by James Cole
A flip of the switch and the shadows recoiled, only to regroup outside on the balcony. Jeremy sat on the wobbly weight bench, bent over and checked to make sure his little toe was still attached at the point of an acute throbbing pain. The nonsensical childhood rhyme – and this little piggy went wee, wee, wee, all the way home – pinged through his brain.
Jeremy pulled on his clothes and, from the back of his sock drawer, retrieved his aluminum-foiled prize. The rising tide of vivacious energy washed away any residual sleepiness and lent him a keen agility and coordination of body. He spun through the apartment with an efficient grace in preparation for the night, in anticipation of the outside world. He gathered his wallet, keys, two beers from the fridge, and a coat from the entrance closet and bolted out the front door onto the stairwell, negotiating the stairs two at a time, his sneakers echoing a rhythmic thump, thump, thump all the way down. Jeremy pushed through the door at the bottom and into the garage, jumped into his low-slung sports car, activated the garage door remote, turned the ignition and dug through the compact discs scattered haphazardly throughout the car as the door slowly raised.
Finally, he freed the Unreal from its wrapper and washed it down with a slug of beer.
Jeremy punched the clutch, shifted to reverse, and man and machine eased backwards out of the garage. At long last, he raced forward into the night, the dual exhausts emitting a long, guttural exhalation of burned over gasoline in his wake. In the rear view mirror he watched the garage door descend on the only light apparent in the entire condominium complex, squeezing the brightness and then obscuring it completely.
And, as that first Singe song began to play, an imperious expectation ripped through the catacombs of his mind.
Burn, baby, burn.
*****
Killing time, Jeremy drove around Destiny and the University, jamming to the music of Singe and dreaming of the immutable event coming down the pipe. Last time it took about an hour from ingestion to blast off. After forty-five minutes, he turned onto Sticks River Road and drove toward the lake. The seven-mile straightaway before the break in the road was mostly flat with the exception of a single but significant hill and it was there, at the top, where Jeremy turned off the main road onto the gravel service road. Up ahead, the TVA microwave tower loomed impressively in the backlit sky, beacon blinking.
A giant Cyclops, its red eye winking.
The free-wheeling association and the sheer velocity of his thoughts made him wonder if the raging elation of the Unreal might be imminent.
At the end of the service road, Jeremy stopped the car, got out, stretched, and walked over to the chain link fence that encompassed the base of the tower. With hands on hips, neck craned and mouth agape, he studied the imposing structure. The steel girders of the tower were framed together like from a child’s erector set. On top, along with the beacon, were four microwave transmitters, shaped like nurses’ caps. Jinni, his nurse, came to mind, and he wondered what she would think of him if she knew what he was up to tonight.
When the puny breeze that whispered through the pine boughs took pause, Jeremy noticed a subtle on-and-off electric buzzing. It was the sound of the beacon blinking. As he listened and focused in on the corresponding flicker of the beacon, he was reminded of the disorienting strobe lights at Bar Nowhere. That, in turn, reminded him of Monika, a dangerous subject under the circumstances.
Don’t go there, Jeremy. Monika ain’t nothin’ but trouble.
For some reason, this particular voice in his head sounded like Grady’s.
Jeremy turned his attention back to the tower and wondered what the view might be from on top. He had also wondered, in vain, what the view might be from on top of the sheer rock walls of the monolith that bordered The Devil’s Crotch. He and Jinni had failed to find a way to scale those walls, but this tower was made for climbing. His eyes found the ladder rungs that ran up one of its four legs, a bridge between the earth and the sky.
Like a stairway to heaven.
Though he was not ready to commit to climbing the tower, Jeremy allowed himself to mull over the logistics involved. Would it be possible to get inside the enclosure? Three strands of barbed wire stretched across the top of the fence at a 45-degree outward tilt to dissuade would-be intruders. Jeremy climbed up and managed to swing a leg over the top of the barbed wire and, with much straining, leveraged the rest of his body to a precariously-balanced position on top of the fence. As he assessed the only harm done, a three-cornered hole torn in the crotch of his jeans, a voice from his childhood recited:
The cows are getting out, Jeremy. Don’t let the cows out.
