by Harley Stone
She wanted the forever I’d already promised to someone else.
Even now, I couldn’t help but compare the two of them. Lily’s eyes were a little rounder, and Amber’s cheek bones had been a little softer. Where Amber was sweet and innocent, Lily was fierce and jaded. Amber’s career choice was driven by the desire to help people—she wanted to work with special ed kids. Lily chose the electrician route because it offered the best pay for the least amount of schooling.
Regardless of their differences, I couldn’t stop thinking about how awkward it would be to take Lily home. My parents would see my dead girlfriend and think I’d lost my damn mind. Amber’s folks would probably have a coronary. Hell, the whole town would be whispering about how I couldn’t have Amber, so I brought home her twin.
And they wouldn’t be wrong. Lily’s likeness to Amber was what had drawn me to her.
It wasn’t fair to Lily, and I needed to give her space so she could get over me and find a man who could give her everything. A man who could take her home and be proud to introduce her to his family. A man who still had a future left to offer.
Determined to make myself scarce until she took the hint and stopped hitting on me, I picked up my beer and headed for the stairs.
I didn’t feel much like partying anyway.
4
Lily
STUNNED, I STARED at the cashier, willing different words to come out of her mouth. She had to be mistaken. She couldn’t possibly be serious. “What do you mean you don’t serve breakfast anymore?”
The look she gave me questioned my intelligence, sobriety, and grasp of basic English. Slowing her words as if decelerating her speech pattern would increase my chances at understanding, she repeated herself. “We no longer serve breakfast.”
No. This couldn’t be happening.
“It isn’t profitable. Corporate made the call to pull it from our menus.” She pointed at the menu on the wall behind her. “We don’t even open until ten now.”
Which explained why she’d been unlocking the doors when I arrived. I really should have put two and two together sooner, but I was far too heartbroken to tell time or read a menu. I needed a sausage, egg, and cheese breakfast bagel to improve my quality of life. The promise of that cheap but delicious comfort food was the only thing keeping me going right now, and I didn’t give a single fuck about the restaurant’s profitability.
My happiness depended on that goddamn bagel, and if I didn’t get it, I ran the risk of devolving into a sniveling ball of pathetic single cat lady piss. Nobody wanted to see that. It wouldn’t be a good look for me.
I wanted to go full on Karen and make a scene, but it wasn’t the restaurant’s fault my life had gone straight down the shitter. Not at fault, but they should have held the power to fix it via chewy, greasy comfort food. I was desperate. The last bit of internet advice I’d followed was a piece titled, ‘Absence makes the heart grow fonder.’ It was proving to be complete and total bullshit. Despite the recommendation of relationship gurus everywhere, giving Bull space had clearly not made him miss me and throw himself at my feet.
Nor had it made me want to club him over the head and force my love upon him any less.
It had been two weeks since I’d last talked to the asshole, and I was no closer to getting over him than I had been when he’d sat across from me, sweating bullets and pretending not to watch me lick the neck of my beer bottle like a lollipop. I’d thrown a fit and told him I didn’t even want to be his friend before storming out of the Copper Penny.
That’s me, the picture of maturity and grace.
I couldn’t help it. Bull just brought out my crazy and encouraged it to tango with him. We’d done this song and dance so many times I felt like I was following a script, but that was the first time I’d taken my flirting so far. I’d pushed hard, and he’d repelled even harder. So now, I was giving him space so he could miss my awesome self and come begging for my forgiveness.
So far, this plan sucked ass. I’d seen him a few times, but it was like he was trying to outmaneuver me. To out-ignore me.
I didn’t even know which of us was avoiding the other anymore.
Then this morning, I’d woken up early and decided this bullshit had gone on too long. It was past time to swallow my pride and get my friend back. Raiding my piggybank until I collected enough cash for the expensive bakery that made the best doughnuts in Seattle, I’d taken a dozen of their most popular delicious, sugary fat bombs to the club’s auto shop. Bull’s shift started at nine, but I arrived at a quarter ’till, knowing his obsessively early ass would already be there.
