As for my relationship with my brother, it never stood a chance. We both knew we had a sibling, but Oliver wasn’t permitted to visit me in London, and I wasn’t invited to America to see either my father or Ollie. It wasn’t until four years ago that we finally managed to connect and decided to build a relationship between us.
Both Oliver and I inherited our looks from my mum, me even more so, which for me was a curse. I knew that every time my grandma and grandad looked at me, sadness filled their gaze. I wanted for nothing, materially, but emotionally I had profound issues.
I never felt good enough, I always felt as if I was to blame for my mother’s death. The fact was, if I hadn’t been born, she would still be alive. When I looked into the eyes of her family, I saw the same deliberations within the measured depths of their gaze.
When I finished school, I took an apprenticeship for hairdressing, initially to please mum’s family, as mum had also been a hairdresser. Although it started off as doing what was expected of me, I had to admit that I genuinely loved to play around with hair and was glad that I followed the career path that I did, for whatever reason. To witness the delight in my grandma’s eyes when I notified her I was going to follow in her beloved daughter’s footsteps, was an added bonus.
When I qualified, I took a junior position within a salon on the Kings Road, Chelsea, where I met Steve Bond, a guy who shaped my future without even being aware. He was a stern man, but I watched avidly and absorbed the way he created art within his work and had an incredible way with people, which I adopted as my own. He had high aspirations in life, leaving me also wanting to reach for the sky.
Steve ended up owning a chain of salons across London. When I stood by and observed him achieve all he dreamed of, I withdrew the guilt money that my father had been paying into a bank account for me, since birth, and bought my first salon in Battersea Park.
I needed to succeed for me. I needed to do something to prove to myself that I was more than an inadequate replacement for a woman that no one could fault. Do I wish I had her in my life? Absolutely, but that was never to be, and I couldn’t miss what I never had.
After chatting to Lulu, I call Shauna to catch up on her world and update her on my arrival to Krystal. She seems assured that I have found a friend in Ellie, although something stops me mentioning Detective Austin and his intense sapphire eyes. It wasn’t that she wouldn’t be happy for me, she would of course, but I felt an immense amount of shame for even noticing his gorgeousness while my brother’s body was still warm on a slab.
Bored, I wait until five-thirty when the sun rises and go for a run.
It is as I am panting up the hill towards the hotel that I spot him, Detective Austin, exiting his pickup truck and heading for the front stairs to the hotel. He stops, when he notices me, and leans his jean-clad hip against the railings, his eyes devouring me. My body is hot, sweaty and immediately alerts to his presence. Shit! I must look like hell. I have a baseball cap over my head, to protect from the sun, a pair of incredibly short shorts and a vest top that is wet in perspiration. My face is void of make-up, and I imagine my face is all pink and shiny.
‘Morning, London,’ he calls as I halt at the bottom of the steps and bend over to catch my breath.
‘Hey!’ I mumble, in between gasps. ‘Fuck, that hill’s steep,’ I manage to pant.
‘You take water?’ He questions.
‘What? No!’ I straighten up and put my hands on my hips.
‘Heat and high altitude up here, London, need to take water,’ he announces, calmly.
‘Noted!’ I climb the steps until I am level with him. ‘Was it me you wanted to see?’ I ask, realising that he may be here in a professional capacity.
‘Undoubtedly,’ he murmurs, his glance moving down to my bare legs. ‘You have the longest legs I have ever seen,’ he comments, casually.
I ignore the fizzing that hits my core at his perusal.
‘Is there any new information?’ I frown, scowling towards his lazy gaze.
His face clears, ‘actually, I do need to speak to you about Oliver,’ he admits. ‘I’ll meet you in the dining room in twenty minutes?’
‘You can tell me now,’ I insist.
‘Twenty, London,’ he turns away from me and enters the hotel leaving me following behind. ‘I have other business to take care of,’ he announces, before slipping behind the reception desk and into the door that is marked ‘private.'
I stand and observe as the door closes gently behind him. Irritation curling in my stomach, I run up the stairs and make for the shower.
