He blew out a long breath. “It happened when I was just nineteen.”
“So young—”
When she caught her top lip between her teeth, he fixed his gaze on the door behind her, the deadbolt. That seemed appropriate. “I was quarterback of the football team and the guy with the highest grade point average in the class. She was homecoming queen and captain of the cheerleading squad. The golden couple.”
“What happened?”
“We dated all of senior year. I always knew I wanted to be a doctor. My dad is, and it runs in the family. Lori knew that but when graduation got closer, she started talking about going to the same college, about staying together.”
“I understand that.”
“She didn’t get into the college where I was going. Her grades weren’t good enough.”
Em shifted her bare feet. “So you married her to be together.”
“Not exactly.” He stared so hard at the deadbolt the edges got fuzzy. “Just before graduation she told me she was pregnant.”
“I see.” Her frown said she was lying.
“Being a doctor isn’t the only Westen characteristic hardwired into my DNA. Doing the right thing is right there at the top. Every time I went against that I got burned—from playing with fireworks to BB guns. By the time I’d gone through high school, I’d learned my lesson. Doing the right thing meant marrying the girl carrying my baby, so I did.”
“And the baby?” she whispered.
He looked at her then as his stomach knotted. Bitter memories flashed through him and resurrected his rage. “There was no baby.”
“What happened to it?”
“There never was a baby,” he said, putting a finer point on it. He knew she got the message when her eyes grew wide.
“She lied to you about being pregnant?”
“Pretty much.”
“So you divorced her,” Em said.
“If only.” He ran his fingers through his hair. “See, that’s where my moral compass bit me in the ass. In my family when you get married, the right thing is to stay married. So I did.”
“But you’re not now.”
He shook his head. “We stayed together while I went to school, worked and studied. That didn’t leave a whole lot of time left over to build a relationship.”
“She was unhappy?”
He laughed, but it was a harsh sound, devoid of amusement. “That’s a safe bet, although she never once came to me and said she was lonely, neglected and unhappy. I found out when the E.R. called and said my wife had taken pills and tried to kill herself.”
Em gasped and touched her fingers to her mouth. “Oh, Cal—but she pulled through?”
“Yeah. That time and every other time she cried out for attention and ended up in the E.R.”
“So you finally left her?”
“Nope.” If only, he thought bitterly. “I was still determined to do the right thing. When I was doing my residency here in Las Vegas at the county hospital, she decided she’d had enough and walked out. No drama. No warning. She just said it was over.”
Emily looked confused. “After the lies and the drama, I should think you’d have been relieved.”
“You’d think.” He grabbed his car keys from the coffee table.
“I’m very sorry that happened to you, Cal.”
“What you really mean is that for a smart guy with a GPA somewhere in the stratosphere I was pretty damn dumb.”
“No, you were pretty darn noble.” She shook her head. “But I can certainly understand why you felt the way you did about—”
“Finding out I had a daughter?”
“Yes,” she said, looking pretty guilty.
“I didn’t think it was possible to be that stupid again, but I was wrong. The first time, I’d started to love a baby that didn’t exist.” He moved in front of her and stared down until she stepped aside. “The second time I didn’t know a baby existed that I needed to love.”
She sucked in a breath. “I’m sorry, Cal.”
“You told me you weren’t going to say that again.”
“I was wrong. It’s not the first time and probably won’t be the last.”
“That makes two of us. I wasted too many years living a lie and promised myself it would never happen again. The truth, the whole truth. Nothing but the truth for me.” He opened the door, then glanced over his shoulder at the moisture in her troubled dark eyes.
He closed the door behind him and wondered why he felt like the world’s worst bastard. It was time she knew what had happened to him. Maybe he should have told her when they were dating, but he hadn’t. Part of him was glad he’d waited until now because it put distance between them. It was a way for her to understand that he’d drawn a line in the sand and why he didn’t intend to cross it.
Now there were no secrets.
Except what he felt for Em.
He couldn’t stop wanting her and wasn’t sure why. The only thing he was sure of was that there was no win in a relationship with a woman who’d deceived him. If you couldn’t win, what was the point of playing? Or maybe that was an excuse because he wasn’t willing to take a chance.
* * *
Em parked on the top floor of Green Valley Ranch Hotel and Casino’s self-parking structure because she knew it wouldn’t take an elevator ride to get her where she needed to be. She was late meeting Sophia for dinner at the Grand Café and hurried through the maze of slot-machine lights and sounds, turned right at the Player Rewards Club counter, raced past the water wall at the Feast Buffet and stopped at the restaurant desk to check in with the hostess. The woman in the long-sleeved crisp, white blouse and black pants directed her to a table in the far back corner where the casino noises wouldn’t intrude.
She sat down in the booth across from her friend. “Hi. Sorry I’m late.”
“No problem.” Soph smiled, then sipped red wine.
Em saw the glass of soda water with lime waiting and smiled at the friend who knew her so well. “Thanks.”
“You’re welcome.”
The waitress came and took their salad orders, Cobb for Em and chicken Caesar for Sophia, then left them alone.