Thinking back about it made my fists clench in anger.
Tiffany, a beautiful blonde with enhanced, giant boobs she liked to display in tight, scooped-neck tank tops, despite the autumn weather, was working the counter. Sauntering up to her like I belonged there and wasn’t at all intimidated by her superior boob size, I held my head high, clutched the box of doughnuts to my chest and asked for Bull.
“Sure, Lily, take a seat. I’ll get him.” She picked up the phone and spoke into it.
I had too much nervous energy to sit, so I paced beside the counter and waited. Seconds stretched into minutes as I second guessed myself at least a dozen times—once for every doughnut in the box—and almost left. Twice. But above all else, Bull was my friend. I missed him. I needed to apologize and make things right between us.
Bull was talking to the new guy when he walked through the side door and into the room. I didn’t want to be disappointed by his expression when he saw me, so I turned away and counted. One, two, three, four… His steps faltered. Turning at the sound, I caught the longing on his face as he hungrily devoured my appearance.
Pride flared in my chest as I inwardly high-fived myself for his reaction. It had taken me an hour to perfect this sunset eyeshadow I’d seen on YouTube. My long, brown hair was styled in soft waves, and I was dressed in a sexy mid-thigh sweater dress and knee-high black boots. The outfit had almost cleaned out my bank account, but the look on his face was worth every penny.
Like a sister, my ass.
He wanted me as much as I wanted him. Desire burned in his eyes and flared his nostrils. He looked more like a determined Spanish Fighting Bull than a Bullmastiff, and I was here waving the red cape and begging him to charge.
“Lily.” He said my name much like a curse. Like he’d just stubbed his toe and that was the first thing that came out of his mouth. Then, the invisible wall he kept between us went back up, shielding his emotions. He met my gaze, and icy indifference stared back at me.
Son-of-a-bitch.
“What are you doing here?” he asked.
The eye-fucking he’d greeted me with had filled me with hope, but this frosty reception shattered it. Struggling to recover, I tried not to notice the pity in Tiffany’s eyes as she pretended not to watch us from the counter. I needed to fix this… needed him to hear me out and give me a chance. Give us a chance.
“Can we… talk for a minute?” I stammered, every ounce of uncertainty I felt leaking into my words.
“It’s not a good time right now. I gotta get to work.”
I glanced at the clock on the wall. He still had twelve minutes. I only asked for one, but I wasn’t about to beg for it. Fine. He was pissed at me. No big deal. I still had one more trick up my sleeves. Opening the box of goodies, I spun it around to face him, banking on the way to a man’s heart being through his stomach. Bull had a sweet tooth. I knew this, and I intended to exploit the hell out of his weakness. Since he wouldn’t give me the courtesy of a private conversation, I’d just have to say my piece in front of everyone. Fine. I’d sacrifice my pride.
“I… I wanted to apologize for the other night. I brought you doughnuts.”
His jaw ticked. Without even looking at my tasty offerings, he replied, “You were right, and you didn’t do anything wrong.”
I was right? About what, exactly? And why did he seem so angry about it?
Befo
re I could ask, he said, “Thanks for the doughnuts. I’ll make sure everyone knows they’re out here.”
I didn’t say they were for everyone; I specifically said they were for him. Yet, he made no move to take one. I watched Bull, willing the ice wall he’d erected between us to melt. Our friendship was bigger than one stupid fight. Silently begging him to say something more, I waited. But apparently, he was done speaking.
Were we finished? Had he thrown in the towel on me for good?
The new guy watched Bull like he’d just sprouted a second head. I understood his confusion. Bull’s behavior was so out of character, I didn’t have the faintest idea how to respond. It was like my crush had given up on warding off my advances, and now he was actively trying to push me away.
Oh hell no.
I stepped forward to either lay Bull out or give him a piece of my mind—I wasn’t sure which—and the new guy met me and offered his hand. “Hey. I’m Tay.”