Before he could decide if he had the guts to proceed, the sound of crunching gravel alerted him to an approaching car. Spooked, Jeremy leapt from the fence and quickly legged his way back to his car. He arrived at his still-open, driver’s-side door at the same time the blue lights ignited on top of the police cruiser.
The policeman stepped from his car and cautiously approached. “I need to see your license and proof of insurance.”
“What’s the problem, officer?”
“The problem is that you’re not supposed to be out here.”
Jeremy dug the two cards from his wallet and handed them over. “I didn’t see any Keep Out signs or anything.” It occurred to Jeremy how he never heeded a certain other Keep Out sign, the one at the break in the road.
“Wait here.” The cop walked back to his car and sat inside.
As Jeremy waited nervously for the policeman to finish checking his documentation, he thought about the hole in the crotch of his pants. Would the cop figure out how they got ripped? Had the cop seen him on top of the fence?
Don’t let the cows out.
This was actually the more critical concern – not that his boxers showed through the hole in his jeans. No, this time, the cows represented his tenuous hold on his good sense. Jeremy checked his watch – one hour gone. Last time, right about now, the Unreal impacted his psyche with a force like God’s hammer. For four weeks running, not a day passed that he did not remember and wish to relive that feeling. That it might descend upon him right now, in the company of the law, terrified him.
When the patrolman returned, Jeremy struggled to maintain control. The goblin of the Unreal, though still caged, was able to thrash madly about and sling all sorts of fearful and bizarre thoughts into Jeremy’s frontal lobes. Shaky-scared, Jeremy mostly avoided eye contact and answered the handful of questions thrown his way by no, sir and yes, sir.
Finally, the words Jeremy longed to hear:
“You’re free to go – but don’t let me catch you up here again.”
“Yes, sir.”
At the main road, the policeman turned left, toward town. Jeremy turned right, toward the lake. By the time he passed Grady’s house and the break in the road, Jeremy was finally able to put the confrontation behind him and relax. His thoughts rotated back to what he was, or was not feeling. It was here, at the break in the road, where he had made his first acquaintance with the Unreal, but that was then. Tonight’s experience, at least thus far, fell far short of his expectations.
Just give it a little more time, see what happens.
By the time he reached the lake, almost two hours had elapsed since he swallowed the capsule. Jeremy felt stuck, so close yet unable to cross over into the promised land of ecstasy he remembered and so deeply desired. Desperate to alter his mindset, Jeremy got out of the car and walked down to the rickety old pier where he attempted to guide his thoughts toward the positive. There was, after all, so much to be thankful for, so much to love.
His thoughts, however, had a mind of their own. He could not help but consider the contrasting backdrop on which all worthwhile things shine – the end. Days pass and youth does not last. Friends fall away. Lovers leave. Every personal relationship is ultimately doomed, if not by immediate circumstances, then by death. Life and every part of it will expire. There will come a day when the sun burns itself out. Even the uni
verse is doomed, the manner of its demise the only debate; not whether death but whether death by big crunch, freeze or rip.
Jeremy considered the brutal duality. Everything has a beginning and an end. The joy of any moment must be coupled with the wretched knowledge that the moment must end and the joy will pass. In his frustration he finally concluded that the only way to avoid despair is to live in the here and now. He should take advantage of his limited, and therefore priceless, time. Now he had his youth. Now he had the world and the sun and the universe.
What he didn’t have at the moment – what he burned for – was Monika. Why was it right to be with Jinni and inherently wrong to run after Monika? Who defines right and wrong anyway? Why not chase down Monika tonight and let the chips fall where they may?
As Jeremy walked back to his car, he wondered if he would have been better off never to have met Monika in the first place, never to have become privy to her secret ways. But it was too late for that. He could never go back.
