by E. L. Todd
I finally cracked a smile. “I’m so lucky to have you guys…wouldn’t know what to do without you.”
He leaned toward me and pressed his lips against my temple. It was the kind of affection he’d never given me before, and the comfort it provided was something I couldn’t explain. My heart stopped aching for once, and all I felt was joy. “You’ll never have to.”
Chapter Fifteen
Rex
I worried about Rae all night.
This was the kind of shit I tried to protect her from. The woman had been through enough. We’d both been through enough. We paid our dues, and now it was time for us to be happy. I knew Ryker wouldn’t respect her the way he promised he would. I knew he would break her heart somewhere down the road.
And now it happened.
I teased my sister a lot because she was annoying, like every other sister in the world. But she truly was one of the best people I knew. She took me in and had my back no matter what. If someone gave me shit, she’d be the first person to jump in the fight and tell them off. But she was also the first person to give me shit in the first place. It didn’t make any sense, but it worked for us.
I took care of her when we were growing up, and the second she was stable, she started to take care of me. She invested money into my bowling alley so I could get back on my feet, and she was still giving me a place to live with food on the table. She was my biggest supporter, the one person in the world I could rely on no matter how angry we were with each other.
That was real love.
And the idea of someone taking advantage of her good nature, her optimism, and her heart just ticked me off.
I wanted to march over there and beat the shit out of Ryker myself.
So fucking much.
But I knew Rae wouldn’t want that. She would want me to stand on the sidelines and keep my insults to myself. She wouldn’t want me to fight her battles for her because she could fight them on her own.
After midnight, she finally came home.
I jumped off the couch and nearly tripped over the armrest as I tried to get to her as quickly as possible. “What happened?”
She gave me a sad look that clearly said, “Nothing good.”
“I’m sorry, Rae. Really, I am.”
She told me what happened, that Ryker was a huge dick then she went to Zeke’s place so he could comfort her. Then she came home when she felt a little better.
There were so many things I wanted to say, but I knew it was better to keep them to myself. It blew my mind that Ryker could date her that long and then turn on her with the snap of a finger. He treated her like she cheated on him or something. In reality, she just confessed how much she cared about him.
My sister’s eyes sagged with exhaustion mixed with despair. She couldn’t put on a brave face in front of me anymore. She wore her heart on her sleeve, her bruises on her skin. “I think he’ll come back to me and apologize in a few weeks. At least, that’s what I hope he does.”
I couldn’t believe she would even consider forgiving him. My sister didn’t put up with bullshit, so I couldn’t understand why she was putting up with this. But getting in her face right now wouldn’t do any good. She needed a friend right now. She needed somewhere she felt safe. “I’m sorry, Rae.” I kept repeating myself, but there were no other words to fit the moment.
“I guess you were right…” She sighed in defeat when she looked at me. “I should have listened to you, Rex.”
I felt like shit for being right. I wished a million times over that I was dead wrong. I wished Ryker had been everything I claimed he wasn’t and swept Rae off her feet and became her Prince Charming. “That’s not true. Don’t say that.”
“It is. And we both know it.” She walked to her bedroom down the hall with Safari on her trail.
Should I go after her and talk to her? Or should I just leave her alone? I didn’t know what to do.
After standing there for a few minutes, I finally decided to go into her room. “I’m always here to talk, Rae. I just want you to know that.”
She was lying in bed with Safari beside her, her back turned to me. “I know.”
“Is there something I can do? I can pick you up something from Mega Shake.” It was her favorite place. Anytime she needed cheering up, that was the first place I headed.
She didn’t turn around or sit up. She continued to lie in bed in the clothes she’d been wearing, her dog tucked into her side for comfort. “No, thanks, Rex. I’m not hungry.”
“Alright…”
“I’ll be fine.” Her voice came out surprisingly steady. “I just want to be alone right now.”