********
Chapter Three
The weather in Krystal is gloriously warm, I dress in denim Capri pants and a sloppy t-shirt that hangs off of one shoulder, and slip my feet into my Converse pumps. After finger drying my hair and applying my regular make-up, I run down to meet Detective Austin in the Dining Room.
Nerves curl in my stomach at the possible information he may share. Maybe one of his many leads has proved fruitful. I cross my fingers in hope. Nothing will bring Ollie back; I know this, but it is important for me to comprehend the reason behind my brother’s death. Four years we had as siblings, four years out of my thirty-one and his thirty-six.
Something I had learned a long time ago, life is cruel. Just when you think you have discovered something special, fate has a way of laughing in your face.
‘Hey, honey!’ Marnie moves through the dining room towards me, her eyes soft, her sway light. ‘How are you doing?’ She checks as she stops in front of me.
‘Morning, Marnie,’ I smile, ‘I’m doing great, thanks,’ I respond. ‘I was looking for Detective Austin,’ my eyes sweep the room in search of his pensive gaze.
‘Oh, he’ll be with you in a minute, take the table by the window. Can I get you some tea or coffee?’ She enquires.
‘I would love a tea, please Marnie,’ I thank her before moving over towards the small table with the best view in the room. I sit and gaze in wonder at the stunning surroundings. My run this morning had taken me double the typical time as I regularly stopped to take in the beauty of the mountains in the horizon.
One of the waitresses places my tea beside me. ‘Can I get you any breakfast, Miss Parker?’ She queries.
‘Not at the moment, thank you. The tea is fine,’ I smile, gratefully.
She nods and turns away before I notice her face light up like a Christmas tree, ‘Hi, Nate,’ she grins.
‘Hey, Ali,’ he smiles, a small dimple appearing at the left side of his mouth.
‘Would you like some coffee?’ She tempts, tucking a strand of hair around her ear in that girlie way that makes it clear she is interested in getting to know Nathan Austin, a whole lot more.
‘That would be great!’ his gaze falls to mine, and it takes on a serious expression. My stomach plummets. Sitting opposite me, he leans in his eyes moving over my face in that way that he does. ‘You had breakfast?’
‘Not yet,’ I busy my hands with opening the tea bag and plonking it inside the boiling water of the teapot. ‘What is it?’ I demand.
‘I just had a call from the coroner,’ I glance back up into his handsomeness.
‘I thought we knew the cause of death. A bullet to the brain will do it every time,’ I state, mechanically, refusing to allow my mind to provide a mental picture.
He nods, ‘but as a matter of procedure, they also do other tests,’ he announces, regarding me carefully.
‘And?’ I press, nausea sitting in my gut.
He holds my gaze for a long beat before replying. ‘Did you know your brother took drugs?’
‘Drugs?’ I whisper, confusion etching my mind.
‘He was pumped full of Cocaine,’ he murmurs, softly. ‘There were also traces of tranquilizers, probably to help him sleep. In my experience, that suggests regular usage. Cocaine keeps them high; the tranqs help them down when they need to sleep.’
I close my eyes at the pain that runs through me.
‘
You okay?’ Detective Austin’s voice penetrates my mind.
‘He was a druggy?’ I question, my voice is tight with emotion, my stomach tense.
‘Sophie,’ his hand stretches out and grasps mine softly. ‘I know all this is hard to take in, but I have to be honest with you, babe,’ his voice holds regret. I glance up at him, bewildered by this new information, he looks concerned for my frame of mind.
Taking a deep breath in, I chastise myself for showing weakness. I pull my hand from the comfort of his grasp and sit up straighter. ‘Okay, so does that mean we are looking for his dealer maybe? Someone who he owes money to?’
He sits back in the chair and regards me with intrigue. ‘Possibly,’ the concern disappears from his eyes, only to be replaced with what looks like respect. He assumed I would fall apart.
I nod, not allowing it to penetrate that he had used my name for the first time, and called me babe, in that way that would, in different circumstances, have my legs melting beneath me.
‘What else aren’t you telling me?’ I tilt my head and stare him down.