I wanted to weave around him, but Grandma’s old etiquette lessons kicked right in. Besides, he was rockin’ a nice, genuine smile that deflated a little of my outrage. I met his firm but friendly handshake with my own, and gave him my brightest not-about-to-punch-Bull-in-the-stomach smile. “Lily. It’s good to meet you.”
“Likewise. Thanks for the doughnuts. It was really thoughtful of you to do that for us.” He elbowed Bull in the side. “Right, Bull?”
Bull shook out of his icy stupor. “Yeah. Thanks. You shouldn’t have.”
He added a little too much meaning behind that last part for my comfort. My chest hurt and my eyes stung, but I ignored the pain and held myself together. “The Dead Presidents have done a lot for me and…” My gaze drifted to Bull who seemed tense as hell and was doing his best to ignore us. I forgot what I was going to say. I wanted to shake him until that stupid wall came crumbling down. “It’s no big deal.”
“I gotta get to work,” Bull said. Without even looking at the doughnuts I’d spent more than I could afford on, he turned and stormed off.
I wanted to cry. No, I wanted to hit something, and then cry. No, I wanted to kick Bull in the shin and make him cry. Licking my beer bottle may have been taking our flirting game too far, but come on. He couldn’t still be pissed at me for that. Our friendship had lasted years, and he was going to throw it away over something so stupid?
Tay watched Bull retreat, and then offered me an apologetic smile. “I… Sorry? I don’t… He… Uh…”
I felt his confusion in my soul, really, I did. “I get it. Don’t worry about it.” Forcing a smile, I added, “Have a great day.” Then I got the hell out of there before the tears building up behind my eyes could stream down my face.
Okay, so I wasn’t staying completely away from him and probably should have given absence a little longer to let his heart grow fonder. I’d tried, but I was only human.
And internet relationship gurus could officially kiss my ass.
As far as I could tell, this entire mess was all their fault. If I hadn’t listened to their stupid advice on how to catch my man, Bull would still be my friend. Of course, I’d still be stuck in that black hole of a friend zone, but at least we’d have something.
Now, all I had was this gaping hole in my heart.
After leaving the shop, I’d wandered around the city until my feet brought me to the front door of this restaurant, promising broken heart relief in the form of food therapy. The tapping of the cashier’s fingertips brought me back to the present. No breakfast sandwiches. No carbs to stanch my bleeding heart. Right. Only it wasn’t right. It was so not right I couldn’t even wrap my mind around it. There had to be give and take, highs and lows, ups and downs. That’s how the universe worked. If I couldn’t have the man I wanted, I should at least be able to consume my bodyweight in the greasy, chewy goodness of my preferred comfort food. I needed one damn positive for all this negative.
The cashier must have seen the soul-crushing despair in my eyes, because she hurried to apologize. “Sorry. There’s nothing I can do. We don’t even have the supplies to make it anymore. We threw out what didn’t sell before we made the change.”
They threw it out? Like it was nothing? Like it didn’t have the power to fill this gaping hole in my heart. What kind of monsters would do such a thing?
Was Bull throwing me away?
“Can I get you anything else?”
There was a line forming behind me, and she needed to move me along to help the others. Why were they even here? Nobody should be eating lunch this early. No, I didn’t want some burger and fries. I wanted a goddamn breakfast sandwich like an American. But since I couldn’t have that, I dropped my head and ambled out of the restaurant. Needing someone to lament to about my crap-lousy day, I called Monica.
“Hey babygirl, what’s up?” she answered.
“Burger Villa no longer serves breakfast.”
“Um… Okay?” The confusion in her voice made it clear I’d have to give her the full story.
“It’s important, Mon. We’re talking life or death serious, here.”
“Gotcha.”
Her casual tone said she didn’t fully grasp the severity, but I plowed ahead anyway. “It’s this restaurant I frequent, and they have the most delicious sausage, egg, and cheese bagel—crispy on the outside and chewy inside, with the perfect combo of greasy cheese and seasoned sausage to make my broken heart feel better. But. They. Stopped. Serving. It. I desperately need this sandwich so I can eat my feelings. If I don’t get it, I’ll have to do something crazy, like deal with Bull’s rejection like some grown ass adult, and I’m not ready for that kind of responsibility in my life. Not at all. I passed my tests and now I’m getting a real apprenticeship which will lead to a serious job. I have maxed out my threshold for adulting.”