*****
Jeremy drove back to the downtown Square and wheeled into the alleyway that led to Bar Nowhere. Monika’s Mustang was conspicuously positioned in front of the old boarded-up church. The only empty parking space on the whole, jam-packed street was right behind her car, which Jeremy interpreted as a sign. He parked, killed the engine and, as he checked his wallet for cash, something slipped out into his lap. It was a photograph he had saved of Jinni and him.
Jinni, while attractive in her own right, did not possess the raw, exotic beauty of Monika. Few girls could measure up to Monika in that department. However, what Jeremy could plainly perceive was that Jinni’s attractiveness extended clear to the core. Her splendor sprang from the physical, yes, but much more in the way she looked at him. The picture in his hand offered indisputable proof of the pure adoration and love Jinni held for him and him alone.
Jeremy considered, perhaps for the first time, the preciousness of Jinni’s love. Guiltily, he grasped the magnitude of his infidelity and deceit, starting with the night he took that wild ride with Monika to the lake and, ultimately, to bed. That had been traitorous enough but his two-timing behavior extended far beyond the confines of that single night. For weeks now, he had relived their night together in his mind. He also had to admit that his investigation of Claire and the Unreal was really just an excuse to pursue Monika and her props – her sex, her drugs, and her rock-and-roll. Looking at the photograph, he could no longer deny what he was doing to Jinni. Truly it was Jinni, not Monika, who deserved his love and commitment – but he still craved Monika.
Jeremy sat in his car, at the impasse. In a flash of a brainstorm, he knew what he needed to do. The plan, now emerged, was nothing short of radical.
A loud rap at his window jolted him from his reverie. Jeremy recoiled at the face, frightening and grotesque, mashed up against the glass, inches from his own face. However, when the person pulled back and offered a smile, Jeremy recognized him as Trey, his undergrad acquaintance with the rock star good looks. Jeremy remembered he had bumped into Trey upstairs in Bar Nowhere the last time he was here.
Trey’s roll-down-your-window gesture unfroze Jeremy.
Before the window was all the way down, Trey greeted him with an enthusiastic, “Dude!”
“Hey man,” Jeremy said in a good-will attempt to match Trey’s gusto. “What’s up?”
“It’s all good.” Trey took one look at Jeremy and added, “You look like you’ve been having a good time yourself.”
Jeremy wondered if Trey could tell so easily that he had taken something, especially considering how little affected he felt by it.
“No, not that much really,” Jeremy muttered. “I was just about to head home.”
“Why?” asked Trey. “You just got here.”
“Yeah, I was thinking about going in but I changed my mind.”
“You sure?” asked Trey, and with a straight face added, “The party is unreal in there right now.”
Jeremy tried to discern if Trey’s use of the term unreal was purposeful or not. No matter, he had already made up his mind. “I guess not.”
“Alright, man,” replied Trey. “You gotta do what you gotta do.”
Jeremy punched the button that raised the window and pulled away from the curb, away from Bar Nowhere, away from Monika and away from the possibility of another hit of the Unreal. Following his conscience, Jeremy headed home.
Chapter 36
Saturday, December 6
Jinni arrived at Jeremy’s place the following evening, armed with a gourmet meal picked up from Mario’s and two rented DVD movies.
“What’s all this?” she asked.
Jeremy had not thought to put away the slew of maps of Reefers Woods he had printed out. “Just some aerial maps I found online.”
“Of what?”
“Reefers Woods.”
“Why am I not surprised?” Jinni took it upon herself to examine a couple of the maps. In a lower, almost inaudible voice, she added, “You and your obsession.”
Twenty minutes into the first movie, the phone rang.
Jeremy answered, “Hello?”
“Jeremy?” asked a feminine voice.
“Yes?”
“Do you know who this is?”
“Uh, huh,” he replied affirmatively. It was Monika.
“What are you doing?” she asked.
“Um, not much,” he stammered nervously. “Just watching a movie.” Jinni looked at him with casual interest from the other end of the couch. He pressed the earpiece of the phone firmly, almost painfully, against his ear in an effort to block the sound of Monika’s voice from Jinni’s ears.