“Okay.” The one thing I could believe in her was her strength. She’d been through a lot and always made it back on top. She’d fallen hard now, but she had the spirit to crawl back up. She always did and always would. “I know you’ll be okay, Rae. You always are.”
***
“I’m gonna slap him so hard his neck is going to snap off.” Jessie ignored her drink altogether because she was so ticked. She hadn’t had a sip when she would normally be on her third or fourth by now.
Kayden didn’t touch her drink either. Instead of being venomously angry like Jessie, she was quiet with sadness. “Poor Rae…she doesn’t deserve this.”
“No. She doesn’t.” Zeke rested his arm over the back of the booth and stared across the bar, his eyes seeing something in the distance. He was in quiet contemplation, thinking about the drama that surrounded someone he cared about. “It doesn’t add up. Why would a woman saying she loves you bother you that much?” He turned back to us, his eyes filling with anger. “I can understand why it would be awkward for a while, but to dump her? It doesn’t make any sense.”
“I don’t get it either,” I said. “They’re just words. They don’t change the relationship that much. It’s not like she would say it every day or something.”
“And she even said he wasn’t obligated to say it back,” Jessie said. “She gave him an out. It’s not like she gave him an ultimatum.”
“She told me he said he would never love her,” Zeke said. “And that’s why he couldn’t be with her. But even then, that doesn’t make sense.”
“Damn,” Kayden said. “That’s harsh.”
“No,” Jessie said. “That’s just an asshole thing to say.”
Zeke shook his head. “It’s been so hard for me not to call him and give him a piece of my mind.”
“It’s been hard for me not to wait by his car and jump him.” I’d fantasized about it a few times. Too many times.
“And the worst part is,” Zeke said. “Rae said she thinks he’ll come around in a few weeks after he cools off. He’ll apologize and say he didn’t mean any of it. And then they’ll be back to where they were.”
Kayden shook her head. “I wouldn’t forgive him after that. Too hateful.”
“I don’t think he’s going to come back,” Jessie said. “You don’t say stuff like that to someone and then ask for another chance.”
“I hope he doesn’t come back,” I said. “It took a lot for Zeke and me to give him a chance the first time. No way he’s getting a redo.”
“No fucking way,” Zeke said.
“Where is Rae now?” Kayden asked.
“She’s at home watching TV,” I said. “She said she wanted some space, and I thought I’d let you guys know so she doesn’t have to do it herself. It was already hard enough for her to tell Zeke and me.”
“I get it,” Jessie said. “I want to hug her or something. But I’m sure she wants to be alone right now.”
“I’m gonna send her flowers tomorrow,” Kayden said. “Write her a cute note.”
“Maybe we should all give her flowers,” Zeke said. “Remind her that we all love her even if Ryker doesn’t.”
“That’s a good idea,” I said. “How much do flowers cost?” I was still broke.
Zeke already knew what I was going to ask. “I’ll take care of it, Rex. Just sign t
he card.”
I patted him on the shoulder. “Thanks, man. I’ll pay you back soon enough.”
“I know,” he answered. “I’ll just add it to your tab.”
Chapter Sixteen
Rae
Two weeks had come and gone, and I didn’t hear anything from Ryker.
I expected him to contact me with an apology at some point. I expected him to realize what he lost when he cruelly dumped me like I never meant a damn thing to him. I expected him to realize it was just a horrible mistake.
But he never did.
Rex watched me like a hawk during the past two weeks. He even had dinner waiting when I came home, and magically, the apartment was clean. He couldn’t figure it out for the past year he’d been living there, but the second I went through a hard time, he stepped up.
Since it was sweet, I didn’t give him shit about it.
Everyone came to my apartment almost every day. They dropped by for no reason at all, to either play games or watch TV with me. Kayden and Jessie never asked about Ryker, and that’s how I knew Rex and Zeke already filled them in.
In fact, no one asked me about him.
No one asked how I was doing or how I was holding up.
No one gave me looks of pity.