“All adulted out, huh?” she asked.
“Exactly. I need that chewy, greasy, delicious distraction to keep me young and depression free.”
“I see.”
Was that laughter in her voice? “No, I don’t think you do. I think you’re mocking my pain.” An unexpected tear leaked from my eye and rolled down my cheek. I swiped it away and scoffed at the moisture on my fingertips. Okay, I was possibly overreacting. Crying over a breakfast sandwich felt like taking things too far. Especially when I didn’t want that bagel nearly as much as I wanted Bull. Knowing why he kept rejecting me only made me want him more.
Amber had broken his heart.
Her suicide had crushed him so completely, he hadn’t even slept with any of the club girls. Lacy said he’d taken her up to his room once. They started making out, but when she went for his zipper, he shut down and asked her to leave. Drunk as all get out, he’d still been faithful to his dead girlfriend. Now, I couldn’t stop imagining Bull, all alone and lonely in his room, waiting for me to come and rescue him from the ghost of relationships past. It was tragically endearing the way he clung to his ex, but that bullshit needed to stop. He needed me, and no thickness of icy walls or bone chilling cold shoulders was going to stop me from saving him from himself.
“If you swing by the store and pick up bagels and sausage on your way home, I’ll make you one of those breakfast sandwiches,” Monica offered.
“What about eggs and cheese?” My question came out like a pout, but I didn’t care.
“We have those.”
I considered throwing a toddler-sized fit and telling her it wouldn’t be the same, but Monica didn’t deserve my tantrum. And I really did want a bagel. “Okay,” I replied. “Thank you.”
“I gotchu, boo,” she replied before hanging up.
Feeling marginally better, I hurried to the closest grocery store and picked up the necessary ingredients, adding ice cream and a bottle of wine to my basket just in case the breakfast sandwiches didn’t do the trick. While leaving the store, I almost tripped over a leash that connected a brown-haired little boy to a mid-sized dog.
“Oh! Are you okay?” A woman asked, hustling to my side.
“Yeah.
” Righting myself, I adjusted my bag of groceries. Nothing had fallen, and I’d somehow managed to avoid faceplanting on the sidewalk. Good thing, because with the way this day was going, I’d probably just curl up in a ball and die right there. “I’m good.”
“Johnny, I told you to be careful. You can’t let BB stray like that. If you can’t hold him, I’ll have to take his leash.”
Johnny had to be about six or seven. His big, round eyes were red like he’d been crying, and if my grandma had seen how far his lower lip was sticking out, she’d tell him to pop it back into place before a bird came along and shit on it. Gross, I know, but the woman who’d raised me had given up the pretense of being a lady long before I arrived on the scene. Scowling at the woman I assumed was his mom, Johnny tugged on the dog’s leash and pulled BB closer, revealing a handwritten sign that read, “Free to a good home.”
Suddenly, Johnny’s swollen eyes and bad attitude made sense. I squatted down to pet the dog they were looking to rehome. He was a beautiful grayish-cream color with dark markings around his snout and eyes. His square jaw and boxy, muscular build screamed pit bull, but he had the sad eyes of a hound. “You’re getting rid of this handsome guy?” I asked, nodding to the note.
“No!” Johnny snapped.
“Yes,” the woman replied, giving him a stern look. “We have no choice. I’m Shelly, by the way.” She offered me her hand, and I stood and shook it.
“Lily. Why do you have to get rid of him?” I asked. He didn’t look like a biter and was far too calm to be aggressive.
She stepped away from Johnny and the dog, and I followed. Lowering her voice, she replied, “My ex-husband’s divorce attorney is better than mine. We have to sell the house and our new apartment doesn’t allow dogs.” Her eyes hardened and steel coated her words as she looked at her son’s heartbroken expression and added, “I could kill John for making me do this to our boy. He gets off scot-free and I get to be the bad guy once again.”