‘Honey, you may think that look is intimidating, but I have to tell you here and now, the only thing it does it make you look even cuter than you do anyhow,’ his lips twitch.
‘What?’ I scowl.
‘You heard me,’ he sits forward when the waitress arrives and fills his coffee. ‘Thanks, darlin’,’ he smiles up at the flushed waitress.
‘You need anything else, Nate?’ She purrs, sweetly.
‘I’m good, thank you, Ali,’ he winks, and she beams, huge.
I raise an eyebrow towards him as I watch her over empathise the sway of her hips as she saunters off.
‘Cute kid,’ he explains.
‘Kid, being the operative word,’ I hum to myself and hear him chuckle.
‘Careful darlin’, you sound like you give a damn,’ he murmurs.
‘Getting back to the matter of Oliver,’ I encourage, ignoring the tip of my gut. ‘What else do you need to tell me?’
‘You think you have it in you to identify the body?’ He probes, carefully. ‘We need a family member. I could call your dad, maybe?’ He suggests.
‘No!’ I respond, instantly. ‘Leave my father out of it,’ then I add, ‘please.’
He nods, ‘needs to be done, as a matter of urgency.’
‘Today?’ I squeak, a ball of stress forming in my middle.
‘Have your breakfast, then we’ll go,’ he suggests. ‘Best to rip the band-aid off, London.’
‘You taking me?’ I check, hoping and praying that he says yes, a familiar face would feel good about now.
‘Yeah,’ he is watching me, sizing up whether I am going to lose it or not.
‘Don’t think I can stomach anything now, can we go first I can eat later, maybe?’ I almost whisper. Acid forms in my throat at the anxiety that is spreading through my bones. I’ve never seen a dead body before, let alone a family member. When my grandparent’s died, five years ago, I refused to visit them in the chapel. I didn’t want that imprinted on my mind. This time, I had no choice. I was all he had.
‘Sure!’ He provides me a measured gaze, ‘you sure you up to this?’
‘I need to do this for both him and me,’ I confide. I needed to know for certain, for my own piece of mind, that it was definitely my brother laying on a slab in the morgue. I also needed to come to terms with the fact that the Ollie I knew perhaps wasn’t the Ollie of the real world. However much that would hurt and however much that would serve to reaffirm my former belief that I could trust no one. I had to know.
********
‘You got family back home?’ Detective Austin probes as we pull out of the hotel car park and down the hill towards the town, in his pick-up. He had explained that Oliver had being transferred to Denver City for post mortem, which is where we were heading. Apprehension fills me at the contemplation of remaining in such a confined space with him, for the two-hour journey. My ability to chat about something and nothing for an extended amount of time is unprecedented. But, when Detective Nathan Austin looks at me, I feel as if I am transparent.
‘Some,’ I reply, from behind my sunglasses.
‘Don’t give much away, London,’ he responds, dryly.
‘There isn’t much to give, Detective Austin,’ I shrug.
‘Nate,’ he growls, I ignore him.
‘You lived in Krystal all your life?’ I use my hairdressing, casual chatter to engage him in conversation that has zero to do with my sad life.
‘Born in Krystal, don’t live here now,’ he expresses.
‘You don’t live in Krystal?’ I turn to face him, ‘where do you live?’ I shock, taking the time, while his attention is directed on the road ahead, to survey his striking features. Without a doubt, his eyes are the clincher, and from this angle, I can see the long dark lashes that surround them. His jaw is strong, his lips soft, inviting.
‘Denver City,’ he confides, pulling me out of my appreciation. ‘Here to help with your brother’s homicide.’
‘Oh!’ This is news. ‘Where are you staying then?’
‘Same place as you,’ he mumbles.
‘You staying at Marnie’s?’ I shock.
‘Marnie’s my Ma,’ he turns to gaze at me, ‘I thought you knew that?’
‘Marnie’s your Mum?’ I repeat.
‘Fuck, if there isn’t an echo in here,’ he mutters, sardonically.
‘Sorry, but no, I didn’t know. But Marnie’s adorable,’ I admit.