They treated me like everything was normal, and that kind of comfort was exactly what I needed. If they kept pestering me about how I was doing, then I would never stop thinking about it. This was a much better approach.
Rochelle didn’t come around, and I assumed it was because Zeke wanted it just to be our group. He didn’t need to do that because I really liked Rochelle. She was a woman, so I was sure she had her own experiences with heartbreak.
We played a game of Scattergories at the table, and I finally won a round. Zeke had won all the others. “Yes! Take that, losers.”
“Such a gracious winner…” Jessie covered her smile by sipping her wine.
“I’m tired of losing to Zeke all the time.” I tossed the cards back into the box and set up a new game. “Someone needed to take the torch away from him.”
“So this is personal.” He rested his elbows on the table, showing off his nice arms under his long-sleeved shirt. He wore a Mariners hat and looked like every other sports fan in the city. The look he gave me was playful but also competitive.
“I think I speak for everyone when I say we’re tired of you winning all the time.” No one likes an overachiever.
“I never win,” Rex said. “I’m too dumb.”
“Hey, that’s not true.” Kayden’s voice came rushing out like a mother consoling her son. “You’re the smartest guy I know.” Her hand immediately moved to his upper arm. “You’re just good at different things than we are.”
He glanced down at her arm and smiled. “I guess that’s true…”
She quickly pulled her hand away like she’d suddenly been burned. “Alright. Let’s get the next game going. I’ll make some margaritas.”
I knew I lost the man I loved, and it was still difficult to accept. If he hadn’t come back by now, then he wasn’t going to. But in the face of adversity, I realized just how lucky I was. I had a group of friends that were family, and they were there for me in the best way possible, just the way I was there for them. Even in the darkness, there was light. And I realized I had personal suns that would follow me everywhere I went—always keeping me warm.
***
It was the first time I had the energy to get dressed up and go out. Jessie bought me a dress at her favorite clothing store and asked me to wear it. It really was beautiful, a short black dress with a nearly open back. She knew my size and shape, and she knew how to make anyone look good.
Zeke came to the table with another lemon drop in his hand. He placed it beside my nearly empty glass. “It looks like you need a refill.” He stood at the high top beside me, wearing a collared shirt and jeans.
“Thank you, but you don’t need to be my personal drink fetcher.” He’d been doing it all night, making sure I never ran empty.
“Hey. Friends never let friends go thirsty.”
I sipped it before I returned it to the table. “Well, thank you. It’s delicious.”
“You’re welcome. But I can’t take credit for making it.”
“But you did carry it over here. It probably got tastier on the way.”
He gave me that charming smile that made all the girls melt. “True.”
“Where’s Rochelle?”
“Oh, she had plans tonight.”
I knew he was lying. I could see it clearly in his eyes. “Zeke, you don’t have to stop bringing her around just to make me feel better about being alone. I can watch you guys be in love, and I’m perfectly fine with it.” Whenever I saw Zeke with Rochelle, I wished Ryker would love me like that. Of course, the thought crossed my mind along with an overwhelming amount of jealousy. But I wanted Zeke to be happy, and he shouldn’t have to tone it down just because I was miserable. “I like Rochelle. I think she’s a great addition to the group.”
Zeke finally dropped his act. “Alright. I will.”
“Thank you.” The poor girl shouldn’t be excluded just because of me.
Jessie nudged Rex in the side. “Look at the ass on that chick over there. Damn, even I’m a little into her.”
“What?” Rex’s head snapped so fast I almost heard a crack. “Where?” He suddenly turned back and glanced at Kayden before he looked away. “I mean…I’ve seen better.”
Jessie narrowed her eyes at him. “Are you alright?”
I had to admit his behavior was peculiar, even to me. “You’ve seen better?” I took a glance at her. “No, Rex. You haven’t.”
Even Zeke checked her out. “If I weren’t in a relationship, I’d ask for her number.”
Rex shrugged then took a really long drink of his beer.