“How are things at work?” Em asked.
“I love my job. The children are adorable and so normal.” Her gray eyes clouded over for a moment, but a new and recent concern pushed away the memories. “But I need to ask you something.”
“Shoot.”
“What’s going on with Patty?”
“The usual. She has a toddler while working and going to school and juggling a relationship with her child’s father.” Em realized that two out of those three applied to her. The only difference was she didn’t have to contend with school. “Why?”
“Are she and Jonas having problems?”
“Not that I’m aware of. But I haven’t had a real heart-to-heart talk with her for a while. We’ve both been busy.” If anyone should win man-problems-of-the-year award, it was Em. Considering she’d slept with her child’s father. Again. And he all but gave her the brush off. None of which she wanted to think about, let alone discuss. It just hurt too much. But concentrating on someone else would take her mind off her own imploding life. “What makes you think Patty and Jonas are going through something, Soph?”
“When she was working her shift I overheard her on the phone. She said his name, so I know he was getting an earful. And the tense tone said it was not in a good way.” Sophia frowned. “Not only that, she’s been distracted lately. And edgy.”
“Is the mood impacting her work?”
“No. She’s wonderful with the children.” Sophia sipped her wine. “I’m just concerned about her. She’s normally so perky that I noticed the difference.”
“I can talk to her if you want.”
“No. Just keep an eye on her.”
“I’ll do it,” Em promised.
The server brought their salads and after determining there was nothing else they needed and encouraging them to have a n
ice dinner, she left.
Em picked up her fork and messed up the tidy rows of bacon, egg, avocado and blue cheese bits. She continued to move the lettuce around without putting any in her mouth. Before Cal had arrived, she’d been pretty hungry. One look at him in his jeans and T-shirt had pretty much destroyed her appetite.
It was the first she’d seen him since the night he’d taken her to bed and loved her until she’d thought she would drown in the pleasure. The first time since he’d pulled the rug out from under her with revelations of his past. A little while ago he’d come over after calling, then volunteering to stay with Annie while Em had a relaxing night out. Awkwardness and tension had rolled off him in waves and now relaxing just wasn’t going to happen.
“I feel weird without Annie.”
Sophia stared across the table. “Yeah. What’s up with that? We picked this place because it’s nice but casual and kid-friendly. For Annie. How come I’m not seeing my goddaughter right now?”
“Let me add another sorry to the one you got because I was late. Cal wanted to spend time with her and it seemed like a good idea.”
“Because you feel guilty?” Sophia asked.
“Because he’s a fantastic father.”
“And how are things between you and Doctor Do Good?”
“Oh, you know—”
Sophia gave her a wry look before awareness sparked in her eyes. “That’s eerily similar to what you said the last time you didn’t want to tell me what was going on with you and Cal. And for the record, it doesn’t ease my mind.”
Em remembered that afternoon in Sophia’s office when she didn’t want to tell her friend that she’d slept with Cal. Suddenly she felt as if she were stuck in a bad sci-fi movie where she couldn’t get out of a dangerous time loop and kept repeating destructive behavior.
“Cal and I are coparenting Annie. That’s all there is to that.”
“You slept with him again, didn’t you?” Sophia’s gray eyes narrowed.
Sophia was her best friend, but that was good news and bad. The club soda and lime waiting for her tonight was good, but this way she had of reading minds was not.
Unfortunately lying through her teeth to her BFF wasn’t good, either.
“Yes, we slept together, but it’s not what you think.”
“Putting aside what I think for now, let me just ask this. Have you even heard the phrase just say no?”
“It’s not that simple.”
“You’re wrong. Single syllable. Practice it. N-O. Easy.”
“For you maybe. But nothing about Cal Westen has ever been easy for me.”
“What happened?” Sophia chewed a bite of salad.
“He stopped by without calling, which is very unlike him. Said he just wanted to see Annie. He wouldn’t wake her, and he didn’t. He just put his hand on her back, to make sure she was okay.” Em sipped her club soda. “He was really upset after losing a kid in the E.R. Someone ran a stop sign and hit the SUV. He really took it hard.”
“I can understand that.” Sophia’s expression turned dark.
“I had to do something for him,” Em said.
“So you slept with him?”
“You make it sound calculated. I just put my arms around him. It was all I could think of to comfort him.” Em shrugged. “After that I’m not exactly sure how we ended up in bed. It sort of just happened. Please don’t lecture me. I know it wasn’t smart, but I couldn’t seem to stop myself.”
“Yeah, I understand how that feels, too.” Her friend pushed the lettuce around her plate. “It’s all fun and games until someone gets hurt.”
“Soph, I found out about his baggage.”
“What?”
Em told her about the pregnancy lie, the marriage and suicide attempts before his wife simply walked out.
“It sounds like a nightmare,” Sophia said.
“Yeah. It helps me to understand why he said what he did when I tried to tell him I was pregnant.”
“His past makes it okay for him to be a jerk?” Sophia picked up her fork again and speared a crouton.
