the eye contact grounding her, reminding her that she was indeed facing Sula, the woman she loved.
Sula blinked slowly and lowered her head, looking toward her left hand. Melissa followed her gaze, realizing she still held the strawberry between her fingers. She stared at it, surprised it was still in her hand. She held it up, and Sula responded by smacking her lips softly.
“Oh…you want this?”
Sula uttered a soft huffing sound that Melissa interpreted as an affirmative. She held out the berry, watching with fascination as Sula took the berry with her lips, which were surprisingly delicate. She chewed once before swallowing it. Melissa wished she had brought the whole carton with her.
“May I touch you?”
Sula huffed a reply, the moisture in her breath condensing into a thin cloud between them. She cocked her ears forward inquisitively, it seemed. Melissa reached out to touch Sula’s fur. Coarse on the surface, it felt soft and fuzzy underneath. Sula pressed her cheek against Melissa’s hand, closing her eyes. With both hands, she rubbed her cheeks, marveling at the size of her head, which was the width of Melissa’s shoulders. She touched the edges of her ears, smoothed the fur that arced across her eyes, and ran her fingers lightly along the velvety fur of her long snout before tracing the edges of her thin, black lips. Sula opened her eyes wide.
Melissa suddenly became aware that her cheeks hurt. She’d been so focused on Sula she hadn’t realized how hard she was grinning. Sula was a truly magnificent creature in both human and bear form, and Melissa’s heart swelled with love.
“In case you wondered, Sula,” Melissa said, gently tugging the fur on her cheeks, “I think I can handle this. But if you want more of those strawberries, you’re going to have to change back and make those pancakes for breakfast.”
Sula grunted softly, swatting her gently with an enormous paw, a playful, teasing gesture. Then she turned quickly, pivoting on her back feet, and began to walk down the hill.
Melissa followed her a few steps, then stopped. “I’m not going to follow you, Sula, if that’s what you want. It’s freezing out here.”
Sula paused, lifted her head to the side, seeming to listen, and then picked up her pace. Squinting against the sunlight reflecting off the snow, Melissa noticed two sets of tracks—one set made by two feet going downhill, the other made by four bigger ones coming up. Sula, now running and kicking up snow, was following the same path down toward the barn. The double doors of the old barn were wide open, and Melissa wondered if Sula had changed, engaged the hamask as she described it last night, down there. Curious, she continued watching, turning the collar of her shirt up against her neck, crossing her arms and tucking her hands under her arms, trying to conserve her body heat.
Within seconds Sula was inside the barn but staying within view. With a whole-body shake, she cast off the snow clinging to her fur after her quick romp. Melissa was finding it difficult to focus on Sula. At first, she wondered if it was the bright mountain light. Surely snow blindness couldn’t happen that quickly. Then she realized that her eyes weren’t the problem. It was Sula. Her body became less distinct, the contour edges softening, and Melissa realized she was witnessing the beginning of the hamask. Sula appeared to shiver at first, and then her body heaved and roiled. Little clouds appeared in the air around her head. She must have been breathing heavily, exhaling hard, the moisture from her lungs condensing in the cold air.
Fascinated, Melissa watched as every part of Sula’s ursine body reduced in size, its angles and proportions shifting as muscles contracted and reformed. Her fur shortened, then disappeared entirely, as pale skin replaced it. When Sula came back into focus, she was crouching naked, balanced on her hands and feet. She stood up quickly, stretching her neck and rolling her shoulders, and dashed out of view.
There. She’d seen it. It wasn’t the grotesque metamorphosis that had been haunting her dreams and waking thoughts. It didn’t merit fear. If anything, it was a miracle in the truest sense of the word—a thing of wonder. Melissa forced herself not to smile only because it was so damn cold that she was clenching her jaw, trying to keep her teeth from chattering.
When Sula reappeared, she was wearing a barn jacket and jeans tucked into pac boots. She closed the doors and walked up the hill, following the path in the snow she’d already walked twice. Melissa’s heart felt as happy as Sula looked, a big grin plastered on her face.
“Good morning, Goldie,” Sula said as she
approached.
“Good morning, Bear.” Melissa reached for Sula, kissing her, tasting the strawberry that lingered on her lips.
“Pancakes for breakfast?” Sula raised an eyebrow.
“Yes. Pancakes with strawberries.” Melissa laughed. “Lots of strawberries.”
“Good,” Sula said. Wrapping her arms around her, she kissed her again. “Let’s get you inside and warmed up.”
As much as Melissa wanted to go back into the house where it was cozy and warm, she didn’t want to abandon this moment or its wonderful magic. As the sun continued to rise above the trees behind the house, the world seemed refreshed and renewed with a smooth blanket of snow that sparkled and glittered in the crisp, dry air. Suddenly, it struck her that today was a new beginning in so many ways. She couldn’t wait to find out what the rest of the weekend—the rest of her life—held in store.
About the Author
Kelly Wacker (www.kellywacker.com) is a Western native currently residing in the Deep South where, as a professor of art, she teaches art history and environmental studies. Deeply connected to the natural world, she spends as much time as she can observing, thinking, and daydreaming while walking with her canine companion in the fields and along the creeks near her home. She is also prone to staring at the night sky, looking for the moon, and searching for Ursa Major. She has yet to see a bear in the wild but hopes that will change soon.
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