Kayden sipped her wine.
“I think…” Jessie continued to look at the woman on the other side of the bar. Her voice trailed away, and her eyes expanded to the size of basketballs. “Uh…” She abandoned her drink on the counter then came to my side of the table. “Let’s go to the bathroom.”
“Why?” I didn’t need to go, and last time I checked, we weren’t in junior high.
“I need help with my makeup.” She grabbed my wrist and tried to pull me away.
“Your makeup is perfect like always.” I gently turned out of her grip and kept my place at the table. “Why are you being so weird right now?”
Rex glanced behind him then gave a similar reaction.
Kayden almost spilled her drink.
Zeke suddenly looked at his watch. “Damn, I didn’t realize how late it was. We should get going.”
It was ten.
Something was up.
I scanned the other side of the bar, and I immediately saw what they were trying to hide. Ryker moved through the crowd with his arm wrapped around the slender waist of a pretty brunette. He smiled down at her like he was having a great night out with a beautiful woman.
Rex bowed his head and closed his eyes. “Fuck.”
Everything moved in slow motion as I watched them move together. I’d been the recipient of that smile so many times. He gave it to me just before he kissed me, usually in the corner of my mouth. I knew how that large and strong hand felt against my lower back. I remembered the way he would grip me tightly, like he never wanted to let go.
Two weeks apart and he was already picking up tail. And judging by the smile in his eyes, it wasn’t his first time out. He’d been doing it for a while, maybe even before we officially broke up.
I couldn’t stop staring even though the scene was absolutely horrifying. It broke my heart in a way it never had before. It shattered my belief that what we had was even real. He made love to me and I told him I loved him…and then he dumped me. It was the cruelest thing someone had ever done to me. And now he had already moved on with his life, hitting the sheets I used to sleep on almost every single night.
It hurt.
It really fucking hurt.
Ryker guided her forward, and when his eyes moved for a gap in the crowd, they landed on mine. He faltered in his movements because the surprise caught him off guard. He clearly thought there was no possibility of running into me because I’d be at home crying over him with an empty box of tissues beside me. For a moment, his eyes contained his guilt at being caught picking up someone new to fuck. But then he turned away and kept walking, his hand still around her waist. He moved past us and headed to the exit.
Everyone stood absolutely still and stared at me, unsure what I was going to do or say. I felt like a bomb they were trying to disarm. Any moment now, the wrong wire would be cut and I would implode.
There was no masking how much that hurt. Even now, I still loved him. I still dreamed about him. I still missed him. When he said he would never love me, he must have really meant it. Otherwise, he wouldn’t be out having a good time right at that very moment.
Maybe I really did mean nothing to him.
“Excuse me.” I grabbed my clutch and turned away from the table.
“Whoa, hold on.” Zeke grabbed my wrist. “Rae, it’s not worth it.”
“If she wants to throw a drink in his face, she has every right,” Jessie argued.
I tried to twist out of his grasp, but he was too strong.
“Rae, I’ll gladly beat the shit out of him if you want. But don’t confront him yourself.” Zeke continued to pull me back.
“Let. Me. Go.” I stared him down with fire in my eyes, ready to burn him with just a look.
Zeke gave me an angry look himself before he finally released me.
And I was off.
I walked out of the bar and reached the sidewalk. The freezing Seattle air hit me hard because I was wearing practically nothing. I was grateful Jessie made me look beautiful tonight. It was better than looking my worst while he walked out with an upgraded version of me.
I spotted him walking to his car, his arm still around her waist.
I walked up to them, feeling my heart pound in my chest with spikes of adrenaline. I could hardly breathe because I was so anxious for what would happen next. I purposely waited until he got her in the passenger seat and shut the door before I made my move. This woman didn’t know me. She probably didn’t even know Ryker. So she didn’t deserve my wrath. She was just an innocent person thinking she got lucky enough to find a man as beautiful as Ryker.