“You’re being pretty heartless,” Em accused.
“I’m realistic. I can do that because I’m not emotionally involved with an emotionally unavailable man.”
“What are you talking about?”
“Remember I told you that if he wanted you to know about his past he’d tell you?”
“I asked,” Em said. She hadn’t thought it was possible for her stomach to twist into more knots, but it did when she saw the expression on her friend’s face. “What?”
“Think about it, Em. Why now? You went out with him for six months before you got pregnant. At any time during that period did he share personal information?”
“No. After establishing that we were both single, he’d either dodge questions about his past or change the subject.”
“Why didn’t he dodge the question or change the subject this time? After sex, I might add.”
After sex the second time to be more precise, Em thought. As if the first time was a fluke, but time number two made it a pattern he didn’t want. The impact of what her friend was saying hit her hard.
“He’s deliberately pushing me away,” Em whispered.
“That would be my guess,” Sophia agreed.
Em could hardly breathe as the realization sat like a boulder on her chest. All this time since coming clean about having Cal’s baby, she’d been blaming herself for the fact that he would never trust and love her only to find out that a woman had destroyed his trust when he was most vulnerable, not to mention impressionable. That was before Em had ever met him. The truth was she’d never had a chance to win his heart, even before she’d messed up.
Sophia studied her intently. “Please don’t tell me you’ve fallen in love with him.”
“No.”
“Good.”
Em sat back in the booth and dropped her hands into her lap. “Technically I never stopped loving him.”
“Oh, Em—”
“And we share a child that we’re both committed to coparenting. This time it won’t be so easy to put him out of my mind.” Not that Em had ever successfully done that. “I’ll have to see him all the time. I’m going to have to watch the parade of women in his life, and so will Annie. I wanted so much better for her than I had.”
“At least she’ll know her father and not have to wonder about him,” Sophia offered.
“Maybe.” Em smiled weakly. “No one knows better than me that life isn’t perfect. But I vowed that my children would have two parents who were together. A couple. What happened to my dream?”
“You fell in love,” Sophia said.
Instead of finding happily ever after she found heartbreak. Maybe ignorance was bliss. Maybe she would have been better off not knowing about his past because the truth meant he’d never let himself care again.
In this case honesty was not the best policy.
Chapter Thirteen
After putting Annie to sleep Cal sat on Em’s light green sofa with his feet propped on her cherrywood coffee table and used her remote to flip through the TV channels. At least she had more than when he’d first met her.
Emily Summers hated electronics of any kind and barely tolerated computers. When they’d been together before, he’d hooked up her DVD player and HD cable box so they’d have more visual choices, not that they’d spent much time doing that. His body tightened painfully as memories of their intimate alternative entertainment activities flashed through his mind. After that a flash of something else zapped him when he wondered who’d hooked everything up for her after moving to this apartment.
It was none of his business; that was the past and didn’t matter. As soon as the message got from his gut to his head everything would be fine. Great. Fan-freaking-tastic.
He’d lost count of how many times he’d checked the Sci-fi channel and ESPN hoping he’d missed something good even though he’d come up empty.
That could be a m
etaphor for his life. Empty summed it up pretty well. Except for Annie he only had a revolving door of relationships that were meaningless exercises in companionship and simply filled his free time. He only felt alive, stimulated and content with Em and that was damned annoying.
He flipped the TV off and tossed the remote on the couch beside him, then leaned down and picked up the five throw pillows in shades of green, beige and maroon that his daughter had delighted in throwing on the floor. He smiled, remembering the way she’d giggled and made a game out of it. When he picked them up, she threw them down again.
He’d made a lot of progress with his daughter in the last two months. She knew him and there’d only been a couple of rough spots tonight. The first had been when Annie watched her mother leave. The bitterly unhappy crying still had the power to rip his heart out, but he knew how she felt because Em had once left him. He’d been bitter and unhappy about it.
After checking on his little girl who was sleeping like a baby, he wandered into the kitchen and absently opened the refrigerator. On the top shelf was a beer—an opened, half-empty beer. He must have stuck it in there because Em didn’t drink. But why hadn’t she thrown it out?
Glancing around the apartment he realized this felt more like home than his huge house on the golf course. Pale gold gave the place a charming warmth. The yellow pottery bowl filled with apples, bananas and oranges added a touch of color on the bar. Photos, mostly of Annie, were scattered around on every flat surface and there were some hanging on the walls. Lately this small two-bedroom, two-bath apartment was the only place he wanted to be. With Em.
He glanced at his watch and noted that it was eight twenty-five, a full seven minutes later than the last time he’d checked. Was she out with a guy? She’d only said she was going to meet a friend for dinner and was taking Annie until he’d offered to watch his daughter. Had he handed her the opportunity for a more intimate date with another guy?
“No.” He said it out loud and with a force that was surprising. “Can’t be another guy because that would imply she already had one. Which would be me and that’s not what’s going on.”
Committed to the Baby: Claiming King's BabyThe Doctor's Secret Baby Page 29