“I heard you came by Bar Nowhere last night,” she said. “Were you looking for me?”
“Maybe,” Jeremy replied vaguely. He knew that Monika assumed that to be the case, even without asking. Of course he could not very well elaborate, not with Jinni staring a hole through him.
Sweetly, Monika asked, “So do you want to meet up with me, maybe do something?”
Jeremy tried to maintain a calm demeanor but on the inside he was sweating bullets.
“Right now?” he asked.
“Sure, why not?”
“Now’s not the best time for me…”
“Aw, come on,” she pleaded. “Perhaps we could burn something or the other.”
“I better not.”
“If you are going to turn me down, you’re going to have to do it to my face,” she said. “I’m coming up.”
Jeremy’s blood pressure shot through the roof. “No, no,” he replied hastily. “That won’t work.” He thought Jinni had to realize he was trying to hide the other side of the conversation.
“Then you’ll have to come to me,” insisted Monika.
“Where are you?” he asked.
“I’m at the fountain behind City Hall,” she said. “You know the place?”
“Yes,” he replied. The fountain was plainly visible from his balcony. “I’ll be there as quickly as I can.”
“Jeremy?”
“Yes?”
“Hurry, okay?”
“Yeah, okay,” he mumbled and hung up the phone.
“Who was that?” Jinni asked.
Jeremy couldn’t tell for sure if Jinni picked up on his nervousness but there was no turning back now. He had to come up with a lie, and it had to fit in with his side of the conversation with Monika.
“That was Tavalin,” he improvised. “Wouldn’t you know it – his car has broken down and he needs my help.”
“Where is he?”
“Out in the county, north of town,” Jeremy said. “He walked to a gas station and left his car on the side of the highway.”
“What’s he doing up there?” she asked.
“I don’t know,” Jeremy answered. “I didn’t ask and he didn’t say.”
“Why doesn’t he get someone at the gas station to help him?”
“He said there’s no mechanic there and you know he would never pay f
or a tow.”
“How long is this going to take?” she asked.
Jeremy uneasiness grew as Jinni ran down her list of twenty questions. “Not sure, but knowing Tavalin it might take a while. He asked me to bring some tools and a tow rope. If we can’t fix it, we’ll have to tow it back to town.”
“You know, my SUV would pull his car a lot easier than your car. Why don’t we take it instead?”
“Thanks, Jinni, but I’d really hate to drag you into this.” replied Jeremy. “Hopefully, we can get his car running and he can just drive it home.”
“I really don’t mind…”
“You’re a sweetheart,” Jeremy said, brushing aside her suggestion. “Perhaps you’d like to take the movies home with you?”
“No,” replied Jinni. “I’d like to wait and watch them with you.”
“Believe me, so would I. I just don’t know how long this might take.”
“When will you know?”
“I’ll call you when I get an idea.”
As they exited his apartment Jeremy cast a wary eye down the stairwell shared by his condo and the two units below. He was terrified at the thought of running into Monika with Jinni in tow. They paused at the front entrance to the building. Jinni’s vehicle was parked out front while Jeremy’s car was downstairs in his garage.
“I’ll call you,” he said and gave her a hug.
Jeremy knew, judging by her lethargic response, Jinni was not happy with the night’s turn of events, but he had no choice. He had to tend to Monika.
“Goodnight,” Jinni said blandly as she walked out the door.
In keeping with the charade, Jeremy threw a socket wrench set and some other miscellaneous tools into the back of his car. As he backed his car out from his garage, he thought he could just make out the silhouette of someone sitting on the rim of the fountain.
He circled around to the front of the building to make sure Jinni was gone. When he did not see her white SUV, he whipped into the parking area that wrapped around the back of his building and parked next to Monika’s Mustang. Jeremy worried that Jinni had seen through his lies and was afraid that she might drive back by to check up on him. His safest bet would be to marshal Monika into his car and vacate the area as quickly as possible.