‘Meaning, I’m not?’ His lips tilt. I imagine he gets a lot of women falling at his feet on a regular basis. My impassiveness must be a novelty for him. The sad thing is, without all the drama that is presently surrounding me, I know I would be on the floor along with the best of them.
‘No,’ I shake my head, ‘I didn’t mean that.’
‘Meaning you think I’m adorable, too?’ He teases. I provide him a stern look, and he chuckles, ‘told you London, that look wouldn’t scare a bee.’
I turn and glance out of the window at the quaint town passing by, sometimes deciding it’s better to say less rather than more.
********
I feel Nate’s fingers lightly on my lower back as we leave the dreary grey building that currently holds the pale, waxy, broken body of my brother. I am emotionally intact, not a tear in sight, but when I say I am emotionally intact, I mean I am numb. I feel nothing. I remember looking at the sheet strategically placed around his head and knowing that its purpose was to conceal the gaping hole where the bullet entered his skull.
When Nate had asked softly whether this was indeed Oliver Parker, I had simply nodded my head to confirm. No words were needed. When Nate then preceded to request whether I needed a moment alone, I had shaken my head and pleaded with my eyes for him not to leave me alone with the body. He had understood, stepped closer and placed his hand supportively on my back without another word.
We are now sitting in a diner, Nate sitting opposite me, his eyes trained on me as if I am going to erupt at any moment.
‘I’m fine,’ I inform him as I sip from the cup of tea before me.
‘You need to eat something, London,’ he announces.
The smell, I can’t get rid of the aroma of the mortuary. It didn’t smell of death, as expected, but it smelt of bad air freshener, which they obviously use to disguise any lingering death scents. It had a chemical cinnamon hint to it; I don’t think I will be walking into any bakeries for a while.
‘I don’t think I can,’ I whisper across the small square table.
His eyes warm, ‘okay, but when we get back to Krystal, I’ll take you to Ellie’s,’ he promised. ‘She’ll find something to tempt you.’
I nod, ‘thank you,’ I lower my eyes from him, ‘for...’ I didn’t know how to put into words how much his presence helped.
‘No problem, Sophie,’ he murmured quietly.
The drive back was quiet. Nate seemed to understand that I needed some head space. There was no
teasing, no chatting, no talking me through the on route stunning scenery. He put the radio on quietly and opened the window leaving me alone to gather my thoughts and emotions.
When we pulled into the town, I took a deep breath and sat up straighter.
‘You okay?’ Nate called over.
‘Yes, thank you,’ I reply warmly. ‘For everything.’
‘You got to stop thanking everyone, London. People don’t want to do something for you; they won’t. But, you are more than welcome. Now, to eat.’ We pull into the kerb outside Ellie’s, and Nate slides out onto the pavement. I climb out and follow him into the bright diner.
‘Hey, guys!’ Ellie and one of her waitresses turn at our arrival.
‘Hi,’ I force a smile towards Ellie.
‘Bring us two specials, El,’ Nate calls, as he directs us to the table I sat at yesterday. We sit, and I glance absently out of the window to the pavement outside. ‘You feeling better?’ Nate leans back and regards me.
‘It’s a lot to take in,’ I admit. ‘One day I have no one, the next I reconnect with my long lost brother, then it turns out he’s into drugs and gets a bullet in his head for his trouble. It’s surreal.’
‘How long since you reconnected?’ He questions.
‘Four years,’ I update him.
‘How long since you saw him before that?’ He continues.
‘You guys need drinks?’ Ellie appears, interrupting our conversation. I order a diet Pepsi and Nate water.
I gaze out at the outside world for a while before continuing, ‘never, in answer to your question.’ He didn’t respond. I glanced back to witness him regarding me closely, his eyes alert. I go on, ‘my father sent me to London when I was born. Mum never made it; I was dumped with my grandparents. That’s the complicated.’ I refer to our conversation of yesterday.
‘I’m sorry,’ he murmurs softly.
Our eyes connect and hold, my body tingling at the attraction that has been evident since our first meeting, yesterday. Was it only yesterday?
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